Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Lyne · Lyne

When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...

PP · PP

ssilver · ssilver

Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...

lookingup · lookingup

Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...

Gaby · Gaby

Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...

sadsusie · sadsusie

Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I have really struggled over the last 10+ years. My AH has been very controlling and demeaning. I had felt worthless, and was subtly encouraged to stay in my "safe" shell of a home, and I had no friends. Really, NO friends. I had lots of acquaintances, but no phone numbers saved to my phone. An...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I was thinking a lot about this today for some reason at what point did I stop listening to my intuition regarding my stbax. Really any romantic relationship .. I really have picked emotionally unavailable people .. pretty much because I'm emotionally unavailable. I have never had a model of what a...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I really needed a new car. I researched a lot about the car I was looking at. I went to 2 dealerships. One that was close to me told me my credit was too bad to get an interest rate lower than 20% and my payment would be $400-500 a month. He told me this without even trying to get me a loan. I received a call from an...

Truth · Truth

My son is visiting with his father today and what we mediated yesterday he is already deciding that he is not following. Today I cannot do anything about it but pray because it is not filed with court yet. I am ready to move on. This man has shown me who he is and I believe him. I am actually thankful for the ex...

Beatrice · Beatrice

"Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it badly." Paulo Coehlo

lookingup · lookingup

My a bf has been talking to a old childhood school friend for mths,everyday sometimes several times a day.and then they started texting and exchanged phone no.and my a bf still wants to say it was all innocent .but he is trying to come off suboxones and he has been ill and can't sleep.im trying to keep my c...

Holly09 · Holly09

I haven't been here in a long time during that time we have had our ups and downs but nothing really serious. My A fiance quit drinking almost 4 years ago doesn't go to meetings but overall does well, except with me. He has depression and has been on meds. for the same amount of time which seem to help some...

astallaslions · astallaslions

We went out for a congratulatory: 'I got into school' dinner, knowing he'd been drinking. I knew the fun night would slowly shift into his usual woe-is-me the world is out to get us, antics, but I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I knew my expectations were unreasonable. I could fee...

NavySealWife · NavySealWife

I'm so angry out of my mind, my husband has been sober for two months. But he seems to think that just because he is sober he can be very irresponsible when it comes to do what is priority in the house like make sure we have money to pay bills, pay for gas, eat etc. So, he begged me to go with him to local casino ne...

Theoceancalls · Theoceancalls

sooooo tonight my ah went to a friend of mines house with me, to hang. he had had a few before we left. which ticked me off, . .those at the gathering all drink , but when im there on my own its just relaxed and laid back.i had a glass of wine. as the night went on, he drank more, talked more and finally i managed t...

sharonnpr · sharonnpr

This is the first time i have ever been on a sight talking about my daughter. She is 23 and i am so scared for her. She has been an addict for what seems like so long now. I feel like i am watching her slowly kill herself. She has seen so many of her friends die from their addictions. I worry everyday that i am goi...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

After reflecting on "we are powerless", I think to some extend, everyone has the misconception that they are in control or can effect a change in someone else. Except that with an A in our lives, the door slammed hard on our face. It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to wors...

lookingup · lookingup

My a bf came and helped me go get a shelf that I bought ,and he brought it to my house and while he was here he ate the spaghetti I made ,and then he jumped up and walked outside in a bold way we had words about this internet woman he had been talking to for 5mths and it got really ugly,then I went to get me 1of my 2mg...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I received a gift from A the other night. The first, ever. It is a coffee machine that I have been quite vocally wishing for for a long time. I'm awfully fussy about my coffee. So that was a surprise. I decided not to question his motives, and to stop second guessing my own (should I accept it, does that mean...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I am thinking a lot about this as is my son. He has been cheated on so many times, then the last, looked like he found the one, someone he knew a long time, just out of nowhere left. huh? I have been widowed twice. Then had a very very serious long long term friendship that he told me he loved me and wanted more....

lookingup · lookingup

I was at my neighbors house and had left my purse in her house and stepped outside with my neighbor and my purse was left unattended inside neighbors house with her drug addict son who just got out of prison,but I'm not gonna even mention it to my neighbor she is Old and tired.im feeling a bit bad for accusi...

el-cee · el-cee

Im really interested in the steps at the moment and Im quite new to them. I can see my shortcomings clearly these days, thankfully. Im not in denial of my own issues and i am willing to deal with them. I want to work through them in a healthy way. I know il never be perfect, i dont think that would be a good thin...

