Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

MrsHennepope · MrsHennepope

Hi everyone! I suppose this post is mostly to vent but also to see if anyone else had had this same problem I'm having.My AH is constantly changing the "rules",by rules I just mean things we've agreed on or what not,not actual rules he sets out for me.The ame plan always changes in the morning...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

All in all, things are quite good right now. As some of you may recall, it wasn't too long ago that I posted about my ex-AH going through horrific withdrawals. He did go in to a 30-day rehab and continues to go to outpatient classes. He believes this was his bottom. Hopefully, he is correct. He has ha...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

I got a text a bit ago that AH (who has been sober for quite some time now) stopped off for a beer with the guys. He's previously told me he thought he'd eventually drink again, just in moderation this time. Maybe he will. I feel like I am being tested.... "How is she going to react?" "Wh...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

Lindaoakford you talk a lot about your ongoing relationship with "the drawer", and the desire to look, but the understanding that looking is only going to make you crazy. Although AH has been dry (until tonight, see other post), I like that visual. Although AH doesn't have a drawer, per s...

odalis · odalis

My dad is visiting me. Aside from 4 months ago, I have not seen him in 4 years. He is also an alcoholic, part of the reason he and my mother separated when I was 10 was because of his drinking problem. he also helped me tremendously during one of the most difficult times in my life as pregnant teen who had bee...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Hi, I am youfoundme and I am a grateful member of alanon... I had a bad night last night. There was some stuff going on and I knew I had not control over it. I had two glasses of wine with my A....He has been having a couple of drinks only here and there and for some reason I thought, well why not? I am not...

atheos · atheos

The woman I sat next to at my face-to-face meeting today had sniffles and a runny nose, and kept wiping it with her hand (without using Kleenex). I was getting really grossed out, and wasn't sure what I should do at the end of the meeting when it came time to join hands for the serenity prayer I wound up spen...

RLC · RLC

I received this from an Al-Anon friend today and thought I would share it with my MIP FamilyHUGS,RLC THE BUTTERFLY STORY Whenever we see a fuzzy caterpillar it is hard for us to realize that s...

jbunny · jbunny

I gave my abf the break-up letter I wrote this morning. I know I did the right thing for my sanity. I could not go on riding the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for the past 3 and 1/2 years in this relationship. I feel calm and peaceful about my decision right now. In the past breaking up has felt l...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I just don't get it. Why would you hide beer when you drink beer in the open around the family anyway? How silly is that? Is hiding alcohol just habitual? I get why he hides the little bottles of vodka or whiskey, but beer? Beer needs to be chilled. You may as well just put it in the fridge next to the Gu...

Pushka · Pushka

This past couple of weeks the word "willingness" has kept popping out at me. It's been so great to know that there are two different kinds of steps the "ready now" steps and the "willing now" ones. I have been ready to admit where I am powerless over my life and I try an...

KLotus · KLotus

Gratitude everyone. I am thankful for this board. Yesterday my AH and I had our first real marriage counseling session. I liked the counselor well enough, and she has experience/background in addiction issues. We basically laid some groundwork, and gave an overview. My AH was much more calm th...

maresie · maresie

Today I learned someone whoI had a real resentment towards had died suddenly. The resentment was a pretty remote one, an envy at their success so please don't send me condolences. This isn't about loss, or wanting to have closure or any of that. I have not spoken to this person for years they weren't...

Lyne · Lyne

Ok so my Aspouse went out last night for dinner to thank so co-workers for a summer project. I figured she was going to drink. Prior to joining alanon, I had bought alcohol saliva tests on a q-tip type thing. I just can't stand her lying and drinking, and I wanted to have some control. I also don't want...

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

Hi everybody. Today for the first time in almost a year my AH missed his appointment with his psychiatrist/therapist. He said he was too tired, but I knw is cause he found this new doctor that will give prescriptions without a session. So I told him exactly that and he snapped. I guess people don't like t...

canadianguy · canadianguy

This morning on Facebook, a friend had posted a quote from Dr. Suess (love quotes from Dr. Suess). I smiled when I read it, as it made me think of MIP, and/or Al-Anon.... I hope it doesn't offend anyone, but I think it fits rather well for us, as we come from all different walks of life, with all kinds of un...

sirchef · sirchef

another acronym that I find so difficult. Why is it that my anger can just fuel such emotion in me I understand it on;y make things worse? And when I'm hungry I eat poorly and binge on junk rather tfan take the time to eat something that will nourish me rather fill the whole? I'm lonely and sometimes so very...

rose903 · rose903

Hello, Not sure who to ask this, please let me know who to inform. I needed to ask if meetings are sometimes cancelled? This morning's meeting wasn't starting a half hour after the scheduled time so I asked the chat room if there was going to be one and someone called Anonymous (name removed) said he/s...

