Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

david62 · david62

((((Family)))) The last 4 weeks have been very "intense" for me. During that time three people I know have died suddenly and unexpectedly. Two of these were program friends and one is someone I have sat next to in meetings at work once a week for the last year. I just returned home from a memor...

round3 · round3

Part of me knows the answer to the question, "Do I belong here?", but part of me wonders. My step-dad is a recovering alcoholic with 26 years sobriety. But that sobriety didn't begin until I had lived in the home with him for 7 years - which was ALL of my teenage years. It wasn't an abusive ho...

Codependent · Codependent

What is the difference between sober and dry?

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((((((Family))))))))), Just wanted to take a few moments to wish all of you a very blessed and lovely holiday (which ever one you celebrate). Merry Christmas, Happy Kwansa, Happy New Year and all the love and blessings I have. I hold each and everyone of you close in my heart. When things settle...

texasproud2005 · texasproud2005

The A has been gone for two weeks now. I finally quit worrying that he was going to show back up here in the middle of the night. He started calling me a little over a week ago. He's been living in the car, working day labor. When he saves enough, he gets a motel room for the night. He's buddied up with ano...

Peggy7 · Peggy7

The Awakening~~ A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blin...

Chetch · Chetch

Hi friends, I really need to vent. In the past two months my AH has spent a week in a locked detox facility, gotten a DUI, with blood alcohol of about.27, trial upcoming. He went into detox after I told him I was filing for divorce. He is supposed to be getting into an alcohol treatment program for court...

Codependent · Codependent

First, one can obviously see that I am alone on a Friday night by my many posts. The post about weakness and kindness triggered some introspection in me. I think it is possible that the reason that I am willing to trady my serenity for his chaos and rejection is because I actually love him more than I love...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Please accept my sincere apologies, it was never my intention to cause dissension or disharmony within this valued 'family'. I am deeply distressed to think that I have done so quite inadvertantly. I am sorry too if my reaction and responses were inappropriate. Having lived with a great deal of re...

Hopeless in AZ · Hopeless in AZ

about seperating my feelings for my dad and his alcoholism. I didn't think it was possible but I'm trying. My dad came to stay with us a few weeks ago, coincidently my husband was planning a trip with his best friend back to their home town in Mexico and invited my dad to join them. I didn't think it was...

binohio · binohio

Hi to all. I think this is my third post. I havent been here in awhile. During this time I have been attending many meetings. Seems to be the only way to get through the days. Lately I have been reading many of the postings. So much of what is said hits home for me. Sort of like you all saying what I havent be...

debilyn · debilyn

I am a real believer in individual beliefs and opinions. I do however, want to request a couple things that in my experience, have helped our board be as successful as it is. If someone has a disagreement with another member, be it a moderator. sister or brother in alanon, please take it to that person in...

Loupiness · Loupiness

While driving in the car today, I shared with my teenage son that I heard that the number 7 meant "completion" and number 8 meant "new beginnings". Admittedly, I decided not to check the validity of this fact because I want to believe it. I like the number reference as it pertai...

Peggy7 · Peggy7

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict...

maresie · maresie

The library where I go to use the computer will be shut for the next few days. If need be I can go to kinkos and pay if I have a burning desire to connect so I am not totally at sea. One of my goals is to go to a face to face meeting if I can squeeze in the time. I have downloaded the schedule and will make at least o...

serendipity · serendipity

This past summer we had a death in the family. It was my best friend's daughter and my daughter's best friend. She was 4 and drown while in the care of my mother and with my 2 youngest right there. I still don't have all the details. If I have heard them I have blocked them out. We have all been doing grief coun...

kissers · kissers

My grandfather died this month several years ago. He was always working and drinking with his friends. I didn't see him much and he left my grandmother with 3 children to raise on her own with no monetary help. He remarried and I remember flying out to visit them. I couldn't understand why my stepgrandm...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I need to go back. I have been so lucky. I have been going to grad school in Hawaii and I will be finished at the end of the coming semester. I have lots and lots of options but I have to keep my side of the street clean so I need to go back to my AH and take care of some "stuff". I do not know if we ar...

lilms · lilms

((((MIP Family)))))) Just a quick update. We almost lost her on November 23rd, she was in hospital for 11 days and has been dry since that time. Definitely not sober but dry. She enters rehab in 20 days. We are hoping for the best and cannot wait to have those few weeks of peace were it feels like we wil...