Lyne · Lyne

Today was hard. My mother is 91 and has dementia. Her live-in friend/part-time caregiver is an active alcohol. We have paid care-givers coming in daily for several hours. The A just can't go with the program. I can't expect him to. I am powerless over his illlness and his behavior. But the care...

lookingup · lookingup

This all seems weird but my a/bf is be haveing like he or she has done nothing wrong,ha.he put all his stuff in the other bedroom and he told me earlier that we was even now,I don't know what he is talking about except that he is trying to mask his guilt ,I can't go any loger with him I'm ready for him to leave bu...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I swear it has been the craziest week ever .. the computer system went down at work, I worked by myself a day and a half which was fine .. however WOW. In between all of this I am taking care of the kids .. me .. and then running the cat around to get her taken care of and trying to do the right thing. I guess I did...

neshema2 · neshema2

n their book, Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioural traits of both safe and unsafe people. Knowing the difference between them means that you can enter into relationships with people who are good for you and avoid those that arent. Without thi...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I've been back with my alcoholic father for about 2 weeks now and it really feels like 2 years. He's a very draining man. Last night he brought home some woman and it's funny how all the winners always find each other......... I ne...

Truth · Truth

Well had my mediation session. I at least got the court order to read police enforced. I was going to tell Pink that I don't think he is using but he is reserving himself for a relapse I think.

He is dating a huge drinker. I also got the impression he is dating her because he is mad about the boundaries. I s...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

!I am unsure how to communicate very well in a healthy dating relationship, but am trying hard to push through it. The exAH of course rarely wanted to hear about my feelings or if he hurt them of course, rub some dirt on it he would joke about a lot, only he meant it. I do not feel like I dig and bury them any lon...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I've been watching a series recently that has been a bit emotionally "stirring" because the main character both looks eerily like, and also behaves eerily like the A (in earlier days when he was more "irresistible, lovable rogue" and less "angry beard-covered crazy gu...

Pamela1954 · Pamela1954

After much denial we realized my son has relapsed and found the proof yesterday. He has one week to get out. We are not yelling and screaming, just told him that he must leave and he agrees. He is 33 years old. He once again used all of his money from work to buy drugs and alcohol. He got out of rehab in Ja...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

Lessons in detachment - you may think you have all the answers, or can do anything, but that doesn't mean everyone else can. I cannot make his job better, I cannot give him self-confidence, I cannot find friends for him. I can, however, be supportive and continue to take care of myself. And he does te...

RoseODAT · RoseODAT

SO why am I so used to a rollercoaster life if I've been detatched from AH? I want to reconstruct my psyche. My brain has gotten so used to the vicious cycle, and I want to find a way out. To be reborn without the effects....the trauma of experiences. I'm NOT a martyr as I chose to take part as a codependent...

neshema2 · neshema2

el-cee · el-cee

Okay, I spoke to my higher power and my sponsor and me and admitted quite a lot, not all of my shortcomings, due to time constraints really but it felt good to tell my higher power, in fact it was an emotional experience. I then spoke about want ing to be rid of my intolerance as I think it could be at the root...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

We went out with AH today after he got back from his business trip. Upon seeing me, he said to me in front of the kids "useless, go die, ...". I ignored him. When he had lunch with one of my kid and he kept asking her about the move and her daily schedule. He told her that it was my fault that things h...

lookingup · lookingup

I've got to make a dicision the ultimate division concerning my a b/f he lives here under my roof and I pay most all bills cause his work got slow but now it's picking up and I've just called him up and told him to get out of my house ,I found again on my internet where he has been talking with another woman but s...

milkwood · milkwood

I used to get a buzz from helping people if they had a problem. I think that it made me feel useful which I guess I thought meant valued and that was enough for me in the past. Now I feel a bit resentful about being put on a knife edge of 'can I pull this off or not'. I can't figure out if this new feeling is prog...

