Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Ash · Ash

I can't be all things to all people, every person has a God..... even if they don't know it. I don't want to be in the way of them finding the good stuff. It seems that it is best for me to stay centered (pull to the center of the dysfunctional triangle) with my Higher Power and find something that brings joy...

ddub · ddub

This is not any information most of us have not experienced but good to see words put to what we have been through. It refers to those who live with alcoholics have emotional intoxicants. The 4 stages we go through are similar to the alcoholic and labeled: concerned stage, defense stage, adaption...

barisax · barisax

Here I am only about 9 hours away from celebrating 20 years since my last drink... 1 am 2/6/1989. Much of my sobriety has been learning about myself and relationships... mostly through the lack thereof. This is where Alanon has been of such great value to me. We in Alanon know about the phenomenon of &...

Suzannah · Suzannah

(((((((((((((((((Missing))))))))))))))))))))))), and anyone else who is grieving for a loved one at this time, I lost my own father just a few weeks before you lost your father and I understand the rawness of your grief. The adjustment to this loss takes time and, although it does happen different...

cichlid6 · cichlid6

<!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cali...

Cindy Sue · Cindy Sue

Just a note to say hello and that I'm back. One of those things ya know. You walk away from AlAnon after years of meetings. Husband gets off drugs and then returns to drinking. Little by little it's out of control. With that said, so am I. Disgusted with the whole lot. Disgusted and angry that I'm b...

Ness · Ness

I'm struggling a bit, well more than a bit, today. Since having contact with my Ason over the last 48 hours, my detachment from his illness remains solid but my maternal instincts will be my battle today. He is in a bad place right now, I can feel his fear and to top it all have just had a phonecall from him t...

maresie · maresie

I have a job interview this week (Friday). I desperately need some stability a job, benefits, stability. i need to be working on moving on from where I am. Please send up prayers that I get all the help I need to get through and suceed. maresie.

Ickle Lynnie · Ickle Lynnie

Have just had an Epihany (is that how you spell it) while reading through the posts. My depression and my disease did not begin with my AH's drinking. It begun with needing others to 'need' me. It begun with me seeking out other's who were dependent in order to validate myself. This started long before m...

belle1 · belle1

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERSby Portia NelsonI I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fal...

Lilly Burn · Lilly Burn

Hi, Im completely new to this forum and glad ive found it. Ive been married for just about 6 years, 7 years together and I have battled with my husbands rounds of drinking bouts, sobriety and working back to alcohol again. Hes left me many times, not come home at night, picked arguments to go out and drink...

missing out · missing out

I sit here and I read about all your posts, and i feel so deeply for all of you and your struggle and I am so happy when you all make it to that special place in your life and all is good in the world... Personally, I'm not married too or dating my A's.. My Afather is deceased as of Nov.08, My Abrother -which foll...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So happy together!

souljoy · souljoy

My AH is in AA and he has almost 6 months. So much has changed in the last 6 months for the both of us because both of us are in recovery. We communicate better most of the time. We don't argue as much. We seem to enjoy our lives together now. I am thankful for these things. But then there are days I just do not ge...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I received several responses to my post about EXABF showing up at my work to deliver a birthday card yesterday and am thankful for all the input. I do however have a question.....I feel that when I told him that we needed to have no contact that that was setting a pretty FIRM boundary. YES I did contac...

MrFrustrated · MrFrustrated

I need to start, as I'm sure most do, with the fact that I love my wife more than anything in this world, and I would do anything for her and our children. I think in the end, this is probably where my problems lies. My wife has a drinking problem. When sober, she is incredible, a wonderful person, a fantast...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I just wanted to stop by and thank all of you for the much needed support the past few days, the past few weeks, and the past few months:) I reasoned a lot of things out last night with my HP and do feel much better about many things. I must admit this has been quite a bumpy ride, with lots...

Sincerely · Sincerely

I am starting to get it. And to think, I already thought I had it. Alanon is such a wonderful program. Newbies, stick it out here, work it, fake it until you make it! You will get it. And old timers, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT! Since July of 08 I have been coming here. I have learned many things. I h...

