Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

searching4peace · searching4peace

We made a spur of the moment quick trip home for the weekend. My father in law is not doing well and I really wanted a chance to see him, and for our kids to see him, one more time. He is an alcoholic. He has been drinking heavily for over 35 years. And he is going down hill quickly. His kidneys are shuttin...

Evian · Evian

he's getting worried... or so he says. I have been going to my counselling sessions, going to my Al-Anon meetings... working on me. I cut and coloured my hair, just got a new job (ok, it may only be at McDonald's, but it's a job... I can't be picky), and just in general... feeling good, and feeling happy, d...

Loubelou · Loubelou

Hi everyone, I went to my first Al Anon meeting on Thursday night, and I'm so glad I did. I feel a bit all over the place. I even feel I don't really have the right to be at Al Anon or on these boards, as it's only my boyfriend and we haven't been together that long - just under a year. I'm not sure of the rules here...

Honeypie · Honeypie

After a long debate with myself, I went to see my A bf after work today. I miss the person, not the alcohol. I knew it would be hard to see him, that he would try to manipulate me to accept his drinking, but I decided to visit him hoping I would catch him in a sober state. A bf was fairly sober saying he missed me a...

jackgeo · jackgeo

what exactly is co-dependency?

searching4peace · searching4peace

Made it to my F2F tonight. First one in three years. And it was really hard to walk in there. Why? I don't know. I'm going to have to do some searching and see what it was that upset me so much. I walked in and before I could even hear what was being said I was in tears. Maybe some of it was relief. Just to...

Honeypie · Honeypie

Well, I am very proud of myself. I stuck to my boundaries all weekend and did not give in to the numerous phone calls and text messages I received from A bf throughout the weekend. I kept myself busy focusing on things I wanted to do and I actually did them. No compromise, no putting them on hold. Just me for...

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

For the first time in my life I am feeling renewed. I found Al-Anon around the beginning of the year and at that time my life was completly upside down! I had been seperated from my husband since April and I was so tired of his drinking I could not focus. Today I am waiting the 120 days until our divorce will...

Honeypie · Honeypie

Forgive me if this is long. I have been struggling the last few days. Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I took 2 steps forward, one big step back and today feel like I just made a huge step forward. I talked to A bf's friend who is an active member in recovery in AA. I told her what has been happening with A bf...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

So...my AH hasn't been to work in a month. He was on sick leave from June to November. Went back to work in December and January...and here we are again. He is still undergoing withdrawal from clonazepam (prescription). He can not get a doctor to help him any more. His own doctor told him not to come back....

RLC · RLC

When I got up this morning at 6:15 am to take my Labs out I noticed the power was off in our house. At 7:30 my wife called the power company and they arrived a few minutes later to see what the problem was. My wife went out when the power person arrived. Shortly after she came back in crying and telling me someo...

peppurr · peppurr

My husband as an alcoholic. He died a year ago. My 24 yr old daughter has become my husband. I don't think I can go through this again.

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I had a tenuous grip on this to begin with and again feel like there isn't any. Yes there are things in my life to be grateful for but for every one of them there's and equal and opposite problem. I'm no good with denial...it would be great to pretend that everything is ok and go tip toeing through the tuli...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Well, maybe my title isn't quite right, but I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about how I see alcohol and how I classify drinkers. I've been feeling guilty lately because I've been judging everyone I know who drinks. We were at a party last weekend and AH and I were drinking NA beer while ou...

Heather123 · Heather123

Is it really possible to find peace and happiness with an active A? My AH is my best friend. He's been there for me when nobody else could be. He's given me the unconditional and unfailing love and support that I've never had from anyone else. He takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. W...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi Everyone, My partner has been sober for 6 months 5 in rehab and rest in supported living. I am tired I keep slipping into resntfulness that although he is sober life is still so difficult and hard. He is in early recovery he is going to meetings most days and is doing good. I just feel like I need time f...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Today I smiled, and all at once things didn't look so bad Today I shared with someone else, a bit of hope I had Today I sang a little song, and felt my heart grow light And walked a happy little mile, with not a cloud in sight Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more And what had seemed like only...

Jerry F · Jerry F

For those of us who's lives have been positively affected by the Al-Anon Family Groups; take a moment to express gratitude for Lois W., one of the co-founders of Al-Anon and also the wife of Bill W., the co-founder of AA.

