Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Restraint with the eye is good, good is restraint with the ear. Restraint with the nose is good, good is restraint with the tongue. Restraint with the body is good, good is restraint with speech. Restraint with the heart is good, good is restraint everywhere. A monk everywhere restrained is released...

debilyn · debilyn

If anyone wants pictures email me. I have a few edensheart@centurytel.net. I also got the nerve to ask my animal list people of 12 years to help me fix my pickup. My friends are donated some, I have fifty. my son and his mechanic friend are going to do it. Hopefully it will be done soon. Being up here...

Party for a family member and alcohol · Rosepetals

Hi I am new here but not new to al-anon. My sibblings and I are/were planning a birthday party for our mom. I wanted only a moderate amount of alcohol, as there will be children invited. I would prefer no alcohol but it is not up to me. My siste...

twinkie · twinkie

This is tough...his disease and his weapons of trying to get me angry and anxious are in full throttle. He is not calling as he says he will - all week long and for the past few - he doesn't do what he promises he will do. I know it is futile for me to get angry - I am not dealing with a sane man and his diseas...

annah · annah

I swear I am (used to be?) an upbeat optimistic person who always had high hopes. Sometimes too high I guess. Now, how did I get to be the doomsday prophet. When the bingedrinking A gets sober and swears that all is well with the world I can only listen to a certain amount of what I perceive as bullshit. It is...

maresie2 · maresie2

I have to remind myself when I get slumped down with yet another holiday with the A that there is only two more weeks to go. I know there is a lot of light for me in the nwe year. For one my financial obligation to the A is less. I will finally have paid for the truck that h...

debilyn · debilyn

It was very awful being here alone without my AH. No phones no power, no vehicle. Had candles and my headlamp. Was afraid to sleep in my room becuz it has a slider to the south and a window to my tree. Did anyway as all my feather bedding was in there. I feel so bad I did not bring the horses in. But everyone...

albertarose · albertarose

My "A" likes to give me the silent treatment when things in his mind are not going the way he wants them to or I may have said something to him that offended him. I struggle with this and it hurts. I do not know how to approach him or the issue at hand. I find myself beating myself up as to "What did I say" o...

hersh · hersh

Hi Debilyn: Just wanted to check on you and your farm and family and make sure you are okay. I hear things are really stormy up your way. I hope you are warm and cozy and have power to hook up with us. My brother lives on an island off of Seattle and haven't heard from him but it sounds re...

debilyn · debilyn

ok got everyone including suesue fannie and Boo in a nice warm dry place. (farm pig and pot) came in and psyched myself up and prayed to do Glaes. I cannot believe my Glaes. Got him into the bunkroom tied him. Told him all i was doing, would show him the scissors,cut the hair away,fl...

debilyn · debilyn

Glaes has a bad gash to the front of his left shoulder. I pray I have enough suture and needles. dang it is not good. (Glaesir is my beautiful dun Quarter horse, over 16 hands, black stripe down his back black mane and tail and stockings... Got the llamas shelter done...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have noticed lately that I have a seriously low opinion of men in general (no offense guys). I find myself thinking that men don't have any feelings and that they only want one thing. I think I have felt this way for a long time, but when I think about men I think in terms of they don't care abo...

hippietrippiechick · hippietrippiechick

thanks in advance for any thoughts you may have, even though I didn't have much to say today.

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Misery is optional. We may have learned to be miserable, but we can choose to unlearn it. Though we can't control what happens to us, we can determine how we will interpret and react to what happens. We can moan about the things we don't like, using them as excuses for self-pity ("poor me"), or we can im...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I hate to say this but I know I thrive on chaos. I am at the top of my game when the pressure is on and I'm feeling a little bored and lonely. How do we get over that and not seek the chaos anymore?

twinmom2 · twinmom2

A relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishment - it is a lesson. As long as our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever - we are set up to fail. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever, expecting it to last forever is what is dysfunctio...

babz · babz

Hi Everyone, I came into the program about 6 months ago, because I found out that my husband had been secretly gambling. He never talked about it and I found out by accident. I was very shocked, we'd only been married about 3 years. I had thought I had avoided marrying an addict - he didn't...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((((Family)))))))))), Well I'm feeling like a bit of an Alanon fraud these past few weeks. I can come here with the "wisdom" I have gained here. I can respond to posts as if I was living the steps. So why can't I apply them to me in my daily life? I mean I know what I shoul...