Lilly Burn · Lilly Burn

I wonder if any of you understand or are familiar with one of the quirks of my AH, which is that he seems to see himself as being on a "higher level" than other people, Ive found a number of videos hes taken of himself just looking at the camera! Part of his coldness seems bound up in his ego. Frie...

barisax · barisax

I started to post this as a responce to the "Once an A, always an A" thread but thought I'd start a new one. When an alcoholic gets sober, and begins to accumulate some sobriety, changes do begin immediately but not as fast as we'd like them to. Usually the physical improvement comes first. T...

Ness · Ness

Following on from my son's phone-call to us at 5.30 this morning, he also phoned his sister this afternoon and was telling her he has been hospitalized off and on over the last few weeks as his medical condition is deteriorating and that he would like to come home for a few days to get his 'head straig...

luvinmom · luvinmom

My son has been in living in a 3/4 house per the outcome of his last court date. We were thrilled that the court sent him there. He had a release date set for Feb 8 with a return to court date Feb 10. Visitation has not been permitted, and phone use (severly) limited. I have been working my program reall...

princessloretta · princessloretta

Well as I have posted before my husband is a binge drinker, and in Nov he had a pretty bad binge, tore up his car, we had to spend about 500.00 to fix it, and he didnt have it for 3 weeks while we were waiting for parts, he had to rely on someone else to take him to work, and well he said to me at that time, ( like man...

Sincerely · Sincerely

humilated at work, his friend told me that he asked him for some painpills. i called him when i left work. (my a husband) i told him that i know he is an alcholic and drug addict. i asked him to just be honest with me about his abuse. he works the program. he never drinks around me. i know that doesn't mak...

db55 · db55

Once an A, always an A, thank God for AA! Someone posted and asked why or if they kept acting like an A even when they are in AA... I was lying in bed this morning and that came to my mind again. I am up a little early because of that! I woke my A hubby up because I sneezed -- stopped his snoring!!! But, I sneezed ag...

Goodgran · Goodgran

Hi everybody, my name is Marie and I'm a grateful Al-Anon. I just joined your group today. I have 12 years in the program. My husband the alcoholic has 21 years sober, by the grace of God and the program of AA. We live a (mostly) peaceful life anchored by both of us working in the recovery movement here...

Marshmallow · Marshmallow

Forgive me this is long..need to vent...BADLY Stopped a AHseperated this morning. He's in our house of 14 years. I've quietly watched as he's let things go in the house. Watching him sink to his bottom. It's a mess. He has the kids half the week. It's so bad my daughter is embarrassed to have anyon...

maryam · maryam

As in the past update..my b/f finally went to detox, picked up and taken by VA social workers. didn't originally want to go after drinking for 15 days. He had me bring ciggs and candy which i did. went in last Thurday even though he didn't want to pay for it. He was released today. I just got home from work a...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Last week, after being broken up for two months and maintaining contact via email and phone, I advised EXABF that I no longer wished to do so. Things had been good to this point with the possibilityof reconciling-or so I thought-up until the day he brought up dating other people. I did not wa...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

After EXABF showed up at work yesterday, I have been feeling off kilter. I am struggling with yet another question that I can NOT come to terms with. EXABF has told me b4 that he prays daily only for God's will for him(and i may be naive but I genuinely believe this, and that he follows that guidance)....

Jerry F · Jerry F

I'm going to try the valenian and the lavender suggestions...they sound good and I like teas anyhow. Nothing wrong with resting how ever sleeping gets energy level back up to where I can work. I've gotten some "synthetic" long sleep over the past couple days and even felt like finishing s...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear All, A-Father was bereaved in November, I had not had much contact with him for about five years until my A step mother got sick, but had a lot during her illness. My son stayed with him a lot over the last few months but when son pointed out father- A's unhealthy habit of drinking quite a lot of whisky,...

Rora · Rora

I came to the conclusion today that I am not nice to my aH. And I haven't been for years. He brought this to light this morning (and many times before) but today I've been thinking a lot about this. He's absolutely right. Before our separation I could talk to him on the phone, think of him through the day and...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Just wanted to share that there is hope and there is life after all this pain that can be so sweet and wonderful. I am seeing the best guy I have ever been with in my life, he doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and he looks at me like I'm an angel. I know when I first came here I was afraid I would never feel the way I...