SunshineGirl · SunshineGirl

Been avidly reading here for a while and just joined so I can start sharing. So much here I relate to. Thank you everyone for being here. A little about myself. I am an A, with about three years sober time under my belt. My hub remains an active A. We were 'drinking buddies' for several years until I qui...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I warned my AH about moving out maybe 3 times over the last 1 year before I moved out quietly a week ago (happy "weekversary"!). I am very thankful for God's timing because any earlier, it would contain "I will punish you for hurting me" element. I moved from I can fixed this (contr...

milkwood · milkwood

Well I'm stuck in a stuffy hotel room with a noisy air conditioner and jet lag so started feeling pretty sorry for myself and also feeling guilty because I'm in the tropics and I should be enjoying it. Anyway, this annual trip of mine is when AH used to indulge in his affair, so I guess I've got some resent...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I attended Al-anon 11 years ago during the first outbreak of the disease. It was affecting my AH directly but sickening my children, my family and myself. From it I came to realization it is not me, nothing I can do except to seek help from my HP for healing. I was at the point of fearing violence from him. I...

Raven Juniper · Raven Juniper

In yet another chapter of The Life of an Alcoholic: Stranger Than Fiction, the A gets sent on a real life mission impossible. He chose to accept it, so he will be driving the jeep to a large city 2 hours away, where he's only been twice, with me driving.... He is supposed to deliver an iPhone for a friend who...

cerika111 · cerika111

I have always gotten a lot of wisdom out of reading the boards, but there is nothing (for me) like face to face meetings. Anyhow, I have tried to go to several over the last few months and every time have ended up as the only attendee. Someone here mentioned the Preston Group, but I had the same result there...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

Feeling sad - my AH has gone between the strength of sobriety and the defeat of drinking. Days, weeks, months of sobriety, even years. It started long ago in his teens - stopped when we married and then started up many years ago. Just when I think he may be sober, the demon surfaces. The demon of addi...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Am doing my best to keep up here! (c: If you need me please pm. I am healing from knee surgery, also still anorexic and nauseated from the blood clot therapy. ugh. So it can be hard to be on the computer. Then horribly my tiny four pound handful of love and friskiness died. He was Cuddy my little tiny chi/hav...

Sunrise · Sunrise

Hi, everybody! Lately I've seen some of you posting the phrase "feelings are feelings". I'm not sure I understand the full meaning of that. What is the big-picture goal of that saying? Thanks!

sadsusie · sadsusie

My AH relapsed yet again. He is full of guilt and regret and is in that hamster wheel of trying to make up for his mistakes through "achievements". I suggested to him that He is chasing his tail. He has yet to go to a meeting. He likes to think that he is too complicated and different from everyon...

texasgal · texasgal

I've had a bad week with work and personal life. My doorbell rang several times with no one at the door I finally called cops and made a report. My soon to be exah was violent and I did it for my own protection. My soon to be exAH has been posting pics of him and his young gf and saying how much she makes him smile...

Tigger · Tigger

Meeting scheduled in the Al-anon chat room. TOPICS: Letting our A make their own mistakes; Acting as if; Enjoying what is beautiful The website link to the group meeting room is http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html. There are other ways to join the room also. Using mIRC or other chat c...

Katy · Katy

I really do struggle with life and people sometimes, the things people do and say, I rarely ask for anything from anyone but thats because right now I have never really had too, hubby said he would collect me the other night from a night out, but when I phoned to say I was ready I got no reply, after many atte...