kissers · kissers

I was told I have issues by someone in Alanon because I do not want to take the train to work. There was recently a murder on the train and the stop I would use is dark and not in a very good neighborhood. To me and other females I have spoken to have said they see it as being self-protective. Am I crazy to think t...

pearlygirrl · pearlygirrl

I am very concerned and confused. My husband has been sober barely 6 months (since July), and tonight... I have learned that he was drinking. I don't know/think he has been on other nights in the past 6 months, but I knew he was tonight by his behavior. He was very strange and I could s...

maire rua · maire rua

I have just managed to send off my first chapter for the doctorate I am studying. It is late and my supervisor has been probably really been irritated by my indecisiveness which I am working on with the help of the programme. I really hope its going to be ok and am very anxious about it but hey at least it bee...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I am applying for unemployment, Just got out of the video session about an hour or two ago ,I got into the mearcy house and got a PO Box , the address is ... I will have a phone tomarrow. I will give you the number when I get it. I am going with a pre-paid one from Wall Mart I think it is my best bet until I am fully se...

omajoy · omajoy

Three years ago today my son lay critically injured with head trauma, a broken neck just millimeters from paralysis. He had a motorcycle accident, hitting a traffic sign after an on-coming car forced him off the road. Airlifted to trauma center.... Three days of induced coma, he then regaine...

bear · bear

As I was getting ready for work this morning my A came up to me and said 'we are not working are we'. It totally took me by surprise. You see the problem all comes down to sex. I simply don't have any interest anymore. when we get to bed he is usually so drunk that it is...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Lately I have found that when I am looking for something of value I used to have like a piece of jewelry for example, I find all kinds of things missing just disappeared into thin air. I get that bitter churning in my stomach and feel so angry about that. I hate looking for things and then real...

debilyn · debilyn

BANK ACCOUNT.....Please read this is very good! > > > > A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who > >is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair > >fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally > >blind, mov...

hippietrippiechick · hippietrippiechick

Hello to all. I have only been a member of this online group for just over a week or so. Not new to 12 steps, in fact, very familiar with them. Maybe I never was ready back then to truly have that desire to heal, and be willing to reach out for help. I can't figure it out. I live with and active A, who can be the s...

CJ · CJ

Hi friends, Been to my 4th f2f in 5 days... thought I had a grip on things, feelings, etc. I've felt overwhelmed over the last few days with having court coming up and the house to clean and work and this and that and this... I'm blue... I spouted off about how much resenting I am doing (in the group...

John · John

The Miracles In Progress Recovery House in Wilmington, NC has 12 men living in it who are in the early stages of recovery from alcoholism and/or addiction. They do not appear to have family or friends from which to gain healthy holiday wishes. As we all know, the holidays can be a hard time...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello ((Everyone)) I don't have much time to write this morning. A few days ago there was a fire at my Mom's house, everyone, humans, dogs, cats, bird is OK. We've set up a temp place for them to live (crossing fingers it works out) and today start clean up on the house. Insurance is a littl...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Time is anger's medicine. ~Proverb, (German)~ One of the things that we talk about in here alot is "How can this horrible situation be made right?"..."How can I accept this horrible pain?"...."What will I do?"....Time. Time changes a significant amount of our prospective from when w...

Cindy · Cindy

As an adult child of an alcoholic, I learned to compensate at a very young age. We just didn't discuss what was going on in our house. Now as a spouse of an active alcoholic, I have spent the past 23 years doing the same. I have always been financially tied to him, but thre...

meagain · meagain

I was wondering what others think about this. My DIL comes each day for lunch. She is one that never talks so that alone is a hard issue. But today she started "knocking" my other son -(not the one she is married to). She starts off by saying how "ryan" tells her kids he will buy them som...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I realize I don't HAVE to accept anything. My dilemma here is I loved my husband so much, everything fit perfectly, we laughed and got along great. He was all the things I wanted in a man except a few and the few grew. The thing I have a hard time accepting is that I can NEVER trust him again and I know that if I t...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Our group is VERY small and the same people over and over and there's not another one nearby. My sponsor is good sometimes but I think I need more of something, I'm not sure maybe attention? Anyway, I need someone who not only challenges me but stays on me to work the steps and I'm not getting...

