Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

bud · bud

Hi Family, Just need to vent. My friend of over 15 years just landed her "dream" job that she's been wanting since I've known her. It is working in the school system. She asked me for urine for her drug test and I said no. I offered my friend practical options from my heart that she could req...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Sometimes I just feel like posting for no particular reason. I have only so many opportunities to post during the week. I just want to send some of our sunshine your way. I have a little extra up here. It is one of the most beautiful days because we have been having unusual high temps. The day is going well....

Lyne · Lyne

Hi. About nine months ago, when I was a newbie in alanon, I gave my spouse a threat-to either get involved with AA or OA or I was moving out of our bedroom. Well of course she does not have a drinking problem, that is in my head, but she cannot deny she has an eating problem as she is at a life-threatening wei...

missmeliss · missmeliss

This is not the first time that we have had a housing crisis brought on by A and his lack of finances/dislike of working/ chaos. In fact it is the 6th one I have been through with him. The first one, he was not living with me but was kicked out of his place and I helped him finance and move to a new place nearby. (...

nicola444 · nicola444

I have been married to my husband for 11 years and together for 15. Over the last two weeks I have realised that he is an alcoholic and that this combined with his masked depression has had a huge impact on us. I also realise I have been co-dependent and enabling this by not clearly setting the boundarie...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

Last night I posted about AH finishing a school project too late on a school night. He ended up working on it after I brought daughter home. He left it at the house for us to pick up this morning before school. I was nervous about it possibly not being done. Well, he finished it and it brought tears to my eyes...

Jessmine · Jessmine

I came home and found AH drunk on his day off from work. Our 13 year old was also home from school only an hour before. Son was upstairs in his room. I just lost it when I saw AH. My anger was seething. We had a huge argument in the garage and I told him to leave. We are legally separated but he has been living with...

grateful2be · grateful2be

I watched an interview today with a celebrity who has been in recovery for many years. One of the things she said that really got my attention was that she learned that she couldn't get drunk enough or high enough not to know what she had really done and the shame of it. Three marriages that all ended for...

Toodles · Toodles

I too am so confused. My husband is a fantastic guy - when he doesn't drink. He has had several times where he just doesn't drink which is fantastic and then it starts again. I really care about him but the drinking makes me soooo angry! It feels that by the time I come home from work I might as well have s...

bud · bud

It feels like its not often that I can share something positive- and- I thought this may be helpful for when we're certain we're at the end of our rope, tied a knot and have been forever holding on. For those that dont know, Ive been estranged by my family of origin with the exception that I am, under limit...

lookingup · lookingup

I've texted my male friend off and on all day. It he only texted me one time early this morning answer my ? Of weather he could come by my place to have a cup of coffee he texted he was on his way to another town 40 mins away on an emergency call that he was on the road already so that being said I left it alone. It af...

alwaysLP13 · alwaysLP13

I am prefacing this post with some background. It's my first time here and I'm grateful this is here. I love Al-Anon and all the people in it. I've been in Al-Anon for over 2 years and it has been my saving grace and my key to peace. I'm learning to depend on my HP more. I'm working my program more. The most, I'...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

This is just a rant. Again. I am absolutely sick of AH and his procrastination. He is helping daughter with a school project. I asked him to help her with it 2 weeks ago. So, he is working on it at the last minute of course. Doesn't surprise me. He tells me "if worse comes to worse, she can turn it in the n...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Interesting how when I finally gave in and decided to make peace with the idea of going to my parents, other offers started to roll in. I declined the 2 potential job offers because I was going to be living hours away in a city where jobs would be relatively easy to find. I spoke to daughter's school about t...

vm54 · vm54

I've been trying to follow the list of Al Anon Do's and Don'ts and am unsure what to do in the current situation. My alcoholic daughter moved out of our house a little over 2 weeks ago, leaving her husband behind still living at our house. When she left she only took her backpack, dog, purse and a small pl...