zen78 · zen78

This is the first time for me to post here. I've been married to an A/drug addict for three years. He's been clean for some months and relapse big time. Well, it's happening right now. Everytime he relapse, I get so sad and depressed. I know that I need to work the 12 steps and take care of my happin...

debilyn · debilyn

Haven't been sleeping very well. Combo of stuff I guess. Nothing awful at all. just old lady pains....probably too many cats on my bed... I have been desiring calling the A. Just to see him. I just cannot stand not seeing him at all.I don't want anything from him either. It is only his shell anyway. It is s...

afglin · afglin

We got a shockling phone call Thursday. My husband got a call from a lady. She asked him a few questions and said..you are my father and I'd love to meet you. She said she has a husband and kids and he made arrangements for all of us to meet in a few days at a restaurant. We are guessing she is about 41. This ha...

Codependent · Codependent

I haven't spoke to my A in almost a week- though I have thought of him often. Today I was having a moment a weakness and instead of calling him I decided to turn it over to my HP. I did this and went into work. When I got out I had a text from him asking if "I needed a friend?" I haven't responded. Now I...

Lexie · Lexie

((((((((((friends))))))))))))) Thank you to all who prayed for my son when he went before the board of pharmacy in an effort to get his Pharmacists license back. The outcome was not good, but I do know that God was in control none the less. There is a new board president who has instituted a new law in...

christmas card for all MIP Members · John

Happy Holidays to all Miracles In Progress Family Members! Lots of Love from Rose and John

canadianguy · canadianguy

Hi group... Please refrain from using religion or other groupings that may have others feel like they may be judged and/or not included on the basis of their beliefs. Although this board is not formal "Al-Anon", we do, in fact, welcome everyone from every walk of life, and it is inapprop...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

or so the saying goes and with that in mind I think I should try to write down what is troubling me. So (((family))), I have been getting on with life for myself these last couple of days and making plans for the holidays, which seem to loom ever bigger on the horizon. Today, just I had made my plans and accep...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((Friends)))), Oh my goodness, I can actually say (and mean) I feel good today!!!!! What a great feeling! I left work today a few hours early and as I was driving away, I thought wow, I don't have a paper due this week, I don't have to study, I don't have homework, I finished my finals. I actually can rel...

souljoy · souljoy

I have been learning a lot about how to detach, how to take care of me, and mostly how to redirect my mind to more important issues instead of thinking about how it would affect the A in my life. It dawned on me a while ago that the A is the one who is sick and does not think one dang bit about me. So why do I give him...

whatnow · whatnow

I've always heard the saying, "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." Is this really the case? My AH was drunk last night and I caught him in a lie. When I called him on it he got furious and said how dare I call him a liar and he couldn't lieve with someone who thought he was a liar. Th...

loves2read · loves2read

Guess he's feeling a bit threatened about my distancing. I get a call and he's all sweet, apologizing again for being an ass and wants to know if I want to make a deal. His offer was that he'd stay sober all work week if I would allow him to drink what he wants on his days off. What?! I simply stated I'm not...

Peggy7 · Peggy7

The Awakening~~ A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a bl...

optimistundone · optimistundone

I have quit obsessing about where I am going to be 6 months from now, a year from now. All I can do is deal with today. So much time wasted obsessing about where AH's addiction was going....what is was going to do to me. Today the sun is shining. I wrote for an hour this morning. I was able to attend half o...

Euoria · Euoria

This post will be brief; I'm out of words...for a change. "Holiday," in most European countries means vacation. I intend to "celebrate the Holidays" by taking a Holiday, that is, a vacation. A vacation from myself, my obsessions, and most of all, my thinking. I'm going t...

Codependent · Codependent

You all have been so kind and supportive in responding to my posts that thought I should share a little about myself. I am 31 years old, single,and the mother of a 3 and a half year old. I have a twin sister and we are the product of an alcoholic and a drug addict. My mother passed away about 6 years ago from al...

Codependent · Codependent

I find that I can detach easier and establish boundaries when I think on the things about A that have hurt me, etc. However, when I allow myself to "care" about A I find I start to lose these boundaries, etc. Does anyone have insight into how we can forgive and yet stay detached?

