The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What do you do to stop feeling judgemental? It's bringing ME down and upsetting me but for whatever reason (refusal to examine my OWN issues/character defects) I can't seem to stop.
I am so filled with resentments I can't even consentrate on doing a 4th step.....UGH!!!! And quick tricks to get me on the right track?
Wow, it sounds like going back to the first steps & meditating might help. I have to do this often when I get into my judgemental phase. I'm back at a newcomers Alanon gathering as I just can't work the 4th quite yet.
Being judgmental and having resentments are an innnate emotion inside of all humans.
Many philosophies and religions have discussed how important it is to be free of judgements and resentments.
Its easy to talk the talk, difficult to walk the walk. Alanon give us this opportunity to take the journey inward to make us aware of our frailities. Nobody is without judgements, we make them everyday , to what color will we paint the bedroom, to what we will eat, to the major ones. Do I even like this person and do I want him in my life.
Instead of looking at the steps as a chore, you can look at them as opportunities to grow. Steps that we keep working all our life and getting something different each time we do.
To answer the question, when do we stop being judgemental?? A lifetime it would seem, for not only to we have to be aware of judgments, Its how we think, talk and act about them , its about being the master of yourself. This takes time and effort.... be patient, just wanting to aspire to be better is a great desire. Your already there.
Aloha Free...good question...I was taught that if I was going to spend time judging others I might as well use all of the time and judge the good along with the bad. Another friend in Al-Anon told me that his sponsor taught him that if he was going to judge to go ahead and make it as bad as he wished and when he ran out of the overdoing it...stop cause there was no more. I tried that one a time or two myself and learned I could really get sick on purpose if I wanted to ...so I stopped judging. hmmm I guess it worked also. Finding good in the person I am judging and/or resenting is balance. Not everyone or anyone is pure evil. Every one has both good and not good in them and make mistakes...I have to give justice because often what I judge wrong with someone else also applies to me. As for resentments I hate what that does to me so I do the opposite which does really good stuff for me. The opposite of resentment is forgiveness. I like seeing my self as being forgiving rather than seeing myself as resentful. Don't you?
Hi, Just as a start for the 4th step....to get my head on straight, I say to myself, "Who do I want to be? Who am I today? What parts of me do I keep and what do I get rid of to become who I want to be." That helps me with the overall view and comparison... and then the list making can start. Hope that helps the confusion going on in your head. Mary
