The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What an odyssey! I joined this board some months ago, started going to Al-Anon and learned so much. After two months of reading here, I left my A BF of 3 years which lead to him getting sober…
I went back for 3-4 months of sobriety and happy times, before he tossed me out… and this time I told him I would not circle around again. “If you go back in the water, you’re on your own,” I said. “I am staying on the beach.” I meant it.
Iit’s been about 3 weeks and I have not contacted him. I have been completely resolved about this. He was sober, on Antabuse when I left but apparently he went off that and started drinking about a week ago, and the calls started.
There were two calls. I made it clear I was not interested in coming back… long story short he was arrested last night after he came to my house and attempted to break in… I called 911.
This was after calling me at least 25 times (I never picked up) and that many emails as well… 20 some emails, each drunker than the one before, which the police now have because he has been charged with domestic violence (harassment and trespassing)… he was in my back yard rattling every window in the house for 15 minutes (I was terrified!) while I waited on the phone with 911 for the police.
So I’m just posting to thank the board for helping me get here. I was cool as can be last night. I knew he was coming and I knew what I was going to do. Not be harassed by a drunk, that is! And I just want to affirm publicly that I will never spend time with this man again. I am done. And the first time I see a date of mine take more than 2 drinks in an evening, I will be out of there so fast.
Way to take care of you. I hope you know that your breakup had nothing to do with his relapse. It is possible he wanted out because he wanted to start back up. Maybe it just wasn't his time yet.
Maybe the charges will be a wake up call for him. You never know.
Here is what you do know... you have a right to a happy healthy life. You work with your HP to figure out what that looks like and go for it. Sounds like you are on your way.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Update--- I went to court today and he pled guilty. I was amazed. He will be having a court orders drug/alcohol assessment and a psych eval to see what is more appropriate, domestic violence classes, or psych... and psych is what he needs. So bottom line, he's getting exactly what he needs and me?
I have a restraining order! I can't believe I found my way out of this. Today was the end. I'm free!
YAY YAY YAY!!! It is good to see someone stand up for herself, make a decision, and stick with it! I commend you for a job well done and for taking care of yourself. You're my kind of gal!!
Best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
don't trick yourself into a false ceiling... al anon is for you and we are here for you. i'd like to encourage you to stay and learn more, as the impact of this entire situation of yours could possibly... no... likely, lead to other potential self-destructive natures.
not saying that it will... but it has/does happen to the best of us. i want to emphasize steps 4-12 to you, that they are continuous healthy, uplifting, beneficial, makes-us-better-people steps.
i'm proud of you for getting to where you are. let go and let God
with love
cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I didn't mean I am done with Al-Anon. I meant, I am done with alcoholics... and I'd have never gotten here without this board, at all, in a million years.
(((anon)))) wow, you sound like a very strong person. I also urge you to keep coming back.
Once upon a time, I, too, vowed never to be involved with an A, but it somehow happened. That was before Alanon. I have learned so much about the disease of alcoholism/addiction, and so much about myself.
Alanon has offered me a wonderful way to live. I know that I will be here no matter what. If my AH leaves me, or whatever. I will be here. It is crucial to my survival. Wish I had Alanon sooner in my life, I might have saved myself a world of grief. But, I guess everything happens for a reason, and it all happens in HP's time, not our time. So, today, I am grateful to be here, instead of angry about "having to be here" like I sometimes was when I was first in Alanon.
Glad things are working out for you. Good job looking out for yourself. Keep up the good work. Keep coming back.