Forgiveness82 · Forgiveness82

Hi all - I've posted on here before about an extremely unhealthy relationship I had with my ex who is an alcoholic. I did everything for him and he was still a sack of s*** (cheating, lies, whatever). Anyway, we broke up a while ago. He text me this morning about coming to see office space I had offered him b...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Really struck by my own feelings and how easily they can regress given the right triggers. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving forward and feeling a lot more positive about it now that a lot of the junk has been cleared from my house, and more options are opening up for me too. But over the weekend A went off to a...

pinkchip · pinkchip

This topic has been a big challenge for me in relationships and throughout the rest of my life. When I entered into recovery, it occurred to me that I had always settled for less than I wanted out of life. I settled for relationships that didn't work and that made me unhappy. I settled for jobs that wer...

kris4242 · kris4242

I am just beginning the process of getting myself to a better place with my decision to leave my AH. I think the most difficult thing I am having trouble with is I can't seem to step back from my anger. It's almost like I am justifying it to myself that I have every right to be angry after all that I have let my A...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Yesterday I started to talk to some one in line and they came right out and said I'm recovering alcholic . I said well nice to meet you thank you for being honest with me and your self . So since we had something in common already we started to talk about how alchol ruined our lives . Well he started to talk abo...

lookingup · lookingup

Ok now I'm going into what I call relationship withdraws and withdraws from being with a man I fell in love with and all the good times we had yrs of it to this nothing .wow what a roller coaster ride this time that I just jumped off from .i feel like I'm on the wagon like someone said my addictions are relatio...

JustLea · JustLea

I'm looking for inspiration, strength, something to get me headed in the right direction. I know all the right answers but actually following through is more difficult than it seems. I do not want to lose my husband but I also do not want to lose myself. I want to live my life, be happy, move ahead and...

Katy · Katy

I just pay too much attention to the time it's taking me to get it, not only that then I can forget I actually got it and thats where reminders come in, other peoples, I am sooooooooooooo hard on myself most times always wanting to be independent always wanting things to end on a good note, I forget I am only...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Had a surprisingly good day yesterday, just packing packing packing and purging...the garage is almost empty. It's hard to believe. We got all of the rubbish out in one gigantic trailer-load and I have to say throwing it all down into the pit was sooooo satisfying. Videos...like I'm ever going to wat...

Fairlee · Fairlee

hello! I'm Fairlee. Married 19 years to a great guy, if it wasn't for his alcohol addiction. He has been a heavy drinker as long as I have known him, but things are starting to progress in a very negative direction, affecting our livelihood (which he denies...we are self-employed, which makes his drin...

LiveLaughLove · LiveLaughLove

Note to self...NEVER assign a specific iPhone pre-loaded text/ring tone to your significant other. Ive learned my lesson-LOL. Although we split quite some time ago, it's amazing how I still react to this. I was in a meeting the other day and someone kept getting text message alerts with the same t...

Tricia911 · Tricia911

Please be there so you can help make a difference! Tricia

Debb · Debb

Thought I would start a separate topic of discussion instead of posing this onto someone's similar topic, do not want to take away from their discussion!! Was wondering about acceptance and disliking the situation at the same t...

Luiza · Luiza

Hi. Just wondering if alcoholism goes hand and hand with domestic abuse/name calling/harassement etc or this is down to the individual's personality? My STBXH's drinking bothers me a lot but if he was a quiet/passive/tame drunk I think I would stay in the relationship albeit unhappy. It is the lac...

Overcome · Overcome

I'm BACKkkkkk! I will be doing the Sunday morning Spiritual Meetings again, we will just wing it this morning; but starting next Sunday morning I should have my scripts back up and running (I hope) and we will start on Chapter 3, of Having had a Spiritual Awaking; which to the best of my knowledge is wher...

enonymous · enonymous

Hi Everyone, I am new here and am joining after a very hard week. As a bit of background, my husband has a sister and mother who are alcoholics and they live several states away. His sister has a niece who we are now caring for. I will call her Suzy for sake of anonymnimity. Suzy has been abused all of he...

rainbow · rainbow

I'm pretty new to MIP. I've been working hard on Step 1 and Step 2 but I keep running into the same problem with my active alcoholic partner that he is getting angry with me making changes to how I relate to him in our relationship and he keeps saying that I am just game playing. How do I get him to take what I am...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Parents came today to help me patch up the damage here, pack stuff, nothing has worked out in any way house-wise so, daughter and I are moving in with them for lack of any alternatives whatsoever. It's not an outcome I would have asked for. Ever. Of course I am grateful that we have a safe place to go but it i...

KennyFenderjazz · KennyFenderjazz

Daisy, our oldest dog, was bit by our neighbor's dog on Friday. We just moved to a new house, and have already had problems with one of their dogs, Coda. Coda is old, and has very bad hip dysplasia and should last another 6 months. or so. But in the meantime she's on steroids and oxycodone, and is stoned...

