The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is alcholic who is in denial..... I'm tired angry and soooo confused. How have I let him control my everything when his sad I'm sad when he is happy im happy and im scared of the damage to our girls mentally emotionally I want to scream and shout and walk out with my girls and never see him again but I can't every time I think I'm ready I can't bring myself to leave forever... I feel so alone and ashamed that I can't just walk away
Hi. There is an option that won't require that you leave him when it appears you're really not ready to leave him and that is to attend Al-Anon meetings for friends and family members who are troubled by their loved ones' drinking. We suggest attendance for at least 6 different meetings before you decide if Al-Anon is for you. Al-Anon also suggests that you don't make any major changes (except in the case of domestic abuse or any other type of life threatening threat) for at least 6 months after you begin to work the program. There is help and hope in the program for people who feel like you feel right now. I highly suggest attending face to face meetings in Al-Anon for you. Come back here, too.
Dear no more, welcome to MIP . I can so identify with the confusion, sadness and uncertainty of which you speak. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease that affects everybody that comes in contact with it. AA is a recovery program for the alcoholic who drinks, and Al-Anon is a healthy recovery program for the family. Living with the disease of alcoholism I completely lost my ability to make healthy choices for myself and my family. I was so focused on stopping his drinking and taking care of his feelings I made mine invisible and became increasingly angry and frustrated as a result.
Al-Anon has face-to-face meetings in most communities and, as been suggested already, attendance at these meetings is a true gift. It is here that I broke the isolation caused by living in the insanity of alcoholism, connected with others who truly understood, and was given healthy tools to live by. Learning how to keep the focus on myself, living one day at a time, sharing my concerns with others, being heard and trusting in the goodness of the universe all helped to restore my self-esteem and self-worth.
If you are unable to find face-to-face meetings we have online meetings here twice a day and they are great.
Nomore I so relate to "when he's sad I'm sad, when he's happy I'm happy". I lived like that for years, a complete slave to his emotions and whims. One of the best gifts I have received is the ability to feel my own happiness, sadness etc when it's appropriate and right for me regardless of what A is doing or appearing to feel. It's liberating and wonderful and doesn't mean I don't care about him, just that he doesn't control my emotions anymore.
Stick around, and go to face to face al-anon meetings if you can, it sounds like you will be in good company
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Welcome to MIP Nomore, there are lots of us who understand those difficult feelings because we have felt them ourselves.
It is possible to take care of yourself and your girls and move your focus away from the negativity of living with an alcoholic and, in my experience, learning to do that can be, as missmeliss says, liberating and even enjoyable.
Please gentle with yourself, living with an alcoholic is very very difficult and you have nothing to feel ashamed of, in fact what you are feeling is incredibly normal (albeit unhelpful.
I do hope that you can get to a face to face meeting, I remember feeling welcomed and loved at my first meeting. You will discover that you are not alone. It is good to have you with us. Sending restorative ((((hugs)))) for you and your girls.
I am glad you found us living with this disease is too much for most of us I was very lonely and hurt when I found al anon.
Al anon is my medicine. I still have bad days but many many more happy days, al anon loved me till I learnt to love myself.
Al anon meetings provide a safe place where you will not be judged or told what to do. The people in the room all do or have loved an alcoholic they understand.
I hope you try some meeting and keep coming on here.
Yes, I know those feelings so well. I've always allowed the emotions of the people around me to determine my own, and it's only through Al-Anon that I've recognized this. I've also felt (am still feeling) the whirlwind of conflicting feelings about my marriage. It is truly exhausting.
Al-anon really can help you look at yourself and start to heal yourself. And as you do, you'll be stronger--better able to see your situation clearly. And then you'll be able to make a considered decision that's best for you and your girls. Whatever it might be.
Try some F2F meetings; they're hugely helpful. And this site is a Godsend. Good luck and keep coming back.
I too used to let my exAH's emotions rule mine. Al-anon face to face meetings, reading the literature and finding my sponsor helped me to find myself within and now I am a strong woman. I hope you keep coming back, because you are worth it!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
