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I feel like I've slipped
(Preview)
I'm going through a bad day dealing with anger and resentment at my AH, along with anger at myself for not being strong enough. I'm separated from AH, but we're still close in that he spends a large part of the weekend with me and our son. He's been sober since September after getting out of rehab. This f...
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nyc018
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12
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415
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Passive Agressive - vent
(Preview)
My AH and I spent the day together and had a nice time for the most part. I'm a little irritated at the moment (better for me to put it down here than to act out how I want too .. LOL) being woken up at the crack of dawn. He spent the evening in the ER .. THAT didn't make me happy as he could have gone to a dang dr ins...
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Pushka
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13
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540
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Just did an inventory about Tuesday...
(Preview)
and I haven't felt self hatred and disgust since I don't know when. My VA/AA counselor told me years ago that when my time was all done that if I found that I had progressed 1/4" (a quarter inch) in recovery then I should be satisfied and my self righteous self said...uh uh Bill, I'll be miles away fr...
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Jerry F
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15
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726
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Resentment...
(Preview)
How do I get rid of all this hate and resentment????? Every single night lately I can't sleep because I have all these thoughts in my mind of all the things that are bothering me and all the reasons why I resent my Abf... I find myself laying in bed next to him, discusted to even look at him.. I love him but I s...
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kris10
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25
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826
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What had me most trapped
(Preview)
I knew it then and I know it now. It was a combo of hating myself and being afraid to be alone. For me, I would rather be with someone I couldn't stand at that point than to be alone. When alone, I had to think about myself. I had to really ponder my situation and where my life did not go as planned. I had to f...
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pinkchip
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14
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736
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Thanks To All The Veterans
(Preview)
Today is Veterans Day. A day for us to thank all of the Veterans who gave of service and many who paid the ultimate price giving their life for their country and our freedom. My late brother was one of them. He was a Marine, once a Marine always a Marine. The few the proud the Marines. His motto: Semper Fi...
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RLC
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8
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406
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15 Years and counting - and at a Cross Road
(Preview)
I just found this message board, I have read posts that I can completely relate too, I just haven't taken that step and gone to a Family Group meeting. I have been married 15 years with two wonderful sons, and have been living with alcoholism for over 11 years of it, and I find myself at a cross road. Can I...
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Lilbearz
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12
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492
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feeling ok with me and my decisions and what's right for me
(Preview)
I know this is a tough topic with ACoA's (for those newbies - Adult Children of Acoholics - I grew up with an alcoholic parent). As most of you know I've been struggling with my marriage. I've been separated for over a year and we are in a "trial" back together. My spouse has no problems telli...
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amills4294
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13
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488
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Pod Casts on iTunes search alanon (or AA speakers)
(Preview)
I was raised on Apple products, so I don't know about other areas to look online. I'm sure there are .. lol .. I haven't at this point looked. If you have a computer you don't have to have an iPod. The podcasts are downloadable straight to the computer through an iTunes account. It's all free, there is...
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Pushka
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8
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1197
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The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
(Preview)
I never understood that there truly is no joy without sorrow until now. I am reading the prophet and it is as if kahlil gibran watched the past six months of my life unfold and then wrote the chapter on sorrow and joy and the chapter on marriage for that matter. Its comforting to know that obviously I am n...
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Michelle814
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13
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677
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Think I may have hit the point of no-return
(Preview)
Problems with my AM continue almost unabated. She is living in an assited living facility, as she is essentially disabled (with a heart condition and pacemaker) and thus on restriced income. She has made friends with another resident there that she initially was trying to avoid (or so she claimed)...
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scholarlydragon
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5
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460
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50/50
(Preview)
I have recognized that I have to change me. The anger that I was so often feeling is less and less. I'm more able to let go. The whiskey bottle that was sitting behind the end table next to the couch, was just that, I had no reaction to it. Last night I arrived home and my husband was working on dinner, it was fa...
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Jackie11
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10
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574
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The death of a relationship
(Preview)
Since I started going to Al-anon face to face meetings almost a year ago, I have experienced the death of a few relationships. I have outgrown some of these and some people didn't want to deal with my self righteousness, I had early in my program (I wanted to force feed Al-anon to everyone dear to me). It i...
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Breakingfree
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9
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988
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Off topic here, thinking about future careers
(Preview)
I know that some of us feel trapped by our situation especially if the primary provider is the A in our lives. I have been thinking that I need to prepare for the future and maybe think about a career path. I have a 4 year degree and was a stock broker working in institutional investing for a few years befo...
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ilovedogs
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6
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392
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I have to admit is IS getting better!
