The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All I can say is that I'm glad it doesn't affect me like it did anymore. I don't have to rely on him for a paycheck and scramble to figure out how to bail him out before he loses his job, etc.
The strange thing was that I found out by calls from bail bonds places. I know that he knows there's no way in H*** I'll bail him out considering I won't even answer his calls or reply to his emails. I figured he just wanted me to know where he was or something.
I called back to find out the charges and when he was picked up and they said it was some kind of drug possession they thought cocaine, which is odd because that's not his thing, I would have expected heroin, and he had been there a few days.
Anyway, he's safe from himself and I have the opportunity once again to file divorce and once I find out if he will be there more than 90 days that's exactly what I'll do. I'm ready to be done with this chapter of my life and the legal document is all that's still holding us together. The second job will finance attorney fees and I'm hoping I can find someone who will be reasonable considering all they have to do is file, there won't be any contesting it from prison and the issue of the cost has always been because of custody. If he's in jail then that shouldn't be an issue.
You know, it occurs to me he's had every opportunity to get it right. Opportunities to mess up, say okay, that didn't work, try something else. But he's not doing that - he's still banging his head against the same old brick wall, expecting different results. Or maybe expecting the same results he got back before you knew better.
It IS sad. Cunning, baffling & powerful even. I've seen you bend over backwards doing everything you can and then some. I'm glad you're not letting him take you & the kids down with him.
I know at some point I will get the call that the A is in jail. I am so suprized this has not happeend before. He is out ot the net of the warrant at the moment (if he has one). I work on detaching super hard.
I am glad you can be optimistic about it. I am at that place where I expect absolutely nothing from the A. I think it is hard lonely place to be.
cg, you sound balanced and real. Nice work. It is clear to me that you have really worked your program and now its working for you, its beautiful to see. You are an inspiration, hugs, J.
Wow. I so admire your perspective and strength. I wish for the day that I would get the call again that my A is in jail, but that is because I am still too attached to his well-being and know that we be protection for him and also reestablish steady contact with me- not healthy I know. You, in contrast, show such sense of self-care. You give me something to strive for.
Good for you CG. I hope you get your divorce. It is amazing how much of a difference that little paper makes. I did the happy dance when I got the letter from my lawyer.
I was SO ready to not be married to my ex AH anymore. I havent changed my name back, but I dont even care about that. For me just knowing that we are no longer married was such a weight off of me.