Temple · Temple

I clicked on a new thread and saw his picture came up and I was so excited. And Maresie and Jen and another one or two I remember from back in the day. Thom was such a help to so many. It was a comfort every time he posted. It was a comfort once when he removed one of my posts, just to know he was watching. I won...

Bothered · Bothered

Hi again, I have just got a sponsor, but did not pick her she asked me if I would like her to be my sponsor and because we drive to the meetings together I thought why not. Now that she is my sponsor she has turned in to a very pushy person and is always asking me about my husband who is the alcoholic. She is tr...

lookingup · lookingup

Yesterday he bonded himself out of jail by putting his car title up bond was set at 500 bondsman dropped him off at my driveway he came walking in scared me to death took me by surprise he always has tricks up his sleeve which is scary I've always called him the master mind he can figure out anything and I me...

NL14 · NL14

Hi all, I've been working through Blueprint for Recovery as part of my 4th step. It's such a great, eye-opening exercise to address all these topics--from money, to intimacy, to responsibilities--and to literally take an inventory. I've found so much good in myself, and also so many areas that need...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

i haven't been here in awhile, but I'd still been using the AlAnon tools. Looking after myself, not getting involved in anything that made the crazy-brain start, letting go. Usual stuff, and things were going well. On Monday, my AH looked me in the face and said, 'I'm done. No more drinking.' I was...

Hullibee · Hullibee

I wrote my AH a letter today. I have not been able to talk to him. He's never sober anymore. I have to make a boundary. This has been very hard for me. I found out (looked at phone records) that he is still communicating with other woman. This makes me so sad. Just had our anniversary a week ago. I tho...

grateful2be · grateful2be

Recently, I spent some time with some folks who I've known for a long while. My experience with most of them was a pleasant one. One of the group, however, uses sarcasm to express scorn, attempts to silence or tunes out to what is being said for reasons of his own. I can only wonder if alcoholism has pl...

Venera · Venera

I am very new to this program, so I am just starting to learn. I have been listening to the alanon speakers on YouTube, reading books, going to f2f and MIP. So I am really getting confused as to what is the right behavior towards them and where my responsibility ends. Is there a good book or another source t...

Luiza · Luiza

STBX has no place to go to, but he is packing everything up. All the plates, cutlery, pots and pans...cups and glasses...I don't know how I am going to use the kitchen tomorrow. I really don't have time (and money) to go and buy a whole household stuff but I will have to sort something out immediately. Tha...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Not with him .. LOL! I just wanted to clarify that part of the deal. I'm so grateful I know I would not go back if I was paid to go back. That decision has been solidified in my mind, heart and soul. I would never want to go back to that kind of abuse again. I have really positive news I will have to wait to s...

lookingup · lookingup

As you prolly have figured out by me not posting in such a long time and being the ultimate codependent that I am that yes I did take x ab back into my home,now to fill y'all in on the rest of what's happened bf went to work so he said stayed gone out of town for 2days would call me one time a day to say hi and that th...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Well the need for attention is not present today...I am just grateful for friends & family & how much I need them & they need me. I am often asked for my opinion & it really matters to people. I don't have to put on "airs" anymore. The program has taught me how to better deal w/ p...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I still need to grow a thicker skin. AH has a tone of voice with me that's hard to hear. He just can't be polite and civil. he hangs up on me a lot even when I am just talking about daughter and her schedule. So I asked him to please sound better in front of daughter and he says "why do you suddenly want to be...

Temple · Temple

I never did climb on DDH about his drinking back in the day, because he didn't do it very often for the longest time, and when he did, he was able to drive well enough to fool me, and he was very happy and wasn't abusive and I didn't realize for 14 years that he was an alcoholic. (Duh) A few times I did try to exp...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

I've been having some interesting experiences this week that tested my boundaries and worth. I've been assigned to a new team at work. Two members on the team well.. there is no other way to say it but than to just say it.. each of them is their own universe. One of them is the head of the team and enjoys em...

Mattie · Mattie

I'm struggling with this and don't know which program tools to use to dig myself out of this hole. I'm so overwhelmed I can't see straight and would appreciate some ESH. Because my XAH is so incapable, raising our child has fallen to me. My XAH pays no childcare (I might be able to get a court order for a s...

Sean_82 · Sean_82

Love this quote really helped me today hope it helps you too. :)

No more · No more

My husband is alcholic who is in denial..... I'm tired angry and soooo confused. How have I let him control my everything when his sad I'm sad when he is happy im happy and im scared of the damage to our girls mentally emotionally I want to scream and shout and walk out with my girls and never see him again bu...