(Preview)
OK so I overreacted to the family thing I was going through--maybe they just didn't want to upset me & set off my darn disease! I have talked to them via FACEBOOK through pictures. Some of them were really old 1990, & they loved them! It was so cool to bond w/ them w/ the pictures. They couldn't rem...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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252
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Guilt About Past Mistakes
(Preview)
I've been going to Al-Anon for several weeks now. He has relapsed, and has pushed me out of his life for the most part. I now understand what I can and can't change, but I seem to still have doubts that it is his disease that pushes me away. But I've done and said so many things that were wrong or hurtful in the...
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jazzcat
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20
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640
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Live with a Jekyll and Hyde
(Preview)
Hi everyone. I am new here. Having a very stressful day. My husband of 10 years is an alcoholic. We have had some bad times throughout the years, but this, by far, has been the worst yet. Most of the Summer was good. He really didn't drink much....We got along well. About 3 weeks ago, he stayed out mo...
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KimK
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12
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5622
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i have found my rock bottom
(Preview)
Three years ago, our whole world came apart. I ended up in the hospital sufferring from a major depression that stemmed from me trying to cover up the mess my husband and my life had become. I started to work on myself and my husband went in and out of sobriety for a while. Thankfully he has been sober for 18...
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afares
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13
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638
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Reminded ...
(Preview)
Deblyn's post a few days ago Well do you love them????? reminded me that I do much better when I remember to be grateful for what I have. And of something I'd read, an excerpt from the book Awakening In Time by Jacquelyn Small. Kat and I liked is so much, we included it at our wedding. Not that we remember to...
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rrib
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13
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575
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Sliding Down A Slope
(Preview)
I feel kind of lonely today and am pondering about my life; who I have become, my codependency issues, what my feelings are, and where I want my life to go. I have a BSN in Nursing and have worked at a hospital for 18 years. Shortly after I started working, I met my A and little by little, my life turned into...
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Whitehydrangia
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6
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503
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New and devastated
(Preview)
I am brand new to this, but have been reading posts since 4am. All of the posts have given me strength, thank you everyone! My AH left 3 days ago. I told him to go after weeks of him threatening to leave. He is on medication for depression which can not be combined with alcohol. Problem is he told his ther...
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TeachMe
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10
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486
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Tired of riding the roller coaster
(Preview)
I am married to an active alcoholic, and right now - I'm really angry about it. There aren't any meetings in my area tonight that I can attend, so in the interest of full disclosure - I found this site and am just here to vent. I'm new to Al-Anon and haven't been to many meetings, so in addition to venting I'l...
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floweroflife
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14
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592
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Only One Moment at a Time....
(Preview)
I would Have to say without the Love & Support that I have thru Al-Anon/ACOA I truly wouldn't have a Clue were My Life may have Lead these Last 3 years... Its Almost Scary to think when I Look back at Where I Began when this Newest Journey took roots... Currently My knowledge and know how on the "L...
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Jozie
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6
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551
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ARRRGH!!!
(Preview)
So today is a hard day, I'm feeling resentful for having to take over the money and put it in his account bit by bit as he needs things like gas. I took the cards in anger last week when he "slipped " and went to the liquor store again the third weekend in a row. He has since asked me to keep all the mo...
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noelle2
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8
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398
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trouble loading chat room
(Preview)
I cant get into the chat room today, is anyone else having issues with entry or is it bc i dont know how to use this new pc? ugh, help
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kitty
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10
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519
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Getting Honest
(Preview)
I had an HP moment: one of those times when I really look at myself in the mirror and see what lies deep beneath my heart. I have had a few posts lately about setting my "no driving the kids" boundary with my AH. I thought I was doing it to protect the kids. And I am. But, there is something deeper....
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Very Very Tired
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11
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380
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Scared and lost....and so lonely
(Preview)
I need some guidance here.... I have been trying for so long and so hard to move forward and away from my past experiences and the more I try, the worse I feel. I have no real closure as I am still awaiting my day in court for the assault. I was denied AGAIN by SS for disability even though I am in no way physic...
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liljeannie
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9
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511
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recovery
(Preview)
As is usual for me I have trouble with so many slogans and sayings. This one is one that has given me some real pause for thought. Do we really recover from the hurts and betrayals we recieve at the hands of those we love? I listen and listen to so many including myself talk about wounds that never heal. So it...
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sirchef
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8
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734
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committee in my head
(Preview)
HI I have heard this term a few times on this board... the committee in my head. Can I please have a full explanation of what you guys mean? I am thinking it means when we argue with ourselves. thanks
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Lindaoakford
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11
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1460
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How do i sleep....