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I was thinking this morning about how I wish that I could just be nice to the A, be kind to him but it seems that every time I acknowledge him he takes my kindness for weakness. He sees every act of kindness as an opening to try to come back into my life. Each time I talk to him or reply to an email I get escalati...

tryingtoheal · tryingtoheal

Maybe it's the season or maybe it's because I found you a year ago but I've been somewhat introspective this week, reading my past posts over the last few days. I've read how much pain I was in and what a source of comfort you all were to me. Because of my job I didn't feel like I could go to f2f meetings, my f...

kissers · kissers

I have been asked by the director where I work to perform a function that will make our company look bigger than it actually is. I told him that I do not feel comfortable doing so. It feels very deceptive to me. He told me that, that is the way it is going to be. Do I have too much of a conscience??? Is this black...

maresie2 · maresie2

Thanksgiving was a disaster for me. I got pulled into stuff in the house I live in. I am determined not to do that this Christmas. The issue for me is that I have even more time off. For lots of reasons I was not able to get a part time job. I had a part time job that was time limited. That helped. For lots of re...

Jen · Jen

I have come to the realization that I have been putting off a couple of things for the last few days because I am afraid of the outcome. One is to contact the pastor of the church we hold my homegroup meeting at. I have to ask for the key and I guess I'm afraid he'll say no. The other thing is a customer that I nee...

bev · bev

hi everyone,just wanted to know if anyone else going to be spending christmas all alone..i mean alone with no kids no hubby no family{my SAH HAS TO WORK THAT DAY}he came home from work yesterday and told me he had to work christmas day,we had plans to go to his moms for christmas{she lives over an hour awa...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Maresie brought up the Kaufman triangle (thanks Maresie!). Please google it, its fascinating reading. Here is what I could find to counter the effects: its excellent food for thought as we all jump to all the corners when dealing with the A (at least I sure did). Enjoy- Healthy Skills for each Role P...

ddub · ddub

I found the following somewhere and read it often, sort of like tying a knot at the end of my rope to hold on better. "when we remember HP's faithfulness and his ability to bring good out of any situation, we find our fears calmed and our confidence renewed." Does it seem to anyone else that bef...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I think that the thing that wears on me the most is the constant "expecting the worst" attitude of the A's in my life. Nothing is OK. Everything is bad all the time. Each and every occurrence, phrase, situation, comment or idea is met with negativity and pessimism. I think this is what wears m...

Chetch · Chetch

Per my previous post, I just called my AH from my office and told him that I knew he was drinking last night and that I would have a lot more respect for him if he told me the truth. First he hemmed and hawwed, then said that he had had a piece of rum cake a lunch. I told him that was bull - that I could smell the al...

sara777 · sara777

Hi everyone- So, this is my second post here, and thank you all so much for being such an amazing resource and source of comfort. I went to my first f2f meeting a few nights ago, and it was really amazing and terrifying at the same time. It felt really safe, and I was so thankful to see that there are all o...

Leetle · Leetle

I am upset about something with my boyfriend who is my qualifier. I am having trouble seeing my part in it. This may seem trivial to some, but here goes.... I asked him to take two boxes and a tv to the shed in the backyard. I asked him about a week before my sister, her husband and my nephew were coming to s...

loves2read · loves2read

I am seething with anger and need to vent. Been sick with this Norwalk virus for a few days and am weak. My A is playing mind games again and it is making me very angry. A couple of days ago he accused me of faking my illness for attention. This was after the doctor diagnosed me. Yesterday he comes home f...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Last night I got another call from a bailbondsman. He says so he's a laborer right? and I say I don't know. He's silent for a minute and he says you're his wife and you don't know what he does? and I say we have been separated for about 15 months, I have no idea what he's doing. So he says, well I guess there...

loves2read · loves2read

Hi...I'm new here and am seeking support so I don't lose my mind. I've been in an on/off relationship with my A for almost a decade. My A comes from a household where the mother is the A and he is the only child. I'm an early 30s female living with chronic illness and I come from a family where my father was an a...

maresie · maresie

my two dogs are such happy dogs these days. They don't flinch, shake or shudder like they used to. There were plenty of days when they hid behind the sofa with the A screaming the place down. I felt absolutely dreadful then. After one year of the A putting them through homlessness, leaving them alone...

pogache · pogache

I have just joined this board, and I am so happy to have found it. I am the mother of 2 and step mother to 2, my Ex Husband is an A who still believes he doesnt have a problem. I covered his drinking as best I could and made excuses for years until I finally had enough last year and took the kids and left. My fav...

maresie · maresie

One of the key issues with the A was he was never able to be in reality. One of my core issues is that I find it hard to be where I am. Right now my goal is to try to get more stability in my life. I need a regular job with benefits. I need a more organized existence. I need support from people who can give it. I need...