Gaby · Gaby

Well I woke up late.. Yes depression kicked in at 4 am stayed up until 530 alarm goes off and called into work and said I'll be in at 10. I didn't go back to sleep.. Uggg All I thought about was my son !! What can he be doing? Where can he be? Is he ok? Is he safe? Is he dead or alive? That's when I jumped up got in the s...

el-cee · el-cee

Alanon family group. I thought that meant it helped families of alcoholics which of course it does but it also means its a group of people who are like a family. In my meeting tonight an old timer shared about her a child and they are in a bad way, she was upset and it kind of hit me that I really care for her and...

Gaby · Gaby

My son has not made no contact with me .. Yes he ecknowledged Mother's Day and sent me a private message through Facebook. I have made my days better and remind myself that these are his choices he is making. I have no control of him nor do I want it. I always thought I would have control of any of his outcomes...

Katy · Katy

I often find myself feeling guilty because I have unwittingly become the victim of someone elses bad behaviours, I have always put this down to myself not being strong enough or the other person being way too strong and clever, but today I think it has nothing to do with me really it's of my allowing some...

Mattie · Mattie

Thank you all in advance for letting me vent more. It's clear to me that I'm in over my head right now with everything. This realization that my ex-AH isn't reliable for even the little things is just the stress on top of it all. Our son is high-needs and as he gets older, it gets more challenging. I thin...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi-I am having an experience this week that reminds me of the insanity that can exist with alcoholic, dysfunctional family members. I am in the middle of trying to coordinate a group of my family getting to see my 91 yr old mother, probably for the last time. It's too long to explain the entire situati...

