Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

vm54 · vm54

I've been trying to follow the list of Al Anon Do's and Don'ts and am unsure what to do in the current situation. My alcoholic daughter moved out of our house a little over 2 weeks ago, leaving her husband behind still living at our house. When she left she only took her backpack, dog, purse and a small pl...

Forgiveness82 · Forgiveness82

Hi all - I've posted on here before about an extremely unhealthy relationship I had with my ex who is an alcoholic. I did everything for him and he was still a sack of s*** (cheating, lies, whatever). Anyway, we broke up a while ago. He text me this morning about coming to see office space I had offered him b...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Really struck by my own feelings and how easily they can regress given the right triggers. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving forward and feeling a lot more positive about it now that a lot of the junk has been cleared from my house, and more options are opening up for me too. But over the weekend A went off to a...

pinkchip · pinkchip

This topic has been a big challenge for me in relationships and throughout the rest of my life. When I entered into recovery, it occurred to me that I had always settled for less than I wanted out of life. I settled for relationships that didn't work and that made me unhappy. I settled for jobs that wer...

kris4242 · kris4242

I am just beginning the process of getting myself to a better place with my decision to leave my AH. I think the most difficult thing I am having trouble with is I can't seem to step back from my anger. It's almost like I am justifying it to myself that I have every right to be angry after all that I have let my A...

Wisdom67 · Wisdom67

Yesterday I started to talk to some one in line and they came right out and said I'm recovering alcholic . I said well nice to meet you thank you for being honest with me and your self . So since we had something in common already we started to talk about how alchol ruined our lives . Well he started to talk abo...

lookingup · lookingup

Ok now I'm going into what I call relationship withdraws and withdraws from being with a man I fell in love with and all the good times we had yrs of it to this nothing .wow what a roller coaster ride this time that I just jumped off from .i feel like I'm on the wagon like someone said my addictions are relatio...

JustLea · JustLea

I'm looking for inspiration, strength, something to get me headed in the right direction. I know all the right answers but actually following through is more difficult than it seems. I do not want to lose my husband but I also do not want to lose myself. I want to live my life, be happy, move ahead and...

Katy · Katy

I just pay too much attention to the time it's taking me to get it, not only that then I can forget I actually got it and thats where reminders come in, other peoples, I am sooooooooooooo hard on myself most times always wanting to be independent always wanting things to end on a good note, I forget I am only...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Had a surprisingly good day yesterday, just packing packing packing and purging...the garage is almost empty. It's hard to believe. We got all of the rubbish out in one gigantic trailer-load and I have to say throwing it all down into the pit was sooooo satisfying. Videos...like I'm ever going to wat...

Fairlee · Fairlee

hello! I'm Fairlee. Married 19 years to a great guy, if it wasn't for his alcohol addiction. He has been a heavy drinker as long as I have known him, but things are starting to progress in a very negative direction, affecting our livelihood (which he denies...we are self-employed, which makes his drin...

LiveLaughLove · LiveLaughLove

Note to self...NEVER assign a specific iPhone pre-loaded text/ring tone to your significant other. Ive learned my lesson-LOL. Although we split quite some time ago, it's amazing how I still react to this. I was in a meeting the other day and someone kept getting text message alerts with the same t...

Tricia911 · Tricia911

Please be there so you can help make a difference! Tricia

Debb · Debb

Thought I would start a separate topic of discussion instead of posing this onto someone's similar topic, do not want to take away from their discussion!! Was wondering about acceptance and disliking the situation at the same t...

Luiza · Luiza

Hi. Just wondering if alcoholism goes hand and hand with domestic abuse/name calling/harassement etc or this is down to the individual's personality? My STBXH's drinking bothers me a lot but if he was a quiet/passive/tame drunk I think I would stay in the relationship albeit unhappy. It is the lac...

Overcome · Overcome

I'm BACKkkkkk! I will be doing the Sunday morning Spiritual Meetings again, we will just wing it this morning; but starting next Sunday morning I should have my scripts back up and running (I hope) and we will start on Chapter 3, of Having had a Spiritual Awaking; which to the best of my knowledge is wher...

enonymous · enonymous

Hi Everyone, I am new here and am joining after a very hard week. As a bit of background, my husband has a sister and mother who are alcoholics and they live several states away. His sister has a niece who we are now caring for. I will call her Suzy for sake of anonymnimity. Suzy has been abused all of he...

rainbow · rainbow

I'm pretty new to MIP. I've been working hard on Step 1 and Step 2 but I keep running into the same problem with my active alcoholic partner that he is getting angry with me making changes to how I relate to him in our relationship and he keeps saying that I am just game playing. How do I get him to take what I am...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Parents came today to help me patch up the damage here, pack stuff, nothing has worked out in any way house-wise so, daughter and I are moving in with them for lack of any alternatives whatsoever. It's not an outcome I would have asked for. Ever. Of course I am grateful that we have a safe place to go but it i...