Gailey · Gailey

Where are you???? Are you still here with us? Gail

ddub · ddub

my ah is well known in our location so folks know me that I don't know which made me pretty skitterish about going to al anon. Went out of town until I learned al anon was about me and confidentiality really does happen in al anon. Have run into a few acquaintenances at the local f2f mtgs but this week I w...

loves2read · loves2read

Just wondering how many others have had their A offer to go to Alanon with them? Mine has in the past and it makes me uncomfortable. He went with me to one meeting and after that I wanted to keep on going - but alone. He lied at the meeting, I didn't say anything but we both knew he was not telling the truth w...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

He's back in jail again. Merry Christmas... All I can say is that I'm glad it doesn't affect me like it did anymore. I don't have to rely on him for a paycheck and scramble to figure out how to bail him out before he loses his job, etc. The strange thing was that I found out by calls from bail bonds places. ...

MikeM · MikeM

hello forum, First of i apologize for a detailed story, but I dont know of any other way to get some answers. I am new, for i am seeking answers. My g/f has been sober for well over 40 days now. She has been taking Antabuse for the duriation of her sobriety. A few weeks ago, she consumed an unknown amou...

klm4446 · klm4446

I am reading a book that essentially says alcoholics have same problems that non-alcoholics do, anxieties, depressions, family and work issues etc; It goes on to say that the above is not what CAUSES an alcoholic to drink, that their disease causes them to drink then makes the aforementioned probl...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Sharing the losses (Preview) ((((Family)))) The last 4 weeks have been very "intense" for me. During that time three people I know have died suddenly and unexpectedly. Two of these were program friends and one is someone I have sat next to in meetings at work once a week for the last year. I just returned home from a memor...	david62	8	528	Dec 24, 2007 by Peggy7
	Do I belong here? (Preview) Part of me knows the answer to the question, "Do I belong here?", but part of me wonders. My step-dad is a recovering alcoholic with 26 years sobriety. But that sobriety didn't begin until I had lived in the home with him for 7 years - which was ALL of my teenage years. It wasn't an abusive ho...	round3	4	500	Dec 24, 2007 by round3
	Dry and Sober (Preview) What is the difference between sober and dry?	Codependent	3	1102	Dec 24, 2007 by NightWatcher
	Merry Christmas! (Preview) (((((((((Family))))))))), Just wanted to take a few moments to wish all of you a very blessed and lovely holiday (which ever one you celebrate). Merry Christmas, Happy Kwansa, Happy New Year and all the love and blessings I have. I hold each and everyone of you close in my heart. When things settle...	Karilynn	6	346	Dec 24, 2007 by NightWatcher
	Still going (Preview) The A has been gone for two weeks now. I finally quit worrying that he was going to show back up here in the middle of the night. He started calling me a little over a week ago. He's been living in the car, working day labor. When he saves enough, he gets a motel room for the night. He's buddied up with ano...	texasproud2005	4	330	Dec 24, 2007 by NightWatcher
	The Awakening!! (Preview) The Awakening~~ A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blin...	Peggy7	7	445	Dec 24, 2007 by NightWatcher
	Hiding his drinking (Preview) Hi friends, I really need to vent. In the past two months my AH has spent a week in a locked detox facility, gotten a DUI, with blood alcohol of about.27, trial upcoming. He went into detox after I told him I was filing for divorce. He is supposed to be getting into an alcohol treatment program for court...	Chetch	4	1460	Dec 23, 2007 by jkiss03
	When you love your A more than yourself... (Preview) First, one can obviously see that I am alone on a Friday night by my many posts. The post about weakness and kindness triggered some introspection in me. I think it is possible that the reason that I am willing to trady my serenity for his chaos and rejection is because I actually love him more than I love...	Codependent	9	673	Dec 23, 2007 by Karilynn
	Please accept my sincere apologies... (Preview) Please accept my sincere apologies, it was never my intention to cause dissension or disharmony within this valued 'family'. I am deeply distressed to think that I have done so quite inadvertantly. I am sorry too if my reaction and responses were inappropriate. Having lived with a great deal of re...	Heartbroken	8	2525	Dec 23, 2007 by Heartbroken