Courtney · Courtney

Hello All! I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I am the mom of three awesome little men, and currently married to an alcoholic. I have finally reached a point where I really do not know what to do any more. I can no longer continue in the cycle and hear the lies and deal with the broken promis...

sookie · sookie

UGH--last night my AH and I met with a lawyer--trying to move forward amicably which is a relief (as long as he doesn't suddenly go back on his word or change his mind). My AH cried and was really upset...I have been focusing SO much on how he is cleaning me out financially (I'm the one who makes literally A...

Flower49 · Flower49

Hey all, lately I have gotten calls from family members on wanting to know how to stop or how to manage their loved one's disease or how to "take care" of a loved one that is coming from recovery treatment. Usually I can suggest going to a meeting or two with me, or refer to them to this board. My A...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

You know when you think ok .. this is ok it's going to get better and everything is fine. Apparently I have some lessons to learn in that area because Verna's post about not being mad got me thinking .. LOL .. Ohhh I'm angry today. It's ok because it's going to pass, .. I kind of think I'm more afraid than I a...

Luiza · Luiza

So I have this neighbour who used to be my client. She is a bit helpless and I am used to help her a lot with pretty much every aspect of her life, however she is seldom "there" for me, lets me down a lot...that is fine. She is a lovely person and I like her a lot, I know she is disorganised and all over...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I am unsure why this bothers me and I know to take what I like and leave the rest. I am trying to go back and read and catch up, I am seeing lots of advice giving and shoulding on people. I am pretty sure I have learned a lot in my years of al-anon and a big lesson was if I had it all figured out I wouldn't be here in th...

deramam · deramam

If you could recommend only 1 book... which would it be?

