Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> More drama from his ex
Post Info TOPIC: More drama from his ex
tiredtonite


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 25
Date:
More drama from his ex
Permalink  

She's decided to show up to pay her last respects to my bf's mother.  She asked to come through my bf's and her adult daughter instead of calling him directly despite having his phone number and then told his dau to tell him she wouldn't come if it would bother him or if there would be a scene lol  Thank goodness he kept his composure and told dau her mother should do whatever she wants to like anyone else and he laughed and said there would be no scene. He told me there haven't been scenes in the past and now he's divorced from her much longer.  He told me that his mother didn't like his ex very much but was respectful toward her but she liked his mother. He told me he thought it was interesting that she raised the possibility of "a scene" when he has been divorced from her for some time and doesn't care either way about her personally aside from anything that directly impacts his children.  I've no doubt she wants to impose herself because she can. She knows he isn't going to tell his daughter he doesn't want her mother there. He told me he's going to keep focusing on remembering his mother and gathering for the purpose of honoring his mother's life. There'll be other family to deal with too but I doubt much of it will matter due to the grief we'll be feeling.  And then... we'll get to go home and away from the dysfunction at least for the rest of that day. I hope my best friend shows up as promised.  My sponsor is now unable to come. There should be some friend's of bf from AA too who I know from socializing. I miss his mother already. My friend in the family is gone now. Just needed to get these feelings out. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Temple


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 971
Date:
Permalink  

I am sorry for your loss. It is wonderfyl to have "in-laws" you enjoy.

Wonderful that BF is calm,

Hugs,
Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Prayers TT Now that you know that she might be there, you willl not be surprised and can remember, before hand to stay detached and focused on your own serenity and grief. It sounds as if his Mom was a special person.

Positive thoughts for the enitre family



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

Prayers for all, TT.



__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

(((TT)))



__________________

Paula
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I am wondering what is making you get into his stuff? His drama? Myself I would say well I am sure you can figure it out. I won't be dragged into it. Not my circus not my monkeys. And you are getting upset by it. So you are in his drama. What makes you walk into it?

It seems like his family brings drama into your lives, you know like an invitation? So what is making you say OKaaaa I want to hop right into it,I accept!

I love that little thing to say to them, hmmmm sounds like a problem. simple.

You know that one too, he is in his own stuff cuz he chooses to, what are you going to do little one? I am sooo glad you are still around mip Sweet Pea

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
karma13


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 326
Date:
Permalink  

Hugs n prayers for your courage, confidence and composure ;) I understand all too well ex drama...I stay close to my hp in such situations 



-- Edited by karma13 on Friday 26th of September 2014 07:19:01 AM

__________________

I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 
tiredtonite


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 25
Date:
Permalink  

Thanks for your support and prayers.  It was a beautiful service. She was an extraordinary woman.  I'm grateful to have gotten to know her. After the service and lunch, people drank non stop. We left after an hour or two. 

His ex did show up at the service and brought a bunch of the ex in laws. It came as an unwelcome surprise but didn't matter after first notice.. our attention was focused on why we were there and for whom.

Bf was nervous about speaking and hadn't been able to prepare anything that could equal the emotions he was feeling but brought a poem to read that he liked.  After reading it, with the help of his hp he found words that expressed the love and loss he's feeling. 

There's a lot of unfinished business and it's going to be tough in many ways with so many personalities and the lack of boundaries in the family.  As you know the rest of life doesn't stand still until the crisis passes.  We need to get back to daily living now.  The rest will be unfolding and we'll take care of each thing when it's time. If ever staying present was important, it's at this time.

Thanks for letting me share with you. (((hugs)))  TT 



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

I'm glad the service was beautiful and that everyone there felt a bond with his mother and that you and her son were able to keep the focus on yourselves and the grief you were feeling and the love and gratitude you were feeling for the life of his Mom, too.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

A sweet post, TT.  It sounds like it went along nicely.



__________________

Paula
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

I am happy for you both Thanks for the update TT

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> More drama from his ex