Alateen and children in alcoholic family questions. - Al-Anon Family Group

odalis · Veteran Member

Alateen and children in alcoholic family questions.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I've heard that if there is no ala teen meetings in the area the age is usually 13-18. Call your area hot line they should be able to answer questions. I've heard that there is no online ala teen because of child molesters. Some can correct me on that. I find with my kids 7-12, I try to be as honest as I can and each conversation is different because of the age. The youngest is more daddy and mommy need a time out to figure out what we each need. We love you and need to each be the best parents we can for you. My eldest is more direct and we can talk more about alcohol being a disease. I use candy as a analogy in terms of alcohol. If there was a bowl of candy and you were told you had to look and not touch because there is no such thing as one piece of candy. My daughter said mom I'd never make it lol. She said I would have one and sneak back for more. Well that is how your dad sees alcohol. He just can't have one. I've also let her know how much she is loved and her dad and I need time to get our act together. If there is something she needs to talk about she can come to us first, maybe there are other things she just can't and that is ok. We will find her an appropriate person to talk to. She never has to feel or dwell on the idea she is alone. As far as the youngest needing to tattle on her dad I think all of your fears need to be addressed in mediation. she is no more the alcohol police than you are. There needs to be a plan that she can call you or someone you trust with your kids to come get her. I feel that is way to much pressure on a kid that age to look for drinking. I empathize with your fears. Take what you like big hugs, p ;)

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Odalis,

Here are some answers to questions you may have about Alateen.

May I attend Alateen meetings with my children? Alateen meetings are for younger members of Al-Anon. Except for Alateen sponsors or during special events, adults are not allowed to attend Al-Anon meetings. This creates an atmosphere in which the members of Alateen are more comfortable to share not only their problems but their strength, experience and hope with other members.

Is there adult supervision at the meetings? Yes. Two sponsors are required to be in attendance at all Alateen meetings. Sponsors are subject to a background check and must have attended Al-Anon meetings for at least two years before they can become sponsors.

Who should attend Alateen? Alateen offers help and hope to the younger members of families and friends of alcoholics. If you are 19 or younger and have been affected by another's drinking, then Alateen is for you.

Do I have to say anything at the meeting? No - you can just sit and listen if you want. You don't even have to tell anyone your name.

What if I see someone I know at a meeting? Anonymity is an important principle in both Al-Anon and Alateen. What is said in the group meeting stays in the meeting and doesn't leave the room.

Alateen has a daily reader like Al-Anon's "One Day at a Time" called "Alateen-A Day at a Time" and a great book introducing the program called "Alateen-Hope for Children of Alcoholics". These books are usually available at the meetings but can also be ordered online from the Al-Anon World Service Office at this link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

There is also lots more information about Alateen/Al-Anon there.

The Alateen meetings on this website are sporadic over the years I have been coming to this site.

Oh, and any time an Alateen meeting is unavailable in your area, teens are welcome to attend Al-Anon meetings. The same applies to this web site. The online Al-Anon meetings here would be a great place for her to start if there is no Alateen available.

Hope this helps. Alateen is a wonderful program I hope your daughter can get involved.

Yours in Service,

David

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

I went to Al Anon meetings when I was eight. I was a quiet child who sit and read while the meeting progressed around me. I would ensure that your child understands it is adult time, adn many things that are being said are adults points of views and that a child may not understand My mum was great. She told me to listen if I wanted to, but to understand it was adult talk.

I didn't like Al Ateen once I was old enough to go.

Anonymity was not a problem. We were used to keeping family secrets

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

http://chat.alateen.net will take you to the WSO alateen meeting room . once her ip addy is verified there are 6 on line meetings in diff time zones that your daughter can attend , rooms are monitored and safe for teens this is the only site for alateen that is approved by Al-Anon until recently I was one of the sponsors for a meeting , as sponsors we had to send in a police check and proof that we attend Al-Anon meetings f2f . Louise

odalis · Veteran Member

Thank you! She is on the site now registering. I'm glad we had this talk. Everything all of a sudden seems so easy. And for those ofyou who have been following my drama....my husband did decide to leave today, "so that the girls can slowly adjust to him not being here full time." He is coming tomorrow to take us to the beach which was planned already..don't know how I feel about that yet. he asked what I think, but I know that was a last attempt to get me to change my mind.... but I told him if he needed a couple weeks to figure out where he'll stay that is fine I respect that and will give him time, or if he'd rather do every other day for now until a more permanent thing comes along, I am fine with that too, but we defintely need time apart. I feel sad for him. I really do, but I also feel relieved that I took this step. I hope I am doing the right thing, and I only ask God to light my way and carry out whatever plan he has for me. (even though right now the plan stinks!!) lol Good night everyone and thanks for your thoughts!

Samsgram · Senior Member

Change is hard on everybody. I remember when I first seperated from my husband
many years ago. I had a tremendous feeling of relief, and anxiety with fear amoung
so many mixed up feelings. It took me awhile to get it all sorted out.

I`am sure you will do fine. Just know that change can be difficult but I think if you
realize this from the beginning, it won`t take you down. Wish someone had told me
that many years ago.

Wishing you better days ahead!

Blessings,

Samsgram~

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon prints a book called Whats Drunk Mama - it is for pre teens . It is an awsome book , explains the disease , reasures the child that its not thier fault this is happening . It also talks about respect for the alcoholic but also to learn to take care of them selves .. as far as I know this book is available on Amazon it is about 5.oo$

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.