Ness · Ness

Hello everyone, my 32 year old son is a 2nd stage alcoholic. He lived at home with us (his Dad, and I) and his illness became our illness. His alcoholism seeped it's way slowly and insidiously, over the last 6 years, into the very fabric of our family until we were swamped......forever watching,...

missing out · missing out

WOW... What a day..About two weeks ago, my older sister and I thought it would be nice if we could take my ABrother and his kids and ours skating... Well we never thought that my Abrother would go.. Only because every time, he gets right to the last second, and has an excuse why "we can take the kids&q...

blu · blu

G'day my name is Andy and I am an Adult-child of an alcoholic and brother of an alcoholic and my family has a long history of alcoholism. I to am an Alcoholic in Recovery and a member of both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon. Everyday like all members of Al-anon and those who can not be with us today live wi...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

The more I rest in HP, the better life gets. I do not stand alone and I am not alone. Never have been! I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Oh my god I cant believe how angry I am right now. That loser has been telling his family alsorts of rubbish. His grandma just rang me. Trying to make me have him back. She said I have to chose to have mark back or stop going to college as I cant expect him or his mum to look after josh on a monday and tuesday. Fin...

ddub · ddub

sweetr's post on confusion is where my mind is lately too so hoping someone can help me get a grip as I see so definately how living with alcoholism depletes any knowledge of normal, confidence and courage. Once upon a time, I thought I had a brain but it is such a wimpy lump of mush sometimes as this disea...

Jerry F · Jerry F

After some reflection and inventory my memory comes back!! Hey this is what was covered in a couple of hundred meetings before hasn't it? So there has been lots of water under the bridge and much time in recovery and practice, practice, practice...did I miss this? Can this still apply? Is it as imp...

glad lee · glad lee

I was just driving home tonight and decided to plug in my cd, George Winston's December. I've been playing it since Thanksgiving and I'm not ready to give it up yet. There are 2 songs that still bring me tremendous peace, even though I've listened to them countless times now. To me, Variations on the...

maryam · maryam

hello again..posted here the other day about b/f and his drinking for 15 days, unwilling to get detox due to him having to pay!! the Va hospital here where they know him all to well, actually sent social workers to pick him up. I was so happy when they came to the door, an end to the insanity that has been go...

ddub · ddub

calm acceptance that I can not live with active A, reality is he has cut back but it is his major coping skill when he was worse, the passing out & blacks out were consistant nightly & now I never know when it will be crazy the affect on teens at home is either depression for one and anger for the othe...

Codependent · Codependent

I went to my new therapist today. I told her about my overwhelming fear of the A's death. She responded that with his IV drug use, it should not be a fear that he is going to die, but that I need to now say He IS going to die. Factual. I need to go ahead and see him as dead or dying and create my world as if he is n...

belle1 · belle1

Hi Everyone This board has always been a lifeline for me for the past 2 years its where much of my learnings came from, and am sure for many other also, but then suddenly most posts appear in the smallest, am not aware of any reason this maybe or if there has been such requests then ive sure to have misse...

db55 · db55

Recovery is a beautiful thing! I am new here, but I have been in counseling a long time. My alcoholic hubby has been in and out of AA for over 20 years. He is back in right now. So, maybe, since we know the disease of A is progressive, when he goes back to AA he picks back up in the recovery process quickly a...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Spent a lot of time last week struggling with feelings over EXABF and not wanting to hate him or resent him, etc....Prayed long and hard for knowledge only of His will for me and the power to carry that out....Well He had been giving me the answer all week-I just didn't like it-lol......Walked into a F2...

sweeetr · sweeetr

Ive always been the person telling others.. if you dont like your life change it.. I have been good at turning off emotions all my life... NOW?? my abf is living in my house we are renovating ... I am on the sam eproperty in out trailer with the kids while he starts(Monday, tommorrow) therapy with a couns...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Business meeting was to take place tonight. I am not feeling well and would like to reschedule until next week. Yours in recovery, Mandy

reef999 · reef999

oops...reposted by mistake. Maybe it's good that I write something....I just spent most of the day with my ex ABF. We decided that space and time is good or us right now. He said he understood that I couldn't trust him right now and that he wants to gain that back. He also said he knew that he had to focu...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

He left a week ago and although I seem to be getting better I still have my ups and downs. I find it easier to concentrate on college work and I can keep the house cleaner there is less washing and ironing to be done but I do relly miss him. Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Jehnifer · Jehnifer

last night i had this split second flash of realizaion. that i dont have to deal with him (put up with him) if i dont want to. i can stay completely away from him if i want to. Woah...total departure from what ive been trying to do. It wasn't a concious thought but raher it just slipped into my head in th...

sweeetr · sweeetr

I have been in a relationship with an ABF for 2 years.. I keep postponing marriage until "things get and SATY better" he's now agreed to couciling.. not AA but a private counselor.. A runs in his family .. has effected him all his life... we have a 3 yr old .... Is this ever a FIXED situation?? s...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I haven't posted much as of late, haven't really felt like I had much to offer to be honest. Today I find myself in need of the ESH of my MIP family once again......not for the last time I am certain. (funny how that is the ONE THING I am CERTAIN of these days) I have been praying a lot lately to...

