The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately I have found that when I am looking for something of value I used to have like a piece of jewelry for example, I find all kinds of things missing just disappeared into thin air. I get that bitter churning in my stomach and feel so angry about that. I hate looking for things and then realizing what probably happened to them. ERRRRRGH The list of missing items seems endless and makes me soooooo mad! I try not to dwell too long in it but I think it's actually really healthy to be mad about something like that so you don't forget.
On a happy note, I started a myspace account last weekend and was looking up names and found my ex boyfriend who I lived with for a year and a half about 14 years ago. He was the only non A I ever got serioulsy involved with and I wasn't very nice to him. I contacted him, I guess we'll see what happens. But the prospect of having someone to reminisce with is sort of exciting.
Carolinagirl - this is just a suggestion - just how I had to handle the anger that was eating me alive. Prior to recovery, my anger level was off the charts and everyone knew it. I am much happier now that my HP has helped heal me of that. This is some of the ways that I worked thru it - I hope that it might help you - Remember "Take what you like & leave the rest" . . .
Sometimes remembering past unhealthy behavior can be good to stop us from repeating mistakes, but for me, I have found the longer I hold on to the anger & resentment the further away serenity and sanity will be from my life.
Not that you should stuff the pain, anger and fears that you have about the missing jewelry - there is step work that can be done to help you work thru those emotions when you are ready. But most of the time who is being hurt most by that anger & resentment? Usually not the A's. Usually it is us. We are the ones who stay in turmoil.
Sometimes saying "HP, I am powerless over ____________, I am willing to let go of the anger, resentment and fears. I ask for your guidance to help me avoid having these type of situations in my life from now on. Help me to make healthier choices"
Just sharing what has worked for me . . .
Love in recovery,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Why is your jewelry missing? Did an alky steal it? I am new to the on-line thing, so I may have missed something. I know you are thinking of changing sponsors, have you?
Listen, you have a right to be angry if you were stolen from, it's a natural emotion. It will take some time to get over that.....remember, we are only human. Sometimes in these 12 steps programs, people have a tendency to counsel us away from our natural intincts of anger. That is inappropriate, in my experience. When someone's home is robbed, the right thing to be is angry.
I suggest that you call someone regularly, instead of venting to a computer about this.....and see if that tool doesn't help you. You know, there was a time when we didn't have computers.........
I would agree with Rita G. I have a right to anger but not anger that really sends me into toxic zones. So I personally practice each day letting go of a lot of what the A does. This is easier these days because I interact with him as little as possible. I tend to label more and more of his behavior and attitude as alcoholic and take less of it personally. I failed to label it correctly before I took it all totally personally. The A was like this long long long long before he met me. He hid it pretty well for a while.
I would never ever have imagined my letting stuff go before. I collected resentments. I do know it is very very hard to get to the place of letting go. At the same time for me the toxic resentment was just as bad for me as whatever the A did. I don't put myself in a position much anymore where the A can "do" to me. I can still be hurt by his behavior if I choose to. I just choose not to right now. He's always been like this it is not directed at me (although it feels like it) and I refuse to allow his issues to rule me any longer.