aquamom23 · aquamom23

well. Its been a mental weekend. Complete with a messy house which I hate and find so much harder to clean with an emotional hangover. Today I have finally worked out the est time conversion for online meetings,now that I have replaced my phone. The old one died after I threw it at the ground because my co...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Punished for not giving urine! :-( (Preview) Hi Family, Just need to vent. My friend of over 15 years just landed her "dream" job that she's been wanting since I've known her. It is working in the school system. She asked me for urine for her drug test and I said no. I offered my friend practical options from my heart that she could req...	bud	28	939	Oct 7, 2014 by grateful2be
	I just feel like posting... (Preview) Sometimes I just feel like posting for no particular reason. I have only so many opportunities to post during the week. I just want to send some of our sunshine your way. I have a little extra up here. It is one of the most beautiful days because we have been having unusual high temps. The day is going well....	Hoot Nanny	3	425	Oct 7, 2014 by Jill
	threats don't work (Preview) Hi. About nine months ago, when I was a newbie in alanon, I gave my spouse a threat-to either get involved with AA or OA or I was moving out of our bedroom. Well of course she does not have a drinking problem, that is in my head, but she cannot deny she has an eating problem as she is at a life-threatening wei...	Lyne	10	843	Oct 7, 2014 by milkwood
	A little hurt that I hope you can be gentle with.. (Preview) This is not the first time that we have had a housing crisis brought on by A and his lack of finances/dislike of working/ chaos. In fact it is the 6th one I have been through with him. The first one, he was not living with me but was kicked out of his place and I helped him finance and move to a new place nearby. (...	missmeliss	19	1096	Oct 7, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Realising Husband is an Alcoholic (Preview) I have been married to my husband for 11 years and together for 15. Over the last two weeks I have realised that he is an alcoholic and that this combined with his masked depression has had a huge impact on us. I also realise I have been co-dependent and enabling this by not clearly setting the boundarie...	nicola444	3	518	Oct 7, 2014 by PP
	AH is quite the artist...and so is daughter (Preview) Last night I posted about AH finishing a school project too late on a school night. He ended up working on it after I brought daughter home. He left it at the house for us to pick up this morning before school. I was nervous about it possibly not being done. Well, he finished it and it brought tears to my eyes...	Newlife girl	14	1510	Oct 7, 2014 by Newlife girl
	So sorry I didn't use my al anon tools... (Preview) I came home and found AH drunk on his day off from work. Our 13 year old was also home from school only an hour before. Son was upstairs in his room. I just lost it when I saw AH. My anger was seething. We had a huge argument in the garage and I told him to leave. We are legally separated but he has been living with...	Jessmine	11	727	Oct 7, 2014 by grateful2be
	No drunk enough or high enough to not know what you have done - a story of hope ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I watched an interview today with a celebrity who has been in recovery for many years. One of the things she said that really got my attention was that she learned that she couldn't get drunk enough or high enough not to know what she had really done and the shame of it. Three marriages that all ended for...	grateful2be	46	1286	Oct 7, 2014 by grateful2be
	Is it possible to work thru the anger and frustration and stay with the alcoholic? (Preview) I too am so confused. My husband is a fantastic guy - when he doesn't drink. He has had several times where he just doesn't drink which is fantastic and then it starts again. I really care about him but the drinking makes me soooo angry! It feels that by the time I come home from work I might as well have s...	Toodles	14	732	Oct 6, 2014 by Seahorse7
	Working Acceptance (Preview) It feels like its not often that I can share something positive- and- I thought this may be helpful for when we're certain we're at the end of our rope, tied a knot and have been forever holding on. For those that dont know, Ive been estranged by my family of origin with the exception that I am, under limit...	bud	6	628	Oct 6, 2014 by hotrod
	My friend works alot (Preview) I've texted my male friend off and on all day. It he only texted me one time early this morning answer my ? Of weather he could come by my place to have a cup of coffee he texted he was on his way to another town 40 mins away on an emergency call that he was on the road already so that being said I left it alone. It af...	lookingup	18	846	Oct 6, 2014 by pinkchip
	Said what I meant but didn't say it mean (Preview) I am prefacing this post with some background. It's my first time here and I'm grateful this is here. I love Al-Anon and all the people in it. I've been in Al-Anon for over 2 years and it has been my saving grace and my key to peace. I'm learning to depend on my HP more. I'm working my program more. The most, I'...	alwaysLP13	6	718	Oct 6, 2014 by PP
	Procrastination and justification (Preview) This is just a rant. Again. I am absolutely sick of AH and his procrastination. He is helping daughter with a school project. I asked him to help her with it 2 weeks ago. So, he is working on it at the last minute of course. Doesn't surprise me. He tells me "if worse comes to worse, she can turn it in the n...	Newlife girl	31	1273	Oct 6, 2014 by Temple
	Suddenly spoiled for choice.... (Preview) Interesting how when I finally gave in and decided to make peace with the idea of going to my parents, other offers started to roll in. I declined the 2 potential job offers because I was going to be living hours away in a city where jobs would be relatively easy to find. I spoke to daughter's school about t...	missmeliss	8	573	Oct 6, 2014 by Luiza