KennyFenderjazz · KennyFenderjazz

Daisy, our oldest dog, was bit by our neighbor's dog on Friday. We just moved to a new house, and have already had problems with one of their dogs, Coda. Coda is old, and has very bad hip dysplasia and should last another 6 months. or so. But in the meantime she's on steroids and oxycodone, and is stoned...

Temple · Temple

I clicked on a new thread and saw his picture came up and I was so excited. And Maresie and Jen and another one or two I remember from back in the day. Thom was such a help to so many. It was a comfort every time he posted. It was a comfort once when he removed one of my posts, just to know he was watching. I won...

Bothered · Bothered

Hi again, I have just got a sponsor, but did not pick her she asked me if I would like her to be my sponsor and because we drive to the meetings together I thought why not. Now that she is my sponsor she has turned in to a very pushy person and is always asking me about my husband who is the alcoholic. She is tr...

lookingup · lookingup

Yesterday he bonded himself out of jail by putting his car title up bond was set at 500 bondsman dropped him off at my driveway he came walking in scared me to death took me by surprise he always has tricks up his sleeve which is scary I've always called him the master mind he can figure out anything and I me...

NL14 · NL14

Hi all, I've been working through Blueprint for Recovery as part of my 4th step. It's such a great, eye-opening exercise to address all these topics--from money, to intimacy, to responsibilities--and to literally take an inventory. I've found so much good in myself, and also so many areas that need...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

i haven't been here in awhile, but I'd still been using the AlAnon tools. Looking after myself, not getting involved in anything that made the crazy-brain start, letting go. Usual stuff, and things were going well. On Monday, my AH looked me in the face and said, 'I'm done. No more drinking.' I was...

Hullibee · Hullibee

I wrote my AH a letter today. I have not been able to talk to him. He's never sober anymore. I have to make a boundary. This has been very hard for me. I found out (looked at phone records) that he is still communicating with other woman. This makes me so sad. Just had our anniversary a week ago. I tho...

grateful2be · grateful2be

Recently, I spent some time with some folks who I've known for a long while. My experience with most of them was a pleasant one. One of the group, however, uses sarcasm to express scorn, attempts to silence or tunes out to what is being said for reasons of his own. I can only wonder if alcoholism has pl...

Venera · Venera

I am very new to this program, so I am just starting to learn. I have been listening to the alanon speakers on YouTube, reading books, going to f2f and MIP. So I am really getting confused as to what is the right behavior towards them and where my responsibility ends. Is there a good book or another source t...

Luiza · Luiza

STBX has no place to go to, but he is packing everything up. All the plates, cutlery, pots and pans...cups and glasses...I don't know how I am going to use the kitchen tomorrow. I really don't have time (and money) to go and buy a whole household stuff but I will have to sort something out immediately. Tha...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Not with him .. LOL! I just wanted to clarify that part of the deal. I'm so grateful I know I would not go back if I was paid to go back. That decision has been solidified in my mind, heart and soul. I would never want to go back to that kind of abuse again. I have really positive news I will have to wait to s...

lookingup · lookingup

As you prolly have figured out by me not posting in such a long time and being the ultimate codependent that I am that yes I did take x ab back into my home,now to fill y'all in on the rest of what's happened bf went to work so he said stayed gone out of town for 2days would call me one time a day to say hi and that th...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Well the need for attention is not present today...I am just grateful for friends & family & how much I need them & they need me. I am often asked for my opinion & it really matters to people. I don't have to put on "airs" anymore. The program has taught me how to better deal w/ p...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I still need to grow a thicker skin. AH has a tone of voice with me that's hard to hear. He just can't be polite and civil. he hangs up on me a lot even when I am just talking about daughter and her schedule. So I asked him to please sound better in front of daughter and he says "why do you suddenly want to be...