Canary · Canary

I don't know...maybe because I am a nurse and see disease at its finest. Seeing people living their lives when all of a sudden, they don't feel good, go to a Doctor and get diagnosed with some disease, be it Diabetes, Cancer etc. I do know that I can have a few drinks.....and yet my husband can't. I can sto...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

(((Family))),I wanted to share my ES&H. This fall I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that is chronic and progressive, manageable but not curable. Clearly, it has parallels to A-ism and my experience living with my disorder has given me immense compassion for and understanding of A-...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I failed to mention that my new boyfriend has an alcoholic father and this is the main reason that he has chosen to never drink. So I have been smoking lately and he'd like me to quit.... He made a few statements that really opened my eyes to what I did with the A. I hear it with new ears now of course and I kn...

maresie · maresie

One of my core issues is really not addressing my triggers. I do not do well on holidays or any significant dates My primary defects are that I tend to procrastinate doing something proactive or act in some other kind of self sabataging way about it. I know now there were lots of things I could have done...

newlife · newlife

Day 2 after my a is caught drinking while watching my 2 babies...He's sorry he screwed up my life, he doesn't know what's wrong with him, if i want him to go he'll leave, he will seek the help and go to meetings, he wants to continue watching the kids, he promises it will be different this time...blah, bla...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Epiphany! (Preview) I can't be all things to all people, every person has a God..... even if they don't know it. I don't want to be in the way of them finding the good stuff. It seems that it is best for me to stay centered (pull to the center of the dysfunctional triangle) with my Higher Power and find something that brings joy...	Ash	3	517	Feb 6, 2009 by Jean4444
	Emotional Intoxicants (Preview) This is not any information most of us have not experienced but good to see words put to what we have been through. It refers to those who live with alcoholics have emotional intoxicants. The 4 stages we go through are similar to the alcoholic and labeled: concerned stage, defense stage, adaption...	ddub	6	771	Feb 6, 2009 by Jean4444
	Facing Fears, and what is Meant to Be (Preview) Here I am only about 9 hours away from celebrating 20 years since my last drink... 1 am 2/6/1989. Much of my sobriety has been learning about myself and relationships... mostly through the lack thereof. This is where Alanon has been of such great value to me. We in Alanon know about the phenomenon of &...	barisax	4	693	Feb 6, 2009 by Suzannah
	Grieving - bereavement and being gentle in answer to "Missingout's" post... (Preview) (((((((((((((((((Missing))))))))))))))))))))))), and anyone else who is grieving for a loved one at this time, I lost my own father just a few weeks before you lost your father and I understand the rawness of your grief. The adjustment to this loss takes time and, although it does happen different...	Suzannah	6	430	Feb 6, 2009 by Suzannah
	Mark.. FROM MISERY (Preview) <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cali...	cichlid6	3	696	Feb 6, 2009 by Christy
	I'm Baaack (Preview) Just a note to say hello and that I'm back. One of those things ya know. You walk away from AlAnon after years of meetings. Husband gets off drugs and then returns to drinking. Little by little it's out of control. With that said, so am I. Disgusted with the whole lot. Disgusted and angry that I'm b...	Cindy Sue	8	462	Feb 5, 2009 by Cindy Sue
	Bad day....My Serenity is sorely challenged (Preview) I'm struggling a bit, well more than a bit, today. Since having contact with my Ason over the last 48 hours, my detachment from his illness remains solid but my maternal instincts will be my battle today. He is in a bad place right now, I can feel his fear and to top it all have just had a phonecall from him t...	Ness	6	516	Feb 5, 2009 by Ness
	prayers please (Preview) I have a job interview this week (Friday). I desperately need some stability a job, benefits, stability. i need to be working on moving on from where I am. Please send up prayers that I get all the help I need to get through and suceed. maresie.	maresie	11	497	Feb 5, 2009 by wildthang86
	Epihany - Co-dependency (Preview) Have just had an Epihany (is that how you spell it) while reading through the posts. My depression and my disease did not begin with my AH's drinking. It begun with needing others to 'need' me. It begun with me seeking out other's who were dependent in order to validate myself. This started long before m...	Ickle Lynnie	3	626	Feb 5, 2009 by maresie