Otie · Otie

I had a long phone conversation with my sister and she was bemoaning many things about our mother. This made me think of the many discussions here on the board. My sister is under the impression that her personality bears no similarity to that of our mother. WRONG. I see soo many characteristics tha...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today like most days I really feel like I might be coming around to where I need to be. I struggle w/ so much. I hope I can find some peace & serenity where I am at today. Only my HP knows how much I can handle. I know He is watching & waiting for me to come to grips w/ all my issues, insecurities, etc. So m...

clep · clep

My sister is an ACOA as am I. I have been fortunate to have been in the rooms of Al-anon for a couple of years and many years of work on myself before that. My charachteristics have almost gone now from my A childhood and father. My sister who lives with me is a basket case however. She has the classic symp...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

There is a tear in my coffee some days. I am not really that sad but I do have my moments! I realized after my last post that I can be a real downer. I feel this is true especially when I talk about not having kids. I guess I still have to live in acceptance at 45. I just wish that I could over my regrets--medicati...

Doozy · Doozy

I feel really good about my progress over the last year and especially since finding Alanon a few months ago. It was definitely the right time for me! I am going through the steps and attending face to face meetings and doing nearly everything I'm "supposed" to do except I still haven't foun...

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

Hell hello. It's been a looong time since I last logged in, but I;m happy to report that overall I'm doing Ok and so is my family. My husband is almost a year sober, strong, and my three year old is just as amazing as ever. Right now I;m feeling a bit overwhelmed by my AH's family. My husband has recently bega...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Betsy the wonder dog is sick, Parvo no less. Caught it early, I hope, had a shot but..... well, she's got it. Pretty sick dog, still alert right now, they said its gonna get worse before it gets better, lots of bodily fluids to clean up - grin and bear it because, well, she's my baby. I have IV fluids to give h...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I have a question about the codependence of an Alcoholic. And my own detachment too. I noticed that this past weekend, my AH and I had a good weekend but he was very needy. I spent all day Saturday away visiting my daughter and then Sunday he was so clingy and over-attentive. I have a hard time acceptin...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi yesterday i shared a moment of realisation for me that I was being very silly about finding a lighter in the bin. Such a little trigger. As the afternoon progressed and I went home, I wanted it to continue. I deliberately did not want to know or even have an idea if he had been smoking or not. If someth...

MDK · MDK

I know it has been a while but things have been going on that I can not control. My husband lost his job last week! I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I am so thankful for my alanon and higher power during these times. Last night I got very angry at my daughter because she was whining and complaining...

amills4294 · amills4294

I did it again, I let the focus leave me. My spouse and I are separated and have been for a year. I just in the past 2 weeks started to go to Al-anon (I'm an ACOA). I've been to 5 meetings in 9 days. All very helpful. I'm just getting my feet wet. My spouse very much wants us back together - I'm not sure that i...

youfoundme · youfoundme

You Found Me...Thanks alanon for finding me and loving me when I didn't know I could even fathom loving myself. I am feeling good lately, I am working on me, I am going to meetings and staying on my side of the street. Each day I wake up to a new day to cherish. I don't let things bother me like they used to....

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Good morning (830 am Tuesday here) I had a reminder of my over exaggerated responses this morning. To prelude this conversation, I have not checked his drawer since my slip up how ever long ago when I looked. I have stopped counting or worrying about if I am looking or not, I somehow.... just stopped??...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I could very easily get down and out today and have had my moments, but I am going to chose to take a different approach. I think my HP has great changes in store for me because: my car got wrecked, our Air Conditioning Went Out at the house (and I live in Texas) and my renters in our rent house just told us...

Anne01 · Anne01

My father was an alcoholic, my grandfather was also, I have 3 brothers who are alcoholic. One is sober, one is actively drinking, and the other is in rehab., for the 4th time, I think it is, I've lost count. He is 44 and been in jail for a total of about 10 years. He has driven without insurance and a license...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

So, I told my AH last night that I want a D. He thought I would change my mind after "sleeping on it." When I didn't he tried to blame me and then decided to ask what he could do to "salvage" our marriage and keep our family together. I told him that if he goes into a treatment program...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

I am doing my best at working my own recovery and not my AH's (most days). However, I have one thing that I am not sure how to handle. We have 2 small children (6 and 2) and I continue to find hidden bottles of vodka. I don't want to pour them out and move on, because they aren't my bottles to pour out. So I ha...