el-cee · el-cee

Thats me. I have a tendency to become obsessive about anything really. Sometimes its a good thing, it helped me get my degree and my career, you should have seen me before my driving test, i hardly slept for three days before because i was reading and studying up on it. I am a fast learner because if this sw...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	HP (Preview) When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...	Lyne	3	406	May 20, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Apparently I am selfish (Preview) My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...	Newlife girl	6	506	May 20, 2014 by grateful2be
	Yep, you are enough! (Preview)	PP	12	608	May 20, 2014 by pinkchip
	A or B? (Preview) Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...	ssilver	8	584	May 20, 2014 by PP
	How do you deal with the internet? (Preview) Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...	lookingup	8	499	May 19, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Faith Faith Faith (Preview) Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...	Gaby	6	388	May 19, 2014 by Pamela1954
	Am I still "sad" susie anymore??? (Preview) Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...	sadsusie	5	303	May 19, 2014 by sadsusie
	My HP is really leading me to be the real me. (Preview) I have really struggled over the last 10+ years. My AH has been very controlling and demeaning. I had felt worthless, and was subtly encouraged to stay in my "safe" shell of a home, and I had no friends. Really, NO friends. I had lots of acquaintances, but no phone numbers saved to my phone. An...	sadsusie	5	382	May 19, 2014 by Lyne
	Red Flags .. (Preview) I was thinking a lot about this today for some reason at what point did I stop listening to my intuition regarding my stbax. Really any romantic relationship .. I really have picked emotionally unavailable people .. pretty much because I'm emotionally unavailable. I have never had a model of what a...	SerenityRUS	8	597	May 19, 2014 by Debilyn
	I bought a new car! Got a great deal...my HP works in mysterious ways! (Preview) I really needed a new car. I researched a lot about the car I was looking at. I went to 2 dealerships. One that was close to me told me my credit was too bad to get an interest rate lower than 20% and my payment would be $400-500 a month. He told me this without even trying to get me a loan. I received a call from an...	Newlife girl	5	286	May 19, 2014 by Debilyn
	Hard Day (Preview) My son is visiting with his father today and what we mediated yesterday he is already deciding that he is not following. Today I cannot do anything about it but pray because it is not filed with court yet. I am ready to move on. This man has shown me who he is and I believe him. I am actually thankful for the ex...	Truth	5	358	May 19, 2014 by Breakingfree
	wisdom (Preview) "Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it badly." Paulo Coehlo	Beatrice	3	314	May 19, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Internet cheating (Preview) My a bf has been talking to a old childhood school friend for mths,everyday sometimes several times a day.and then they started texting and exchanged phone no.and my a bf still wants to say it was all innocent .but he is trying to come off suboxones and he has been ill and can't sleep.im trying to keep my c...	lookingup	11	407	May 19, 2014 by grateful2be
	The behaviors/blaming is still there (Preview) I haven't been here in a long time during that time we have had our ups and downs but nothing really serious. My A fiance quit drinking almost 4 years ago doesn't go to meetings but overall does well, except with me. He has depression and has been on meds. for the same amount of time which seem to help some...	Holly09	7	564	May 19, 2014 by Holly09
	Unrealistic expectations, grim forecast (Preview) We went out for a congratulatory: 'I got into school' dinner, knowing he'd been drinking. I knew the fun night would slowly shift into his usual woe-is-me the world is out to get us, antics, but I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I knew my expectations were unreasonable. I could fee...	astallaslions	6	458	May 18, 2014 by milkwood
	Im so angry! (Preview) I'm so angry out of my mind, my husband has been sober for two months. But he seems to think that just because he is sober he can be very irresponsible when it comes to do what is priority in the house like make sure we have money to pay bills, pay for gas, eat etc. So, he begged me to go with him to local casino ne...	NavySealWife	9	470	May 18, 2014 by Grace7
	conflicting feelings (Preview) sooooo tonight my ah went to a friend of mines house with me, to hang. he had had a few before we left. which ticked me off, . .those at the gathering all drink , but when im there on my own its just relaxed and laid back.i had a glass of wine. as the night went on, he drank more, talked more and finally i managed t...	Theoceancalls	14	495	May 18, 2014 by el-cee
	scared (Preview) This is the first time i have ever been on a sight talking about my daughter. She is 23 and i am so scared for her. She has been an addict for what seems like so long now. I feel like i am watching her slowly kill herself. She has seen so many of her friends die from their addictions. I worry everyday that i am goi...	sharonnpr	3	324	May 18, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Step 1 (Preview) After reflecting on "we are powerless", I think to some extend, everyone has the misconception that they are in control or can effect a change in someone else. Except that with an A in our lives, the door slammed hard on our face. It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to wors...	sunshine23	9	563	May 18, 2014 by Truth