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I can say an awful lot even when I don't make any sense--a lot of people make sense for me. I am so glad that I have a lot of people in my life who have grown along w/ me over the years. I have had many opportunities to share my ESH but lately I have been able to share positive & uplifting memories & good t...

Suzannah · Suzannah

One of the hardest decisions for me is to face myself in times of emptiness. When I am feeling empty I tend to look everywhere for things to do, places to go, people to meet so that I do not need to face the emptiness that I feel. Tonight a friend rang me and asked me if I was okay? "Yes, thank you."...

glad lee · glad lee

I am supposed to be packing my bags to catch my flight to visit my kids for a few days. I am sitting here, fighting some anxiety over this visit, a few days ago I was bouncing with excitement. Today, I am faced with some nasty realities... my family is so torn apart since the divorce, my kids currently do...

dawnk1968 · dawnk1968

I have been away from my AH for 3 years now but he still effects me. It took a long to realize that nothing was going to change. I know I would make excuses of why my AH couldn't go and do things which for me it didn't seem right but I did it anyhow. Finally when there was nothing else I could do I had to leave for my...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone if I am really honest i have not been working a good programme of late. I am under a lot of stress in my life loosing my job, trying to start my own business run a home and raise to teenagers. I have cut my meetings down to one a week and although I read every day, I am not using my phone as much as i us...

Steph444 · Steph444

Sorry if that's a stupid question, but how do I do it? I have read the steps, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I desperately want out of this nightmare that I'm in. I'm trying to make sense of it all. Okay, I've read some posts....I guess I'm now labled codependant...but what do I do with that? How do I f...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

In your experience, how have you chosen to handle your A's lies? What was your response when you knew something was a lie (have proof)? What was your response when you suspected something was a lie (don't have proof)? I'm choosing my response to what I suspect is a lie and would like to hear about other ex...

cillia · cillia

hey im 18 years old and live with a alcaholic perent . my mom has been in rehab twise . and she just relapsed today . i dont know wat to do she keeps on hidding it and i told my dad , now she makes as if im the bad person in the story . CAN ANYONE PLZ TELL ME HOW TO COPE WITH A PERENT LIKE THIS ? im in university and my gra...

RachelW · RachelW

Right, so, I need some advice. My qualifier, my boyfriend, seems to be resentful of the things I am learing in Al-Anon. I have learned many coping skills and changed many behaviors. A few times after I has referenced some wisdom I've learned in a meeting or from Al-Anon literature, he will throw it back...

searching4peace · searching4peace

That is what I told my son on the ride to school this morning. And it was long past due. It should have been said long ago. He shouldn't be left stumbling and struggling in the minefield that is our home. And he shouldn't have to feel responsible for the moods of the other family members. After an outb...

theaeidann · theaeidann

hello everyone, i am new to all of this: being with an A (h. addicit), al anon and these forums. id like to thank everyone because so far reading others expereicnes really helps. on march 7th, its our 1 year anniversary. when i met him, he was 4 months clean. He is in the beginning years of trying to get cle...

Irish1 · Irish1

When he says " You knew I drank when we met"

TheJeanGenie · TheJeanGenie

Hey all, This is my first time posting here, I've been following for a few days. I have almost 1.5 years of Al-anon recovery, but its slow going... Life is a bit crazy at the moment, and I am battling anxiety problems using the program tools. We have many big issues at the moment although I know that my p...

Honeypie · Honeypie

Writing down how I was feeling and getting those feelings on paper was really cathartic. It helped clarify my boundaries and why I needed them in the first place. I was able to re-focus on myself and what I need and let my A bf go. Turn him back over to HP. Thanks for helping me step out of the chaos again. Hon...

Trudles57 · Trudles57

I really need some input. I have 3 sons, my middle one is an active addict/alcoholic, while the other two do drink but don't appear to have the disease, quitting alcohol at will. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic of 14 yrs & attends meetings daily. He is extremely judgmental re: my sons &a...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Had to work tonight and of course as I'm going out the door my wife starts in on my daughter......I see my daughter looking at me as I leave.....I have anxiety....not that she'll be beaten or anything physical, nor will she be starved or neglected but that she will be the whipping boy tonight while i&qu...

kath · kath

Today I can see what I have done in the past to make sure to please everybody. I am afraid of what people might think of me if I don't do what I perceive that they want me to do. Even though I know that I am doing the right thing for my kids in me, I still have a fear of upsetting my AH because I am no longer participa...