(Preview)
Trying soo hard to sleep but the fact that my Abf is nodding out next to me high on heroin wont get out of my head... As he noddes out next to me in bed with a lit cigarette in his hand falling on top of him i cant help but want to smack him in the back of the head and tell him " wake up dumb@$$ you are burning you...
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kris10
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13
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498
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Putting the program to the pavement .. lol
(Preview)
Ohhh boy ... the next 2 weeks are going to be interesting. I'm in the process of working with my mom on airline tickets to go out there. I've left it up to her as she's graciously paying for the tickets. My personality is more towards just tell me where to be and what time and I'll work it out on my end. Esp...
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Pushka
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4
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332
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run in with As dealer.....
(Preview)
So I have been wanting to get a membership at the YMCA but I've been avoiding it because I know that my As drug dealer goes there.... THIS PERSON I CAN'T STAND WITH A PASSION.... He is by far the snakiest person I've ever met. This is my As "best friend" for years EXCEPT for when he was sober or in t...
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kris10
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12
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420
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Posts all say they are flagged as spam?
(Preview)
All of my posts are saying they have been flagged as spam, and must be cleared by an administrator. They haven't appeared on the message board. Any ideas?
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jazzcat
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3
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253
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Excuses
(Preview)
I realized a few weeks ago that I sometimes make excuses for not getting to a F2F meeting. If my AH is out of town or sick or whatever, I use that as an excuse not to go to my home meeting. If AH isn't home or available, I don't have anyone to drive the kids to their evening activities. I finally admitted this ex...
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Very Very Tired
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6
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359
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Trying to detatch from my husbands hangover
(Preview)
so, my first time on a message board, but i have two small children and am up too early to make an outreach call. my husband is not sober but is functioning. his drinking is getting worse and is back to about every other day.so i am dealing with a hangover every other morning as well. thankful his drinki...
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danni
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12
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798
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"how could you let him..."
(Preview)
Last night, my AB came to the Halloween party my friend and I threw. He is 3 months out of rehab. Usually I have the party at my house but didn't want to put him in that situation and decided to have it elsewhere. I don't drink or do drugs (just don't like it). My friends aren't big drinkers either. My AB came a...
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Golightly24
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16
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942
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Update
(Preview)
I went to a meeting yesterday :) It was my homegroup meeting, which I haven't been to in ages. I flexed my time at work, skipping out a bit, and met with my sponsor beforehand. I was feeling like "Ok! You win (God)! Tell me what to do (Sponsor)." I cannot control my recovering alcoholic h...
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KLotus
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7
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301
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need some opinons
(Preview)
I have really had enough of my BF coming home drunk after saying "don't worry I'll be sober" or lying to me before i even ask. Last night the very 1st thing he said to me was "don't worry, I'm good" which was suppose to mean he wasn't drinking. With in 5 minutes of looking at him i could...
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HoofnIt
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11
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429
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Stay out of Crazy Town
(Preview)
I was reading through one of the posts here tonight,, and read a line posted by rehprof....Stay out of crazy town....It struck me as funny and kept running through my head....Makes perfect sense.... I've been to crazy town more times than I care to remember, and I wish I could have back all the tears an...
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KimK
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4
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319
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Being True to Ourselves
(Preview)
I thought I would share - this was very powerful for me and my HP put this in front of me today when I most needed it. True to Ourselves: November 8 This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare To thine own self b...
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amills4294
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6
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444
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Frustrated!
(Preview)
My Ex-"A" is the source of my frustration, but more than that, the lack of resources to protect the community at large from him and including my grandchildren from being in his prescence when he owns a firearm with ammo and gets it out to shoot immaginary predators due to his dillusions etc....
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Grace7
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4
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534
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confused
(Preview)
I'm new to this forum. Not new to 12 step programs. I currently am practicing duel enrollment :). I'm married to a recovering heroin addict. He has been in a program for 9 months and has another 2 months to graduate the program. We visit regularly and communicate well. Or so I thought. Recently he has bee...
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SCARLETT
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9
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368
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Tough day ahead
(Preview)
First court date today to divorce my AH. He will only go for half my retirement, he says, and he will not ask me for alimony as long as I don't ask him for any child support. Wow. He hasn't worked in well over a year because of drinking and pain pills...I'm struggling to keep oil in the tank and food on the tabl...
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rehprof
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8
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466
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Pushed beyond the point of sanity
(Preview)
Hey all, Sorry to vent again, but then again this info might be useful to anyone who will go through the restraining order process. fyi any of you who do, I recommend a lawyer, advocate, etc...basically as many people as you can to help navigate the paperwork. It is highly time consuming and aggravati...
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rara avis
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9
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563
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Revelations About Myself
(Preview)
Over the past week since my husband has started to act a little different I have hit rock bottom within myself. He has become distant and it has thrown me way out of control. I never realized how much dealing with a sober alcoholic father and an alcholic husband have done to me over the years. I have put u...