	Poem For Thoughts (Preview) AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERSby Portia NelsonI I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fal...	belle1	4	6952	Feb 5, 2009 by carolinagirl
	My husband told me his is leaving me from the West Indies on the phone (Preview) Hi, Im completely new to this forum and glad ive found it. Ive been married for just about 6 years, 7 years together and I have battled with my husbands rounds of drinking bouts, sobriety and working back to alcohol again. Hes left me many times, not come home at night, picked arguments to go out and drink...	Lilly Burn	17	1295	Feb 5, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Slowly losing it! (Preview) I sit here and I read about all your posts, and i feel so deeply for all of you and your struggle and I am so happy when you all make it to that special place in your life and all is good in the world... Personally, I'm not married too or dating my A's.. My Afather is deceased as of Nov.08, My Abrother -which foll...	missing out	5	490	Feb 5, 2009 by missing out
	FYI me and my new guy! (Preview) So happy together!	carolinagirl	7	569	Feb 5, 2009 by Gailey
	I find times when I just don't get it. (Preview) My AH is in AA and he has almost 6 months. So much has changed in the last 6 months for the both of us because both of us are in recovery. We communicate better most of the time. We don't argue as much. We seem to enjoy our lives together now. I am thankful for these things. But then there are days I just do not ge...	souljoy	9	518	Feb 5, 2009 by souljoy
	Question on boundary setting??? (Preview) I received several responses to my post about EXABF showing up at my work to deliver a birthday card yesterday and am thankful for all the input. I do however have a question.....I feel that when I told him that we needed to have no contact that that was setting a pretty FIRM boundary. YES I did contac...	shellyj123	10	814	Feb 5, 2009 by shellyj123
	Reaching my limit (Preview) I need to start, as I'm sure most do, with the fact that I love my wife more than anything in this world, and I would do anything for her and our children. I think in the end, this is probably where my problems lies. My wife has a drinking problem. When sober, she is incredible, a wonderful person, a fantast...	MrFrustrated	13	703	Feb 5, 2009 by GailMichelle
	Living my life in the now-for me, for my son. (Preview) I just wanted to stop by and thank all of you for the much needed support the past few days, the past few weeks, and the past few months:) I reasoned a lot of things out last night with my HP and do feel much better about many things. I must admit this has been quite a bumpy ride, with lots...	shellyj123	2	593	Feb 4, 2009 by hotrod
	I am starting to get it (alanon)!!!!!! (Preview) I am starting to get it. And to think, I already thought I had it. Alanon is such a wonderful program. Newbies, stick it out here, work it, fake it until you make it! You will get it. And old timers, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT! Since July of 08 I have been coming here. I have learned many things. I h...	Sincerely	7	773	Feb 4, 2009 by aunitedway
	Needing help with all sorts of questions.. is anything familiar here? (Preview) I wonder if any of you understand or are familiar with one of the quirks of my AH, which is that he seems to see himself as being on a "higher level" than other people, Ive found a number of videos hes taken of himself just looking at the camera! Part of his coldness seems bound up in his ego. Frie...	Lilly Burn	11	594	Feb 4, 2009 by serendipity
	Growth (Preview) I started to post this as a responce to the "Once an A, always an A" thread but thought I'd start a new one. When an alcoholic gets sober, and begins to accumulate some sobriety, changes do begin immediately but not as fast as we'd like them to. Usually the physical improvement comes first. T...	barisax	5	536	Feb 4, 2009 by Suzannah
	Detachment...... Hope.... (Preview) Following on from my son's phone-call to us at 5.30 this morning, he also phoned his sister this afternoon and was telling her he has been hospitalized off and on over the last few weeks as his medical condition is deteriorating and that he would like to come home for a few days to get his 'head straig...	Ness	4	1021	Feb 4, 2009 by Ness
	Gift from HP (Preview) My son has been in living in a 3/4 house per the outcome of his last court date. We were thrilled that the court sent him there. He had a release date set for Feb 8 with a return to court date Feb 10. Visitation has not been permitted, and phone use (severly) limited. I have been working my program reall...	luvinmom	4	514	Feb 4, 2009 by Jean4444