HereIam · HereIam

I am one of those open people, I feel like I have nothing to hide, and bond best with people who are similarly candid about themsleves. This is good, and it is not so good. Good: weeds out phonies Bad: may be a little TOO much information I say, I have nothing to prove and noone to impress. Ta...

Lunamoth · Lunamoth

(((((Everyone))))) Last night as I cursed the Christmas tree lights, I thought, "Heaven help me -- I am powerless" Then I started laughing. When I finally got all the lights working, the blinkers blinking and found the extension cord I starting thinking about things here and...

bear · bear

Hi All I'm very new to this site but have been reading everything and find it has helped me so much over the last couple of weeks to become much stronger than I have ever been before in the 5 years of living with my A. I now realise, that I can not cure him and I do have to get on with my life and protect my...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I was thinking how much it sucks that we have to accept having the expectation that people will fail, not follow through, lie, cheat, steal, and all the other things related to this disease. I mean this as assuming that these things will happen rather than assuming they wont as you would in a rela...

twinkie · twinkie

I thought I took Step 1 a few months ago, but I didn't. I read the words and I knew it intellectually, but not emotionally. When my A relapsed in August and all the troubles and consequence it brought him surfaced I thought that was it for him and for me. We could finall...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

My daughter now seems to think you can catch alcoholism like a cold. Every time I drink she says she is afraid that I will turn into an alcoholic. I know this is a very serious deep fear for her as she has already had 2 dads who are alcoholic her natural father died as a result. I kn...

maresie2 · maresie2

My work for some reason seems to have got incredibly difficult. Then I did a whole bunch of overtime and didn't get paid for it. I've done of the footwork of remedying that and am willing to to take it further if they don't pay me. I have another 6 weeks or more of wall to wall bills (...

rtexas · rtexas

((((Everyone)))) Feeling a little frazzled right now. Thought I might type the stress right out of myself. LOL AW's mother has talked to a professional about interventions. MIL suggested that AW and her to talk to this person. It was a night that AW was particularly u...

rdlmtl · rdlmtl

I really don't know how to use this forum. God help me. I have a 20 yr old son that is a alcoholic and a drug user. I've bailed him out of jail twice. He recently had a wreck, thank God no one else was involved. This is his 2nd DUI and also has an open container violation also. He has lost his license for a l...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

((((((((Friends))))))), Just thinking and needing to write it down.....not knowing how to deal with my life right now......thinks just seem like they are getting away from me yet again...... My job is fine, actually since I have to work, not a bad place to spend my day.....found the money t...

Kethry · Kethry

I'm relatively new to the life of dealing with an A. I would appreciate any help in handling a delicate situation. Just some background, my b/f is an A, we've been together for 6 months, living together for about 1.5 months. Outside of his drinking our relationship is pretty good....

babz · babz

I am posing this question because I'd like some viewpoints. I learned that my husband has a gambling addiction in Feb. 06 and confronted him. He came clean -- and since then he says he doesn't want gambling in his life. I don't think he does - it just makes him feel like shit. But, yo...

anon_user · anon_user

What an odyssey! I joined this board some months ago, started going to Al-Anon and learned so much. After two months of reading here, I left my A BF of 3 years which lead to him getting sober… I went back for 3-4 months of sobriety and happy times, before he tossed me out… and this time I told him I would n...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Hi everyone, I just wanted to update and let you guys know that the house finally sold, it closed last Thursday and we actually walked away with a little money. I paid off a credit card and then wired him $600 which cost me $70 to do and that was his half, the last cent I will ever give him. Spo...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((ROOMIES)))))))))))))))) With regards to my recent post: MEN IN AL-ANON I would like to offer my apologies, I thought I was doing something that felt right to me. In pointing out how It can be hard for males to approach Al-Anon. I never thought I was doing any harm. I now know I na...

HereIam · HereIam

Of myself. I mean, what would anyone expect of children raised by alcoholics/insane and violent people? We did the best we could to survive. It has taken a lifetime to figure out a lot of things and I give myself and my siblings a lot of credit for raising ourselves (to a certain degree, of c...

