Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I had a tenuous grip on this to begin with and again feel like there isn't any. Yes there are things in my life to be grateful for but for every one of them there's and equal and opposite problem. I'm no good with denial...it would be great to pretend that everything is ok and go tip toeing through the tuli...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Well, maybe my title isn't quite right, but I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about how I see alcohol and how I classify drinkers. I've been feeling guilty lately because I've been judging everyone I know who drinks. We were at a party last weekend and AH and I were drinking NA beer while ou...

Heather123 · Heather123

Is it really possible to find peace and happiness with an active A? My AH is my best friend. He's been there for me when nobody else could be. He's given me the unconditional and unfailing love and support that I've never had from anyone else. He takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. W...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi Everyone, My partner has been sober for 6 months 5 in rehab and rest in supported living. I am tired I keep slipping into resntfulness that although he is sober life is still so difficult and hard. He is in early recovery he is going to meetings most days and is doing good. I just feel like I need time f...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Today I smiled, and all at once things didn't look so bad Today I shared with someone else, a bit of hope I had Today I sang a little song, and felt my heart grow light And walked a happy little mile, with not a cloud in sight Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more And what had seemed like only...

Jerry F · Jerry F

For those of us who's lives have been positively affected by the Al-Anon Family Groups; take a moment to express gratitude for Lois W., one of the co-founders of Al-Anon and also the wife of Bill W., the co-founder of AA.

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I can say an awful lot even when I don't make any sense--a lot of people make sense for me. I am so glad that I have a lot of people in my life who have grown along w/ me over the years. I have had many opportunities to share my ESH but lately I have been able to share positive & uplifting memories & good t...

Suzannah · Suzannah

One of the hardest decisions for me is to face myself in times of emptiness. When I am feeling empty I tend to look everywhere for things to do, places to go, people to meet so that I do not need to face the emptiness that I feel. Tonight a friend rang me and asked me if I was okay? "Yes, thank you."...

glad lee · glad lee

I am supposed to be packing my bags to catch my flight to visit my kids for a few days. I am sitting here, fighting some anxiety over this visit, a few days ago I was bouncing with excitement. Today, I am faced with some nasty realities... my family is so torn apart since the divorce, my kids currently do...

dawnk1968 · dawnk1968

I have been away from my AH for 3 years now but he still effects me. It took a long to realize that nothing was going to change. I know I would make excuses of why my AH couldn't go and do things which for me it didn't seem right but I did it anyhow. Finally when there was nothing else I could do I had to leave for my...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone if I am really honest i have not been working a good programme of late. I am under a lot of stress in my life loosing my job, trying to start my own business run a home and raise to teenagers. I have cut my meetings down to one a week and although I read every day, I am not using my phone as much as i us...

Steph444 · Steph444

Sorry if that's a stupid question, but how do I do it? I have read the steps, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I desperately want out of this nightmare that I'm in. I'm trying to make sense of it all. Okay, I've read some posts....I guess I'm now labled codependant...but what do I do with that? How do I f...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

In your experience, how have you chosen to handle your A's lies? What was your response when you knew something was a lie (have proof)? What was your response when you suspected something was a lie (don't have proof)? I'm choosing my response to what I suspect is a lie and would like to hear about other ex...

cillia · cillia

hey im 18 years old and live with a alcaholic perent . my mom has been in rehab twise . and she just relapsed today . i dont know wat to do she keeps on hidding it and i told my dad , now she makes as if im the bad person in the story . CAN ANYONE PLZ TELL ME HOW TO COPE WITH A PERENT LIKE THIS ? im in university and my gra...

RachelW · RachelW

Right, so, I need some advice. My qualifier, my boyfriend, seems to be resentful of the things I am learing in Al-Anon. I have learned many coping skills and changed many behaviors. A few times after I has referenced some wisdom I've learned in a meeting or from Al-Anon literature, he will throw it back...

searching4peace · searching4peace

That is what I told my son on the ride to school this morning. And it was long past due. It should have been said long ago. He shouldn't be left stumbling and struggling in the minefield that is our home. And he shouldn't have to feel responsible for the moods of the other family members. After an outb...

theaeidann · theaeidann

hello everyone, i am new to all of this: being with an A (h. addicit), al anon and these forums. id like to thank everyone because so far reading others expereicnes really helps. on march 7th, its our 1 year anniversary. when i met him, he was 4 months clean. He is in the beginning years of trying to get cle...