	Super Bowl = Super Bad (Preview) Well as I have posted before my husband is a binge drinker, and in Nov he had a pretty bad binge, tore up his car, we had to spend about 500.00 to fix it, and he didnt have it for 3 weeks while we were waiting for parts, he had to rely on someone else to take him to work, and well he said to me at that time, ( like man...	princessloretta	5	426	Feb 3, 2009 by puzzle
	He walked out... (Preview) humilated at work, his friend told me that he asked him for some painpills. i called him when i left work. (my a husband) i told him that i know he is an alcholic and drug addict. i asked him to just be honest with me about his abuse. he works the program. he never drinks around me. i know that doesn't mak...	Sincerely	9	649	Feb 3, 2009 by Sincerely
	Once an A always an A (Preview) Once an A, always an A, thank God for AA! Someone posted and asked why or if they kept acting like an A even when they are in AA... I was lying in bed this morning and that came to my mind again. I am up a little early because of that! I woke my A hubby up because I sneezed -- stopped his snoring!!! But, I sneezed ag...	db55	4	570	Feb 3, 2009 by db55
	A Thread for Sponsors who need support (Preview) Hi everybody, my name is Marie and I'm a grateful Al-Anon. I just joined your group today. I have 12 years in the program. My husband the alcoholic has 21 years sober, by the grace of God and the program of AA. We live a (mostly) peaceful life anchored by both of us working in the recovery movement here...	Goodgran	6	577	Feb 3, 2009 by Goodgran
	Didn't follow the program..need to vent (Preview) Forgive me this is long..need to vent...BADLY Stopped a AHseperated this morning. He's in our house of 14 years. I've quietly watched as he's let things go in the house. Watching him sink to his bottom. It's a mess. He has the kids half the week. It's so bad my daughter is embarrassed to have anyon...	Marshmallow	4	550	Feb 3, 2009 by Marshmallow
	another update!!!!!! (Preview) As in the past update..my b/f finally went to detox, picked up and taken by VA social workers. didn't originally want to go after drinking for 15 days. He had me bring ciggs and candy which i did. went in last Thurday even though he didn't want to pay for it. He was released today. I just got home from work a...	maryam	3	572	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	Go away~No wait a minute?????? Need some ESH (Preview) Last week, after being broken up for two months and maintaining contact via email and phone, I advised EXABF that I no longer wished to do so. Things had been good to this point with the possibilityof reconciling-or so I thought-up until the day he brought up dating other people. I did not wa...	shellyj123	6	796	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	What is HP trying to teach me?????? I'm missing the lesson here~~~ (Preview) After EXABF showed up at work yesterday, I have been feeling off kilter. I am struggling with yet another question that I can NOT come to terms with. EXABF has told me b4 that he prays daily only for God's will for him(and i may be naive but I genuinely believe this, and that he follows that guidance)....	shellyj123	6	726	Feb 3, 2009 by Christy
	Mahalo for the responses to HALT (Preview) I'm going to try the valenian and the lavender suggestions...they sound good and I like teas anyhow. Nothing wrong with resting how ever sleeping gets energy level back up to where I can work. I've gotten some "synthetic" long sleep over the past couple days and even felt like finishing s...	Jerry F	2	540	Feb 3, 2009 by glad lee
	Bereaved A-Father (Preview) Dear All, A-Father was bereaved in November, I had not had much contact with him for about five years until my A step mother got sick, but had a lot during her illness. My son stayed with him a lot over the last few months but when son pointed out father- A's unhealthy habit of drinking quite a lot of whisky,...	maire rua	2	404	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	Can you help me to be nice? Should I be nice? (Preview) I came to the conclusion today that I am not nice to my aH. And I haven't been for years. He brought this to light this morning (and many times before) but today I've been thinking a lot about this. He's absolutely right. Before our separation I could talk to him on the phone, think of him through the day and...	Rora	7	776	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	I'm so happy! (Preview) Just wanted to share that there is hope and there is life after all this pain that can be so sweet and wonderful. I am seeing the best guy I have ever been with in my life, he doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and he looks at me like I'm an angel. I know when I first came here I was afraid I would never feel the way I...	carolinagirl	6	426	Feb 3, 2009 by Loupiness