CJ · CJ

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie It is an eye opening book. I got it used on Amazon for $4. It was reprinted in 1992, but the symptoms and solutions contained are no less than amazing. I was awestruck by the depth of analysis that I can apply to myself. Friends, if you have not already, read t...

Paulm · Paulm

I am an alcoholic. I need your help. 1. Don't lecture me, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too. Don't pour out my liquor; it's a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.> Don't let me provoke your anger. I...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

And I think... I'm sorry you love me too!

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

It was actually in response to his statment that he was a good dad. I said that he really needed to step back and take a long hard look at the reality. He didn't agree. Luckily whenever he calls it's a payphone and we can only talk for so long otherwise it might get nasty. I really...

jaja · jaja

This may sound dumb, but I really don't know how I am controlling! I'm a co-dependant from way back - all my life, I guess. Just before my A left for his motel room, we were yelling and he told me that I always try to control things. We were yelling too much for him to say just how I controlled and I've be...

CJ · CJ

I posted this to one of our friends, and thought, perhaps, it could be help to more of us. -take what you want, leave the rest- trust a little, and have confidence to sit down with him, voices low and non-threatening, and discuss your feelings on the finances. i think it very wise to divvy th...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Real Love is not based on attachment, but on altruism. In this case, your compassion will remain as a humane response to suffering as long as beings continue to suffer. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama In my meditation today, it discussed the reality that all of us are children of God, and when we w...