Irish1 · Irish1

When he says " You knew I drank when we met"

TheJeanGenie · TheJeanGenie

Hey all, This is my first time posting here, I've been following for a few days. I have almost 1.5 years of Al-anon recovery, but its slow going... Life is a bit crazy at the moment, and I am battling anxiety problems using the program tools. We have many big issues at the moment although I know that my p...

Honeypie · Honeypie

Writing down how I was feeling and getting those feelings on paper was really cathartic. It helped clarify my boundaries and why I needed them in the first place. I was able to re-focus on myself and what I need and let my A bf go. Turn him back over to HP. Thanks for helping me step out of the chaos again. Hon...

Trudles57 · Trudles57

I really need some input. I have 3 sons, my middle one is an active addict/alcoholic, while the other two do drink but don't appear to have the disease, quitting alcohol at will. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic of 14 yrs & attends meetings daily. He is extremely judgmental re: my sons &a...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Had to work tonight and of course as I'm going out the door my wife starts in on my daughter......I see my daughter looking at me as I leave.....I have anxiety....not that she'll be beaten or anything physical, nor will she be starved or neglected but that she will be the whipping boy tonight while i&qu...

kath · kath

Today I can see what I have done in the past to make sure to please everybody. I am afraid of what people might think of me if I don't do what I perceive that they want me to do. Even though I know that I am doing the right thing for my kids in me, I still have a fear of upsetting my AH because I am no longer participa...

Steph444 · Steph444

Hi everyone. What a day. My husband stayed out most of the night. Which was fine but he woke up this morning being a brat. He demanded I pay half the bills. I got student loan money so he knows I have money in the bank. He threatened to slash my tires and disable my car. Actually my car still isn't fixed from ye...

newleaf66 · newleaf66

Hey everyone, it's been a little while, I'm humming along, trying to keep my head above water with bills, kids and choas. Leaving the AH to his own devices and trying to mind my own business. Against instinct, I asked him if he wanted to talk about the "elephant in the room", "the dista...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Saying no is something I have always struggled with. A woman in my f2f meetings says that "NO" is a complete sentence, and does not require justification or softening or sugar coating. The sugar coating is what I saw in my family of origin. When I saw my mom interact with other people (not...

deepocean · deepocean

Hi !st night discussing Al Anon and I am frightened to death !! I am sober 4 years my now ex girlfriend sober 20+ years.Our separation has left us both emotional. And we are respecting each others space and time to heal. Both accepting where each other is. She is not financially well placed and therefore...

Honeypie · Honeypie

I feel so guilty, angry and hurt. Have hardly talked to A bf all week. He called me as soon as I got off work today at 3 p.m. He assumed I would be going to his house after work today since I haven't seen him since Monday morning before work. When I said I didn't know if I was going to visit him, he was sarcastic, l...

KimmyJo · KimmyJo

As some of you may remember, last month I was the wife with hate in my heart towards my husband who was in rehab. I was the wife, who at times thought my life would be easier if he would over drink himself and die.... He did his 30 day rehab, came home, and I kept my space. I did not encourage him, I did not clap my...

searching4peace · searching4peace

Seriously. I have been reading all over the board and going through my alanon literature all day and I realize that I am being crazy. I am actually acting like an insane person. I want something. I don't ask for it. I hint, imply, pout, sulk, manipulate, threaten, coerce and even lie. But I don't j...

Steph444 · Steph444

Well, I went to most of an alanon meeting tonight. Everyone was very nice, but as with my theme today, I cant stop crying. I bought the ebook codependant no more and will dive into it in a little while. I can't find the one by Tobi Rice Drews. Is it sold as an ebook? When I got home, my husband was drinking. H...

searching4peace · searching4peace

And desperately needing so support and direction. I collect alcoholics and addicts the way some people collect baseball cards. Or so it seems. I'll spare you the list. It's extensive. My husband is an alcoholic. Trying to control his drinking I stumbled apon alanon years ago and made it to a few o...

likemyheart · likemyheart

I was responding to another post when this thought came to me - maybe I'm the only one doing it, maybe others do it too. Do you tell others the truth about what is going on in your life? I don't mean telling people you're going through hard times but actually naming the trouble and talking openly about wh...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I can understand accepting things that may not be as I want them. But we are also told not to accept the unacceptable. What do you do with the unaccpetable?

xosarahox · xosarahox

I am so frusturated right now with my ab. We've just hit our one year mark and he has 7 months sober. I've never met anyone as selfish as he is. It's like a completely seperate entity from his addiction or sobriety or anything else. I don't understand how he can always put himself first or do or say or buy th...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I know I have mentioned before that my AH is working several hundred miles away. He makes it home, generally, about one weekend a month. Honestly, the arrangement is tough, but it makes it much easier for me to detach from a lot of his behavior because I don't deal with him face-to-face on a daily basis...