Temple · Temple

I never did climb on DDH about his drinking back in the day, because he didn't do it very often for the longest time, and when he did, he was able to drive well enough to fool me, and he was very happy and wasn't abusive and I didn't realize for 14 years that he was an alcoholic. (Duh) A few times I did try to exp...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

I've been having some interesting experiences this week that tested my boundaries and worth. I've been assigned to a new team at work. Two members on the team well.. there is no other way to say it but than to just say it.. each of them is their own universe. One of them is the head of the team and enjoys em...

Mattie · Mattie

I'm struggling with this and don't know which program tools to use to dig myself out of this hole. I'm so overwhelmed I can't see straight and would appreciate some ESH. Because my XAH is so incapable, raising our child has fallen to me. My XAH pays no childcare (I might be able to get a court order for a s...

Sean_82 · Sean_82

Love this quote really helped me today hope it helps you too. :)

No more · No more

My husband is alcholic who is in denial..... I'm tired angry and soooo confused. How have I let him control my everything when his sad I'm sad when he is happy im happy and im scared of the damage to our girls mentally emotionally I want to scream and shout and walk out with my girls and never see him again bu...

Courtney · Courtney

Hello All! I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I am the mom of three awesome little men, and currently married to an alcoholic. I have finally reached a point where I really do not know what to do any more. I can no longer continue in the cycle and hear the lies and deal with the broken promis...

sookie · sookie

UGH--last night my AH and I met with a lawyer--trying to move forward amicably which is a relief (as long as he doesn't suddenly go back on his word or change his mind). My AH cried and was really upset...I have been focusing SO much on how he is cleaning me out financially (I'm the one who makes literally A...

Flower49 · Flower49

Hey all, lately I have gotten calls from family members on wanting to know how to stop or how to manage their loved one's disease or how to "take care" of a loved one that is coming from recovery treatment. Usually I can suggest going to a meeting or two with me, or refer to them to this board. My A...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

You know when you think ok .. this is ok it's going to get better and everything is fine. Apparently I have some lessons to learn in that area because Verna's post about not being mad got me thinking .. LOL .. Ohhh I'm angry today. It's ok because it's going to pass, .. I kind of think I'm more afraid than I a...

Luiza · Luiza

So I have this neighbour who used to be my client. She is a bit helpless and I am used to help her a lot with pretty much every aspect of her life, however she is seldom "there" for me, lets me down a lot...that is fine. She is a lovely person and I like her a lot, I know she is disorganised and all over...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I am unsure why this bothers me and I know to take what I like and leave the rest. I am trying to go back and read and catch up, I am seeing lots of advice giving and shoulding on people. I am pretty sure I have learned a lot in my years of al-anon and a big lesson was if I had it all figured out I wouldn't be here in th...

deramam · deramam

If you could recommend only 1 book... which would it be?

aquamom23 · aquamom23

well. Its been a mental weekend. Complete with a messy house which I hate and find so much harder to clean with an emotional hangover. Today I have finally worked out the est time conversion for online meetings,now that I have replaced my phone. The old one died after I threw it at the ground because my co...

Sean_82 · Sean_82

Hi all I had a terrible morning of self doubt and worry about where my life and marriage would go, but after reading this "Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle all my problems at once." I realise that I had fallen into a deep dark hole, it can often happen so quickly t...

el-cee · el-cee

My exah has had a bad accident and is basically disabled and housebound for the next few months. So, my kids have actually made me very proud,they have been taking turns in looking after him. Anyway, I decided to phone him and tell him im thinking of him and if I can help to phone me. My kids have been gettin...

shellbell77 · shellbell77

My fiance has a drinking problem. He will admit it but thats as far as he will go. He says he wants help, but he says he has it under control. I love him very much. We have been together for a year and a half, and plan to marry next spring. I just dont know how to feel, what to say or do. He has lost jobs and hides it w...

kris4242 · kris4242

I have been married to my AH husband for almost 20 years. I have known for a long time that it will not work...I can't fix him. And he doesn't want to fix himself. Of course the problem that is killing me is "How do I leave this man I love so much?". I have been protecting him. And all that seems to ha...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am struggling today w/ the fact that I just want attention. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat that doesn't get her way. I am old enough now that I shouldn't suffer from this malady or make others suffer either. So, I beg for extra attention on here to. I want you all to listen to be & make me feel bett...

Venera · Venera

Got a phone call from jail last night from my husband asking to get him. He was asking me to go get him and he was acting mad at me. I actually went there with a baby at 1am (didn't want to do it the next say and miss job). But the officer told me that his bond amount wasn't released and I couldn't take him yet, so I...

missmeliss · missmeliss

So this really is it. 2 weeks to be out of here. A keeps trying to hook me into finding a place for all of us to live...but in essence he is behaving like a 12 year old who is cross that mummy is making him move house when he doesn't wanna. There is no adult contribution whatsoever; he looks up places on the inte...