	I don't know what's going on??? (Preview) My a bf came and helped me go get a shelf that I bought ,and he brought it to my house and while he was here he ate the spaghetti I made ,and then he jumped up and walked outside in a bold way we had words about this internet woman he had been talking to for 5mths and it got really ugly,then I went to get me 1of my 2mg...	lookingup	7	493	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	Happy A was here for a day. (Preview) I received a gift from A the other night. The first, ever. It is a coffee machine that I have been quite vocally wishing for for a long time. I'm awfully fussy about my coffee. So that was a surprise. I decided not to question his motives, and to stop second guessing my own (should I accept it, does that mean...	Melly1248	11	729	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	A Question....ok what makes ya not answer???? (Preview) I am thinking a lot about this as is my son. He has been cheated on so many times, then the last, looked like he found the one, someone he knew a long time, just out of nowhere left. huh? I have been widowed twice. Then had a very very serious long long term friendship that he told me he loved me and wanted more....	Debilyn	15	984	May 18, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	I found who stole from me (Preview) I was at my neighbors house and had left my purse in her house and stepped outside with my neighbor and my purse was left unattended inside neighbors house with her drug addict son who just got out of prison,but I'm not gonna even mention it to my neighbor she is Old and tired.im feeling a bit bad for accusi...	lookingup	3	338	May 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	the steps and shortcomings (Preview) Im really interested in the steps at the moment and Im quite new to them. I can see my shortcomings clearly these days, thankfully. Im not in denial of my own issues and i am willing to deal with them. I want to work through them in a healthy way. I know il never be perfect, i dont think that would be a good thin...	el-cee	6	417	May 18, 2014 by el-cee
	some days are hard, others, not so much (Preview) Today was hard. My mother is 91 and has dementia. Her live-in friend/part-time caregiver is an active alcohol. We have paid care-givers coming in daily for several hours. The A just can't go with the program. I can't expect him to. I am powerless over his illlness and his behavior. But the care...	Lyne	8	463	May 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	Hey I'm back. (Preview) This all seems weird but my a/bf is be haveing like he or she has done nothing wrong,ha.he put all his stuff in the other bedroom and he told me earlier that we was even now,I don't know what he is talking about except that he is trying to mask his guilt ,I can't go any loger with him I'm ready for him to leave bu...	lookingup	4	278	May 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	Full Moon? LOL? (Preview) I swear it has been the craziest week ever .. the computer system went down at work, I worked by myself a day and a half which was fine .. however WOW. In between all of this I am taking care of the kids .. me .. and then running the cat around to get her taken care of and trying to do the right thing. I guess I did...	SerenityRUS	4	621	May 18, 2014 by Breakingfree
	this describes my bio FOO to a TEE....THANK YOU MIP, I have progressed past this... (Preview) n their book, Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioural traits of both safe and unsafe people. Knowing the difference between them means that you can enter into relationships with people who are good for you and avoid those that arent. Without thi...	neshema2	9	650	May 18, 2014 by Katy
	2 weeks feels like 2 years. (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I've been back with my alcoholic father for about 2 weeks now and it really feels like 2 years. He's a very draining man. Last night he brought home some woman and it's funny how all the winners always find each other......... I ne...	slogan_jim	5	587	May 17, 2014 by RoseODAT
	Woot woot (Preview) Well had my mediation session. I at least got the court order to read police enforced. I was going to tell Pink that I don't think he is using but he is reserving himself for a relapse I think. He is dating a huge drinker. I also got the impression he is dating her because he is mad about the boundaries. I s...	Truth	4	219	May 17, 2014 by Truth
	Communication is NOT easy for me and I suck at it really! (Preview) !I am unsure how to communicate very well in a healthy dating relationship, but am trying hard to push through it. The exAH of course rarely wanted to hear about my feelings or if he hurt them of course, rub some dirt on it he would joke about a lot, only he meant it. I do not feel like I dig and bury them any lon...	Breakingfree	16	491	May 17, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Finally OK with me. (Preview) I've been watching a series recently that has been a bit emotionally "stirring" because the main character both looks eerily like, and also behaves eerily like the A (in earlier days when he was more "irresistible, lovable rogue" and less "angry beard-covered crazy gu...	Melly1248	2	316	May 17, 2014 by el-cee