Steph444 · Steph444

Hi everyone. My name is Stephanie and I stumbled upon this website by accident. I've been having a tough with my husband. Well, I believe he's been replaced by someone else. He makes my head spin. My car has needed an inspection sticker since the end of January. Well, last week he said he would take it , he...

John · John

Hello Everyone, At the request of numerous members of MIP I have started to put together all the web site related fixin's of a Codependents Anonymous Group on the MIP 12 Step Recovery Forums site. You can access the CODA home page from our main home page at http://www.12stepforums.net or directly at...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi all, thought it was about time I made a gratitude list, so here it is. Enjoy. I am grateful for: Many supportive friends and family who I know I can count on and who have often surprised me with their support, generosity, and kindness.An amazing 11 year old daughter who makes me want to be a better perso...

alexmaui · alexmaui

How far does detachment go? My F2F meeting is Friday and no other meeting is nearby. My AH has been actively drinking since Christmas. I moved out...but a mortgage payment on our house is due today. He is SUPPOSED to pay it. But he has been too drunk to make a deposit to cover the payment. I don'thave acces...

Honeypie · Honeypie

I am making progress in how I am allowing this disease to affect me. My A bf is still using and is in total denial. I think he is very confused. He did not believe and tested me on Saturday. He called stating he was not drinking and could he come over to spend time with me and my kids. I went to get him and once I g...

NCSUgeology · NCSUgeology

Things have been pretty stable with my brother lately. I got a call at 4am this morning from him wanting to talk because he was lonely. He sounded pretty intoxicated with slurred speech. I told him to stop drinking for the night, and go to bed, and I would talk as much as he need to day, but not at 4am with him...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

Today's reminder in ODAT: "My problem is me." That's a tough one to remember, but a lesson I need to learn. This morning my AH was overly harsh to our DS for slamming a kitchen cabinet. AH grabbed DS by the collar and got in his face. In a quiet moment when our DS was not in the room I calmly said t...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

In 1995 my younger brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. It took him 5 years in prison before he admitted he was an addicted and got help. Luckily he was released early after serving 13 years. He was also lucky in that when he was released, he didn't have to stay in the same state whe...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Hi everyone...back after a hiatus....things have been "stable" for a while and I got real busy with work, hobbies and other distractions. I'm still struggling but not as depressed as i was. Even able to learn a bit about happiness and how to attain it but I'm so frustrated right now...an...

Debilyn · Debilyn

thank you all for being there during one of the very hardest times of my life. Today I woke up wanting out of here. I want to go "home." My time is done here now. I feel the energy of wanting to pack up and go. Feel me coming back. I watched a movie,"My life as a House." The guy, Kevin Klin...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I recieved a phone call from my exah yesterday, he has been released after some delay of paperwork or something. And when I answered the phone I did not recognise his voice and felt not really anything when I found out who it was. No fear, no anger, no blame, no love, no like, no dislike ... just pretty much...

Rora · Rora

Hello everyone. Over the past few months I've popped in and out of here, which is a direct reflection of how my life has been since October. In October my Mom was admitted to the hospital for a tumour in her neck. She fought a long and hard battle enduring a litany of side effects to surgeries gone bad. ...

clep · clep

On the 21st my dad died and I was so happy that he is no longer on this earth torturing himself or anyone else. I felt guilty for being so happy. My whole family is so emotionally sick and dysfunctional and it is so hard to see them that way. My one sister has been staying with me since the death of her daught...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Hi folks, I know I have been away for a while, but that does not mean that I have not been thinking and praying for you. It simply means that I have been really busy and working hard on my recovery and the following has really helped me. So, I am sharing it with you and hoping that it will help you as much as i...

pineapple · pineapple

Ah was out of town for two weeks and I kind of got out of practice. He made it almost a week back home without drinking. But he woke me up this morning at 7:00 am and was already drunk. My first reaction was to say something sarcastic (which in itself is progress, a year ago I would have started yelling)...b...

newleaf66 · newleaf66

I knew this was going to be hard...I get that, I do...but how much am I to take? He - explodes today on one of the kids. I - calmly ask him to not "go to the mat on this" particular argument...the child in question is having a hard time already...etc...be the adult..etc, etc. He - explodes loud...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I delivered the two pots Boo and Dickens to their new home. It was so nice there. Every animal is beautiful and happy. I was so impressed. The pigs were not upset at all. I will mention I almost had a heart attack getting Boo in the car. Scared the pants off me. Trying to push a 250 pound pig into your back seat...

