Probation violation - Al-Anon Family Group

sookie · Senior Member

Probation violation

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know the law on that but looking at the charge - it is simply driving under the influence. Unless he's been to court where the terms of his sentence includes getting into a treatment program and no alcohol or being where alcohol is served, I don't see how there would be a problem if he drinks?

As far as you thinking he was drinking when you picked up the children - well, maybe he was? There is no law against drinking at home even with children present to my knowledge. So, calling the police about that may not result in any change either? Is this something you could talk over with your sponsor? I can certainly understand your concern and without knowing what kind of arrangements the court have for visitation I have no suggestions for you on this.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Grateful is right about the terms of his "probation" I laugh because mine is on self probation. I'm actually surprised the courts didn't put him on the SCRAM bracelet which is a monitoring devIce that can tell if someone had been drinking. As far as the kids .. mine do not stay if they know or believe their dad has been drinking. YOu absolutely CAN have it written in the parenting agreement NO DRINKING while in the presence of the children .. however be prepared that means you can't drink either UNLESS he's currently being charged with a DUI in which case I would let the prosecution team know you want that in the current charges. It really depends how much time yOu want to invest into the court system and I can testify it's an ongoing process 3 years later. If you are truly that concerned about the kids .. it's something to consider .. safety always comes first when it comes to my kids. That's my motto and that's the mountain I'm willing to die on. My children because of age have the right to decide if visitation happens .. that is because of the fact my STBAX was drinking in his home and completely freaked the kids out by his behavior. While he has the right to drink in his home the children's boundary is they won't stay if he's drinking. I can't say I blame them in the least. So it's really going to depend on the circumstances. Oh side note if he has current charges yOu can ask the courts to put him on a SCRAM bracelet For a certain amount of time .. he may go to jail and it's costly. Hugs.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

I know in my state (Indiana) that if you are on probation for a DUI, you are not allowed to drink. Period. If you drink, they can haul you in to jail for probation violation.

After the first DUI, that didn't keep my wife from drinking. In fact, she drank the day after she met her probation officer and got her first test. Looking back on it, I might have told her I would call her PO if I caught her drinking, which I did pretty often.

After her second DUI she was on a soberlink unit - she had to blow into it 4 x / day and it would report BAC back to the probation office. If she was >15 minutes late she would get a call from the PO, and if she missed she was required to come in the next morning for testing. It was a great device I thought, but expensive. They would also come out and randomly check on her, not very often since she had the soberlink. The nice thing for me was I never had to worry that she was drinking. She was in recovery and doing well, but on the odd time when my sixth sense would go off, I could finally just sit back and say "well, if she's been drinking the sheriff will be here within 1/2 hour of her soberlink test".

She did so well on the soberlink that the PO asked the judge to take her off it after 6 months. I'm sure not everybody does that well.

Kenny

sookie · Senior Member

He was required to do an out-patient program and not be at places where alcohol is served. He also started smoking POT ASAP after his last drug test was done and while he was getting drug tested, he turned to sniffing spray paint since it will not show up on anything (including his SCRAM).

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

UGH .. sookie I'm sorry .. mine was caught by his children when he was suppose to be checking in with a PO drinking. You should see the letter I got from HIS atty and it's soooo laughable. Anyway, the whole thing starts out with MY CLIENT IS NOT AN ALCOHOLIC .. my first atty looked at me and started laughing (we both were because it was so obvious he was in the dark about what was going on). You know what he told his atty? My daughter was LYING that she misunderstood what she saw (now tell me that doesn't sound familiar) .. after all people who move into a house that the other residents have left beer bottles AND wine bottles around the house THEY left them there (after 5 months of him living there) .. umm suuurrreee they did.

No if he's not suppose to be drinking .. he's not suppose to be drinking end of story .. because mine was actually paying child support that was the ONLY reason I didn't turn him in .. now .. that ship has sailed (in terms of fear) my HP has got the kids and I .. would it be easy .. NO .. could I do it .. YES .. it would be a LOT of praying and a LOT of trying to do the next right thing. I decided he didn't need my help to wind up in jail he can do that on his own.

Mine turned to clonazepam (sp?) for his blocking of his feelings and that made him completely crazy and he was acting out in very big ways. That was about the time I had to go and get the OP .. he got so crazy. That didn't show up on his SCRAM and he was abusing it horribly he went through 30 days of pills in 2 weeks to give you an idea of how bad it got in a short time.

For me looking back .. I would have followed through calling the PO.

I confronted him about calling our daughter a liar and he didn't like that at all and said well he lies when he knows he's going to get into big trouble .. so going forward I completely call his bluffs. It's working better for me in terms of at least he paid the ticket that was in my name that he got .. he realizes now that I'm just done and one big toe out of line with me or the kids he can walk himself over to the courthouse.

For me it's made for a very long divorce process. Big hugs and I'm sorry that you and the kids have to deal with this on top of everything else. It's exhausting.

Hugs S :)

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

PS - mine was doing outpatient as well .. it's such a sad joke. All it does it make money for the state it doesn't help the alcoholic or the family it puts more hardship on the family.

sookie · Senior Member

Thanks SerenityRUS...it is such a long drawn out and yes, seriously fearful situation. I am grateful to be able to come here. And I just keep trying to be in the moment, not project/expect anything, and I know when the s*&^ hits the fan, I'll have the tools I need to deal with it. I will just be so relieved when this is done (the divorce I mean) so more focus can go to healing and less about worrying on the "settling" of things. My AH is a good dad, overall, but he's an addict and that will always win (the way I see it). It sucks.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I know just having somewhere to go to put it down, .. read what I wrote and figure ok .. this works .. no, .. I really need to stick to my own boundaries because the kids have to deal with the consequences of his behavior and usually it's not pretty. The last interaction my daughter looked at me and said .. mom he's headed for the edge and I know she's probably right, this is based upon our experience with what he does and the behavior he exhibits.

The huffing concerns me for your STBAX because that's a whole new level of brain damage. Drinking is over time .. huffing to me is like meth you are putting toxic elements NOT meant to be inhaled or ingested into your system (you here is meaning "them, their") that is really scary stuff. It causes almost immediate brain damage because these are not in any way organic elements.

These are issues that are such individual choices .. not everyone agrees with how I have chosen to handle the situation (they might be right as I'm living proof of a divorce that hasn't ended yet .. lol .. oh well, I still have health insurance .. that is saying something .. lol) .. they don't live with the consequences of my crazy STBAX either. So while I will come here to get perspective on a situation .. ultimately the choices are mine to make or not make. I know I have made specifically the women in my life extremely uncomfortable with my choices because as an example my mom never stood up for herself. My STBAX's s/mom same way so when I would start to take action I would hear .. you can't do that .. you shouldn't do that .. which for me is the green light for GO .. LOL! Not a good character defect to have .. however now that I have removed their committees from my head I am better able to see when I'm making someone else uncomfortable because of their own stuff that has nothing to do with me and my situation. The GO or STOP comes based upon what is right for ME not anyone else's beliefs.

Whatever you choose to do .. it is what it is .. no one else has to live with the consequences good or bad of my choices and they don't need to agree or disagree, that's ok either way. I can see a couple of things as hind sight is 20-20 of what I would have done differently. Bottom line is this .. it has been a really great learning experience and if I ever decide to go into law I have an idea of what direction I would go.

Hugs S :)

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