Flower49 · Flower49

My AH called at 1030 last night to say he is moving today to the 3/4 way house, he said they "puked" him from the 1/2 way house. He will more than likely stay there for another 6 months. So he is happy. Me, I don't really care. He keeps saying we can now start doing all these things like marriage cou...

Overcome · Overcome

Boundaries was a topic at this mornings MIP meeting. Boy am I glad. I am really needing it this evening. My ex-husband and my daughter's father, and his father (the alcoholic and perpetrator of sex abuse to his son) are currently on the way to my house. I have told both of them that they are NOT welcome her...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Well school is going good, it is hard and I am struggling in one of my classes, always has to be one! My kids are doing really well in school, my oldest is getting straight A's and her best friend moved in with us for a couple months and that is going great. My 6 year old daughter is doing so much better than las...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

AH is upset I didn't invite him to daughters birthday party last weekend. I think that's why he is acting so awful. I posted already about bday party issues. So here comes the verbal abuse. I went to the house yesterday and texted him before I left...so he knew we were coming over so daughter could work w...

cloudyskies · cloudyskies

I don't understand only a few days ago I was feeling such freedom. The burden of living with an alcoholic was almost nonexistent, and today I'm feeling so depressed. Nothing has changed as far as my ah. He struggles to control it and is drinking about 1/4 of what he used to. This depression seems to have s...

missmeliss · missmeliss

So, A is being a total, complete and utter tool. That's not really important or surprising (it's actually good, he is making it so easy to not like him. It really feels like the guy i loved and this guy are 2 completely different human beings. The one I loved is in a coma and may never come out. This parody of...