Vickif · Vickif

Hi all. I have been at my parents house for a week now, and have been doing fine. Until today. I haven't spoken to my A very much. Again, until today...he was telling me that I need to get my stuff out of our house. I lost it and started crying. He said that our relationship has been bad for many years. That cau...

Overcome · Overcome

Aloha posted this very same subject title January 23rd. It has been on my mind ever since. I posted a reply to one of the shares on that thread: sdisnie wrote: As for being attracted to the bad boy.....that's something that is very very hard to overcome....we can't always help who we are attracted too,...

liljeannie · liljeannie

My abf of almost 9yrs and I recently separated. My choice. I had started moving forward with my life, got a second job, reached out to friends and began working my program from the beginning. Then panic set in. I lost my second job, started drowning in my pity pool and begged him to come home. He &quo...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, thought I would come and share. I have behaved really unacceptably towards my sober ABF. I did a self esteem course and it brought up all my ingrained beliefs and my sickness (co dependency). A lady was questioning my beliefs that I have to be strong, fix it, basically do every thing its a...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Do you walk on eggshells? Check. Are you afraid of confrontation? Check. Do you make wrong decisions? Check. Do you tell white lies to avoid anger? Check. Are you often angry with yourself for letting others get their way? Check. Do you blame yourself for everything? Checkbut been working on this and...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

and what a week it has been! birthdays to remember, time well spent, seeing people I love, enjoying (not really) cold temps. realizing that winter is still here! Want SPRING so bad! What a joy that my week has been even though I didn't attend my meetings--I am suffering for that in a way! I need to attend...

ClippedWings · ClippedWings

Today is the first time I've REALIZED I'm broken. I spent 13 years trying to "fix" my AH. Defending him relentlessly, standing tirelessly by his side while enduring sleepless nights and a neverending supply of worries. Playing the Strong and Responsible parent from our first born, thr...

	Sub Forum	Topics	Posts	Last Post
	Al-anon speakers - Read Only Al-anon speakers	2	2	October 26th by WebHelper
	Old sticky posts - Read Only Not sure what to do with these so parking them here.	6	91	Mar 10, 2026 by yopame7132