KLotus · KLotus

Hello Again Everyone :) Ok, so my AH is two months out of inpatient treatment. He's been unbearable, the majority of the time. He's so angry, and mostly tries to pick fights with and blame me. Aside from the recent crisis that built over a few weeks of dwindling AA meetings - is this still normal? I was...

onewholovesrock · onewholovesrock

Hello everyone. I've been reading all your post for a couple weeks now. Great stuff. I Just signed up. I've been to two meetings now. I've just been through the worst 2 yrs of my life. I'm miserable. Not sure if Al Anon is for me or not. I'm in a relationship to an addict. Also I strongly believe she is me...

parentX2 · parentX2

I hope this is the place for my thoughts. I have been reading posts for awhile now and am very grateful for them. I have also started going to meetings. My problem is that I feel so bad. My AH has had many surgeries and claims to still be in pain from them but the drs tell him there is no reason for the pain a...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

Why do I allow my AH to make me feel guilty when Im doing nothing wrong? I just got the email and phone call from the AH wondering what I had been up to. I told him working, but that wasnt good enough. I havent been going home at lunch because it frees me up to just read, run errands or relax and do whatever I w...

odalis · odalis

Hi everyone. I asked my AH to leave a few days ago. He needs a few weeks to transition and clean out his father's place so he can move in with him. I still love him, that is not the reason I asked him to leave. Obviously, I asked him to leave because I do not want him drunk around my kids and my 15yo daughter is bei...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

In the last 2 weeks, my wife has been as healthy as I have ever seen her. She's been on new anti-depressants and they really seem to be making a difference. I have found that in that time, I have really let go of the concept of detaching. I guess I didn't feel the need to, because things were good. So I found my...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

HI I met with an Al Anon lady today for lunch. I bought her lunch as she took the time off her day to meet wtih me. I cried.. as I have been for about 12 hours now on and off. She confirmed there are no day time meetings in the NT for Al Anon but there is a steps meeting on a Saturday afternoon. The same people go...

amills4294 · amills4294

Hello all - I'm relatively new to Al-anon and just one day on this board. I've attended 4 face-to-face meetings and am always surprised and grateful for what I hear. I am an adult child of a line of alcoholics on my mom's side. I've always felt different and like I didn't fit in. It wasn't until I unexpe...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, The weekend was at least not spend in crisis. We're still going to have 2 marriage counseling appmts this week. My husband did argue with me a little, but not screaming, throwing, etc. I could tell he was trying to use restraint. I recently took a job that offers a lot of future opportun...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Why do I bother doing all of this?? Had a great weekend. I asked him this morning what he planned on doing.. he didn't know. I had things I wnated to do. So I did them. I said to him this morning "If you are planning on havinga smoke, I just want to say, and I am not being nasty, this would be the 8th we...

Jozie · Jozie

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odalis · odalis

Hi. Does anyone know who I can contact for the Alateen message board or meetings here on MIP. I went on the Alateen page, but the posts seem outdated. I thought I had read soemthing about it moving, and I am not sure about the chat meetings. My daughter showed a lot of interest last night about it and I was tr...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone been to a covention today it was great, bit thin on the ground but shares were so good from both fellowships. My Abf is active again after 9 months and i know there is nothing i can do its his journey. At the convention I think I came to the decision that he has so much work to do and I am just a pres...

surfingmaestro · surfingmaestro

My sponsor thought it might be a good idea if I could get others' opinion and experiences on how they dealt with step 9. I was hoping I could get some insight on how some of you went about making "direct" amends to people you couldn't or shouldn't make amends to. There are people I shouldn't m...

Goodtillitsbad · Goodtillitsbad

I set a boundary that I didn't feel healthy living with an active A in my house with our very young son. I said if my AH started again then I was done, as in the D word. This was 2 1/2 months ago and now he's back at it, although still clearly in denial. He's now begging, saying he'll go to AA meetings (yup heard i...

kay115 · kay115

So, I told my AH I wanted to seperate and my plan has been put into action. Contacted my boss, dropped all my classes at school and arrangements have been made for me to move out and back to a different city where I will stay with my parents. It is not ideal, my schooling is being put on hold and my life feels li...

kay115 · kay115

Oh my gosh. Things just got really really bad here. My AH just came home drunk and was yelling at me in regards to our dog. He says that I am not taking the dog when I move out, but legally, I am the one who adopted the dog and I plan on keeping him. He says that he is going to take the dog somewhere (like to a friend...

kay115 · kay115

Well, I finally brought out the D word today....Divorce. The craziest part to me is that I really mean it. Either things take a dramatic change in the next week or two or I want out. Yes, I know that I cannot control my AH, but I can control how much I let myself be affected by all of this, and staying in a marri...