	Took some of your advice..... (Preview) about seperating my feelings for my dad and his alcoholism. I didn't think it was possible but I'm trying. My dad came to stay with us a few weeks ago, coincidently my husband was planning a trip with his best friend back to their home town in Mexico and invited my dad to join them. I didn't think it was...	Hopeless in AZ	5	582	Dec 23, 2007 by Just For Now
	To post or not to post??? That is the question. (Preview) Hi to all. I think this is my third post. I havent been here in awhile. During this time I have been attending many meetings. Seems to be the only way to get through the days. Lately I have been reading many of the postings. So much of what is said hits home for me. Sort of like you all saying what I havent be...	binohio	2	528	Dec 23, 2007 by debilyn
	Thoughts for our mip message board (Preview) I am a real believer in individual beliefs and opinions. I do however, want to request a couple things that in my experience, have helped our board be as successful as it is. If someone has a disagreement with another member, be it a moderator. sister or brother in alanon, please take it to that person in...	debilyn	4	647	Dec 23, 2007 by carosie
	New Beginnings (Preview) While driving in the car today, I shared with my teenage son that I heard that the number 7 meant "completion" and number 8 meant "new beginnings". Admittedly, I decided not to check the validity of this fact because I want to believe it. I like the number reference as it pertai...	Loupiness	2	387	Dec 23, 2007 by debilyn
	Signs and symptoms of Inner Peace (Preview) Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict...	Peggy7	8	608	Dec 23, 2007 by ddub
	gone for the holidays (Preview) The library where I go to use the computer will be shut for the next few days. If need be I can go to kinkos and pay if I have a burning desire to connect so I am not totally at sea. One of my goals is to go to a face to face meeting if I can squeeze in the time. I have downloaded the schedule and will make at least o...	maresie	3	385	Dec 23, 2007 by leo
	Christmas and grief (Preview) This past summer we had a death in the family. It was my best friend's daughter and my daughter's best friend. She was 4 and drown while in the care of my mother and with my 2 youngest right there. I still don't have all the details. If I have heard them I have blocked them out. We have all been doing grief coun...	serendipity	8	427	Dec 22, 2007 by Maria123
	My Grandfather (Preview) My grandfather died this month several years ago. He was always working and drinking with his friends. I didn't see him much and he left my grandmother with 3 children to raise on her own with no monetary help. He remarried and I remember flying out to visit them. I couldn't understand why my stepgrandm...	kissers	2	300	Dec 22, 2007 by Maria123
	Going Back (Preview) I need to go back. I have been so lucky. I have been going to grad school in Hawaii and I will be finished at the end of the coming semester. I have lots and lots of options but I have to keep my side of the street clean so I need to go back to my AH and take care of some "stuff". I do not know if we ar...	Jean4444	4	475	Dec 22, 2007 by Loupiness
	TWENTY days to go (Preview) ((((MIP Family)))))) Just a quick update. We almost lost her on November 23rd, she was in hospital for 11 days and has been dry since that time. Definitely not sober but dry. She enters rehab in 20 days. We are hoping for the best and cannot wait to have those few weeks of peace were it feels like we wil...	lilms	3	416	Dec 22, 2007 by debilyn
	I'm lost (Preview) This is the first time for me to post here. I've been married to an A/drug addict for three years. He's been clean for some months and relapse big time. Well, it's happening right now. Everytime he relapse, I get so sad and depressed. I know that I need to work the 12 steps and take care of my happin...	zen78	6	574	Dec 22, 2007 by Maria123
	Thinken out loud.... (Preview) Haven't been sleeping very well. Combo of stuff I guess. Nothing awful at all. just old lady pains....probably too many cats on my bed... I have been desiring calling the A. Just to see him. I just cannot stand not seeing him at all.I don't want anything from him either. It is only his shell anyway. It is s...	debilyn	2	439	Dec 22, 2007 by Maria123
	Shocking phone call (Preview) We got a shockling phone call Thursday. My husband got a call from a lady. She asked him a few questions and said..you are my father and I'd love to meet you. She said she has a husband and kids and he made arrangements for all of us to meet in a few days at a restaurant. We are guessing she is about 41. This ha...	afglin	10	583	Dec 22, 2007 by Maria123