	Tough Week Ahead (Preview) After much denial we realized my son has relapsed and found the proof yesterday. He has one week to get out. We are not yelling and screaming, just told him that he must leave and he agrees. He is 33 years old. He once again used all of his money from work to buy drugs and alcohol. He got out of rehab in Ja...	Pamela1954	2	239	May 17, 2014 by Mattie
	I cannot fix him (Preview) Lessons in detachment - you may think you have all the answers, or can do anything, but that doesn't mean everyone else can. I cannot make his job better, I cannot give him self-confidence, I cannot find friends for him. I can, however, be supportive and continue to take care of myself. And he does te...	SpiderArcana	4	319	May 17, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Reconstructing My life & Keeping it simple (Preview) SO why am I so used to a rollercoaster life if I've been detatched from AH? I want to reconstruct my psyche. My brain has gotten so used to the vicious cycle, and I want to find a way out. To be reborn without the effects....the trauma of experiences. I'm NOT a martyr as I chose to take part as a codependent...	RoseODAT	5	689	May 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	its starting to sink in (Preview)	neshema2	7	407	May 17, 2014 by neshema2
	next!! (Preview) Okay, I spoke to my higher power and my sponsor and me and admitted quite a lot, not all of my shortcomings, due to time constraints really but it felt good to tell my higher power, in fact it was an emotional experience. I then spoke about want ing to be rid of my intolerance as I think it could be at the root...	el-cee	11	465	May 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sad day (Preview) We went out with AH today after he got back from his business trip. Upon seeing me, he said to me in front of the kids "useless, go die, ...". I ignored him. When he had lunch with one of my kid and he kept asking her about the move and her daily schedule. He told her that it was my fault that things h...	sunshine23	3	227	May 17, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Distressed and feeling crazy! (Preview) I've got to make a dicision the ultimate division concerning my a b/f he lives here under my roof and I pay most all bills cause his work got slow but now it's picking up and I've just called him up and told him to get out of my house ,I found again on my internet where he has been talking with another woman but s...	lookingup	4	545	May 17, 2014 by Mattie
	Helping out (Preview) I used to get a buzz from helping people if they had a problem. I think that it made me feel useful which I guess I thought meant valued and that was enough for me in the past. Now I feel a bit resentful about being put on a knife edge of 'can I pull this off or not'. I can't figure out if this new feeling is prog...	milkwood	8	422	May 17, 2014 by el-cee
	Grateful to be here (Preview) Been avidly reading here for a while and just joined so I can start sharing. So much here I relate to. Thank you everyone for being here. A little about myself. I am an A, with about three years sober time under my belt. My hub remains an active A. We were 'drinking buddies' for several years until I qui...	SunshineGirl	6	331	May 17, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Is it all about control? (Preview) I warned my AH about moving out maybe 3 times over the last 1 year before I moved out quietly a week ago (happy "weekversary"!). I am very thankful for God's timing because any earlier, it would contain "I will punish you for hurting me" element. I moved from I can fixed this (contr...	sunshine23	10	613	May 17, 2014 by sunshine23
	you know who you are... (Preview) Well I'm stuck in a stuffy hotel room with a noisy air conditioner and jet lag so started feeling pretty sorry for myself and also feeling guilty because I'm in the tropics and I should be enjoying it. Anyway, this annual trip of mine is when AH used to indulge in his affair, so I guess I've got some resent...	milkwood	17	477	May 16, 2014 by grateful2be
	Ups and downs (Preview) I attended Al-anon 11 years ago during the first outbreak of the disease. It was affecting my AH directly but sickening my children, my family and myself. From it I came to realization it is not me, nothing I can do except to seek help from my HP for healing. I was at the point of fearing violence from him. I...	sunshine23	5	505	May 16, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	HP has a plan (Preview) In yet another chapter of The Life of an Alcoholic: Stranger Than Fiction, the A gets sent on a real life mission impossible. He chose to accept it, so he will be driving the jeep to a large city 2 hours away, where he's only been twice, with me driving.... He is supposed to deliver an iPhone for a friend who...	Raven Juniper	5	301	May 16, 2014 by Debilyn
	Dallas area meetings (Preview) I have always gotten a lot of wisdom out of reading the boards, but there is nothing (for me) like face to face meetings. Anyhow, I have tried to go to several over the last few months and every time have ended up as the only attendee. Someone here mentioned the Preston Group, but I had the same result there...	cerika111	3	4313	May 16, 2014 by Debilyn