	Detachment....Despair.....Hope (Preview) Hello everyone, my 32 year old son is a 2nd stage alcoholic. He lived at home with us (his Dad, and I) and his illness became our illness. His alcoholism seeped it's way slowly and insidiously, over the last 6 years, into the very fabric of our family until we were swamped......forever watching,...	Ness	5	997	Feb 3, 2009 by Ness
	Sweet Dreams Tonight... (Preview) WOW... What a day..About two weeks ago, my older sister and I thought it would be nice if we could take my ABrother and his kids and ours skating... Well we never thought that my Abrother would go.. Only because every time, he gets right to the last second, and has an excuse why "we can take the kids&q...	missing out	2	366	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Living with the effects of Alcoholism (Preview) G'day my name is Andy and I am an Adult-child of an alcoholic and brother of an alcoholic and my family has a long history of alcoholism. I to am an Alcoholic in Recovery and a member of both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon. Everyday like all members of Al-anon and those who can not be with us today live wi...	blu	4	704	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Standing with HP and feeling good (Preview) The more I rest in HP, the better life gets. I do not stand alone and I am not alone. Never have been! I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live...	Jean4444	3	485	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Im so mad (Preview) Oh my god I cant believe how angry I am right now. That loser has been telling his family alsorts of rubbish. His grandma just rang me. Trying to make me have him back. She said I have to chose to have mark back or stop going to college as I cant expect him or his mum to look after josh on a monday and tuesday. Fin...	mum2leahnjosh	8	653	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	fork in the path (Preview) sweetr's post on confusion is where my mind is lately too so hoping someone can help me get a grip as I see so definately how living with alcoholism depletes any knowledge of normal, confidence and courage. Once upon a time, I thought I had a brain but it is such a wimpy lump of mush sometimes as this disea...	ddub	4	590	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	H A L T (Preview) After some reflection and inventory my memory comes back!! Hey this is what was covered in a couple of hundred meetings before hasn't it? So there has been lots of water under the bridge and much time in recovery and practice, practice, practice...did I miss this? Can this still apply? Is it as imp...	Jerry F	6	665	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Music therapy (Preview) I was just driving home tonight and decided to plug in my cd, George Winston's December. I've been playing it since Thanksgiving and I'm not ready to give it up yet. There are 2 songs that still bring me tremendous peace, even though I've listened to them countless times now. To me, Variations on the...	glad lee	4	464	Feb 2, 2009 by barisax
	update on b/f (Preview) hello again..posted here the other day about b/f and his drinking for 15 days, unwilling to get detox due to him having to pay!! the Va hospital here where they know him all to well, actually sent social workers to pick him up. I was so happy when they came to the door, an end to the insanity that has been go...	maryam	1	355	Feb 2, 2009 by maresie
	Plan B (Preview) calm acceptance that I can not live with active A, reality is he has cut back but it is his major coping skill when he was worse, the passing out & blacks out were consistant nightly & now I never know when it will be crazy the affect on teens at home is either depression for one and anger for the othe...	ddub	5	501	Feb 2, 2009 by maresie
	Act as if he is already dead. (Preview) I went to my new therapist today. I told her about my overwhelming fear of the A's death. She responded that with his IV drug use, it should not be a fear that he is going to die, but that I need to now say He IS going to die. Factual. I need to go ahead and see him as dead or dying and create my world as if he is n...	Codependent	8	635	Feb 2, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Visual Impaired & Message Board Fonts (Preview) Hi Everyone This board has always been a lifeline for me for the past 2 years its where much of my learnings came from, and am sure for many other also, but then suddenly most posts appear in the smallest, am not aware of any reason this maybe or if there has been such requests then ive sure to have misse...	belle1	2	379	Feb 2, 2009 by belle1
	Funny Thing Just Happened (Preview) Recovery is a beautiful thing! I am new here, but I have been in counseling a long time. My alcoholic hubby has been in and out of AA for over 20 years. He is back in right now. So, maybe, since we know the disease of A is progressive, when he goes back to AA he picks back up in the recovery process quickly a...	db55	4	559	Feb 2, 2009 by Jerry F