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	What Higher Power???????? (Preview) I had a tenuous grip on this to begin with and again feel like there isn't any. Yes there are things in my life to be grateful for but for every one of them there's and equal and opposite problem. I'm no good with denial...it would be great to pretend that everything is ok and go tip toeing through the tuli...	mjhyankees	21	1163	Mar 6, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Confused about the definition of an alcoholic vs an alcohol abuser (Preview) Well, maybe my title isn't quite right, but I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about how I see alcohol and how I classify drinkers. I've been feeling guilty lately because I've been judging everyone I know who drinks. We were at a party last weekend and AH and I were drinking NA beer while ou...	ilovedogs	8	1346	Mar 5, 2011 by Jennifer
	Whether or not the alcoholic is drinking? (Preview) Is it really possible to find peace and happiness with an active A? My AH is my best friend. He's been there for me when nobody else could be. He's given me the unconditional and unfailing love and support that I've never had from anyone else. He takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. W...	Heather123	5	916	Mar 5, 2011 by Bettina
	guilt (Preview) Hi Everyone, My partner has been sober for 6 months 5 in rehab and rest in supported living. I am tired I keep slipping into resntfulness that although he is sober life is still so difficult and hard. He is in early recovery he is going to meetings most days and is doing good. I just feel like I need time f...	Tracy	2	887	Mar 5, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Encouragement with a smile (Preview) Today I smiled, and all at once things didn't look so bad Today I shared with someone else, a bit of hope I had Today I sang a little song, and felt my heart grow light And walked a happy little mile, with not a cloud in sight Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more And what had seemed like only...	Suzannah	3	871	Mar 5, 2011 by Karilynn
	Lois's Birthday (Preview) For those of us who's lives have been positively affected by the Al-Anon Family Groups; take a moment to express gratitude for Lois W., one of the co-founders of Al-Anon and also the wife of Bill W., the co-founder of AA.	Jerry F	2	2813	Mar 5, 2011 by Overcome
	what can I say? (Preview) I can say an awful lot even when I don't make any sense--a lot of people make sense for me. I am so glad that I have a lot of people in my life who have grown along w/ me over the years. I have had many opportunities to share my ESH but lately I have been able to share positive & uplifting memories & good t...	Hoot Nanny	1	737	Mar 5, 2011 by Jerry F
	Facing your self in times of emptiness (Preview) One of the hardest decisions for me is to face myself in times of emptiness. When I am feeling empty I tend to look everywhere for things to do, places to go, people to meet so that I do not need to face the emptiness that I feel. Tonight a friend rang me and asked me if I was okay? "Yes, thank you."...	Suzannah	3	1481	Mar 4, 2011 by hotrod
	Taking a trip to Chaos USA (Preview) I am supposed to be packing my bags to catch my flight to visit my kids for a few days. I am sitting here, fighting some anxiety over this visit, a few days ago I was bouncing with excitement. Today, I am faced with some nasty realities... my family is so torn apart since the divorce, my kids currently do...	glad lee	5	796	Mar 4, 2011 by glad lee
	Just wanted to say some things... (Preview) I have been away from my AH for 3 years now but he still effects me. It took a long to realize that nothing was going to change. I know I would make excuses of why my AH couldn't go and do things which for me it didn't seem right but I did it anyhow. Finally when there was nothing else I could do I had to leave for my...	dawnk1968	1	719	Mar 4, 2011 by xeno59
	really need to makw up my mind (Preview) Hi everyone if I am really honest i have not been working a good programme of late. I am under a lot of stress in my life loosing my job, trying to start my own business run a home and raise to teenagers. I have cut my meetings down to one a week and although I read every day, I am not using my phone as much as i us...	Tracy	2	893	Mar 4, 2011 by Debilyn
	How do I do the alanon steps?? (Preview) Sorry if that's a stupid question, but how do I do it? I have read the steps, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I desperately want out of this nightmare that I'm in. I'm trying to make sense of it all. Okay, I've read some posts....I guess I'm now labled codependant...but what do I do with that? How do I f...	Steph444	4	2861	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	Lies (Preview) In your experience, how have you chosen to handle your A's lies? What was your response when you knew something was a lie (have proof)? What was your response when you suspected something was a lie (don't have proof)? I'm choosing my response to what I suspect is a lie and would like to hear about other ex...	Very Very Tired	10	1111	Mar 4, 2011 by oscarmom
	young adult with alcaholic perent (Preview) hey im 18 years old and live with a alcaholic perent . my mom has been in rehab twise . and she just relapsed today . i dont know wat to do she keeps on hidding it and i told my dad , now she makes as if im the bad person in the story . CAN ANYONE PLZ TELL ME HOW TO COPE WITH A PERENT LIKE THIS ? im in university and my gra...	cillia	4	855	Mar 4, 2011 by usedtobeanyer
	My qualifier is resentful of my recovery (Preview) Right, so, I need some advice. My qualifier, my boyfriend, seems to be resentful of the things I am learing in Al-Anon. I have learned many coping skills and changed many behaviors. A few times after I has referenced some wisdom I've learned in a meeting or from Al-Anon literature, he will throw it back...	RachelW	6	1432	Mar 4, 2011 by nmike
