The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
well. Its been a mental weekend. Complete with a messy house which I hate and find so much harder to clean with an emotional hangover. Today I have finally worked out the est time conversion for online meetings,now that I have replaced my phone. The old one died after I threw it at the ground because my controling manipulation tactics failed to produce results.ie my twenty phone calls went unanswered.take that phone which cant make the other party answer!today I have made a tangible plan.i need a Meeting and will attend it in the chatroom.I will take it one day at a time,first things first.anybody else got some sanity slogans,affirmations,specifically to do with letting go of anger and the need to control?
And also,how/with what do I answer the needy insistent little voice which asks but why? Its so hard to live with an active addict and not go nuts. Healthy strategies appreciated.whats worked for you? I want to feel good again! Boundaries. How do you have boundaries with an active addict? Examples?
Hi aqua. I will tell you what happened with me. I was in al anon for almost a year when I decided to leave my AH. I have a sponsor and I go to meetings and read al anon literature. I also go to a divorce support group. While I lived with my AH I realized nothing I could do would change him. I set boundaries that were broken time and again. If you set a boundary, it's important to stick with it. Don't make threats you can't carry out. In al anon we share our experiences. Everyone is different. I had reached a limit and decided I couldn't live with an alcoholic.
Another great post, you are half way there in your journey with that honesty, clarity and courage to see yourself as is. denial is a powerful symptom that is very hard, near impossible to get through, I think. You seem to have discarded that symptom which suggests your mind is wide open, ready to be filled with the good stuff.
The first thing I would do is buy or download some literature. My favourites are the just for today card, detachment leaflet, courage to change daily reader as well as one day at a time. listen to the podcasts. Learn to use the slogans. Sorry, im bombarding you here. Alanon is a program for us the obsessive codependants, it teaches us to think in a new way that offers us freedom from our symptoms.
-- Edited by el-cee on Tuesday 30th of September 2014 01:51:27 AM
thank you newlife girl and elcee. I love the calmness with which you speak newlife as you patiently describe what's worked for you. It made me think about how for me in my situation,not making boundaries which cant be enforced,is a boundary too. Because when I knowingly set something that I know will fail,it actually causes me to violate self,and others.this leads me to acceptance,not of the abuse,but of the disease,over which I have no control. Its a beginning of seperatibg out my s@#t from another's,in this case the latest addict in my life.the path ahead becomes a bit clearer,and I take comfort from knowing that there is no way to rush myself back to health,iits a process of internal steps.so thankyou newlife foe sharing your experience.el cee,I envy your health in a wonderful way.it clarifies my goal was of getting well.i need f2f,and I know that if I do my part,hp will step in and do his.there will be a way for me to get to those meetings.i just know it. This board in the meantime is my touchstone and I just thank everyone here at all the stages.im not crazy,I'm not alone and health is possible.
Hi aquamom. I understand about the phone problem. I broke mine when I threw it against a wall. I also knocked a hole in the wall. All of this happened before I found Al-anon. Courage to Change is also excellent Al-anon approved literature. One of my favorite slogans is "Let go and Let God." I live with an active alcoholic so the slogan "just for today" is also one of my favorites. I have the twelve steps, slogans, the three Cs, and the Serenity Prayer posted on my hall wall as constant reminders. You are not alone, and I'm glad you are here.
Keep coming back. Take care of you.
It works if you work it.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Well. You know every time I think a secret is too crazy to tell anyone I hear the same story from someone in al-anon. My stepdad is coming to help patch up damage in my home this weekend. Most of it is A's but there's a hole in the wall that I made after trying to have a conversation with him... thought I was crazy for having gotten so angry I put a hole in the wall. Turns out I'm not alone
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
yep.lifes too short for this type of crap.I read something reassuring by rice drew, it said very few people could stay sane in your home.that just leapt out at me and put peace in my heart.i love when you find exactly what you need! I'm gonna remind myself this every time I feel angry which in my case leads to adapting to Rome!bugger Rome,I say.it is but an observational temporary pit stop on the way to good health!
(((Aquamom))) I understand completely and you're not alone. Alanon has taught me to set boundaries for myself rather than for others. This way boundaries can be enforced so that I feel safe and sane. It takes practice and I'm still practicing. I ask other Alanoners for feedback of a boundary redo when they're not as effective as I would like them to be.