	How do I know? (Preview) I haven't spoke to my A in almost a week- though I have thought of him often. Today I was having a moment a weakness and instead of calling him I decided to turn it over to my HP. I did this and went into work. When I got out I had a text from him asking if "I needed a friend?" I haven't responded. Now I...	Codependent	4	546	Dec 22, 2007 by maresie
	update on son (Preview) ((((((((((friends))))))))))))) Thank you to all who prayed for my son when he went before the board of pharmacy in an effort to get his Pharmacists license back. The outcome was not good, but I do know that God was in control none the less. There is a new board president who has instituted a new law in...	Lexie	2	425	Dec 22, 2007 by Karilynn
	christmas card for all MIP Members (Preview) Happy Holidays to all Miracles In Progress Family Members! Lots of Love from Rose and John	John	7	605	Dec 22, 2007 by Karilynn
	Repeat of earlier post (Preview) Hi group... Please refrain from using religion or other groupings that may have others feel like they may be judged and/or not included on the basis of their beliefs. Although this board is not formal "Al-Anon", we do, in fact, welcome everyone from every walk of life, and it is inapprop...	canadianguy	9	812	Dec 22, 2007 by Christy
	A trouble shared is a trouble halved... (Preview) or so the saying goes and with that in mind I think I should try to write down what is troubling me. So (((family))), I have been getting on with life for myself these last couple of days and making plans for the holidays, which seem to loom ever bigger on the horizon. Today, just I had made my plans and accep...	Heartbroken	7	641	Dec 22, 2007 by Diva
	a sigh of relief (Preview) ((((Friends)))), Oh my goodness, I can actually say (and mean) I feel good today!!!!! What a great feeling! I left work today a few hours early and as I was driving away, I thought wow, I don't have a paper due this week, I don't have to study, I don't have homework, I finished my finals. I actually can rel...	Maria123	4	461	Dec 22, 2007 by debilyn
	How Insane is this? (Preview) I have been learning a lot about how to detach, how to take care of me, and mostly how to redirect my mind to more important issues instead of thinking about how it would affect the A in my life. It dawned on me a while ago that the A is the one who is sick and does not think one dang bit about me. So why do I give him...	souljoy	6	628	Dec 22, 2007 by Peggy7
	A drunk man's words.... (Preview) I've always heard the saying, "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." Is this really the case? My AH was drunk last night and I caught him in a lie. When I called him on it he got furious and said how dare I call him a liar and he couldn't lieve with someone who thought he was a liar. Th...	whatnow	16	3623	Dec 22, 2007 by Peggy7
	I don't think so! (Preview) Guess he's feeling a bit threatened about my distancing. I get a call and he's all sweet, apologizing again for being an ass and wants to know if I want to make a deal. His offer was that he'd stay sober all work week if I would allow him to drink what he wants on his days off. What?! I simply stated I'm not...	loves2read	3	420	Dec 22, 2007 by Peggy7
	The Awakening (Preview) The Awakening~~ A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a bl...	Peggy7	5	872	Dec 22, 2007 by Peggy7
	Taking control over my life (Preview) I have quit obsessing about where I am going to be 6 months from now, a year from now. All I can do is deal with today. So much time wasted obsessing about where AH's addiction was going....what is was going to do to me. Today the sun is shining. I wrote for an hour this morning. I was able to attend half o...	optimistundone	7	575	Dec 22, 2007 by cookie1971
	"Holiday" (Preview) This post will be brief; I'm out of words...for a change. "Holiday," in most European countries means vacation. I intend to "celebrate the Holidays" by taking a Holiday, that is, a vacation. A vacation from myself, my obsessions, and most of all, my thinking. I'm going t...	Euoria	3	643	Dec 21, 2007 by Euoria
	Sharing (Preview) You all have been so kind and supportive in responding to my posts that thought I should share a little about myself. I am 31 years old, single,and the mother of a 3 and a half year old. I have a twin sister and we are the product of an alcoholic and a drug addict. My mother passed away about 6 years ago from al...	Codependent	4	443	Dec 21, 2007 by lin0606