aquamom23 · aquamom23

Hello all, I'm new here. Funnily enough, I logged in and discovered the draft post I had written almost two weeks ago. Gee, my mind was racing and tired. I am glad I found this board, as attending face to face meetings is all but impossible for me. I have no babysitters. Its been a long long time sinc...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Trying to Follow Al Anon Rules (Preview) I've been trying to follow the list of Al Anon Do's and Don'ts and am unsure what to do in the current situation. My alcoholic daughter moved out of our house a little over 2 weeks ago, leaving her husband behind still living at our house. When she left she only took her backpack, dog, purse and a small pl...	vm54	1	360	Oct 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	I jumped right up. (Preview) Hi all - I've posted on here before about an extremely unhealthy relationship I had with my ex who is an alcoholic. I did everything for him and he was still a sack of s*** (cheating, lies, whatever). Anyway, we broke up a while ago. He text me this morning about coming to see office space I had offered him b...	Forgiveness82	2	274	Oct 6, 2014 by hotrod
	Watching my codependence swing into action.. (Preview) Really struck by my own feelings and how easily they can regress given the right triggers. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving forward and feeling a lot more positive about it now that a lot of the junk has been cleared from my house, and more options are opening up for me too. But over the weekend A went off to a...	missmeliss	5	433	Oct 6, 2014 by el-cee
	Settling (Preview) This topic has been a big challenge for me in relationships and throughout the rest of my life. When I entered into recovery, it occurred to me that I had always settled for less than I wanted out of life. I settled for relationships that didn't work and that made me unhappy. I settled for jobs that wer...	pinkchip	23	737	Oct 6, 2014 by ClearTheFog
	How do I get a handle on anger and resentment? (Preview) I am just beginning the process of getting myself to a better place with my decision to leave my AH. I think the most difficult thing I am having trouble with is I can't seem to step back from my anger. It's almost like I am justifying it to myself that I have every right to be angry after all that I have let my A...	kris4242	7	777	Oct 6, 2014 by grateful2be
	Yesterday I had answers today none. (Preview) Yesterday I started to talk to some one in line and they came right out and said I'm recovering alcholic . I said well nice to meet you thank you for being honest with me and your self . So since we had something in common already we started to talk about how alchol ruined our lives . Well he started to talk abo...	Wisdom67	5	478	Oct 6, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Withdraws (Preview) Ok now I'm going into what I call relationship withdraws and withdraws from being with a man I fell in love with and all the good times we had yrs of it to this nothing .wow what a roller coaster ride this time that I just jumped off from .i feel like I'm on the wagon like someone said my addictions are relatio...	lookingup	7	407	Oct 6, 2014 by lookingup
	Need suggestions. (Preview) I'm looking for inspiration, strength, something to get me headed in the right direction. I know all the right answers but actually following through is more difficult than it seems. I do not want to lose my husband but I also do not want to lose myself. I want to live my life, be happy, move ahead and...	JustLea	5	308	Oct 5, 2014 by Addie L
	I have a problem with time limits! (Preview) I just pay too much attention to the time it's taking me to get it, not only that then I can forget I actually got it and thats where reminders come in, other peoples, I am sooooooooooooo hard on myself most times always wanting to be independent always wanting things to end on a good note, I forget I am only...	Katy	4	441	Oct 5, 2014 by cloudyskies
	The purge. (Preview) Had a surprisingly good day yesterday, just packing packing packing and purging...the garage is almost empty. It's hard to believe. We got all of the rubbish out in one gigantic trailer-load and I have to say throwing it all down into the pit was sooooo satisfying. Videos...like I'm ever going to wat...	missmeliss	6	378	Oct 5, 2014 by Newlife girl
	hi! I'm new :) (Preview) hello! I'm Fairlee. Married 19 years to a great guy, if it wasn't for his alcohol addiction. He has been a heavy drinker as long as I have known him, but things are starting to progress in a very negative direction, affecting our livelihood (which he denies...we are self-employed, which makes his drin...	Fairlee	9	652	Oct 5, 2014 by LiveLaughLove
	Sharing an eye-opening suggestion... (Preview) Note to self...NEVER assign a specific iPhone pre-loaded text/ring tone to your significant other. Ive learned my lesson-LOL. Although we split quite some time ago, it's amazing how I still react to this. I was in a meeting the other day and someone kept getting text message alerts with the same t...	LiveLaughLove	5	385	Oct 5, 2014 by LiveLaughLove
	Business Meeting tonight to follow regular meeting (Preview) Please be there so you can help make a difference! Tricia	Tricia911	1	223	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Dislike vs Acceptance (Preview) Thought I would start a separate topic of discussion instead of posing this onto someone's similar topic, do not want to take away from their discussion!! Was wondering about acceptance and disliking the situation at the same t...	Debb	12	620	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Alcoholism and domestic abuse (Preview) Hi. Just wondering if alcoholism goes hand and hand with domestic abuse/name calling/harassement etc or this is down to the individual's personality? My STBXH's drinking bothers me a lot but if he was a quiet/passive/tame drunk I think I would stay in the relationship albeit unhappy. It is the lac...	Luiza	9	650	Oct 5, 2014 by grateful2be