Betsy B · Betsy B

Hello all, I've been lurking so to speak since April. My geographical circumstances changed temporarily then and I was no longer able to get to my long loved face to face meetings. So that's how I found MIP. I just wanted to say hello and let you all know that, since May, every morning when I wake, I grab...

odalis · odalis

I just have to share this...For months I have been asking God to send me a sign that what I am doing is right, to lead me in the right direction, to help me understand and be compassionate to my AH, to even send me a dream that I am not crazy and I am allowing him to do his will. I think my sign has come!! haha I ask...

pen · pen

Not really sure how to start this. Definitely have been an enabler by trying to deny there is a problem or being scared to confront the problem (or any number of other excuses). I accidently stumbled into an AA meeting about 2 years ago and realized at that point that my wife is not only an alcoholic but...

odalis · odalis

Hi all. I hope everyone is doing well tonight. I have a question about responding to outsider's comments. By that I mean people who kinda know me, but who I am not friendly with and know nothing about. they are aquaintances, neighbors, etc. One guy is the one who works at the corner store. Way back when I...

Katy · Katy

I went out for a meal with a friend from a now disfunct face to face, one of my non alanon friends is just going through a real sad crisis, her happy marriage of thirty years has been blown apart, by infedilitey on her husbands part, this friend has been through thick and thin with me, and I would go as far as...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

HI guys For many years I have hated mornings..... I often wake with a feeling of dread and anxiety and hate who I am. I wake up feeling fat and ugly and generally angry for just waking up!!!! I recently have been doing lots of work on this about the last 5 months. I have been looking into why. I think one o...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

There were children in a cafeteria line. The nun put a note on the apples--don't eat more than one; God is watching! A kid put a note on the cookies--eat all you want, God is watching the Apples! I got a kick out of this one! I hope you got a good laugh! Kathleen By the way, I shortened the joke!