Steph444 · Steph444

Hi everyone. What a day. My husband stayed out most of the night. Which was fine but he woke up this morning being a brat. He demanded I pay half the bills. I got student loan money so he knows I have money in the bank. He threatened to slash my tires and disable my car. Actually my car still isn't fixed from ye...

newleaf66 · newleaf66

Hey everyone, it's been a little while, I'm humming along, trying to keep my head above water with bills, kids and choas. Leaving the AH to his own devices and trying to mind my own business. Against instinct, I asked him if he wanted to talk about the "elephant in the room", "the dista...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Saying no is something I have always struggled with. A woman in my f2f meetings says that "NO" is a complete sentence, and does not require justification or softening or sugar coating. The sugar coating is what I saw in my family of origin. When I saw my mom interact with other people (not...

deepocean · deepocean

Hi !st night discussing Al Anon and I am frightened to death !! I am sober 4 years my now ex girlfriend sober 20+ years.Our separation has left us both emotional. And we are respecting each others space and time to heal. Both accepting where each other is. She is not financially well placed and therefore...

Honeypie · Honeypie

I feel so guilty, angry and hurt. Have hardly talked to A bf all week. He called me as soon as I got off work today at 3 p.m. He assumed I would be going to his house after work today since I haven't seen him since Monday morning before work. When I said I didn't know if I was going to visit him, he was sarcastic, l...

KimmyJo · KimmyJo

As some of you may remember, last month I was the wife with hate in my heart towards my husband who was in rehab. I was the wife, who at times thought my life would be easier if he would over drink himself and die.... He did his 30 day rehab, came home, and I kept my space. I did not encourage him, I did not clap my...

searching4peace · searching4peace

Seriously. I have been reading all over the board and going through my alanon literature all day and I realize that I am being crazy. I am actually acting like an insane person. I want something. I don't ask for it. I hint, imply, pout, sulk, manipulate, threaten, coerce and even lie. But I don't j...

Steph444 · Steph444

Well, I went to most of an alanon meeting tonight. Everyone was very nice, but as with my theme today, I cant stop crying. I bought the ebook codependant no more and will dive into it in a little while. I can't find the one by Tobi Rice Drews. Is it sold as an ebook? When I got home, my husband was drinking. H...

searching4peace · searching4peace

And desperately needing so support and direction. I collect alcoholics and addicts the way some people collect baseball cards. Or so it seems. I'll spare you the list. It's extensive. My husband is an alcoholic. Trying to control his drinking I stumbled apon alanon years ago and made it to a few o...

likemyheart · likemyheart

I was responding to another post when this thought came to me - maybe I'm the only one doing it, maybe others do it too. Do you tell others the truth about what is going on in your life? I don't mean telling people you're going through hard times but actually naming the trouble and talking openly about wh...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I can understand accepting things that may not be as I want them. But we are also told not to accept the unacceptable. What do you do with the unaccpetable?

xosarahox · xosarahox

I am so frusturated right now with my ab. We've just hit our one year mark and he has 7 months sober. I've never met anyone as selfish as he is. It's like a completely seperate entity from his addiction or sobriety or anything else. I don't understand how he can always put himself first or do or say or buy th...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I know I have mentioned before that my AH is working several hundred miles away. He makes it home, generally, about one weekend a month. Honestly, the arrangement is tough, but it makes it much easier for me to detach from a lot of his behavior because I don't deal with him face-to-face on a daily basis...

Steph444 · Steph444

Hi everyone. My name is Stephanie and I stumbled upon this website by accident. I've been having a tough with my husband. Well, I believe he's been replaced by someone else. He makes my head spin. My car has needed an inspection sticker since the end of January. Well, last week he said he would take it , he...

John · John

Hello Everyone, At the request of numerous members of MIP I have started to put together all the web site related fixin's of a Codependents Anonymous Group on the MIP 12 Step Recovery Forums site. You can access the CODA home page from our main home page at http://www.12stepforums.net or directly at...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi all, thought it was about time I made a gratitude list, so here it is. Enjoy. I am grateful for: Many supportive friends and family who I know I can count on and who have often surprised me with their support, generosity, and kindness.An amazing 11 year old daughter who makes me want to be a better perso...

alexmaui · alexmaui

How far does detachment go? My F2F meeting is Friday and no other meeting is nearby. My AH has been actively drinking since Christmas. I moved out...but a mortgage payment on our house is due today. He is SUPPOSED to pay it. But he has been too drunk to make a deposit to cover the payment. I don'thave acces...