	Trying to Follow Al Anon Rules (Preview) I've been trying to follow the list of Al Anon Do's and Don'ts and am unsure what to do in the current situation. My alcoholic daughter moved out of our house a little over 2 weeks ago, leaving her husband behind still living at our house. When she left she only took her backpack, dog, purse and a small pl...	vm54	1	514	Oct 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	I jumped right up. (Preview) Hi all - I've posted on here before about an extremely unhealthy relationship I had with my ex who is an alcoholic. I did everything for him and he was still a sack of s*** (cheating, lies, whatever). Anyway, we broke up a while ago. He text me this morning about coming to see office space I had offered him b...	Forgiveness82	2	441	Oct 6, 2014 by hotrod
	Watching my codependence swing into action.. (Preview) Really struck by my own feelings and how easily they can regress given the right triggers. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving forward and feeling a lot more positive about it now that a lot of the junk has been cleared from my house, and more options are opening up for me too. But over the weekend A went off to a...	missmeliss	5	634	Oct 6, 2014 by el-cee
	Settling (Preview) This topic has been a big challenge for me in relationships and throughout the rest of my life. When I entered into recovery, it occurred to me that I had always settled for less than I wanted out of life. I settled for relationships that didn't work and that made me unhappy. I settled for jobs that wer...	pinkchip	23	901	Oct 6, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	How do I get a handle on anger and resentment? (Preview) I am just beginning the process of getting myself to a better place with my decision to leave my AH. I think the most difficult thing I am having trouble with is I can't seem to step back from my anger. It's almost like I am justifying it to myself that I have every right to be angry after all that I have let my A...	kris4242	7	1346	Oct 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	Yesterday I had answers today none. (Preview) Yesterday I started to talk to some one in line and they came right out and said I'm recovering alcholic . I said well nice to meet you thank you for being honest with me and your self . So since we had something in common already we started to talk about how alchol ruined our lives . Well he started to talk abo...	Wisdom67	5	659	Oct 6, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Withdraws (Preview) Ok now I'm going into what I call relationship withdraws and withdraws from being with a man I fell in love with and all the good times we had yrs of it to this nothing .wow what a roller coaster ride this time that I just jumped off from .i feel like I'm on the wagon like someone said my addictions are relatio...	lookingup	7	559	Oct 6, 2014 by lookingup
	Need suggestions. (Preview) I'm looking for inspiration, strength, something to get me headed in the right direction. I know all the right answers but actually following through is more difficult than it seems. I do not want to lose my husband but I also do not want to lose myself. I want to live my life, be happy, move ahead and...	JustLea	5	465	Oct 5, 2014 by Addie L
	I have a problem with time limits! (Preview) I just pay too much attention to the time it's taking me to get it, not only that then I can forget I actually got it and thats where reminders come in, other peoples, I am sooooooooooooo hard on myself most times always wanting to be independent always wanting things to end on a good note, I forget I am only...	Katy	4	614	Oct 5, 2014 by cloudyskies
	The purge. (Preview) Had a surprisingly good day yesterday, just packing packing packing and purging...the garage is almost empty. It's hard to believe. We got all of the rubbish out in one gigantic trailer-load and I have to say throwing it all down into the pit was sooooo satisfying. Videos...like I'm ever going to wat...	missmeliss	6	539	Oct 5, 2014 by Newlife girl
	hi! I'm new :) (Preview) hello! I'm Fairlee. Married 19 years to a great guy, if it wasn't for his alcohol addiction. He has been a heavy drinker as long as I have known him, but things are starting to progress in a very negative direction, affecting our livelihood (which he denies...we are self-employed, which makes his drin...	Fairlee	9	823	Oct 5, 2014 by LiveLaughLove
	Sharing an eye-opening suggestion... (Preview) Note to self...NEVER assign a specific iPhone pre-loaded text/ring tone to your significant other. Ive learned my lesson-LOL. Although we split quite some time ago, it's amazing how I still react to this. I was in a meeting the other day and someone kept getting text message alerts with the same t...	LiveLaughLove	5	556	Oct 5, 2014 by LiveLaughLove
	Business Meeting tonight to follow regular meeting (Preview) Please be there so you can help make a difference! Tricia	Tricia911	1	383	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Dislike vs Acceptance (Preview) Thought I would start a separate topic of discussion instead of posing this onto someone's similar topic, do not want to take away from their discussion!! Was wondering about acceptance and disliking the situation at the same t...	Debb	12	794	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Alcoholism and domestic abuse (Preview) Hi. Just wondering if alcoholism goes hand and hand with domestic abuse/name calling/harassement etc or this is down to the individual's personality? My STBXH's drinking bothers me a lot but if he was a quiet/passive/tame drunk I think I would stay in the relationship albeit unhappy. It is the lac...	Luiza	9	841	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sunday Morning MIP Chat room Spiritual Meeting (Preview) I'm BACKkkkkk! I will be doing the Sunday morning Spiritual Meetings again, we will just wing it this morning; but starting next Sunday morning I should have my scripts back up and running (I hope) and we will start on Chapter 3, of Having had a Spiritual Awaking; which to the best of my knowledge is wher...	Overcome	0	372	Oct 5, 2014 by Overcome