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Rukes always changing (Preview) Hi everyone! I suppose this post is mostly to vent but also to see if anyone else had had this same problem I'm having.My AH is constantly changing the "rules",by rules I just mean things we've agreed on or what not,not actual rules he sets out for me.The ame plan always changes in the morning...	MrsHennepope	14	615	Aug 25, 2011 by Jerry F
	Reflecting on Al-Anon This Morning (Preview) All in all, things are quite good right now. As some of you may recall, it wasn't too long ago that I posted about my ex-AH going through horrific withdrawals. He did go in to a 30-day rehab and continues to go to outpatient classes. He believes this was his bottom. Hopefully, he is correct. He has ha...	GailMichelle	4	535	Aug 25, 2011 by rrib
	Being Tested (Preview) I got a text a bit ago that AH (who has been sober for quite some time now) stopped off for a beer with the guys. He's previously told me he thought he'd eventually drink again, just in moderation this time. Maybe he will. I feel like I am being tested.... "How is she going to react?" "Wh...	Hot Chicka	8	619	Aug 25, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Don't look in the drawer (Preview) Lindaoakford you talk a lot about your ongoing relationship with "the drawer", and the desire to look, but the understanding that looking is only going to make you crazy. Although AH has been dry (until tonight, see other post), I like that visual. Although AH doesn't have a drawer, per s...	Hot Chicka	3	477	Aug 25, 2011 by youfoundme
	feeling a little down today (Preview) My dad is visiting me. Aside from 4 months ago, I have not seen him in 4 years. He is also an alcoholic, part of the reason he and my mother separated when I was 10 was because of his drinking problem. he also helped me tremendously during one of the most difficult times in my life as pregnant teen who had bee...	odalis	4	458	Aug 25, 2011 by youfoundme
	We all fall down.... (Preview) Hi, I am youfoundme and I am a grateful member of alanon... I had a bad night last night. There was some stuff going on and I knew I had not control over it. I had two glasses of wine with my A....He has been having a couple of drinks only here and there and for some reason I thought, well why not? I am not...	youfoundme	15	670	Aug 25, 2011 by youfoundme
	Meeting etiquette: How would you have handled this? (Preview) The woman I sat next to at my face-to-face meeting today had sniffles and a runny nose, and kept wiping it with her hand (without using Kleenex). I was getting really grossed out, and wasn't sure what I should do at the end of the meeting when it came time to join hands for the serenity prayer I wound up spen...	atheos	12	754	Aug 25, 2011 by abbyal
	The Butterfly Story (Preview) I received this from an Al-Anon friend today and thought I would share it with my MIP FamilyHUGS,RLC THE BUTTERFLY STORY Whenever we see a fuzzy caterpillar it is hard for us to realize that s...	RLC	11	7763	Aug 24, 2011 by hotrod
	I know I made the right decision, now how do I stick to it? (Preview) I gave my abf the break-up letter I wrote this morning. I know I did the right thing for my sanity. I could not go on riding the emotional rollercoaster I have been on for the past 3 and 1/2 years in this relationship. I feel calm and peaceful about my decision right now. In the past breaking up has felt l...	jbunny	13	870	Aug 24, 2011 by jbunny
	UGH, UGH, and more UGH (Preview) I just don't get it. Why would you hide beer when you drink beer in the open around the family anyway? How silly is that? Is hiding alcohol just habitual? I get why he hides the little bottles of vodka or whiskey, but beer? Beer needs to be chilled. You may as well just put it in the fridge next to the Gu...	ilovedogs	10	603	Aug 24, 2011 by White Rabbit
	Willingness (Preview) This past couple of weeks the word "willingness" has kept popping out at me. It's been so great to know that there are two different kinds of steps the "ready now" steps and the "willing now" ones. I have been ready to admit where I am powerless over my life and I try an...	Pushka	6	460	Aug 24, 2011 by Pushka
	First appointment (Preview) Gratitude everyone. I am thankful for this board. Yesterday my AH and I had our first real marriage counseling session. I liked the counselor well enough, and she has experience/background in addiction issues. We basically laid some groundwork, and gave an overview. My AH was much more calm th...	KLotus	5	543	Aug 24, 2011 by youfoundme
	toxic resentment (Preview) Today I learned someone whoI had a real resentment towards had died suddenly. The resentment was a pretty remote one, an envy at their success so please don't send me condolences. This isn't about loss, or wanting to have closure or any of that. I have not spoken to this person for years they weren't...	maresie	8	661	Aug 24, 2011 by maresie
	alcohol saliva test (Preview) Ok so my Aspouse went out last night for dinner to thank so co-workers for a summer project. I figured she was going to drink. Prior to joining alanon, I had bought alcohol saliva tests on a q-tip type thing. I just can't stand her lying and drinking, and I wanted to have some control. I also don't want...	Lyne	6	456	Aug 24, 2011 by usedtobeanyer
	Anxiety attack (Preview) Hi everybody. Today for the first time in almost a year my AH missed his appointment with his psychiatrist/therapist. He said he was too tired, but I knw is cause he found this new doctor that will give prescriptions without a session. So I told him exactly that and he snapped. I guess people don't like t...	Priscilla83	5	633	Aug 24, 2011 by tommyecat