Honeypie · Honeypie

I am making progress in how I am allowing this disease to affect me. My A bf is still using and is in total denial. I think he is very confused. He did not believe and tested me on Saturday. He called stating he was not drinking and could he come over to spend time with me and my kids. I went to get him and once I g...

NCSUgeology · NCSUgeology

Things have been pretty stable with my brother lately. I got a call at 4am this morning from him wanting to talk because he was lonely. He sounded pretty intoxicated with slurred speech. I told him to stop drinking for the night, and go to bed, and I would talk as much as he need to day, but not at 4am with him...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

Today's reminder in ODAT: "My problem is me." That's a tough one to remember, but a lesson I need to learn. This morning my AH was overly harsh to our DS for slamming a kitchen cabinet. AH grabbed DS by the collar and got in his face. In a quiet moment when our DS was not in the room I calmly said t...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

In 1995 my younger brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. It took him 5 years in prison before he admitted he was an addicted and got help. Luckily he was released early after serving 13 years. He was also lucky in that when he was released, he didn't have to stay in the same state whe...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Hi everyone...back after a hiatus....things have been "stable" for a while and I got real busy with work, hobbies and other distractions. I'm still struggling but not as depressed as i was. Even able to learn a bit about happiness and how to attain it but I'm so frustrated right now...an...

Debilyn · Debilyn

thank you all for being there during one of the very hardest times of my life. Today I woke up wanting out of here. I want to go "home." My time is done here now. I feel the energy of wanting to pack up and go. Feel me coming back. I watched a movie,"My life as a House." The guy, Kevin Klin...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I recieved a phone call from my exah yesterday, he has been released after some delay of paperwork or something. And when I answered the phone I did not recognise his voice and felt not really anything when I found out who it was. No fear, no anger, no blame, no love, no like, no dislike ... just pretty much...