Messy · Messy

I found this today and wanted to share... All 'da love ~ Messy

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marmare · marmare

I posted this on my blog last night......I have realized that I am enabling on of my sons. I have asked him to leave my house for now and will talk when emotions have calmed down. He is spending his weekends drinking and smoking pot...I think that is all he is doing.....I will say that people...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Minding my own biznazz.... (Preview) Restraint with the eye is good, good is restraint with the ear. Restraint with the nose is good, good is restraint with the tongue. Restraint with the body is good, good is restraint with speech. Restraint with the heart is good, good is restraint everywhere. A monk everywhere restrained is released...	Tiger2006	2	352	Dec 17, 2006 by maresie2
	forgot (Preview) If anyone wants pictures email me. I have a few edensheart@centurytel.net. I also got the nerve to ask my animal list people of 12 years to help me fix my pickup. My friends are donated some, I have fifty. my son and his mechanic friend are going to do it. Hopefully it will be done soon. Being up here...	debilyn	2	356	Dec 17, 2006 by Maria123
	Party for a family member and alcohol (Preview) Hi I am new here but not new to al-anon. My sibblings and I are/were planning a birthday party for our mom. I wanted only a moderate amount of alcohol, as there will be children invited. I would prefer no alcohol but it is not up to me. My siste...	Rosepetals	5	371	Dec 16, 2006 by ShelBell
	his disease is trying to pull me in again... (Preview) This is tough...his disease and his weapons of trying to get me angry and anxious are in full throttle. He is not calling as he says he will - all week long and for the past few - he doesn't do what he promises he will do. I know it is futile for me to get angry - I am not dealing with a sane man and his diseas...	twinkie	4	408	Dec 16, 2006 by nmike
	optimism versus truth (Preview) I swear I am (used to be?) an upbeat optimistic person who always had high hopes. Sometimes too high I guess. Now, how did I get to be the doomsday prophet. When the bingedrinking A gets sober and swears that all is well with the world I can only listen to a certain amount of what I perceive as bullshit. It is...	annah	3	413	Dec 16, 2006 by Lunamoth
	2 more weeks (Preview) I have to remind myself when I get slumped down with yet another holiday with the A that there is only two more weeks to go. I know there is a lot of light for me in the nwe year. For one my financial obligation to the A is less. I will finally have paid for the truck that h...	maresie2	1	338	Dec 16, 2006 by nmike
	hurricane aftermath thoughts (Preview) It was very awful being here alone without my AH. No phones no power, no vehicle. Had candles and my headlamp. Was afraid to sleep in my room becuz it has a slider to the south and a window to my tree. Did anyway as all my feather bedding was in there. I feel so bad I did not bring the horses in. But everyone...	debilyn	1	390	Dec 16, 2006 by maresie2
	Silent Treatment (Preview) My "A" likes to give me the silent treatment when things in his mind are not going the way he wants them to or I may have said something to him that offended him. I struggle with this and it hurts. I do not know how to approach him or the issue at hand. I find myself beating myself up as to "What did I say" o...	albertarose	7	550	Dec 16, 2006 by maresie2
	Debilyn, check in...??? (Preview) Hi Debilyn: Just wanted to check on you and your farm and family and make sure you are okay. I hear things are really stormy up your way. I hope you are warm and cozy and have power to hook up with us. My brother lives on an island off of Seattle and haven't heard from him but it sounds re...	hersh	3	323	Dec 16, 2006 by maresie2
	eden update (Preview) ok got everyone including suesue fannie and Boo in a nice warm dry place. (farm pig and pot) came in and psyched myself up and prayed to do Glaes. I cannot believe my Glaes. Got him into the bunkroom tied him. Told him all i was doing, would show him the scissors,cut the hair away,fl...	debilyn	0	287	Dec 16, 2006 by debilyn
	more (Preview) Glaes has a bad gash to the front of his left shoulder. I pray I have enough suture and needles. dang it is not good. (Glaesir is my beautiful dun Quarter horse, over 16 hands, black stripe down his back black mane and tail and stockings... Got the llamas shelter done...	debilyn	0	273	Dec 16, 2006 by debilyn
	Issues with Men (Preview) I have noticed lately that I have a seriously low opinion of men in general (no offense guys). I find myself thinking that men don't have any feelings and that they only want one thing. I think I have felt this way for a long time, but when I think about men I think in terms of they don't care abo...	carolinagirl	15	704	Dec 16, 2006 by mama_nz
	attempting daily contact (Preview) thanks in advance for any thoughts you may have, even though I didn't have much to say today.	hippietrippiechick	2	343	Dec 16, 2006 by hippietrippiechick
	Misery loves company... (Preview) Misery is optional. We may have learned to be miserable, but we can choose to unlearn it. Though we can't control what happens to us, we can determine how we will interpret and react to what happens. We can moan about the things we don't like, using them as excuses for self-pity ("poor me"), or we can im...	Tiger2006	3	352	Dec 16, 2006 by TLC2