	Dr. Suess does Al-Anon? - Weird..... (Preview) This morning on Facebook, a friend had posted a quote from Dr. Suess (love quotes from Dr. Suess). I smiled when I read it, as it made me think of MIP, and/or Al-Anon.... I hope it doesn't offend anyone, but I think it fits rather well for us, as we come from all different walks of life, with all kinds of un...	canadianguy	9	775	Aug 24, 2011 by lacewing
	halt (Preview) another acronym that I find so difficult. Why is it that my anger can just fuel such emotion in me I understand it on;y make things worse? And when I'm hungry I eat poorly and binge on junk rather tfan take the time to eat something that will nourish me rather fill the whole? I'm lonely and sometimes so very...	sirchef	3	756	Aug 24, 2011 by lacewing
	Al Anon meeting cancelled and hacks- who do I talk to about this? (Preview) Hello, Not sure who to ask this, please let me know who to inform. I needed to ask if meetings are sometimes cancelled? This morning's meeting wasn't starting a half hour after the scheduled time so I asked the chat room if there was going to be one and someone called Anonymous (name removed) said he/s...	rose903	2	573	Aug 24, 2011 by lacewing
	Otie HAS A THOUGHT (Preview) I had a long phone conversation with my sister and she was bemoaning many things about our mother. This made me think of the many discussions here on the board. My sister is under the impression that her personality bears no similarity to that of our mother. WRONG. I see soo many characteristics tha...	Otie	6	499	Aug 24, 2011 by lacewing
	I think I am coming around. (Preview) Today like most days I really feel like I might be coming around to where I need to be. I struggle w/ so much. I hope I can find some peace & serenity where I am at today. Only my HP knows how much I can handle. I know He is watching & waiting for me to come to grips w/ all my issues, insecurities, etc. So m...	Hoot Nanny	4	328	Aug 23, 2011 by Doozy
	I am not sure saying something would be of use. (Preview) My sister is an ACOA as am I. I have been fortunate to have been in the rooms of Al-anon for a couple of years and many years of work on myself before that. My charachteristics have almost gone now from my A childhood and father. My sister who lives with me is a basket case however. She has the classic symp...	clep	3	358	Aug 23, 2011 by Doozy
	tear in my coffee! (Preview) There is a tear in my coffee some days. I am not really that sad but I do have my moments! I realized after my last post that I can be a real downer. I feel this is true especially when I talk about not having kids. I guess I still have to live in acceptance at 45. I just wish that I could over my regrets--medicati...	Hoot Nanny	8	621	Aug 23, 2011 by Doozy
	In the trenches of step 4! (Preview) I feel really good about my progress over the last year and especially since finding Alanon a few months ago. It was definitely the right time for me! I am going through the steps and attending face to face meetings and doing nearly everything I'm "supposed" to do except I still haven't foun...	Doozy	8	555	Aug 23, 2011 by Doozy
	Overwhelmed by family. (Preview) Hell hello. It's been a looong time since I last logged in, but I;m happy to report that overall I'm doing Ok and so is my family. My husband is almost a year sober, strong, and my three year old is just as amazing as ever. Right now I;m feeling a bit overwhelmed by my AH's family. My husband has recently bega...	Priscilla83	4	450	Aug 23, 2011 by Priscilla83
	Betsy is sick (Preview) Betsy the wonder dog is sick, Parvo no less. Caught it early, I hope, had a shot but..... well, she's got it. Pretty sick dog, still alert right now, they said its gonna get worse before it gets better, lots of bodily fluids to clean up - grin and bear it because, well, she's my baby. I have IV fluids to give h...	likemyheart	10	609	Aug 23, 2011 by pineapple
	codependence and detachment - the roller coaster ride (Preview) I have a question about the codependence of an Alcoholic. And my own detachment too. I noticed that this past weekend, my AH and I had a good weekend but he was very needy. I spent all day Saturday away visiting my daughter and then Sunday he was so clingy and over-attentive. I have a hard time acceptin...	oldgraduate	7	556	Aug 23, 2011 by rrib
	continued it into the evening (Preview) Hi yesterday i shared a moment of realisation for me that I was being very silly about finding a lighter in the bin. Such a little trigger. As the afternoon progressed and I went home, I wanted it to continue. I deliberately did not want to know or even have an idea if he had been smoking or not. If someth...	Lindaoakford	3	348	Aug 23, 2011 by RLC
	Keeping The Serenity (Preview) I know it has been a while but things have been going on that I can not control. My husband lost his job last week! I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I am so thankful for my alanon and higher power during these times. Last night I got very angry at my daughter because she was whining and complaining...	MDK	5	1242	Aug 23, 2011 by MDK
	"keep the focus on you" - a tool that is vital yet so elusive sometimes... (Preview) I did it again, I let the focus leave me. My spouse and I are separated and have been for a year. I just in the past 2 weeks started to go to Al-anon (I'm an ACOA). I've been to 5 meetings in 9 days. All very helpful. I'm just getting my feet wet. My spouse very much wants us back together - I'm not sure that i...	amills4294	3	346	Aug 23, 2011 by Jerry F
	Its me :) (Preview) You Found Me...Thanks alanon for finding me and loving me when I didn't know I could even fathom loving myself. I am feeling good lately, I am working on me, I am going to meetings and staying on my side of the street. Each day I wake up to a new day to cherish. I don't let things bother me like they used to....	youfoundme	11	477	Aug 23, 2011 by canadianguy