Rora · Rora

Hello everyone. Over the past few months I've popped in and out of here, which is a direct reflection of how my life has been since October. In October my Mom was admitted to the hospital for a tumour in her neck. She fought a long and hard battle enduring a litany of side effects to surgeries gone bad. ...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Such a hard weekend. (Preview) We made a spur of the moment quick trip home for the weekend. My father in law is not doing well and I really wanted a chance to see him, and for our kids to see him, one more time. He is an alcoholic. He has been drinking heavily for over 35 years. And he is going down hill quickly. His kidneys are shuttin...	searching4peace	4	966	Mar 8, 2011 by pinkchip
	As I'm getting better.... (Preview) he's getting worried... or so he says. I have been going to my counselling sessions, going to my Al-Anon meetings... working on me. I cut and coloured my hair, just got a new job (ok, it may only be at McDonald's, but it's a job... I can't be picky), and just in general... feeling good, and feeling happy, d...	Evian	10	460	Mar 8, 2011 by Evian
	New here (new to Al Anon, too!) and feeling a bit lost (Preview) Hi everyone, I went to my first Al Anon meeting on Thursday night, and I'm so glad I did. I feel a bit all over the place. I even feel I don't really have the right to be at Al Anon or on these boards, as it's only my boyfriend and we haven't been together that long - just under a year. I'm not sure of the rules here...	Loubelou	5	1224	Mar 8, 2011 by Loubelou
	Saw A bf today (Preview) After a long debate with myself, I went to see my A bf after work today. I miss the person, not the alcohol. I knew it would be hard to see him, that he would try to manipulate me to accept his drinking, but I decided to visit him hoping I would catch him in a sober state. A bf was fairly sober saying he missed me a...	Honeypie	8	761	Mar 7, 2011 by parfait624
	co-dependency (Preview) what exactly is co-dependency?	jackgeo	4	748	Mar 7, 2011 by Jerry F
	What a stupid end to a promising night. (Preview) Made it to my F2F tonight. First one in three years. And it was really hard to walk in there. Why? I don't know. I'm going to have to do some searching and see what it was that upset me so much. I walked in and before I could even hear what was being said I was in tears. Maybe some of it was relief. Just to...	searching4peace	8	1024	Mar 7, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Stuck to my boundaries (Preview) Well, I am very proud of myself. I stuck to my boundaries all weekend and did not give in to the numerous phone calls and text messages I received from A bf throughout the weekend. I kept myself busy focusing on things I wanted to do and I actually did them. No compromise, no putting them on hold. Just me for...	Honeypie	6	540	Mar 7, 2011 by Debilyn
	Feeling blessed (Preview) For the first time in my life I am feeling renewed. I found Al-Anon around the beginning of the year and at that time my life was completly upside down! I had been seperated from my husband since April and I was so tired of his drinking I could not focus. Today I am waiting the 120 days until our divorce will...	flopadopilus	4	900	Mar 7, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Any advice would be greatly appreciated (Preview) Forgive me if this is long. I have been struggling the last few days. Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I took 2 steps forward, one big step back and today feel like I just made a huge step forward. I talked to A bf's friend who is an active member in recovery in AA. I told her what has been happening with A bf...	Honeypie	8	715	Mar 7, 2011 by Cloudsea
	I know he will never change (Preview) So...my AH hasn't been to work in a month. He was on sick leave from June to November. Went back to work in December and January...and here we are again. He is still undergoing withdrawal from clonazepam (prescription). He can not get a doctor to help him any more. His own doctor told him not to come back....	looking_for_peace	5	956	Mar 6, 2011 by Jerry F
	I Feel Violated (Preview) When I got up this morning at 6:15 am to take my Labs out I noticed the power was off in our house. At 7:30 my wife called the power company and they arrived a few minutes later to see what the problem was. My wife went out when the power person arrived. Shortly after she came back in crying and telling me someo...	RLC	11	895	Mar 6, 2011 by Jennifer
	It's happening again.... (Preview) My husband as an alcoholic. He died a year ago. My 24 yr old daughter has become my husband. I don't think I can go through this again.	peppurr	5	688	Mar 6, 2011 by abbyal
	What Higher Power???????? (Preview) I had a tenuous grip on this to begin with and again feel like there isn't any. Yes there are things in my life to be grateful for but for every one of them there's and equal and opposite problem. I'm no good with denial...it would be great to pretend that everything is ok and go tip toeing through the tuli...	mjhyankees	21	1067	Mar 6, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Confused about the definition of an alcoholic vs an alcohol abuser (Preview) Well, maybe my title isn't quite right, but I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about how I see alcohol and how I classify drinkers. I've been feeling guilty lately because I've been judging everyone I know who drinks. We were at a party last weekend and AH and I were drinking NA beer while ou...	ilovedogs	8	1242	Mar 5, 2011 by Jennifer
	Whether or not the alcoholic is drinking? (Preview) Is it really possible to find peace and happiness with an active A? My AH is my best friend. He's been there for me when nobody else could be. He's given me the unconditional and unfailing love and support that I've never had from anyone else. He takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. W...	Heather123	5	819	Mar 5, 2011 by Bettina