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afares
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4
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334
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Working on not feeling guilt when taking care of me
(Preview)
I read alot of these posts - I attend face to face alanon meetings and I am starting to work he steps. What I have the most issue with is not feeling bad or guilty for not meeting the wants/desires of others. I know that a decsion that I need to make is looming and I've known for a long time the direction that...
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amills4294
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6
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365
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Just Need Some Words of Encouragement
(Preview)
I have recently just been introduced to this website. It has been very helpful in the last couple of days as my AH and I are now at a point where we can, again, approach his drinking for what it really is with the help of family and AA. This time around my AH sees his drinking as a problem and something he needs...
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HisWife24
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15
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2093
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Not sure I should have said that
(Preview)
Last night, after a few days of my husband's anger escalating and lashing out at me and the kids, he apologized and asked what I was feeling. His drinking has escalated this week along with his anger level. I said I noticed he was drinking more (this is the first I had mentioned it) and that when he drink...
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danni
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8
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488
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I hope and pray..
(Preview)
Lately I feel as if I am being sucked into a hole, which will swallow me whole and never let me out. Alcoholism has played a major role in a majority of lives, within my immediate family. Both of my parents, who have never really been together, have overcome their addictions and no longer drink. My mom doe...
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Beckatitis
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4
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371
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so tired
(Preview)
I just found out that my father has stage 4 cancer. No one even told me that I can remember. I knew he had cancer but no one informed me about it. I am getting very tired of feeling left out of everything. It makes me feel like I am on an island, drifting away! Last night I finally talked to my older sister. She s...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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305
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Going on a trip
(Preview)
I'm headed out of town in a couple of weeks this is a big deal as it's the first time I will be childless AND without a spouse in over 13 years. That is a big milestone. Asked me 5 years ago if I would leave the kids with my AH and the answer would have been a resounding NO WAY!! I figure 7 days of no baths for the y...
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Pushka
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3
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255
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Letting go
(Preview)
I was able to get away for the weekend to visit a friend of mine. I enjoyed the stunning drive through the VA mountains. Was able to enjoy the time spent with my friend. Her daughter turned 8 and she has 2 babies under 2 plus a little boy so I went up to offer an extra set of hands for the weekend. Before I left I g...
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Jackie11
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8
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502
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A true gift!!!!
(Preview)
http://vimeo.com/31158841 I hope you can see this. I am in complete awe. love.....
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Debilyn
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5
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307
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BPD
(Preview)
Well.. not sure if I said much about this on this board, but I have been to a psychologist today. I have tried a few counsellors and such, but none seem to really 'get' what it is about me that I want to work on. Today, I spoke about BPD traits and how I feel fit most of them when we look back over the history of m...
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Lindaoakford
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19
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3195
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Should I go to meeting?
(Preview)
Hello I think I already understand that I won't get advice here but maybe someone can offer me some wisdom... There is an Al-Anon meeting near me this evening and I am considering attending for the first time (I am 33). I would say that I carry a lot of pain about a number of drinkers in my mother's family,...
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Rosyrosy
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10
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609
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Do I just forget???
(Preview)
Hi I am starting to think I must have the worse memory in the world. On Saturday, I went out to the shops for about an hour. I knew in my heart he would have a smoke and I was only half uptight about it. Before I went home, I rang to see if we needed anything, milk or whatever. I had to ring a number of times befo...
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Lindaoakford
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12
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647
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PTSD from previous assaults.
(Preview)
Hi. I've been having some severe panic attacks the past few days. My GF of nine months 1st assaulted me back in March.Luckily I wasn't bruised or scarred and security at the bar wisely separated us and took her away.Shortly after I went to Alanon and it became apparent to me that she was not the only alcoh...
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mannaguy
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11
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479
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Never lose hope...
(Preview)
What Happens to this Kitten Will Really Move You - Click Here to Watch the Video =) www.godvine.com Love this one!!!
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kris10
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4
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332
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Trying to ask for what I need
(Preview)
I have not felt well for the last couple of days. Today I started feeling a bit better, and had been asked to meet with a friend for tea. Usually I would bring my 18 month old with me, but was really feeling like I needed a couple of hours just for me. I have a long work week ahead, a stressfull one. My husba...
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KLotus
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5
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460
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Addict Daughter with 3 small Children - update
(Preview)
I had to call DFS for my daughter and her children since the family has no electric and is living in unfit conditions. The worker called me today and what a small world. The worker lives just across the street from me..HP comes in when you least expect it. The worker feels a connection to me and my famil...
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mdkm0726
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4
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327
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