	I miss the chaos sometimes (Preview) I hate to say this but I know I thrive on chaos. I am at the top of my game when the pressure is on and I'm feeling a little bored and lonely. How do we get over that and not seek the chaos anymore?	carolinagirl	7	493	Dec 16, 2006 by Tiger2006
	A Codependency Quote and Question (Preview) A relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishment - it is a lesson. As long as our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever - we are set up to fail. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever, expecting it to last forever is what is dysfunctio...	twinmom2	11	711	Dec 16, 2006 by Diva
	Breaking the "no talk" rule (Preview) Hi Everyone, I came into the program about 6 months ago, because I found out that my husband had been secretly gambling. He never talked about it and I found out by accident. I was very shocked, we'd only been married about 3 years. I had thought I had avoided marrying an addict - he didn't...	babz	4	990	Dec 16, 2006 by ZiggyDoodles
	Alanon fraud? (Preview) ((((((((((Family)))))))))), Well I'm feeling like a bit of an Alanon fraud these past few weeks. I can come here with the "wisdom" I have gained here. I can respond to posts as if I was living the steps. So why can't I apply them to me in my daily life? I mean I know what I shoul...	Karilynn	20	711	Dec 16, 2006 by mac57
	Someone in Alanon told me I have issues (Preview) I was told I have issues by someone in Alanon because I do not want to take the train to work. There was recently a murder on the train and the stop I would use is dark and not in a very good neighborhood. To me and other females I have spoken to have said they see it as being self-protective. Am I crazy to think t...	kissers	10	496	Dec 16, 2006 by cander24
	confused/concerned (Preview) I am very concerned and confused. My husband has been sober barely 6 months (since July), and tonight... I have learned that he was drinking. I don't know/think he has been on other nights in the past 6 months, but I knew he was tonight by his behavior. He was very strange and I could s...	pearlygirrl	7	486	Dec 16, 2006 by Kethry
	Say a prayer for me (Preview) I have just managed to send off my first chapter for the doctorate I am studying. It is late and my supervisor has been probably really been irritated by my indecisiveness which I am working on with the help of the programme. I really hope its going to be ok and am very anxious about it but hey at least it bee...	maire rua	2	367	Dec 15, 2006 by nmike
	Letter from the homeless A (Preview) I am applying for unemployment, Just got out of the video session about an hour or two ago ,I got into the mearcy house and got a PO Box , the address is ... I will have a phone tomarrow. I will give you the number when I get it. I am going with a pre-paid one from Wall Mart I think it is my best bet until I am fully se...	carolinagirl	5	517	Dec 15, 2006 by John
	anniversary of a miracle (Preview) Three years ago today my son lay critically injured with head trauma, a broken neck just millimeters from paralysis. He had a motorcycle accident, hitting a traffic sign after an on-coming car forced him off the road. Airlifted to trauma center.... Three days of induced coma, he then regaine...	omajoy	4	438	Dec 15, 2006 by omajoy
	Feeling guilty for not wanting sex... (Preview) As I was getting ready for work this morning my A came up to me and said 'we are not working are we'. It totally took me by surprise. You see the problem all comes down to sex. I simply don't have any interest anymore. when we get to bed he is usually so drunk that it is...	bear	7	589	Dec 15, 2006 by maresie2
	More Anger and Resentment (Preview) Lately I have found that when I am looking for something of value I used to have like a piece of jewelry for example, I find all kinds of things missing just disappeared into thin air. I get that bitter churning in my stomach and feel so angry about that. I hate looking for things and then real...	carolinagirl	3	422	Dec 15, 2006 by maresie2
	This is how I do it..... (Preview) BANK ACCOUNT.....Please read this is very good! > > > > A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who > >is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair > >fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally > >blind, mov...	debilyn	6	507	Dec 15, 2006 by TLC2
	newbie, wishing she had her life back (Preview) Hello to all. I have only been a member of this online group for just over a week or so. Not new to 12 steps, in fact, very familiar with them. Maybe I never was ready back then to truly have that desire to heal, and be willing to reach out for help. I can't figure it out. I live with and active A, who can be the s...	hippietrippiechick	6	733	Dec 15, 2006 by Diva
	Holiday Blues (Preview) Hi friends, Been to my 4th f2f in 5 days... thought I had a grip on things, feelings, etc. I've felt overwhelmed over the last few days with having court coming up and the house to clean and work and this and that and this... I'm blue... I spouted off about how much resenting I am doing (in the group...	CJ	12	576	Dec 15, 2006 by peewee
	*Christmas Request* (Preview) The Miracles In Progress Recovery House in Wilmington, NC has 12 men living in it who are in the early stages of recovery from alcoholism and/or addiction. They do not appear to have family or friends from which to gain healthy holiday wishes. As we all know, the holidays can be a hard time...	John	7	503	Dec 14, 2006 by doxie