	guilt (Preview) Hi Everyone, My partner has been sober for 6 months 5 in rehab and rest in supported living. I am tired I keep slipping into resntfulness that although he is sober life is still so difficult and hard. He is in early recovery he is going to meetings most days and is doing good. I just feel like I need time f...	Tracy	2	790	Mar 5, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Encouragement with a smile (Preview) Today I smiled, and all at once things didn't look so bad Today I shared with someone else, a bit of hope I had Today I sang a little song, and felt my heart grow light And walked a happy little mile, with not a cloud in sight Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more And what had seemed like only...	Suzannah	3	777	Mar 5, 2011 by Karilynn
	Lois's Birthday (Preview) For those of us who's lives have been positively affected by the Al-Anon Family Groups; take a moment to express gratitude for Lois W., one of the co-founders of Al-Anon and also the wife of Bill W., the co-founder of AA.	Jerry F	2	2365	Mar 5, 2011 by Overcome
	what can I say? (Preview) I can say an awful lot even when I don't make any sense--a lot of people make sense for me. I am so glad that I have a lot of people in my life who have grown along w/ me over the years. I have had many opportunities to share my ESH but lately I have been able to share positive & uplifting memories & good t...	Hoot Nanny	1	646	Mar 5, 2011 by Jerry F
	Facing your self in times of emptiness (Preview) One of the hardest decisions for me is to face myself in times of emptiness. When I am feeling empty I tend to look everywhere for things to do, places to go, people to meet so that I do not need to face the emptiness that I feel. Tonight a friend rang me and asked me if I was okay? "Yes, thank you."...	Suzannah	3	1337	Mar 4, 2011 by hotrod
	Taking a trip to Chaos USA (Preview) I am supposed to be packing my bags to catch my flight to visit my kids for a few days. I am sitting here, fighting some anxiety over this visit, a few days ago I was bouncing with excitement. Today, I am faced with some nasty realities... my family is so torn apart since the divorce, my kids currently do...	glad lee	5	702	Mar 4, 2011 by glad lee
	Just wanted to say some things... (Preview) I have been away from my AH for 3 years now but he still effects me. It took a long to realize that nothing was going to change. I know I would make excuses of why my AH couldn't go and do things which for me it didn't seem right but I did it anyhow. Finally when there was nothing else I could do I had to leave for my...	dawnk1968	1	605	Mar 4, 2011 by xeno59
	really need to makw up my mind (Preview) Hi everyone if I am really honest i have not been working a good programme of late. I am under a lot of stress in my life loosing my job, trying to start my own business run a home and raise to teenagers. I have cut my meetings down to one a week and although I read every day, I am not using my phone as much as i us...	Tracy	2	799	Mar 4, 2011 by Debilyn
	How do I do the alanon steps?? (Preview) Sorry if that's a stupid question, but how do I do it? I have read the steps, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I desperately want out of this nightmare that I'm in. I'm trying to make sense of it all. Okay, I've read some posts....I guess I'm now labled codependant...but what do I do with that? How do I f...	Steph444	4	2355	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	Lies (Preview) In your experience, how have you chosen to handle your A's lies? What was your response when you knew something was a lie (have proof)? What was your response when you suspected something was a lie (don't have proof)? I'm choosing my response to what I suspect is a lie and would like to hear about other ex...	Very Very Tired	10	997	Mar 4, 2011 by oscarmom
	young adult with alcaholic perent (Preview) hey im 18 years old and live with a alcaholic perent . my mom has been in rehab twise . and she just relapsed today . i dont know wat to do she keeps on hidding it and i told my dad , now she makes as if im the bad person in the story . CAN ANYONE PLZ TELL ME HOW TO COPE WITH A PERENT LIKE THIS ? im in university and my gra...	cillia	4	761	Mar 4, 2011 by usedtobeanyer
	My qualifier is resentful of my recovery (Preview) Right, so, I need some advice. My qualifier, my boyfriend, seems to be resentful of the things I am learing in Al-Anon. I have learned many coping skills and changed many behaviors. A few times after I has referenced some wisdom I've learned in a meeting or from Al-Anon literature, he will throw it back...	RachelW	6	1333	Mar 4, 2011 by nmike
	It's not his fault. (Preview) That is what I told my son on the ride to school this morning. And it was long past due. It should have been said long ago. He shouldn't be left stumbling and struggling in the minefield that is our home. And he shouldn't have to feel responsible for the moods of the other family members. After an outb...	searching4peace	5	733	Mar 4, 2011 by Rora
	New and feeling confused (Preview) hello everyone, i am new to all of this: being with an A (h. addicit), al anon and these forums. id like to thank everyone because so far reading others expereicnes really helps. on march 7th, its our 1 year anniversary. when i met him, he was 4 months clean. He is in the beginning years of trying to get cle...	theaeidann	2	685	Mar 4, 2011 by Mattie
	Not sure what to say (Preview) When he says " You knew I drank when we met"	Irish1	5	774	Mar 4, 2011 by athabascan indian