	It's not his fault. (Preview) That is what I told my son on the ride to school this morning. And it was long past due. It should have been said long ago. He shouldn't be left stumbling and struggling in the minefield that is our home. And he shouldn't have to feel responsible for the moods of the other family members. After an outb...	searching4peace	5	829	Mar 4, 2011 by Rora
	New and feeling confused (Preview) hello everyone, i am new to all of this: being with an A (h. addicit), al anon and these forums. id like to thank everyone because so far reading others expereicnes really helps. on march 7th, its our 1 year anniversary. when i met him, he was 4 months clean. He is in the beginning years of trying to get cle...	theaeidann	2	783	Mar 4, 2011 by Mattie
	Not sure what to say (Preview) When he says " You knew I drank when we met"	Irish1	5	900	Mar 4, 2011 by athabascan indian
	Worry (Preview) Hey all, This is my first time posting here, I've been following for a few days. I have almost 1.5 years of Al-anon recovery, but its slow going... Life is a bit crazy at the moment, and I am battling anxiety problems using the program tools. We have many big issues at the moment although I know that my p...	TheJeanGenie	2	817	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	writing it out helps (Preview) Writing down how I was feeling and getting those feelings on paper was really cathartic. It helped clarify my boundaries and why I needed them in the first place. I was able to re-focus on myself and what I need and let my A bf go. Turn him back over to HP. Thanks for helping me step out of the chaos again. Hon...	Honeypie	2	627	Mar 4, 2011 by RachelW
	New to this group...Alanon member since 6/10...please help (Preview) I really need some input. I have 3 sons, my middle one is an active addict/alcoholic, while the other two do drink but don't appear to have the disease, quitting alcohol at will. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic of 14 yrs & attends meetings daily. He is extremely judgmental re: my sons &a...	Trudles57	7	782	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	Anxiety....... (Preview) Had to work tonight and of course as I'm going out the door my wife starts in on my daughter......I see my daughter looking at me as I leave.....I have anxiety....not that she'll be beaten or anything physical, nor will she be starved or neglected but that she will be the whipping boy tonight while i&qu...	mjhyankees	5	788	Mar 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	Today (Preview) Today I can see what I have done in the past to make sure to please everybody. I am afraid of what people might think of me if I don't do what I perceive that they want me to do. Even though I know that I am doing the right thing for my kids in me, I still have a fear of upsetting my AH because I am no longer participa...	kath	4	766	Mar 3, 2011 by kath
	terrible day (Preview) Hi everyone. What a day. My husband stayed out most of the night. Which was fine but he woke up this morning being a brat. He demanded I pay half the bills. I got student loan money so he knows I have money in the bank. He threatened to slash my tires and disable my car. Actually my car still isn't fixed from ye...	Steph444	3	689	Mar 3, 2011 by abbyal
	deflecting projection (Preview) Hey everyone, it's been a little while, I'm humming along, trying to keep my head above water with bills, kids and choas. Leaving the AH to his own devices and trying to mind my own business. Against instinct, I asked him if he wanted to talk about the "elephant in the room", "the dista...	newleaf66	1	1294	Mar 3, 2011 by hotrod
	Saying "NO" (Preview) Saying no is something I have always struggled with. A woman in my f2f meetings says that "NO" is a complete sentence, and does not require justification or softening or sugar coating. The sugar coating is what I saw in my family of origin. When I saw my mom interact with other people (not...	White Rabbit	3	849	Mar 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	1st night of Al Anon... is this for real !!! (Preview) Hi !st night discussing Al Anon and I am frightened to death !! I am sober 4 years my now ex girlfriend sober 20+ years.Our separation has left us both emotional. And we are respecting each others space and time to heal. Both accepting where each other is. She is not financially well placed and therefore...	deepocean	5	1064	Mar 3, 2011 by 1911A1
	Still struggling (Preview) I feel so guilty, angry and hurt. Have hardly talked to A bf all week. He called me as soon as I got off work today at 3 p.m. He assumed I would be going to his house after work today since I haven't seen him since Monday morning before work. When I said I didn't know if I was going to visit him, he was sarcastic, l...	Honeypie	7	527	Mar 3, 2011 by pinkchip
	A Storm vs. Hurricane... (Preview) As some of you may remember, last month I was the wife with hate in my heart towards my husband who was in rehab. I was the wife, who at times thought my life would be easier if he would over drink himself and die.... He did his 30 day rehab, came home, and I kept my space. I did not encourage him, I did not clap my...	KimmyJo	3	2526	Mar 3, 2011 by Mattie
	I am so passive aggressive. (Preview) Seriously. I have been reading all over the board and going through my alanon literature all day and I realize that I am being crazy. I am actually acting like an insane person. I want something. I don't ask for it. I hint, imply, pout, sulk, manipulate, threaten, coerce and even lie. But I don't j...	searching4peace	7	619	Mar 3, 2011 by Aloha