	Sunday Morning MIP Chat room Spiritual Meeting (Preview) I'm BACKkkkkk! I will be doing the Sunday morning Spiritual Meetings again, we will just wing it this morning; but starting next Sunday morning I should have my scripts back up and running (I hope) and we will start on Chapter 3, of Having had a Spiritual Awaking; which to the best of my knowledge is wher...	Overcome	0	223	Oct 5, 2014 by Overcome
	Suicide, Mental Hospital, and Alcoholics (Preview) Hi Everyone, I am new here and am joining after a very hard week. As a bit of background, my husband has a sister and mother who are alcoholics and they live several states away. His sister has a niece who we are now caring for. I will call her Suzy for sake of anonymnimity. Suzy has been abused all of he...	enonymous	11	597	Oct 5, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Re: Told I'm game playing ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I'm pretty new to MIP. I've been working hard on Step 1 and Step 2 but I keep running into the same problem with my active alcoholic partner that he is getting angry with me making changes to how I relate to him in our relationship and he keeps saying that I am just game playing. How do I get him to take what I am...	rainbow	40	2491	Oct 5, 2014 by PP
	The fun begins. (Preview) Parents came today to help me patch up the damage here, pack stuff, nothing has worked out in any way house-wise so, daughter and I are moving in with them for lack of any alternatives whatsoever. It's not an outcome I would have asked for. Ever. Of course I am grateful that we have a safe place to go but it i...	missmeliss	11	635	Oct 5, 2014 by in_recovery
	My old girl got bit! (Preview) Daisy, our oldest dog, was bit by our neighbor's dog on Friday. We just moved to a new house, and have already had problems with one of their dogs, Coda. Coda is old, and has very bad hip dysplasia and should last another 6 months. or so. But in the meantime she's on steroids and oxycodone, and is stoned...	KennyFenderjazz	30	924	Oct 5, 2014 by rainbow
	I miss Tom. (Preview) I clicked on a new thread and saw his picture came up and I was so excited. And Maresie and Jen and another one or two I remember from back in the day. Thom was such a help to so many. It was a comfort every time he posted. It was a comfort once when he removed one of my posts, just to know he was watching. I won...	Temple	7	414	Oct 4, 2014 by Debilyn
	Pushy Sponsors (Preview) Hi again, I have just got a sponsor, but did not pick her she asked me if I would like her to be my sponsor and because we drive to the meetings together I thought why not. Now that she is my sponsor she has turned in to a very pushy person and is always asking me about my husband who is the alcoholic. She is tr...	Bothered	8	1141	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	He bonded himself out (Preview) Yesterday he bonded himself out of jail by putting his car title up bond was set at 500 bondsman dropped him off at my driveway he came walking in scared me to death took me by surprise he always has tricks up his sleeve which is scary I've always called him the master mind he can figure out anything and I me...	lookingup	7	534	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	Resentment, honesty, and fear (Preview) Hi all, I've been working through Blueprint for Recovery as part of my 4th step. It's such a great, eye-opening exercise to address all these topics--from money, to intimacy, to responsibilities--and to literally take an inventory. I've found so much good in myself, and also so many areas that need...	NL14	15	1041	Oct 4, 2014 by grateful2be
	Holy crap, how did we get here? (Preview) i haven't been here in awhile, but I'd still been using the AlAnon tools. Looking after myself, not getting involved in anything that made the crazy-brain start, letting go. Usual stuff, and things were going well. On Monday, my AH looked me in the face and said, 'I'm done. No more drinking.' I was...	SpiderArcana	4	338	Oct 4, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	Heartbroken (Preview) I wrote my AH a letter today. I have not been able to talk to him. He's never sober anymore. I have to make a boundary. This has been very hard for me. I found out (looked at phone records) that he is still communicating with other woman. This makes me so sad. Just had our anniversary a week ago. I tho...	Hullibee	32	720	Oct 4, 2014 by Hullibee
	Sarcasm, silencing, shunning, scorn ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Recently, I spent some time with some folks who I've known for a long while. My experience with most of them was a pleasant one. One of the group, however, uses sarcasm to express scorn, attempts to silence or tunes out to what is being said for reasons of his own. I can only wonder if alcoholism has pl...	grateful2be	46	1279	Oct 4, 2014 by Debb
	Kids.. dos and donts (Preview) I am very new to this program, so I am just starting to learn. I have been listening to the alanon speakers on YouTube, reading books, going to f2f and MIP. So I am really getting confused as to what is the right behavior towards them and where my responsibility ends. Is there a good book or another source t...	Venera	6	482	Oct 3, 2014 by hotrod
	He is all packed up. (Preview) STBX has no place to go to, but he is packing everything up. All the plates, cutlery, pots and pans...cups and glasses...I don't know how I am going to use the kitchen tomorrow. I really don't have time (and money) to go and buy a whole household stuff but I will have to sort something out immediately. Tha...	Luiza	17	637	Oct 3, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Working things out (in my mind .. LOL) (Preview) Not with him .. LOL! I just wanted to clarify that part of the deal. I'm so grateful I know I would not go back if I was paid to go back. That decision has been solidified in my mind, heart and soul. I would never want to go back to that kind of abuse again. I have really positive news I will have to wait to s...	SerenityRUS	5	504	Oct 3, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Scared out of wits (Preview) As you prolly have figured out by me not posting in such a long time and being the ultimate codependent that I am that yes I did take x ab back into my home,now to fill y'all in on the rest of what's happened bf went to work so he said stayed gone out of town for 2days would call me one time a day to say hi and that th...	lookingup	11	628	Oct 3, 2014 by PP