	Worry (Preview) Hey all, This is my first time posting here, I've been following for a few days. I have almost 1.5 years of Al-anon recovery, but its slow going... Life is a bit crazy at the moment, and I am battling anxiety problems using the program tools. We have many big issues at the moment although I know that my p...	TheJeanGenie	2	714	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	writing it out helps (Preview) Writing down how I was feeling and getting those feelings on paper was really cathartic. It helped clarify my boundaries and why I needed them in the first place. I was able to re-focus on myself and what I need and let my A bf go. Turn him back over to HP. Thanks for helping me step out of the chaos again. Hon...	Honeypie	2	521	Mar 4, 2011 by RachelW
	New to this group...Alanon member since 6/10...please help (Preview) I really need some input. I have 3 sons, my middle one is an active addict/alcoholic, while the other two do drink but don't appear to have the disease, quitting alcohol at will. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic of 14 yrs & attends meetings daily. He is extremely judgmental re: my sons &a...	Trudles57	7	681	Mar 4, 2011 by pinkchip
	Anxiety....... (Preview) Had to work tonight and of course as I'm going out the door my wife starts in on my daughter......I see my daughter looking at me as I leave.....I have anxiety....not that she'll be beaten or anything physical, nor will she be starved or neglected but that she will be the whipping boy tonight while i&qu...	mjhyankees	5	678	Mar 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	Today (Preview) Today I can see what I have done in the past to make sure to please everybody. I am afraid of what people might think of me if I don't do what I perceive that they want me to do. Even though I know that I am doing the right thing for my kids in me, I still have a fear of upsetting my AH because I am no longer participa...	kath	4	651	Mar 3, 2011 by kath
	terrible day (Preview) Hi everyone. What a day. My husband stayed out most of the night. Which was fine but he woke up this morning being a brat. He demanded I pay half the bills. I got student loan money so he knows I have money in the bank. He threatened to slash my tires and disable my car. Actually my car still isn't fixed from ye...	Steph444	3	590	Mar 3, 2011 by abbyal
	deflecting projection (Preview) Hey everyone, it's been a little while, I'm humming along, trying to keep my head above water with bills, kids and choas. Leaving the AH to his own devices and trying to mind my own business. Against instinct, I asked him if he wanted to talk about the "elephant in the room", "the dista...	newleaf66	1	1186	Mar 3, 2011 by hotrod
	Saying "NO" (Preview) Saying no is something I have always struggled with. A woman in my f2f meetings says that "NO" is a complete sentence, and does not require justification or softening or sugar coating. The sugar coating is what I saw in my family of origin. When I saw my mom interact with other people (not...	White Rabbit	3	727	Mar 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	1st night of Al Anon... is this for real !!! (Preview) Hi !st night discussing Al Anon and I am frightened to death !! I am sober 4 years my now ex girlfriend sober 20+ years.Our separation has left us both emotional. And we are respecting each others space and time to heal. Both accepting where each other is. She is not financially well placed and therefore...	deepocean	5	952	Mar 3, 2011 by 1911A1
	Still struggling (Preview) I feel so guilty, angry and hurt. Have hardly talked to A bf all week. He called me as soon as I got off work today at 3 p.m. He assumed I would be going to his house after work today since I haven't seen him since Monday morning before work. When I said I didn't know if I was going to visit him, he was sarcastic, l...	Honeypie	7	419	Mar 3, 2011 by pinkchip
	A Storm vs. Hurricane... (Preview) As some of you may remember, last month I was the wife with hate in my heart towards my husband who was in rehab. I was the wife, who at times thought my life would be easier if he would over drink himself and die.... He did his 30 day rehab, came home, and I kept my space. I did not encourage him, I did not clap my...	KimmyJo	3	2162	Mar 3, 2011 by Mattie
	I am so passive aggressive. (Preview) Seriously. I have been reading all over the board and going through my alanon literature all day and I realize that I am being crazy. I am actually acting like an insane person. I want something. I don't ask for it. I hint, imply, pout, sulk, manipulate, threaten, coerce and even lie. But I don't j...	searching4peace	7	507	Mar 3, 2011 by Aloha
	First Alanon Meeting Tonight (Preview) Well, I went to most of an alanon meeting tonight. Everyone was very nice, but as with my theme today, I cant stop crying. I bought the ebook codependant no more and will dive into it in a little while. I can't find the one by Tobi Rice Drews. Is it sold as an ebook? When I got home, my husband was drinking. H...	Steph444	5	637	Mar 2, 2011 by likemyheart
	New here (Preview) And desperately needing so support and direction. I collect alcoholics and addicts the way some people collect baseball cards. Or so it seems. I'll spare you the list. It's extensive. My husband is an alcoholic. Trying to control his drinking I stumbled apon alanon years ago and made it to a few o...	searching4peace	7	431	Mar 2, 2011 by searching4peace
	Telling Others (Preview) I was responding to another post when this thought came to me - maybe I'm the only one doing it, maybe others do it too. Do you tell others the truth about what is going on in your life? I don't mean telling people you're going through hard times but actually naming the trouble and talking openly about wh...	likemyheart	4	1017	Mar 2, 2011 by ythannah