	Fire, Family, Faith (Preview) Hello ((Everyone)) I don't have much time to write this morning. A few days ago there was a fire at my Mom's house, everyone, humans, dogs, cats, bird is OK. We've set up a temp place for them to live (crossing fingers it works out) and today start clean up on the house. Insurance is a littl...	Jennifer	7	485	Dec 14, 2006 by maresie2
	TIME= This I Must Earn (Preview) Time is anger's medicine. ~Proverb, (German)~ One of the things that we talk about in here alot is "How can this horrible situation be made right?"..."How can I accept this horrible pain?"...."What will I do?"....Time. Time changes a significant amount of our prospective from when w...	Tiger2006	3	526	Dec 14, 2006 by maresie2
	How much do I tell people about what is going on in my life (Preview) As an adult child of an alcoholic, I learned to compensate at a very young age. We just didn't discuss what was going on in our house. Now as a spouse of an active alcoholic, I have spent the past 23 years doing the same. I have always been financially tied to him, but thre...	Cindy	11	658	Dec 14, 2006 by lin0606
	O/T-so hurt! (Preview) I was wondering what others think about this. My DIL comes each day for lunch. She is one that never talks so that alone is a hard issue. But today she started "knocking" my other son -(not the one she is married to). She starts off by saying how "ryan" tells her kids he will buy them som...	meagain	9	539	Dec 14, 2006 by lin0606
	Follow up to accepting THIS... (Preview) I realize I don't HAVE to accept anything. My dilemma here is I loved my husband so much, everything fit perfectly, we laughed and got along great. He was all the things I wanted in a man except a few and the few grew. The thing I have a hard time accepting is that I can NEVER trust him again and I know that if I t...	carolinagirl	3	405	Dec 14, 2006 by Tiger2006
	I think I need a new sponsor (Preview) Our group is VERY small and the same people over and over and there's not another one nearby. My sponsor is good sometimes but I think I need more of something, I'm not sure maybe attention? Anyway, I need someone who not only challenges me but stays on me to work the steps and I'm not getting...	carolinagirl	2	373	Dec 14, 2006 by gayle
	Anyone here very 'out' about yourself? (Preview) I am one of those open people, I feel like I have nothing to hide, and bond best with people who are similarly candid about themsleves. This is good, and it is not so good. Good: weeds out phonies Bad: may be a little TOO much information I say, I have nothing to prove and noone to impress. Ta...	HereIam	5	439	Dec 14, 2006 by Tiger2006
	Perspective (Preview) (((((Everyone))))) Last night as I cursed the Christmas tree lights, I thought, "Heaven help me -- I am powerless" Then I started laughing. When I finally got all the lights working, the blinkers blinking and found the extension cord I starting thinking about things here and...	Lunamoth	8	439	Dec 14, 2006 by Lunamoth
	Going to Rehab... (Preview) Hi All I'm very new to this site but have been reading everything and find it has helped me so much over the last couple of weeks to become much stronger than I have ever been before in the 5 years of living with my A. I now realise, that I can not cure him and I do have to get on with my life and protect my...	bear	15	1274	Dec 14, 2006 by gayle
	It really sucks that we have to accept THIS... (Preview) I was thinking how much it sucks that we have to accept having the expectation that people will fail, not follow through, lie, cheat, steal, and all the other things related to this disease. I mean this as assuming that these things will happen rather than assuming they wont as you would in a rela...	carolinagirl	13	628	Dec 14, 2006 by maresie2
	I took step 1 finally... (Preview) I thought I took Step 1 a few months ago, but I didn't. I read the words and I knew it intellectually, but not emotionally. When my A relapsed in August and all the troubles and consequence it brought him surfaced I thought that was it for him and for me. We could finall...	twinkie	2	311	Dec 14, 2006 by ZiggyDoodles
	Dilemma with my 12 year old daughter. (Preview) My daughter now seems to think you can catch alcoholism like a cold. Every time I drink she says she is afraid that I will turn into an alcoholic. I know this is a very serious deep fear for her as she has already had 2 dads who are alcoholic her natural father died as a result. I kn...	carolinagirl	14	677	Dec 14, 2006 by hudsond
	having a trying time (Preview) My work for some reason seems to have got incredibly difficult. Then I did a whole bunch of overtime and didn't get paid for it. I've done of the footwork of remedying that and am willing to to take it further if they don't pay me. I have another 6 weeks or more of wall to wall bills (...	maresie2	8	467	Dec 14, 2006 by twinmom2
	Not sure HP inspired this little talk... (Preview) ((((Everyone)))) Feeling a little frazzled right now. Thought I might type the stress right out of myself. LOL AW's mother has talked to a professional about interventions. MIL suggested that AW and her to talk to this person. It was a night that AW was particularly u...	rtexas	12	606	Dec 14, 2006 by CJ
	Enabling? (Preview) I really don't know how to use this forum. God help me. I have a 20 yr old son that is a alcoholic and a drug user. I've bailed him out of jail twice. He recently had a wreck, thank God no one else was involved. This is his 2nd DUI and also has an open container violation also. He has lost his license for a l...	rdlmtl	13	498	Dec 14, 2006 by mel123