	why can't I just do what I want?(sorry long) (Preview) Well the need for attention is not present today...I am just grateful for friends & family & how much I need them & they need me. I am often asked for my opinion & it really matters to people. I don't have to put on "airs" anymore. The program has taught me how to better deal w/ p...	Hoot Nanny	3	524	Oct 3, 2014 by DavidG
	What he says hurts (Preview) I still need to grow a thicker skin. AH has a tone of voice with me that's hard to hear. He just can't be polite and civil. he hangs up on me a lot even when I am just talking about daughter and her schedule. So I asked him to please sound better in front of daughter and he says "why do you suddenly want to be...	Newlife girl	8	509	Oct 3, 2014 by Mirandac
	I wonder if this has ever happened. (Preview) I never did climb on DDH about his drinking back in the day, because he didn't do it very often for the longest time, and when he did, he was able to drive well enough to fool me, and he was very happy and wasn't abusive and I didn't realize for 14 years that he was an alcoholic. (Duh) A few times I did try to exp...	Temple	20	540	Oct 3, 2014 by Temple
	If we teach people how to treat us, I'm satified with how I responded this week anyway (Preview) I've been having some interesting experiences this week that tested my boundaries and worth. I've been assigned to a new team at work. Two members on the team well.. there is no other way to say it but than to just say it.. each of them is their own universe. One of them is the head of the team and enjoys em...	tiredtonite	5	409	Oct 3, 2014 by Temple
	Having trouble with a terrible defect (Preview) I'm struggling with this and don't know which program tools to use to dig myself out of this hole. I'm so overwhelmed I can't see straight and would appreciate some ESH. Because my XAH is so incapable, raising our child has fallen to me. My XAH pays no childcare (I might be able to get a court order for a s...	Mattie	13	531	Oct 2, 2014 by Debilyn
	"He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart" (Preview) Love this quote really helped me today hope it helps you too. :)	Sean_82	4	508	Oct 2, 2014 by Luiza
	Confused I want to leave him but have doubts (Preview) My husband is alcholic who is in denial..... I'm tired angry and soooo confused. How have I let him control my everything when his sad I'm sad when he is happy im happy and im scared of the damage to our girls mentally emotionally I want to scream and shout and walk out with my girls and never see him again bu...	No more	7	587	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Ok So I am New Here.... (Preview) Hello All! I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I am the mom of three awesome little men, and currently married to an alcoholic. I have finally reached a point where I really do not know what to do any more. I can no longer continue in the cycle and hear the lies and deal with the broken promis...	Courtney	9	471	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	guilt about divorce (Preview) UGH--last night my AH and I met with a lawyer--trying to move forward amicably which is a relief (as long as he doesn't suddenly go back on his word or change his mind). My AH cried and was really upset...I have been focusing SO much on how he is cleaning me out financially (I'm the one who makes literally A...	sookie	11	721	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Help and Advice Needed (Preview) Hey all, lately I have gotten calls from family members on wanting to know how to stop or how to manage their loved one's disease or how to "take care" of a loved one that is coming from recovery treatment. Usually I can suggest going to a meeting or two with me, or refer to them to this board. My A...	Flower49	1	227	Oct 2, 2014 by grateful2be
	You know when .. (Preview) You know when you think ok .. this is ok it's going to get better and everything is fine. Apparently I have some lessons to learn in that area because Verna's post about not being mad got me thinking .. LOL .. Ohhh I'm angry today. It's ok because it's going to pass, .. I kind of think I'm more afraid than I a...	SerenityRUS	14	573	Oct 2, 2014 by bud
	Rant. Should really stop the habit of helping/rescuing people. (Preview) So I have this neighbour who used to be my client. She is a bit helpless and I am used to help her a lot with pretty much every aspect of her life, however she is seldom "there" for me, lets me down a lot...that is fine. She is a lovely person and I like her a lot, I know she is disorganised and all over...	Luiza	7	560	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Don't should on me... my rant! (Preview) I am unsure why this bothers me and I know to take what I like and leave the rest. I am trying to go back and read and catch up, I am seeing lots of advice giving and shoulding on people. I am pretty sure I have learned a lot in my years of al-anon and a big lesson was if I had it all figured out I wouldn't be here in th...	Breakingfree	12	743	Oct 2, 2014 by bud
	If you could... (Preview) If you could recommend only 1 book... which would it be?	deramam	12	576	Oct 2, 2014 by Breakingfree
