Oh, I am in the same boat and totally know where you are coming from. It's not an easy thing to do, to focus on myself. But, I've been doing a lot of self evaluating lately and I realize that even when my AH wasn't drinking I was always focused on others. I had a very toxic friend once whose life I was very focused on and she'd call me for help all the time. She'd call at midnight while she was driving because she needed advice. She'd call first thing in the AM to complain about her life and get suggestions, etc. and I always dropped everything for her. I do the same thing with my sister. When she and her husband started having problems because his sex addiction was out of control, I started researching for her to find answers and resources and started posting on message boards for support. I DID IT, NOT HER! Why did I do all of that for other people? Because I am totally codependent on other people and I focus on fixing them: my dad, my husband, my son, my sister, my friends, etc. It's my nature and I just always thought it was because I was kind and compassionate and caring but now I see that I went overboard and it's very hard for me to think about putting myself and my needs first. It's almost like I feed on other people's pain and struggles and I take them on as my own.

So, just like you I have to stop. And, yes it will be baby steps. I am currently reading "Codependent No More" and I will be starting counseling next week again so that I can truly learn how to be 'myself'. Anyway, letting go takes time and it's not going to happen overnight. You did the right thing and it's a process for all of us. That's why I love coming here for support because all these folks are still practicing these steps and they encourage us along the way!

It's amazing how I started reading the same book as you ILOVEDOGS, and all of a sudden it is all around me. You are the third person that has read that book that I've spoken to in two days. It has a powerful, meaningful, and euphoric outcome when you finally realize that it's not the situation that matters, it is HOW you adapt and think upon that situation that makes a difference. I am currently on a (realizing my codependency high) as we speak. ATHABASCAN, the first thing this book tells you to do is literally picture your addict in your hands, and handing him or her over to the higher power. As soon as I feel frusterated or sad with him, I force myself to do this. Even for a moment. Each time it brings a smile to my face. Each time it gives me such a sense of relief because I have the control, to let my mind throw in the towel, and say, I don't have to feel responsible, because I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE. Think of something similar that you can do. Physically picture in your mind's eye that release, it gets easier the more you do it. Good luck to all of us!!