	Fighting the Sadness (Preview) ((((((((Friends))))))), Just thinking and needing to write it down.....not knowing how to deal with my life right now......thinks just seem like they are getting away from me yet again...... My job is fine, actually since I have to work, not a bad place to spend my day.....found the money t...	Andrea12	14	559	Dec 13, 2006 by desertwindflower
	Need advice (Preview) I'm relatively new to the life of dealing with an A. I would appreciate any help in handling a delicate situation. Just some background, my b/f is an A, we've been together for 6 months, living together for about 1.5 months. Outside of his drinking our relationship is pretty good....	Kethry	10	507	Dec 13, 2006 by carolinagirl
	I Broke the "Family Secret" law..... (Preview) I am posing this question because I'd like some viewpoints. I learned that my husband has a gambling addiction in Feb. 06 and confronted him. He came clean -- and since then he says he doesn't want gambling in his life. I don't think he does - it just makes him feel like shit. But, yo...	babz	7	672	Dec 13, 2006 by ZiggyDoodles
	Domestic Violence (Preview) What an odyssey! I joined this board some months ago, started going to Al-Anon and learned so much. After two months of reading here, I left my A BF of 3 years which lead to him getting sober… I went back for 3-4 months of sobriety and happy times, before he tossed me out… and this time I told him I would n...	anon_user	10	564	Dec 13, 2006 by Becky1
	UPDATE....House Sold....Moving on... (Preview) Hi everyone, I just wanted to update and let you guys know that the house finally sold, it closed last Thursday and we actually walked away with a little money. I paid off a credit card and then wired him $600 which cost me $70 to do and that was his half, the last cent I will ever give him. Spo...	carolinagirl	4	455	Dec 13, 2006 by carolinagirl
	MAKING AMENDS (Preview) ((((((((((((((((ROOMIES)))))))))))))))) With regards to my recent post: MEN IN AL-ANON I would like to offer my apologies, I thought I was doing something that felt right to me. In pointing out how It can be hard for males to approach Al-Anon. I never thought I was doing any harm. I now know I na...	ally	10	667	Dec 13, 2006 by ally
	Forgiveness (Preview) Of myself. I mean, what would anyone expect of children raised by alcoholics/insane and violent people? We did the best we could to survive. It has taken a lifetime to figure out a lot of things and I give myself and my siblings a lot of credit for raising ourselves (to a certain degree, of c...	HereIam	4	336	Dec 13, 2006 by abbyal
	Codependent No More (Preview) *Codependent No More* by Melody Beattie It is an eye opening book. I got it used on Amazon for $4. It was reprinted in 1992, but the symptoms and solutions contained are no less than amazing. I was awestruck by the depth of analysis that I can apply to myself. Friends, if you have not already, read t...	CJ	12	624	Dec 13, 2006 by marmare
	A letter from the Alcoholic!!! Please read (Preview) I am an alcoholic. I need your help. 1. Don't lecture me, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too. Don't pour out my liquor; it's a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.> Don't let me provoke your anger. I...	Paulm	5	853	Dec 13, 2006 by ShelBell
	He says I'm sorry - I love you (Preview) And I think... I'm sorry you love me too!	carolinagirl	4	540	Dec 13, 2006 by carolinagirl
	I don't think what I said was really mean... (Preview) It was actually in response to his statment that he was a good dad. I said that he really needed to step back and take a long hard look at the reality. He didn't agree. Luckily whenever he calls it's a payphone and we can only talk for so long otherwise it might get nasty. I really...	carolinagirl	6	552	Dec 13, 2006 by CJ
	About being controlling (Preview) This may sound dumb, but I really don't know how I am controlling! I'm a co-dependant from way back - all my life, I guess. Just before my A left for his motel room, we were yelling and he told me that I always try to control things. We were yelling too much for him to say just how I controlled and I've be...	jaja	3	413	Dec 13, 2006 by CJ
	finance 101 (Preview) I posted this to one of our friends, and thought, perhaps, it could be help to more of us. -take what you want, leave the rest- trust a little, and have confidence to sit down with him, voices low and non-threatening, and discuss your feelings on the finances. i think it very wise to divvy th...	CJ	13	732	Dec 12, 2006 by CJ
	Buddist thoughts on love (Preview) Real Love is not based on attachment, but on altruism. In this case, your compassion will remain as a humane response to suffering as long as beings continue to suffer. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama In my meditation today, it discussed the reality that all of us are children of God, and when we w...	Tiger2006	6	583	Dec 12, 2006 by Tiger2006
	To all..... (Preview) I found this today and wanted to share... All 'da love ~ Messy *********************************************************************	Messy	0	285	Dec 12, 2006 by Messy
	Now for my son...new boundaries to be set.... (Preview) I posted this on my blog last night......I have realized that I am enabling on of my sons. I have asked him to leave my house for now and will talk when emotions have calmed down. He is spending his weekends drinking and smoking pot...I think that is all he is doing.....I will say that people...	marmare	4	434	Dec 12, 2006 by hudsond
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.