	back on the recovery wagon. (Preview) well. Its been a mental weekend. Complete with a messy house which I hate and find so much harder to clean with an emotional hangover. Today I have finally worked out the est time conversion for online meetings,now that I have replaced my phone. The old one died after I threw it at the ground because my co...	aquamom23	8	512	Oct 1, 2014 by bud
	"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle all my probelms at once." (Preview) Hi all I had a terrible morning of self doubt and worry about where my life and marriage would go, but after reading this "Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle all my problems at once." I realise that I had fallen into a deep dark hole, it can often happen so quickly t...	Sean_82	8	505	Oct 1, 2014 by bud
	right or wrong? (Preview) My exah has had a bad accident and is basically disabled and housebound for the next few months. So, my kids have actually made me very proud,they have been taking turns in looking after him. Anyway, I decided to phone him and tell him im thinking of him and if I can help to phone me. My kids have been gettin...	el-cee	32	826	Oct 1, 2014 by bud
	Brand new to it all... (Preview) My fiance has a drinking problem. He will admit it but thats as far as he will go. He says he wants help, but he says he has it under control. I love him very much. We have been together for a year and a half, and plan to marry next spring. I just dont know how to feel, what to say or do. He has lost jobs and hides it w...	shellbell77	3	225	Oct 1, 2014 by Southerngirl
	How do I Leave Him? (Preview) I have been married to my AH husband for almost 20 years. I have known for a long time that it will not work...I can't fix him. And he doesn't want to fix himself. Of course the problem that is killing me is "How do I leave this man I love so much?". I have been protecting him. And all that seems to ha...	kris4242	23	665	Oct 1, 2014 by kris4242
	I guess I just want attenion... (Preview) I am struggling today w/ the fact that I just want attention. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat that doesn't get her way. I am old enough now that I shouldn't suffer from this malady or make others suffer either. So, I beg for extra attention on here to. I want you all to listen to be & make me feel bett...	Hoot Nanny	4	424	Oct 1, 2014 by Debilyn
	Dwi... Please some good thoughts!(( (Preview) Got a phone call from jail last night from my husband asking to get him. He was asking me to go get him and he was acting mad at me. I actually went there with a baby at 1am (didn't want to do it the next say and miss job). But the officer told me that his bond amount wasn't released and I couldn't take him yet, so I...	Venera	14	3226	Sep 30, 2014 by pinkchip
	This is a moan about A and his behaviour in our final days. Sorry, some whinging and sarcasm contained within... (Preview) So this really is it. 2 weeks to be out of here. A keeps trying to hook me into finding a place for all of us to live...but in essence he is behaving like a 12 year old who is cross that mummy is making him move house when he doesn't wanna. There is no adult contribution whatsoever; he looks up places on the inte...	missmeliss	37	691	Sep 30, 2014 by pinkchip
	Moving to 3/4 way house (Preview) My AH called at 1030 last night to say he is moving today to the 3/4 way house, he said they "puked" him from the 1/2 way house. He will more than likely stay there for another 6 months. So he is happy. Me, I don't really care. He keeps saying we can now start doing all these things like marriage cou...	Flower49	11	582	Sep 30, 2014 by Newlife girl
	Boundaries (Preview) Boundaries was a topic at this mornings MIP meeting. Boy am I glad. I am really needing it this evening. My ex-husband and my daughter's father, and his father (the alcoholic and perpetrator of sex abuse to his son) are currently on the way to my house. I have told both of them that they are NOT welcome her...	Overcome	10	546	Sep 30, 2014 by Overcome
	Update on me and the going ons in my life with recovery! (Preview) Well school is going good, it is hard and I am struggling in one of my classes, always has to be one! My kids are doing really well in school, my oldest is getting straight A's and her best friend moved in with us for a couple months and that is going great. My 6 year old daughter is doing so much better than las...	Breakingfree	8	494	Sep 30, 2014 by PP
	Tools to cope with verbal abuse (Preview) AH is upset I didn't invite him to daughters birthday party last weekend. I think that's why he is acting so awful. I posted already about bday party issues. So here comes the verbal abuse. I went to the house yesterday and texted him before I left...so he knew we were coming over so daughter could work w...	Newlife girl	16	547	Sep 30, 2014 by hotrod
	feeling such freedom then depression (Preview) I don't understand only a few days ago I was feeling such freedom. The burden of living with an alcoholic was almost nonexistent, and today I'm feeling so depressed. Nothing has changed as far as my ah. He struggles to control it and is drinking about 1/4 of what he used to. This depression seems to have s...	cloudyskies	21	545	Sep 30, 2014 by milkwood
	....and a house, maybe... (Preview) So, A is being a total, complete and utter tool. That's not really important or surprising (it's actually good, he is making it so easy to not like him. It really feels like the guy i loved and this guy are 2 completely different human beings. The one I loved is in a coma and may never come out. This parody of...	missmeliss	10	502	Sep 30, 2014 by el-cee
	new here but not to the dis-ease: hi everyone. (Preview) Hello all, I'm new here. Funnily enough, I logged in and discovered the draft post I had written almost two weeks ago. Gee, my mind was racing and tired. I am glad I found this board, as attending face to face meetings is all but impossible for me. I have no babysitters. Its been a long long time sinc...	aquamom23	8	489	Sep 30, 2014 by el-cee
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.