The material presented
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level.
my husband has not had a drink for 3 weeks now, that's according to him for i have stopped tracking. last night he told me he's only going to have a few bottles of beer with friends, of course that's to get my "approval". i don't really care if he drinks or not, i am trying to condition myself not to be affected. i just said a simple OK & no more. i didn't wait up for him, i did some work on my laptop which at least keeps me busy and not dwell on my concern for his drinking. he came home early, he was nice. i didn't ask about his drinking that night. he went to sleep, i continued with my work & sleep afterwards. the following day he told me he only had 2, i wasn't asking because i don't want to care about it. i don't know if my cold reaction to what he was telling me about his latest drink is the cause or because he didn't drink to his fill. his mood is really different today, he's always angry, short- tempered, always saying "what a life!" aloud (of course he does that when i'm around), complaining that he's not feeling well, he's starting issues (even ancient & resolved ones already), he's always finding fault & reason for him to be mad and shout & say bad words at me. this is what's making life difficult for me, i couldn't stand it & i couldn't help it so i shout back at him. i just couldn't let him do that to me so i "fight back". i hate this situation & i just wish he'll be gone. is alcohol causing him to behave this way? when he's sober and not thinking about drinking he's a totally different person, a really good husband, this is when i tell myself i'd like to stay in this marriage. how can i accept that there will be "hell" times, how can i cope? or would it be best to totally let go of our marriage?
Accepting there will be "hell" times sounds pretty hard and discouraging to me. Nobody should have to live in hell. I think there are two ways to keep life from being hell. One would be to learn to detach within the relationship. That's a challenge: a good choice for some, not the best for others. The other would be to separate. It sounds as if life is pretty hard right now. I hope you'll learn all you can about alcoholism from these boards, face-to-face meetings, and reading. Many have been in your shoes and found a better way forward. I know others will have helpful things to say. Hugs to you.
The situation that you describe is very common in homes with alcohol issues. Drinking is only a tip of the iceberg and trying to control the obsession causes many disagreements and discomfort for the drinker and family.
This is a disease that we are powerless over but it affects us in many subtle ways. I am glad you are focusing on your own life, working on your computer and trying not to engage in the chaos.
I would like to suggest al anon face to face meetings in your community . The meeeting locations can be found by calling the main al anon number listed in in the white pages Alanon saved my sanity and life. Here we learn that we are powerless over this disease and we need to develop new tools to deal with life whether we continue to live with the alcoholic or not.
Breaking the isolation, working the steps, living one day at a time will give you the tools to live life with courage, serenity and wisdom Please keep coming back
What helped me a lot to cope was reading the Alanon material and the little blue "One Day at a Time" book. It was like my lifeline. I never went anywhere without that book. Also the Big book, It was comforting to read "the Wives", I read it over and over.
Must stay connected to Alanon everyday and part of your life.
We must realize that the Alcoholic is not doing this to YOU, I know its difficult to separate the man from the disease., but think about what he is doing to himself, we just need to learn to get out of the way.
Keep reading...
-- Edited by Bettina on Tuesday 22nd of February 2011 12:48:53 PM