	what a small trigger for a big response (Preview) Good morning (830 am Tuesday here) I had a reminder of my over exaggerated responses this morning. To prelude this conversation, I have not checked his drawer since my slip up how ever long ago when I looked. I have stopped counting or worrying about if I am looking or not, I somehow.... just stopped??...	Lindaoakford	13	627	Aug 23, 2011 by oldgraduate
	HP is really shaking things up (Preview) I could very easily get down and out today and have had my moments, but I am going to chose to take a different approach. I think my HP has great changes in store for me because: my car got wrecked, our Air Conditioning Went Out at the house (and I live in Texas) and my renters in our rent house just told us...	oldgraduate	5	395	Aug 23, 2011 by oldgraduate
	I need help with a problem, please! (Preview) My father was an alcoholic, my grandfather was also, I have 3 brothers who are alcoholic. One is sober, one is actively drinking, and the other is in rehab., for the 4th time, I think it is, I've lost count. He is 44 and been in jail for a total of about 10 years. He has driven without insurance and a license...	Anne01	9	616	Aug 23, 2011 by youfoundme
	Hooray for me!! (Preview) So, I told my AH last night that I want a D. He thought I would change my mind after "sleeping on it." When I didn't he tried to blame me and then decided to ask what he could do to "salvage" our marriage and keep our family together. I told him that if he goes into a treatment program...	Hoping for Happiness	4	451	Aug 23, 2011 by likemyheart
	What to do when finding "hidden alcohol" (Preview) I am doing my best at working my own recovery and not my AH's (most days). However, I have one thing that I am not sure how to handle. We have 2 small children (6 and 2) and I continue to find hidden bottles of vodka. I don't want to pour them out and move on, because they aren't my bottles to pour out. So I ha...	Hoping for Happiness	5	4734	Aug 23, 2011 by youfoundme
	New recovery check-in (Preview) Hello Again Everyone :) Ok, so my AH is two months out of inpatient treatment. He's been unbearable, the majority of the time. He's so angry, and mostly tries to pick fights with and blame me. Aside from the recent crisis that built over a few weeks of dwindling AA meetings - is this still normal? I was...	KLotus	7	628	Aug 23, 2011 by youfoundme
	Just can't do it. Newbie (Preview) Hello everyone. I've been reading all your post for a couple weeks now. Great stuff. I Just signed up. I've been to two meetings now. I've just been through the worst 2 yrs of my life. I'm miserable. Not sure if Al Anon is for me or not. I'm in a relationship to an addict. Also I strongly believe she is me...	onewholovesrock	11	800	Aug 23, 2011 by Doozy
	Am I wrong.... (Preview) I hope this is the place for my thoughts. I have been reading posts for awhile now and am very grateful for them. I have also started going to meetings. My problem is that I feel so bad. My AH has had many surgeries and claims to still be in pain from them but the drs tell him there is no reason for the pain a...	parentX2	5	614	Aug 22, 2011 by Doozy
	Why do I allow my AH t make me feel guilty when I am doing nothing wrong? (Preview) Why do I allow my AH to make me feel guilty when Im doing nothing wrong? I just got the email and phone call from the AH wondering what I had been up to. I told him working, but that wasnt good enough. I havent been going home at lunch because it frees me up to just read, run errands or relax and do whatever I w...	oldgraduate	12	622	Aug 22, 2011 by parfait624
	having mixed emotions (Preview) Hi everyone. I asked my AH to leave a few days ago. He needs a few weeks to transition and clean out his father's place so he can move in with him. I still love him, that is not the reason I asked him to leave. Obviously, I asked him to leave because I do not want him drunk around my kids and my 15yo daughter is bei...	odalis	11	548	Aug 22, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Detaching when things are good... (Preview) In the last 2 weeks, my wife has been as healthy as I have ever seen her. She's been on new anti-depressants and they really seem to be making a difference. I have found that in that time, I have really let go of the concept of detaching. I guess I didn't feel the need to, because things were good. So I found my...	usedtobeanyer	8	691	Aug 22, 2011 by Lyne
	met with Al Anon lady for lunch (Preview) HI I met with an Al Anon lady today for lunch. I bought her lunch as she took the time off her day to meet wtih me. I cried.. as I have been for about 12 hours now on and off. She confirmed there are no day time meetings in the NT for Al Anon but there is a steps meeting on a Saturday afternoon. The same people go...	Lindaoakford	7	888	Aug 22, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Newbie on board - relationship issues (Preview) Hello all - I'm relatively new to Al-anon and just one day on this board. I've attended 4 face-to-face meetings and am always surprised and grateful for what I hear. I am an adult child of a line of alcoholics on my mom's side. I've always felt different and like I didn't fit in. It wasn't until I unexpe...	amills4294	6	655	Aug 22, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Update (Preview) Hi Everyone, The weekend was at least not spend in crisis. We're still going to have 2 marriage counseling appmts this week. My husband did argue with me a little, but not screaming, throwing, etc. I could tell he was trying to use restraint. I recently took a job that offers a lot of future opportun...	KLotus	6	470	Aug 22, 2011 by youfoundme
	why am I bothering (Preview) Why do I bother doing all of this?? Had a great weekend. I asked him this morning what he planned on doing.. he didn't know. I had things I wnated to do. So I did them. I said to him this morning "If you are planning on havinga smoke, I just want to say, and I am not being nasty, this would be the 8th we...	Lindaoakford	17	805	Aug 22, 2011 by rara avis