	Suicide, Mental Hospital, and Alcoholics (Preview) Hi Everyone, I am new here and am joining after a very hard week. As a bit of background, my husband has a sister and mother who are alcoholics and they live several states away. His sister has a niece who we are now caring for. I will call her Suzy for sake of anonymnimity. Suzy has been abused all of he...	enonymous	11	783	Oct 5, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Re: Told I'm game playing ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I'm pretty new to MIP. I've been working hard on Step 1 and Step 2 but I keep running into the same problem with my active alcoholic partner that he is getting angry with me making changes to how I relate to him in our relationship and he keeps saying that I am just game playing. How do I get him to take what I am...	rainbow	40	3025	Oct 5, 2014 by PP
	The fun begins. (Preview) Parents came today to help me patch up the damage here, pack stuff, nothing has worked out in any way house-wise so, daughter and I are moving in with them for lack of any alternatives whatsoever. It's not an outcome I would have asked for. Ever. Of course I am grateful that we have a safe place to go but it i...	missmeliss	11	808	Oct 5, 2014 by in_recovery
	My old girl got bit! (Preview) Daisy, our oldest dog, was bit by our neighbor's dog on Friday. We just moved to a new house, and have already had problems with one of their dogs, Coda. Coda is old, and has very bad hip dysplasia and should last another 6 months. or so. But in the meantime she's on steroids and oxycodone, and is stoned...	KennyFenderjazz	30	1117	Oct 5, 2014 by rainbow
	I miss Tom. (Preview) I clicked on a new thread and saw his picture came up and I was so excited. And Maresie and Jen and another one or two I remember from back in the day. Thom was such a help to so many. It was a comfort every time he posted. It was a comfort once when he removed one of my posts, just to know he was watching. I won...	Temple	7	588	Oct 4, 2014 by Debilyn
	Pushy Sponsors (Preview) Hi again, I have just got a sponsor, but did not pick her she asked me if I would like her to be my sponsor and because we drive to the meetings together I thought why not. Now that she is my sponsor she has turned in to a very pushy person and is always asking me about my husband who is the alcoholic. She is tr...	Bothered	8	1315	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	He bonded himself out (Preview) Yesterday he bonded himself out of jail by putting his car title up bond was set at 500 bondsman dropped him off at my driveway he came walking in scared me to death took me by surprise he always has tricks up his sleeve which is scary I've always called him the master mind he can figure out anything and I me...	lookingup	7	686	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	Resentment, honesty, and fear (Preview) Hi all, I've been working through Blueprint for Recovery as part of my 4th step. It's such a great, eye-opening exercise to address all these topics--from money, to intimacy, to responsibilities--and to literally take an inventory. I've found so much good in myself, and also so many areas that need...	NL14	15	1583	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	Holy crap, how did we get here? (Preview) i haven't been here in awhile, but I'd still been using the AlAnon tools. Looking after myself, not getting involved in anything that made the crazy-brain start, letting go. Usual stuff, and things were going well. On Monday, my AH looked me in the face and said, 'I'm done. No more drinking.' I was...	SpiderArcana	4	488	Oct 4, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Heartbroken (Preview) I wrote my AH a letter today. I have not been able to talk to him. He's never sober anymore. I have to make a boundary. This has been very hard for me. I found out (looked at phone records) that he is still communicating with other woman. This makes me so sad. Just had our anniversary a week ago. I tho...	Hullibee	32	871	Oct 4, 2014 by Hullibee
	Sarcasm, silencing, shunning, scorn ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Recently, I spent some time with some folks who I've known for a long while. My experience with most of them was a pleasant one. One of the group, however, uses sarcasm to express scorn, attempts to silence or tunes out to what is being said for reasons of his own. I can only wonder if alcoholism has pl...	grateful2be	46	1580	Oct 4, 2014 by Debb
	Kids.. dos and donts (Preview) I am very new to this program, so I am just starting to learn. I have been listening to the alanon speakers on YouTube, reading books, going to f2f and MIP. So I am really getting confused as to what is the right behavior towards them and where my responsibility ends. Is there a good book or another source t...	Venera	6	651	Oct 3, 2014 by hotrod
	He is all packed up. (Preview) STBX has no place to go to, but he is packing everything up. All the plates, cutlery, pots and pans...cups and glasses...I don't know how I am going to use the kitchen tomorrow. I really don't have time (and money) to go and buy a whole household stuff but I will have to sort something out immediately. Tha...	Luiza	17	815	Oct 3, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Working things out (in my mind .. LOL) (Preview) Not with him .. LOL! I just wanted to clarify that part of the deal. I'm so grateful I know I would not go back if I was paid to go back. That decision has been solidified in my mind, heart and soul. I would never want to go back to that kind of abuse again. I have really positive news I will have to wait to s...	SerenityRUS	5	671	Oct 3, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Scared out of wits (Preview) As you prolly have figured out by me not posting in such a long time and being the ultimate codependent that I am that yes I did take x ab back into my home,now to fill y'all in on the rest of what's happened bf went to work so he said stayed gone out of town for 2days would call me one time a day to say hi and that th...	lookingup	11	830	Oct 3, 2014 by PP