	Acceptance and the unacceptable.... (Preview) I can understand accepting things that may not be as I want them. But we are also told not to accept the unacceptable. What do you do with the unaccpetable?	mjhyankees	6	753	Mar 2, 2011 by Aloha
	So Selfish (Preview) I am so frusturated right now with my ab. We've just hit our one year mark and he has 7 months sober. I've never met anyone as selfish as he is. It's like a completely seperate entity from his addiction or sobriety or anything else. I don't understand how he can always put himself first or do or say or buy th...	xosarahox	3	877	Mar 2, 2011 by pinkchip
	Taking Positive Steps (Preview) I know I have mentioned before that my AH is working several hundred miles away. He makes it home, generally, about one weekend a month. Honestly, the arrangement is tough, but it makes it much easier for me to detach from a lot of his behavior because I don't deal with him face-to-face on a daily basis...	stephaniej	1	513	Mar 2, 2011 by pineapple
	Hi Everyone (Preview) Hi everyone. My name is Stephanie and I stumbled upon this website by accident. I've been having a tough with my husband. Well, I believe he's been replaced by someone else. He makes my head spin. My car has needed an inspection sticker since the end of January. Well, last week he said he would take it , he...	Steph444	5	763	Mar 2, 2011 by Jerry F
	Codependents Anonymous Group Started on MIP Today! (Preview) Hello Everyone, At the request of numerous members of MIP I have started to put together all the web site related fixin's of a Codependents Anonymous Group on the MIP 12 Step Recovery Forums site. You can access the CODA home page from our main home page at http://www.12stepforums.net or directly at...	John	0	534	Mar 2, 2011 by John
	My Gratitude List (Preview) Hi all, thought it was about time I made a gratitude list, so here it is. Enjoy. I am grateful for: Many supportive friends and family who I know I can count on and who have often surprised me with their support, generosity, and kindness.An amazing 11 year old daughter who makes me want to be a better perso...	danielle0516	6	3924	Mar 1, 2011 by xosarahox
	How far does this go (Preview) How far does detachment go? My F2F meeting is Friday and no other meeting is nearby. My AH has been actively drinking since Christmas. I moved out...but a mortgage payment on our house is due today. He is SUPPOSED to pay it. But he has been too drunk to make a deposit to cover the payment. I don'thave acces...	alexmaui	5	657	Mar 1, 2011 by likemyheart
	I am making progress (Preview) I am making progress in how I am allowing this disease to affect me. My A bf is still using and is in total denial. I think he is very confused. He did not believe and tested me on Saturday. He called stating he was not drinking and could he come over to spend time with me and my kids. I went to get him and once I g...	Honeypie	8	1096	Mar 1, 2011 by Honeypie
	Did I handle it correctly? (Preview) Things have been pretty stable with my brother lately. I got a call at 4am this morning from him wanting to talk because he was lonely. He sounded pretty intoxicated with slurred speech. I told him to stop drinking for the night, and go to bed, and I would talk as much as he need to day, but not at 4am with him...	NCSUgeology	3	784	Mar 1, 2011 by abbyal
	"My problem is me" (Preview) Today's reminder in ODAT: "My problem is me." That's a tough one to remember, but a lesson I need to learn. This morning my AH was overly harsh to our DS for slamming a kitchen cabinet. AH grabbed DS by the collar and got in his face. In a quiet moment when our DS was not in the room I calmly said t...	Very Very Tired	7	1148	Mar 1, 2011 by Very Very Tired
	Just need to vent about this disease (Preview) In 1995 my younger brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. It took him 5 years in prison before he admitted he was an addicted and got help. Luckily he was released early after serving 13 years. He was also lucky in that when he was released, he didn't have to stay in the same state whe...	N8SMOM	5	886	Mar 1, 2011 by NCSUgeology
	Wife did it again....... (Preview) Hi everyone...back after a hiatus....things have been "stable" for a while and I got real busy with work, hobbies and other distractions. I'm still struggling but not as depressed as i was. Even able to learn a bit about happiness and how to attain it but I'm so frustrated right now...an...	mjhyankees	7	949	Mar 1, 2011 by danielle0516
	Relief and gratefulness (Preview) thank you all for being there during one of the very hardest times of my life. Today I woke up wanting out of here. I want to go "home." My time is done here now. I feel the energy of wanting to pack up and go. Feel me coming back. I watched a movie,"My life as a House." The guy, Kevin Klin...	Debilyn	4	744	Mar 1, 2011 by danielle0516
	My reaction surprised me (Preview) I recieved a phone call from my exah yesterday, he has been released after some delay of paperwork or something. And when I answered the phone I did not recognise his voice and felt not really anything when I found out who it was. No fear, no anger, no blame, no love, no like, no dislike ... just pretty much...	Jennifer	5	886	Feb 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	...a bit about where I've been...off topic a bit.... (Preview) Hello everyone. Over the past few months I've popped in and out of here, which is a direct reflection of how my life has been since October. In October my Mom was admitted to the hospital for a tumour in her neck. She fought a long and hard battle enduring a litany of side effects to surgeries gone bad. ...	Rora	10	951	Feb 28, 2011 by danielle0516
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.