	Between sobriety episodes (Preview) Feeling sad - my AH has gone between the strength of sobriety and the defeat of drinking. Days, weeks, months of sobriety, even years. It started long ago in his teens - stopped when we married and then started up many years ago. Just when I think he may be sober, the demon surfaces. The demon of addi...	wifeofalcoholic	4	474	May 16, 2014 by Debilyn
	update (Preview) Am doing my best to keep up here! (c: If you need me please pm. I am healing from knee surgery, also still anorexic and nauseated from the blood clot therapy. ugh. So it can be hard to be on the computer. Then horribly my tiny four pound handful of love and friskiness died. He was Cuddy my little tiny chi/hav...	Debilyn	13	594	May 16, 2014 by Debilyn
	Feelings are feelings - please help me understand (Preview) Hi, everybody! Lately I've seen some of you posting the phrase "feelings are feelings". I'm not sure I understand the full meaning of that. What is the big-picture goal of that saying? Thanks!	Sunrise	11	490	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	I can't "rush" his progress, but I am tired of waiting (Preview) My AH relapsed yet again. He is full of guilt and regret and is in that hamster wheel of trying to make up for his mistakes through "achievements". I suggested to him that He is chasing his tail. He has yet to go to a meeting. He likes to think that he is too complicated and different from everyon...	sadsusie	9	1098	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	feelings (Preview) I've had a bad week with work and personal life. My doorbell rang several times with no one at the door I finally called cops and made a report. My soon to be exah was violent and I did it for my own protection. My soon to be exAH has been posting pics of him and his young gf and saying how much she makes him smile...	texasgal	4	446	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	FRIDAY MORNING MEETING 9AM (EST) - TOPICS: LETTING OUR A MAKE OWN MISTAKES; ACTING AS IF; ENJOYING WHAT IS BEAUTiFUL (Preview) Meeting scheduled in the Al-anon chat room. TOPICS: Letting our A make their own mistakes; Acting as if; Enjoying what is beautiful The website link to the group meeting room is http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html. There are other ways to join the room also. Using mIRC or other chat c...	Tigger	0	282	May 16, 2014 by Tigger
	I can't, always get it right! (Preview) I really do struggle with life and people sometimes, the things people do and say, I rarely ask for anything from anyone but thats because right now I have never really had too, hubby said he would collect me the other night from a night out, but when I phoned to say I was ready I got no reply, after many atte...	Katy	3	370	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	My Day.. (Preview) Well I woke up late.. Yes depression kicked in at 4 am stayed up until 530 alarm goes off and called into work and said I'll be in at 10. I didn't go back to sleep.. Uggg All I thought about was my son !! What can he be doing? Where can he be? Is he ok? Is he safe? Is he dead or alive? That's when I jumped up got in the s...	Gaby	4	346	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	family (Preview) Alanon family group. I thought that meant it helped families of alcoholics which of course it does but it also means its a group of people who are like a family. In my meeting tonight an old timer shared about her a child and they are in a bad way, she was upset and it kind of hit me that I really care for her and...	el-cee	7	359	May 16, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Heart breaking... (Preview) My son has not made no contact with me .. Yes he ecknowledged Mother's Day and sent me a private message through Facebook. I have made my days better and remind myself that these are his choices he is making. I have no control of him nor do I want it. I always thought I would have control of any of his outcomes...	Gaby	8	328	May 15, 2014 by cerika111
	guilt! (Preview) I often find myself feeling guilty because I have unwittingly become the victim of someone elses bad behaviours, I have always put this down to myself not being strong enough or the other person being way too strong and clever, but today I think it has nothing to do with me really it's of my allowing some...	Katy	1	273	May 15, 2014 by grateful2be
	More venting (Preview) Thank you all in advance for letting me vent more. It's clear to me that I'm in over my head right now with everything. This realization that my ex-AH isn't reliable for even the little things is just the stress on top of it all. Our son is high-needs and as he gets older, it gets more challenging. I thin...	Mattie	15	614	May 15, 2014 by grateful2be
	re-visiting insanity (Preview) Hi-I am having an experience this week that reminds me of the insanity that can exist with alcoholic, dysfunctional family members. I am in the middle of trying to coordinate a group of my family getting to see my 91 yr old mother, probably for the last time. It's too long to explain the entire situati...	Lyne	4	399	May 15, 2014 by milkwood
	obsessive compulsive alanoner (Preview) Thats me. I have a tendency to become obsessive about anything really. Sometimes its a good thing, it helped me get my degree and my career, you should have seen me before my driving test, i hardly slept for three days before because i was reading and studying up on it. I am a fast learner because if this sw...	el-cee	15	513	May 15, 2014 by Katy
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.