	why can't I just do what I want?(sorry long) (Preview) Well the need for attention is not present today...I am just grateful for friends & family & how much I need them & they need me. I am often asked for my opinion & it really matters to people. I don't have to put on "airs" anymore. The program has taught me how to better deal w/ p...	Hoot Nanny	3	715	Oct 3, 2014 by DavidG
	What he says hurts (Preview) I still need to grow a thicker skin. AH has a tone of voice with me that's hard to hear. He just can't be polite and civil. he hangs up on me a lot even when I am just talking about daughter and her schedule. So I asked him to please sound better in front of daughter and he says "why do you suddenly want to be...	Newlife girl	8	678	Oct 3, 2014 by Mirandac
	I wonder if this has ever happened. (Preview) I never did climb on DDH about his drinking back in the day, because he didn't do it very often for the longest time, and when he did, he was able to drive well enough to fool me, and he was very happy and wasn't abusive and I didn't realize for 14 years that he was an alcoholic. (Duh) A few times I did try to exp...	Temple	20	708	Oct 3, 2014 by Temple
	If we teach people how to treat us, I'm satified with how I responded this week anyway (Preview) I've been having some interesting experiences this week that tested my boundaries and worth. I've been assigned to a new team at work. Two members on the team well.. there is no other way to say it but than to just say it.. each of them is their own universe. One of them is the head of the team and enjoys em...	tiredtonite	5	580	Oct 3, 2014 by Temple
	Having trouble with a terrible defect (Preview) I'm struggling with this and don't know which program tools to use to dig myself out of this hole. I'm so overwhelmed I can't see straight and would appreciate some ESH. Because my XAH is so incapable, raising our child has fallen to me. My XAH pays no childcare (I might be able to get a court order for a s...	Mattie	13	713	Oct 2, 2014 by Debilyn
	"He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart" (Preview) Love this quote really helped me today hope it helps you too. :)	Sean_82	4	674	Oct 2, 2014 by Luiza
	Confused I want to leave him but have doubts (Preview) My husband is alcholic who is in denial..... I'm tired angry and soooo confused. How have I let him control my everything when his sad I'm sad when he is happy im happy and im scared of the damage to our girls mentally emotionally I want to scream and shout and walk out with my girls and never see him again bu...	No more	7	756	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Ok So I am New Here.... (Preview) Hello All! I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I am the mom of three awesome little men, and currently married to an alcoholic. I have finally reached a point where I really do not know what to do any more. I can no longer continue in the cycle and hear the lies and deal with the broken promis...	Courtney	9	626	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	guilt about divorce (Preview) UGH--last night my AH and I met with a lawyer--trying to move forward amicably which is a relief (as long as he doesn't suddenly go back on his word or change his mind). My AH cried and was really upset...I have been focusing SO much on how he is cleaning me out financially (I'm the one who makes literally A...	sookie	11	886	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Help and Advice Needed (Preview) Hey all, lately I have gotten calls from family members on wanting to know how to stop or how to manage their loved one's disease or how to "take care" of a loved one that is coming from recovery treatment. Usually I can suggest going to a meeting or two with me, or refer to them to this board. My A...	Flower49	1	396	Oct 2, 2014 by grateful2be
	You know when .. (Preview) You know when you think ok .. this is ok it's going to get better and everything is fine. Apparently I have some lessons to learn in that area because Verna's post about not being mad got me thinking .. LOL .. Ohhh I'm angry today. It's ok because it's going to pass, .. I kind of think I'm more afraid than I a...	SerenityRUS	14	716	Oct 2, 2014 by bud
	Rant. Should really stop the habit of helping/rescuing people. (Preview) So I have this neighbour who used to be my client. She is a bit helpless and I am used to help her a lot with pretty much every aspect of her life, however she is seldom "there" for me, lets me down a lot...that is fine. She is a lovely person and I like her a lot, I know she is disorganised and all over...	Luiza	7	726	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Don't should on me... my rant! (Preview) I am unsure why this bothers me and I know to take what I like and leave the rest. I am trying to go back and read and catch up, I am seeing lots of advice giving and shoulding on people. I am pretty sure I have learned a lot in my years of al-anon and a big lesson was if I had it all figured out I wouldn't be here in th...	Breakingfree	12	912	Oct 2, 2014 by bud
	If you could... (Preview) If you could recommend only 1 book... which would it be?	deramam	12	726	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	back on the recovery wagon. (Preview) well. Its been a mental weekend. Complete with a messy house which I hate and find so much harder to clean with an emotional hangover. Today I have finally worked out the est time conversion for online meetings,now that I have replaced my phone. The old one died after I threw it at the ground because my co...	aquamom23	8	673	Oct 1, 2014 by bud
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.