	Anger (Preview) I find that I can detach easier and establish boundaries when I think on the things about A that have hurt me, etc. However, when I allow myself to "care" about A I find I start to lose these boundaries, etc. Does anyone have insight into how we can forgive and yet stay detached?	Codependent	7	444	Dec 21, 2007 by Jean4444
	Kindness for weakness (Preview) I was thinking this morning about how I wish that I could just be nice to the A, be kind to him but it seems that every time I acknowledge him he takes my kindness for weakness. He sees every act of kindness as an opening to try to come back into my life. Each time I talk to him or reply to an email I get escalati...	carolinagirl	6	705	Dec 21, 2007 by Codependent
	I want to thank you (Preview) Maybe it's the season or maybe it's because I found you a year ago but I've been somewhat introspective this week, reading my past posts over the last few days. I've read how much pain I was in and what a source of comfort you all were to me. Because of my job I didn't feel like I could go to f2f meetings, my f...	tryingtoheal	4	537	Dec 21, 2007 by maresie
	Reality Check (Preview) I have been asked by the director where I work to perform a function that will make our company look bigger than it actually is. I told him that I do not feel comfortable doing so. It feels very deceptive to me. He told me that, that is the way it is going to be. Do I have too much of a conscience??? Is this black...	kissers	3	394	Dec 21, 2007 by barisax
	setting goals keeping busy (Preview) Thanksgiving was a disaster for me. I got pulled into stuff in the house I live in. I am determined not to do that this Christmas. The issue for me is that I have even more time off. For lots of reasons I was not able to get a part time job. I had a part time job that was time limited. That helped. For lots of re...	maresie2	1	581	Dec 21, 2007 by thinkstoomuch
	paralysing fear (Preview) I have come to the realization that I have been putting off a couple of things for the last few days because I am afraid of the outcome. One is to contact the pastor of the church we hold my homegroup meeting at. I have to ask for the key and I guess I'm afraid he'll say no. The other thing is a customer that I nee...	Jen	7	545	Dec 20, 2007 by Jean4444
	hi all (Preview) hi everyone,just wanted to know if anyone else going to be spending christmas all alone..i mean alone with no kids no hubby no family{my SAH HAS TO WORK THAT DAY}he came home from work yesterday and told me he had to work christmas day,we had plans to go to his moms for christmas{she lives over an hour awa...	bev	6	504	Dec 20, 2007 by Jean4444
	Kaufman Drama Triangle (Preview) Maresie brought up the Kaufman triangle (thanks Maresie!). Please google it, its fascinating reading. Here is what I could find to counter the effects: its excellent food for thought as we all jump to all the corners when dealing with the A (at least I sure did). Enjoy- Healthy Skills for each Role P...	Jean4444	2	6411	Dec 20, 2007 by maresie2
	holding on to the end of my rope (Preview) I found the following somewhere and read it often, sort of like tying a knot at the end of my rope to hold on better. "when we remember HP's faithfulness and his ability to bring good out of any situation, we find our fears calmed and our confidence renewed." Does it seem to anyone else that bef...	ddub	4	592	Dec 20, 2007 by Loupiness
	Constant Negativity (Preview) I think that the thing that wears on me the most is the constant "expecting the worst" attitude of the A's in my life. Nothing is OK. Everything is bad all the time. Each and every occurrence, phrase, situation, comment or idea is met with negativity and pessimism. I think this is what wears m...	Jean4444	2	372	Dec 20, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Hiding his drinking., Part 2 (Preview) Per my previous post, I just called my AH from my office and told him that I knew he was drinking last night and that I would have a lot more respect for him if he told me the truth. First he hemmed and hawwed, then said that he had had a piece of rum cake a lunch. I told him that was bull - that I could smell the al...	Chetch	5	778	Dec 20, 2007 by Christy
	Frustrated and sad... (Preview) Hi everyone- So, this is my second post here, and thank you all so much for being such an amazing resource and source of comfort. I went to my first f2f meeting a few nights ago, and it was really amazing and terrifying at the same time. It felt really safe, and I was so thankful to see that there are all o...	sara777	2	558	Dec 20, 2007 by abbyal
