The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It was pay day at work yesterday. As an employee who's been there since the business opened, I am aware of how "relaxed" the corporate people are about delivering the checks on time. Yesterday, I was aware they were having a party amongst themselves at the corporate office, they had gotten a keg. Unfortunately, there were employees sitting at the retail store (where I was working) waiting for their checks for over an hour, and the corporate people knew this. One employee finally stormed off without her check, calling me an hour later (crying) to say that she was quitting.
Well, my ability to detach went out the door, I became angry too. And I cried all the way home, feeling the hopelessness.
I have to work again today. And I have the urge to lash out at the corporate people! I want to point out their rudeness, their complete lack of dignity and respect for their employees who are trying to pay their bills on time!!!
Decided to phone my sponsor .... oh yeah, powerlessness... I cannot change anyone. My motive? It's to open their eyes, to try to change them. Can't be done. True, this really isn't my personal battle, I was not waiting for my check. I could possibly get myself into trouble for saying anything. Best if I just go in today, trusting HP.... of course. The voice of sanity. Wow.
The world is crazy. I can get crazy too and make big trouble for myself if I'm not clear of my motives, if I'm not watching myself...
Thanks for walking this journey with me. Thanks for listening.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
wow, hey my exAH used to do this all the time!!!!!!!
I can so relate about that strong passionate feeling of wanting to create JUSTICE
Knowing EXACTLY what I COULD DO TO GENERATE JUSTICE!!
Its a trip and its so good that you figured that out but you know what, yeah, it is totally WRONG.
But its not YOUR wrong! Its THEIR wrong! You kept your side of the street clean by keeping your nose out of it. But theoretically, yeah, you know what you know. The trick is to STOP and not act until you know for sure what the deal is and calling your sponsor is the direct line to figuring out what the deal is!
You worked the program so beautifully so congrats but yeah, I hear ya. Its not fair. You are right about that.
This is helpful for me to read and realize how crazy our minds can get from trying to please everyone. I have a sibling who is really toxic for me to be around. She would use something like this to defend honesty. If she knew of any thing that was not being done correctly, she would try to fix it, attempt to get support from her peers & superiors and then quit the job for it's dishonesty & poor practices. As you can imagine she wasn't able to work for others as a perfectionist. As a volunteer for her church she got disgusted so went with others to create her own church.
As a child & teen (she's over 10 yrs older than me), if she found out that I was frustrated with any practices in anything then she would berate me for my dishonesty in not getting that fixed. You have shown me how I still have remnants of that feeling that I am a bad or dishonest person for not solving the problems of the world. I am so grateful for your post and for all that I am learning in al anon. It is a lifetime process to clear away distorted thinking, step by step and it is so rewarding and frees me to feel good about myself odat.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Well thats happened to me a bunch of times. The times when I should have been paid on time!!! I always over reacted. Join the club. Now you're in the program you can get back on target and give yourself a break.
Some weeks are harder than others. Who knows why they didn't get the paychecks there on time. They don't often give you the real reason.