	First Alanon Meeting Tonight (Preview) Well, I went to most of an alanon meeting tonight. Everyone was very nice, but as with my theme today, I cant stop crying. I bought the ebook codependant no more and will dive into it in a little while. I can't find the one by Tobi Rice Drews. Is it sold as an ebook? When I got home, my husband was drinking. H...	Steph444	5	738	Mar 2, 2011 by likemyheart
	New here (Preview) And desperately needing so support and direction. I collect alcoholics and addicts the way some people collect baseball cards. Or so it seems. I'll spare you the list. It's extensive. My husband is an alcoholic. Trying to control his drinking I stumbled apon alanon years ago and made it to a few o...	searching4peace	7	534	Mar 2, 2011 by searching4peace
	Telling Others (Preview) I was responding to another post when this thought came to me - maybe I'm the only one doing it, maybe others do it too. Do you tell others the truth about what is going on in your life? I don't mean telling people you're going through hard times but actually naming the trouble and talking openly about wh...	likemyheart	4	1126	Mar 2, 2011 by ythannah
	Acceptance and the unacceptable.... (Preview) I can understand accepting things that may not be as I want them. But we are also told not to accept the unacceptable. What do you do with the unaccpetable?	mjhyankees	6	858	Mar 2, 2011 by Aloha
	So Selfish (Preview) I am so frusturated right now with my ab. We've just hit our one year mark and he has 7 months sober. I've never met anyone as selfish as he is. It's like a completely seperate entity from his addiction or sobriety or anything else. I don't understand how he can always put himself first or do or say or buy th...	xosarahox	3	1091	Mar 2, 2011 by pinkchip
	Taking Positive Steps (Preview) I know I have mentioned before that my AH is working several hundred miles away. He makes it home, generally, about one weekend a month. Honestly, the arrangement is tough, but it makes it much easier for me to detach from a lot of his behavior because I don't deal with him face-to-face on a daily basis...	stephaniej	1	619	Mar 2, 2011 by pineapple
	Hi Everyone (Preview) Hi everyone. My name is Stephanie and I stumbled upon this website by accident. I've been having a tough with my husband. Well, I believe he's been replaced by someone else. He makes my head spin. My car has needed an inspection sticker since the end of January. Well, last week he said he would take it , he...	Steph444	5	867	Mar 2, 2011 by Jerry F
	Codependents Anonymous Group Started on MIP Today! (Preview) Hello Everyone, At the request of numerous members of MIP I have started to put together all the web site related fixin's of a Codependents Anonymous Group on the MIP 12 Step Recovery Forums site. You can access the CODA home page from our main home page at http://www.12stepforums.net or directly at...	John	0	645	Mar 2, 2011 by John
	My Gratitude List (Preview) Hi all, thought it was about time I made a gratitude list, so here it is. Enjoy. I am grateful for: Many supportive friends and family who I know I can count on and who have often surprised me with their support, generosity, and kindness.An amazing 11 year old daughter who makes me want to be a better perso...	danielle0516	6	4526	Mar 1, 2011 by xosarahox
	How far does this go (Preview) How far does detachment go? My F2F meeting is Friday and no other meeting is nearby. My AH has been actively drinking since Christmas. I moved out...but a mortgage payment on our house is due today. He is SUPPOSED to pay it. But he has been too drunk to make a deposit to cover the payment. I don'thave acces...	alexmaui	5	762	Mar 1, 2011 by likemyheart
	I am making progress (Preview) I am making progress in how I am allowing this disease to affect me. My A bf is still using and is in total denial. I think he is very confused. He did not believe and tested me on Saturday. He called stating he was not drinking and could he come over to spend time with me and my kids. I went to get him and once I g...	Honeypie	8	1201	Mar 1, 2011 by Honeypie
	Did I handle it correctly? (Preview) Things have been pretty stable with my brother lately. I got a call at 4am this morning from him wanting to talk because he was lonely. He sounded pretty intoxicated with slurred speech. I told him to stop drinking for the night, and go to bed, and I would talk as much as he need to day, but not at 4am with him...	NCSUgeology	3	895	Mar 1, 2011 by abbyal
	"My problem is me" (Preview) Today's reminder in ODAT: "My problem is me." That's a tough one to remember, but a lesson I need to learn. This morning my AH was overly harsh to our DS for slamming a kitchen cabinet. AH grabbed DS by the collar and got in his face. In a quiet moment when our DS was not in the room I calmly said t...	Very Very Tired	7	1259	Mar 1, 2011 by Very Very Tired
	Just need to vent about this disease (Preview) In 1995 my younger brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. It took him 5 years in prison before he admitted he was an addicted and got help. Luckily he was released early after serving 13 years. He was also lucky in that when he was released, he didn't have to stay in the same state whe...	N8SMOM	5	989	Mar 1, 2011 by NCSUgeology
	Wife did it again....... (Preview) Hi everyone...back after a hiatus....things have been "stable" for a while and I got real busy with work, hobbies and other distractions. I'm still struggling but not as depressed as i was. Even able to learn a bit about happiness and how to attain it but I'm so frustrated right now...an...	mjhyankees	7	1054	Mar 1, 2011 by danielle0516
	Relief and gratefulness (Preview) thank you all for being there during one of the very hardest times of my life. Today I woke up wanting out of here. I want to go "home." My time is done here now. I feel the energy of wanting to pack up and go. Feel me coming back. I watched a movie,"My life as a House." The guy, Kevin Klin...	Debilyn	4	855	Mar 1, 2011 by danielle0516
