The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, first you should know the basic information so confusion doesn't set in. Okay my mom lives with her 2nd cousin, which also has the same name as her and was married to my dad first (no, they are not "together" if you know what I mean). Her and my dad had my sister and brother, they divorced and then her married my mom and had me. Okay, with that out of the way....
My sister is a well, ahem, a bad word!! She's 11 years older than me and can't stay in one place for longer than a few months. She's too concerned with buying pills and pot that she can't keep a job or a house for very long. Now, just in time for Christmas, she's staying with my mom and her mom (yeah they live together, confused yet? LOL). She says its just for a few months, but I know that's a lie. She's done one heck of a job in raising my niece and nephew, boy, its a sad sight to see. My niece is 13 and nephew is 8. My niece is (I think) beyond repair right now. She's acting just like her momma and that is not good. My nephew, not sure about him. My sister recently broke up with her girlfriend and jumped back in bed with the husband (although, I personally don't think she completely left it though). Okay, next piece of the confusion puzzle. My sister and her girlfriend were together for about 7 years or so, I think. My sister and husband never divorced because one claimed one child on taxes and the other claimed the other child, all so they could get back more money, its a scheme they've been doing for years. I can't stand to be around my sister, her husband or her ex-girlfriend. I don't have a problem with people who are gay, I truly don't, it was their behavior. She's perfectly capable of holding a job and so was everyone else but they didn't want to because they were too preoccupied with getting high. ARGGH! I can only hope that one day, my niece and nephew will find a place that they can get help, like on here. I don't spend a lot of time with my neice and nephew, because of her. She's a leach. Her way or the highway, no matter how crazy her way is. She asks to borrow money but you may as well say she asks for money to be given, because she won't pay it back. I really don't like doing anything for her at all. She's a deadbeat. Depends on everybody else to get by. She's 36. I know she's damaged but I went through the same thing she did plus lived with an alcoholic mom and I'm not moving from place to place high on whatever I could get. Its just really frustrating. I don't understand it. I will have problems getting pregnant and yet she has 2 kids that she's brutally damaged, its not right. She shouldn't have those kids but she does and the damage is clearly done to them. Poor kids, I really hate it for them. Part of me is angry and other part just don't care about her. The angry part is because she and her husband are just horrible and don't pick up after themselves. My mom cleans up after them because she can't stand to live with a dirty house (believe me, she really don't, our house was near spotless). Her cousin tries telling her, let them get it, but my mom just can't stand it. I feel really sorry for my mom. She absolutely hates them being there and I pray they leave soon for her sake. They put dirty dishes and silverware in trash bags and leave them under beds!!! I sometimes feel like a horrible person thinking like this but its how I feel. Okay, I'll stop typing now. Take care all.
You cannot change or control anyone as I am sure you know by now.
As much as it hurts you to see what is happening in your mom's home....it is not your business...unless there is physical abuse, of course. It needs to be your mother that throws them out. As far as the niece and nephew, maybe one day you could have some one on one time with them and encourage them and help them to learn about Alateen. You may be the only positive force in their young lives.
I hope you can get some peace with what is going on but in the meantime pray to your HP (if you have on) to help you to detach from the situation that you have no control over.
Oh, I know I can't change things. They aren't abusive or anything. I guess I am just ranting more than anything else. I just had to get all the feelings out about it I suppose. I think I do pretty good by detaching from it except for the occasional rant. I guess it also upsets me that my sister can be so ruthless and use people, but usually I don't care but its my mom who suffers, yet its my mom who can be the only one to say, "can you pick that up?", "can you get that up?", etc.. I know this but I still get upset by it. I hope I can be a positive force in my niece and nephews lives. Yeah, I think I am the only one (along with hubby) in their life. My dad visits but hates it because him and my sister DOESN'T get along at all. My dad won't put up with her antics and it results in fights. Oh well. We can only try.