	What is my part in it? (Preview) I am upset about something with my boyfriend who is my qualifier. I am having trouble seeing my part in it. This may seem trivial to some, but here goes.... I asked him to take two boxes and a tv to the shed in the backyard. I asked him about a week before my sister, her husband and my nephew were coming to s...	Leetle	11	741	Dec 19, 2007 by Leetle
	Vent - I am angry (Preview) I am seething with anger and need to vent. Been sick with this Norwalk virus for a few days and am weak. My A is playing mind games again and it is making me very angry. A couple of days ago he accused me of faking my illness for attention. This was after the doctor diagnosed me. Yesterday he comes home f...	loves2read	6	581	Dec 19, 2007 by maresie
	Bail Bonds (Preview) Last night I got another call from a bailbondsman. He says so he's a laborer right? and I say I don't know. He's silent for a minute and he says you're his wife and you don't know what he does? and I say we have been separated for about 15 months, I have no idea what he's doing. So he says, well I guess there...	carolinagirl	2	344	Dec 19, 2007 by maresie
	Newbie seeking support, my story... (Preview) Hi...I'm new here and am seeking support so I don't lose my mind. I've been in an on/off relationship with my A for almost a decade. My A comes from a household where the mother is the A and he is the only child. I'm an early 30s female living with chronic illness and I come from a family where my father was an a...	loves2read	7	582	Dec 19, 2007 by Jean4444
	remorse (Preview) my two dogs are such happy dogs these days. They don't flinch, shake or shudder like they used to. There were plenty of days when they hid behind the sofa with the A screaming the place down. I felt absolutely dreadful then. After one year of the A putting them through homlessness, leaving them alone...	maresie	1	520	Dec 19, 2007 by afmom03
	I am new here ...... (Preview) I have just joined this board, and I am so happy to have found it. I am the mother of 2 and step mother to 2, my Ex Husband is an A who still believes he doesnt have a problem. I covered his drinking as best I could and made excuses for years until I finally had enough last year and took the kids and left. My fav...	pogache	8	602	Dec 19, 2007 by Heartbroken
	Starting from where I am. (Preview) One of the key issues with the A was he was never able to be in reality. One of my core issues is that I find it hard to be where I am. Right now my goal is to try to get more stability in my life. I need a regular job with benefits. I need a more organized existence. I need support from people who can give it. I need...	maresie	1	448	Dec 19, 2007 by Jean4444
	Rita G (Preview) Where are you???? Are you still here with us? Gail	Gailey	0	359	Dec 19, 2007 by Gailey
	new encounter at f2f meeting (Preview) my ah is well known in our location so folks know me that I don't know which made me pretty skitterish about going to al anon. Went out of town until I learned al anon was about me and confidentiality really does happen in al anon. Have run into a few acquaintenances at the local f2f mtgs but this week I w...	ddub	3	611	Dec 19, 2007 by Heartbroken
	Has you A offered to go to Alanon with you? (Preview) Just wondering how many others have had their A offer to go to Alanon with them? Mine has in the past and it makes me uncomfortable. He went with me to one meeting and after that I wanted to keep on going - but alone. He lied at the meeting, I didn't say anything but we both knew he was not telling the truth w...	loves2read	10	562	Dec 19, 2007 by Jen
	I got the call Sunday Night (Preview) He's back in jail again. Merry Christmas... All I can say is that I'm glad it doesn't affect me like it did anymore. I don't have to rely on him for a paycheck and scramble to figure out how to bail him out before he loses his job, etc. The strange thing was that I found out by calls from bail bonds places. ...	carolinagirl	9	621	Dec 18, 2007 by pogache
	Random seizures, caused by Antabuse? (Preview) hello forum, First of i apologize for a detailed story, but I dont know of any other way to get some answers. I am new, for i am seeking answers. My g/f has been sober for well over 40 days now. She has been taking Antabuse for the duriation of her sobriety. A few weeks ago, she consumed an unknown amou...	MikeM	12	5230	Dec 18, 2007 by round3
	Psychological vs Physiological (Preview) I am reading a book that essentially says alcoholics have same problems that non-alcoholics do, anxieties, depressions, family and work issues etc; It goes on to say that the above is not what CAUSES an alcoholic to drink, that their disease causes them to drink then makes the aforementioned probl...	klm4446	7	1652	Dec 18, 2007 by barisax
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.