	Reachin for the Clouds & Coming up short... (Preview) ------------------->>>>>>>>;>>>>>>	Jozie	4	375	Aug 22, 2011 by Jozie
	Alateen and children in alcoholic family questions. (Preview) Hi. Does anyone know who I can contact for the Alateen message board or meetings here on MIP. I went on the Alateen page, but the posts seem outdated. I thought I had read soemthing about it moving, and I am not sure about the chat meetings. My daughter showed a lot of interest last night about it and I was tr...	odalis	7	697	Aug 22, 2011 by abbyal
	convention (Preview) Hi everyone been to a covention today it was great, bit thin on the ground but shares were so good from both fellowships. My Abf is active again after 9 months and i know there is nothing i can do its his journey. At the convention I think I came to the decision that he has so much work to do and I am just a pres...	Tracy	3	486	Aug 22, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Making Amends - Step 9 Question (Preview) My sponsor thought it might be a good idea if I could get others' opinion and experiences on how they dealt with step 9. I was hoping I could get some insight on how some of you went about making "direct" amends to people you couldn't or shouldn't make amends to. There are people I shouldn't m...	surfingmaestro	3	1904	Aug 21, 2011 by mac57
	I set a boundary and now I'm smack dab onto it. (Preview) I set a boundary that I didn't feel healthy living with an active A in my house with our very young son. I said if my AH started again then I was done, as in the D word. This was 2 1/2 months ago and now he's back at it, although still clearly in denial. He's now begging, saying he'll go to AA meetings (yup heard i...	Goodtillitsbad	10	586	Aug 21, 2011 by Hoping for Happiness
	It is done (Preview) So, I told my AH I wanted to seperate and my plan has been put into action. Contacted my boss, dropped all my classes at school and arrangements have been made for me to move out and back to a different city where I will stay with my parents. It is not ideal, my schooling is being put on hold and my life feels li...	kay115	11	880	Aug 21, 2011 by lasthope
	Need Help (Preview) Oh my gosh. Things just got really really bad here. My AH just came home drunk and was yelling at me in regards to our dog. He says that I am not taking the dog when I move out, but legally, I am the one who adopted the dog and I plan on keeping him. He says that he is going to take the dog somewhere (like to a friend...	kay115	8	697	Aug 21, 2011 by Anne01
	The D Word (Preview) Well, I finally brought out the D word today....Divorce. The craziest part to me is that I really mean it. Either things take a dramatic change in the next week or two or I want out. Yes, I know that I cannot control my AH, but I can control how much I let myself be affected by all of this, and staying in a marri...	kay115	11	710	Aug 21, 2011 by Aloha
	Coming out of Lurkdom - an introduction - and gratitude (Preview) Hello all, I've been lurking so to speak since April. My geographical circumstances changed temporarily then and I was no longer able to get to my long loved face to face meetings. So that's how I found MIP. I just wanted to say hello and let you all know that, since May, every morning when I wake, I grab...	Betsy B	9	679	Aug 21, 2011 by hotrod
	Dreams..A sign? (Preview) I just have to share this...For months I have been asking God to send me a sign that what I am doing is right, to lead me in the right direction, to help me understand and be compassionate to my AH, to even send me a dream that I am not crazy and I am allowing him to do his will. I think my sign has come!! haha I ask...	odalis	1	455	Aug 21, 2011 by Jerry F
	Wife is an alcoholic (Preview) Not really sure how to start this. Definitely have been an enabler by trying to deny there is a problem or being scared to confront the problem (or any number of other excuses). I accidently stumbled into an AA meeting about 2 years ago and realized at that point that my wife is not only an alcoholic but...	pen	11	677	Aug 21, 2011 by pen
	responding to outsider's comments (Preview) Hi all. I hope everyone is doing well tonight. I have a question about responding to outsider's comments. By that I mean people who kinda know me, but who I am not friendly with and know nothing about. they are aquaintances, neighbors, etc. One guy is the one who works at the corner store. Way back when I...	odalis	7	565	Aug 21, 2011 by maryjane
	last evening! (Preview) I went out for a meal with a friend from a now disfunct face to face, one of my non alanon friends is just going through a real sad crisis, her happy marriage of thirty years has been blown apart, by infedilitey on her husbands part, this friend has been through thick and thin with me, and I would go as far as...	Katy	4	502	Aug 21, 2011 by sookie
	I woke up smiling... whats that all about (Preview) HI guys For many years I have hated mornings..... I often wake with a feeling of dread and anxiety and hate who I am. I wake up feeling fat and ugly and generally angry for just waking up!!!! I recently have been doing lots of work on this about the last 5 months. I have been looking into why. I think one o...	Lindaoakford	8	418	Aug 21, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	just something funny--I hope it is OK (Preview) There were children in a cafeteria line. The nun put a note on the apples--don't eat more than one; God is watching! A kid put a note on the cookies--eat all you want, God is watching the Apples! I got a kick out of this one! I hope you got a good laugh! Kathleen By the way, I shortened the joke!	Hoot Nanny	5	392	Aug 20, 2011 by Debilyn
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.