	More Higher Powered Every day:) (Preview) Spent a lot of time last week struggling with feelings over EXABF and not wanting to hate him or resent him, etc....Prayed long and hard for knowledge only of His will for me and the power to carry that out....Well He had been giving me the answer all week-I just didn't like it-lol......Walked into a F2...	shellyj123	2	558	Feb 1, 2009 by Jerry F
	thanx for always letting me vent (Preview) Ive always been the person telling others.. if you dont like your life change it.. I have been good at turning off emotions all my life... NOW?? my abf is living in my house we are renovating ... I am on the sam eproperty in out trailer with the kids while he starts(Monday, tommorrow) therapy with a couns...	sweeetr	3	508	Feb 1, 2009 by Jerry F
	Feb. Business Meeting (Preview) Hi all, Business meeting was to take place tonight. I am not feeling well and would like to reschedule until next week. Yours in recovery, Mandy	Mandy123	2	311	Feb 1, 2009 by wp
	So Confused....(part 2) (Preview) oops...reposted by mistake. Maybe it's good that I write something....I just spent most of the day with my ex ABF. We decided that space and time is good or us right now. He said he understood that I couldn't trust him right now and that he wants to gain that back. He also said he knew that he had to focu...	reef999	1	337	Feb 1, 2009 by abbyal
	One week gone (Preview) He left a week ago and although I seem to be getting better I still have my ups and downs. I find it easier to concentrate on college work and I can keep the house cleaner there is less washing and ironing to be done but I do relly miss him. Thanks everyone for your kind words.	mum2leahnjosh	6	478	Feb 1, 2009 by mum2leahnjosh
	Last night... (Preview) last night i had this split second flash of realizaion. that i dont have to deal with him (put up with him) if i dont want to. i can stay completely away from him if i want to. Woah...total departure from what ive been trying to do. It wasn't a concious thought but raher it just slipped into my head in th...	Jehnifer	2	414	Jan 31, 2009 by missing out
	should I walk away and cut my losses (Preview) I have been in a relationship with an ABF for 2 years.. I keep postponing marriage until "things get and SATY better" he's now agreed to couciling.. not AA but a private counselor.. A runs in his family .. has effected him all his life... we have a 3 yr old .... Is this ever a FIXED situation?? s...	sweeetr	9	1087	Jan 31, 2009 by serendipity
	Struggling with HIS will for me.... (Preview) I haven't posted much as of late, haven't really felt like I had much to offer to be honest. Today I find myself in need of the ESH of my MIP family once again......not for the last time I am certain. (funny how that is the ONE THING I am CERTAIN of these days) I have been praying a lot lately to...	shellyj123	3	542	Jan 31, 2009 by serendipity
	Anybody else have a problem accepting that this is a disease and not a choice or coping mechanism? (Preview) I don't know...maybe because I am a nurse and see disease at its finest. Seeing people living their lives when all of a sudden, they don't feel good, go to a Doctor and get diagnosed with some disease, be it Diabetes, Cancer etc. I do know that I can have a few drinks.....and yet my husband can't. I can sto...	Canary	12	664	Jan 31, 2009 by Brizzle Gal
	Chronic and Progressive (Preview) (((Family))),I wanted to share my ES&H. This fall I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that is chronic and progressive, manageable but not curable. Clearly, it has parallels to A-ism and my experience living with my disorder has given me immense compassion for and understanding of A-...	BlueCloud	10	651	Jan 31, 2009 by db55
	so this is what it feels like... (Preview) I failed to mention that my new boyfriend has an alcoholic father and this is the main reason that he has chosen to never drink. So I have been smoking lately and he'd like me to quit.... He made a few statements that really opened my eyes to what I did with the A. I hear it with new ears now of course and I kn...	carolinagirl	4	522	Jan 31, 2009 by Christy
	Triggers (Preview) One of my core issues is really not addressing my triggers. I do not do well on holidays or any significant dates My primary defects are that I tend to procrastinate doing something proactive or act in some other kind of self sabataging way about it. I know now there were lots of things I could have done...	maresie	1	431	Jan 30, 2009 by nmike
	same old promises (Preview) Day 2 after my a is caught drinking while watching my 2 babies...He's sorry he screwed up my life, he doesn't know what's wrong with him, if i want him to go he'll leave, he will seek the help and go to meetings, he wants to continue watching the kids, he promises it will be different this time...blah, bla...	newlife	2	496	Jan 30, 2009 by Jerry F
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