The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. I'm new and have been reading some of the posts here. I see that my story isn't much different than the rest here but I feel very alone right now. I have been with my boyfriend, sometimes fiancé for 11 years. We have a six year old son together. I think, I hope, I have finally reached the end of my patience with him. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's always been a drinker and I t has caused problems, but things were good for about six months and I decided to go back to school to get my masters. I started back in January. Since then he has been intolerable. I swear this man who I have been with so long suddenly doesn't even like me. He is not nice. He didnt even tell me happy valentines day. He sleeps on the couch. We haven't slept in the same place since I started back to school. Not one hug.....no affection what so ever. He was supportive of my returning to school. He didnt voice or act as if he had a problem with it. Hes just been cold. Last week I found cocaine in his car. It wasn't hidden. I have tried to talk to him, and he refuses to have a conversation about any of this. I don't understand his behavior. I can't raise a child with someone doing drugs. That's not even an option. I'm losing my mind it feels like....he isnt 20 or anything. He's a grown man. How can he not see what he's doing?
Your situation sounds so familiar to me, when my xah was totally progressed to a full blown addict at the end of our 26 year marriage. Not once in his 57 years had he ever abstained from alcohol. I joined Alanon in the 10 th year of our marriage. I discovered there are no quick fixes. Of course at the time I still wanted the marriage, that was the number 1 priority for me. Until the priority changed, I just wanted him sober whatever that took. It took me having to live apart, because the progression of the disease was just too much for me to handle. All you described could be me. With a few more drama's thrown in.
I want to welcome you into Alanon, this is the most important and best step you could ever do for yourself. You will find that we are powerless over their addiction and with the help of your Hp, eventually you will be restored to sanity and serenity if you are serious about taking the action you need to manage your life.
This is a devastating disease that is lethal to the addict and everyone it touches. Unfortunately , until the addict recognizes what he is doing to himself and others there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself. You can attend face to face alanon meetings in your community and continue to come back to the MIP here on this board and read the experiences of the members. There is nothing you can say or ask that will surprise us.
Hope you keep coming back and look into this philosophy of Alanon that will affect your life in a most positive way.
Thank u. I just wish I was one of the success stories right now. I don't want to give up my education right now, but I have my child to consider. From reading and your post, I think al anon is my next step. I see that I'm not the first to ever deal with this. I have always thought of myself as smart, but I don't feel it right now. How did I end up in this situation? I honestly have had more drama than I should have... Denial?? I just don't feel strong. I'm mad. At him. At myself ugh
Welcome, glad you are here. You don't become a success story overnight, but you made a step in that direction today. I have experienced the same feelings of despair, loneliness, and anger you have expressed. Without help this disease is to much for most of us. Al-Anon f2f meetings offer that help for you. I choose that help and it changed my life for the better.
It doesn't matter how smart a person is, how much they love their alcoholic or addict, how much they beg or plead. We are powerless over the disease. We have absolutely no control over their addiction.
It's the triangle effect. We love them, they love their drug of choice, and their drug of choice loves no one.
The program will give you the tools that can change your life. Members in the rooms of Al-Anon will understand you, will not judge you and will gladly offer you their experience, strength, and hope.......what has worked for them. You will find that the focus should be on you and not the A in your life, that you need to take care of yourself first, which will allow you to take care of your child.
You found a new caring family today here at MIP who only want the best for you. No one will offer you advice because we are not walking in your shoes. But all our experiences and the problems created by this disease have similarities because we have all been effected by someone else's drinking or addiction. We understand what you are going through more than you know.
Keep coming back and continue to read prior post on the site. Most important find an Al-Anon meeting in your area and get involved in the program. You deserve the help the program and it's members can offer. Take your life back.
Vicki your not alone in the disease anymore. HUGS, RLC
Hi Vickf I am so glad you are here. I also am experiencing the same situation as yourself.
I reached my bottom and searched for some relief/ answers, at first I was lookn for someone to tell me I was either "right" in my thinking or "wrong".
I havent found either but I have found with MIP's help, Al Anon meetings, a Sponsor and daily reading of literature that I can focus on myself and feel better Just for Today.
I was just having a conversation with my husband today about being grateful to be involved with him, he has played a huge part in my developing a relationship with Grandfather, Creator. I was introduced to tools to use for serenity whether my AH drinks or behaves poorly.
I found this reading and identified with it. I hope you can too. Just keep coming back even if you dont want to. I have and I have a little more peace.
If I may From the Al Anon book, "Courage to Change " October 30 "When I was a newcomer to Al-Anon, I remember hearing people say that they were grateful to be involved with an alcoholic. Needless to say, I thought they were crazy! Wasn;t the alcoholic the cause of all their grief? I couldnt believe that these people had anything to be grateful for. Yet they seemed to be happy despite their problems (which sounded exactly like my own). Today I find that I am grateful to have found Al-Anon. I too needed to hit a kind of bottom, feel the pain, and reach out for help before I could find any lasting happiness. Because of Al Anon, I have a relationship with a Higher Power that I never knew existed and friends who give me real support. I have learned that gratitude and forgiveness are necessary to my peace of mind. Now I can truly say that I am grateful member of Al Anon.