	My reaction surprised me (Preview) I recieved a phone call from my exah yesterday, he has been released after some delay of paperwork or something. And when I answered the phone I did not recognise his voice and felt not really anything when I found out who it was. No fear, no anger, no blame, no love, no like, no dislike ... just pretty much...	Jennifer	5	993	Feb 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	...a bit about where I've been...off topic a bit.... (Preview) Hello everyone. Over the past few months I've popped in and out of here, which is a direct reflection of how my life has been since October. In October my Mom was admitted to the hospital for a tumour in her neck. She fought a long and hard battle enduring a litany of side effects to surgeries gone bad. ...	Rora	10	1064	Feb 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	My dad died (Preview) On the 21st my dad died and I was so happy that he is no longer on this earth torturing himself or anyone else. I felt guilty for being so happy. My whole family is so emotionally sick and dysfunctional and it is so hard to see them that way. My one sister has been staying with me since the death of her daught...	clep	13	1145	Feb 28, 2011 by Karilynn
	Just dropping by with a POSITIVE THOUGHT... (Preview) Hi folks, I know I have been away for a while, but that does not mean that I have not been thinking and praying for you. It simply means that I have been really busy and working hard on my recovery and the following has really helped me. So, I am sharing it with you and hoping that it will help you as much as i...	Suzannah	5	1160	Feb 28, 2011 by Debilyn
	Don't react, one day at a time (Preview) Ah was out of town for two weeks and I kind of got out of practice. He made it almost a week back home without drinking. But he woke me up this morning at 7:00 am and was already drunk. My first reaction was to say something sarcastic (which in itself is progress, a year ago I would have started yelling)...b...	pineapple	5	966	Feb 28, 2011 by Debilyn
	I hold a boundary...he explodes... (Preview) I knew this was going to be hard...I get that, I do...but how much am I to take? He - explodes today on one of the kids. I - calmly ask him to not "go to the mat on this" particular argument...the child in question is having a hard time already...etc...be the adult..etc, etc. He - explodes loud...	newleaf66	5	1163	Feb 27, 2011 by mjhyankees
	Such a tough one (Preview) I delivered the two pots Boo and Dickens to their new home. It was so nice there. Every animal is beautiful and happy. I was so impressed. The pigs were not upset at all. I will mention I almost had a heart attack getting Boo in the car. Scared the pants off me. Trying to push a 250 pound pig into your back seat...	Debilyn	13	853	Feb 27, 2011 by Debilyn
	Confused today (Preview) Hi all. I have been at my parents house for a week now, and have been doing fine. Until today. I haven't spoken to my A very much. Again, until today...he was telling me that I need to get my stuff out of our house. I lost it and started crying. He said that our relationship has been bad for many years. That cau...	Vickif	8	779	Feb 27, 2011 by abbyal
	Still drawn to the "bad boys" (Preview) Aloha posted this very same subject title January 23rd. It has been on my mind ever since. I posted a reply to one of the shares on that thread: sdisnie wrote: As for being attracted to the bad boy.....that's something that is very very hard to overcome....we can't always help who we are attracted too,...	Overcome	17	1161	Feb 27, 2011 by ythannah
	Heartstrings and other things,need ESH (Preview) My abf of almost 9yrs and I recently separated. My choice. I had started moving forward with my life, got a second job, reached out to friends and began working my program from the beginning. Then panic set in. I lost my second job, started drowning in my pity pool and begged him to come home. He &quo...	liljeannie	5	865	Feb 26, 2011 by danielle0516
	own unacceptable behaviour (Preview) Hi everyone, thought I would come and share. I have behaved really unacceptably towards my sober ABF. I did a self esteem course and it brought up all my ingrained beliefs and my sickness (co dependency). A lady was questioning my beliefs that I have to be strong, fix it, basically do every thing its a...	Tracy	3	1215	Feb 26, 2011 by Jerry F
	Top 10 ways to identify CoDependency. ok ok so I'm CoDependent!! (Preview) Do you walk on eggshells? Check. Are you afraid of confrontation? Check. Do you make wrong decisions? Check. Do you tell white lies to avoid anger? Check. Are you often angry with yourself for letting others get their way? Check. Do you blame yourself for everything? Checkbut been working on this and...	danielle0516	12	2330	Feb 26, 2011 by danielle0516
	reflecting on my week... (Preview) and what a week it has been! birthdays to remember, time well spent, seeing people I love, enjoying (not really) cold temps. realizing that winter is still here! Want SPRING so bad! What a joy that my week has been even though I didn't attend my meetings--I am suffering for that in a way! I need to attend...	Hoot Nanny	2	744	Feb 26, 2011 by Jerry F
	Desperately seeking myself ~ I miss me! Please Help... (Preview) Today is the first time I've REALIZED I'm broken. I spent 13 years trying to "fix" my AH. Defending him relentlessly, standing tirelessly by his side while enduring sleepless nights and a neverending supply of worries. Playing the Strong and Responsible parent from our first born, thr...	ClippedWings	10	992	Feb 26, 2011 by Kona
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