It is done - Al-Anon Family Group

kay115 · Veteran Member

It is done

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Kay,

Sending you support and prayers during this time. We always have choices and whatever you choose is always the right thing for you, it helps when you are doing it for your own healing and mental well being. :)

Hugs P :)

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

sending you courage

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sad for you and him it has come to this, but i sure admire you. No it sure is not easy. For me it is never done. But it is in a comfortable place in my heart. My letting go was done over a period of time, I needed to be ready.

An addict is never cured. It will always be there. It is my experience I take things how they are whether they are using or not, AA or not if I choose him, I choose it all.

Since mine became abusive, horribly so I had to let go.

You will get back to school.In fact you will find things will be even more pleasurable, easier. I hope for now you give yourself lots of time to heal. Al Anon friends helped me throught that big time. Still do.

I hope if you need to vent, share your experience, ask questions you will keep coming back. love,deb

odalis · Veteran Member

hi Kay. My thoughts are with you, as I feel both your pain and your relief as you explain (one step backward and another forward) as I just am going through the exact same thing and feel the same way. (wanting to regret it, but realizing it is what is needed) In my situation though, my AH is leaving and I am staying in the house with the kids. We have found great ESH here. Keep coming back and hold on. We will get our lives together. You need to work in you and you are doing that. For me it has been a rough three years, but I am finding strength here, as I am sure you are too. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find peace and serenity in your journey, no matter where it takes you. (((Hugs))))

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Amazing share and good looking out for you. I know it has got to be gut wrenching but this is what they mean when they say "he will drink or not, what are you going to do?" You are really working it and doing for yourself. Prayers for strength going your way.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes what we have to do to take care of ourselves is tough. Hang in there! Be true to you. You can't go wrong if you do.

Take good care, Gail

kay115 · Veteran Member

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It helps more than you know. I have some support from family and friends, but at times I feel quite alone, which is why I find this board so comforting knowing that you guys are all out there giving me an emotional boost at all hours. I wanted to make a f2f meeting today, but with all the school and work stuff I had to address, it just wasn't possible. Going to try to make one tomorrow, but at the very least, go to my regular one on Tuesday night.

It is 2:30 am and my stomach is in knots and I am trying to find a way to relax enough to sleep. It should be easy since I did not sleep at all last night, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I am anxious because my AH has not come home. I am assuming that he is taking all of this as a valid excuse to hit the bars. I am also assuming that he will not come home at all tonight. I am trying to detach mentally, like I will soon be doing physically, but it is still so hard for me. As much pain and hurt is in this house, I still love him and worry for him. I know I have no control, so I need to find a way to calm myself and get myself the rest I need so I can function. I am going to try to meditate. I am so stressed at this point I am getting physically sick and it is not helping anything. I need to remain calm and collected as our "big talk" is going to happen tomorrow in regards to splitting up our belongings and so forth. I know that if I do not handle the situation the right way, it will cause major problems, so I need to focus myself now.

kay115 · Veteran Member

Oh my gosh. Things just got really really bad here. My AH just came home drunk and was yelling at me in regards to our dog. He says that I am not taking the dog when I move out, but legally, I am the one who adopted the dog and I plan on keeping him. He says that he is going to take the dog somewhere (like to a friend's house who i don't know) and then i will not be able to find him. I am having a million emotions. How seriously should I take this threat? How safe am I really staying here til the end of the week?

He has to work tomorrow from 9:30-3:30pm and I am feeling like I need to take the dog, take whatever is most important and get out of here and stay with a friend for the week (because I have to finish this week of work). I know that will add fuel to the fire, but I just do not know how safe I am here and if I can be sure that something will not happen to the dog while I am at work on Monday or Tuesday (because he has those days off and would have plenty of time to do something with him).

sookie · Senior Member

Ugh! Hang in there--you are in a HUGE transition and I understand, too. Just separated 3 weeks ago from my AH (he moved out though since we have 2 small kids). As someone said above, it is GUT WRENCHING...but nothing would be worse than staying in the same insanity (anxiety, sleeplessness, guilt, drama, depression, resentment, and so on and so on). The first few days were ROUGH but soon I came to believe this was the best choice and I have had no regrets. But the timing was not right until then and I really had the strength to do it at last. I also still love him deeply.

But getting through these first few days will be "challenging"-but you can do it and you are not alone. Take it one minute at a time and it is going to get better--soon you will be able to look back and see how far you have come, and feel peaceful because you made a choice for your own recovery. I looked at it like, outside of our marriage--he will either get sober or not. His choice. Either way, I know I made the right decision for myself. If he continues to be a drunk--then I am safe and on my own. If he gets sober, then we all have a lot more to be grateful for.

If your AH was drunk--he may not even remember what he said about the dog and probably will be too hung over having to go to work, too to even deal with it. Just do what you have to do...and be gentle on yourself. This is not easy and you need to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Best wishes for peace. You are not alone and you CAN do this! Keep saying that serenity prayer and know you can do it.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Kay - your last post sounds like you know what you want to do, take the dog and go somewhere. If it were me I would send the dog away if I could, he doesn't want it because he cares for it, only because it will hurt you - he knows where to hit you hardest eh? There is a lot I could add because I am a few months down the road from where you are right now but my time is short this morning. Good Luck.

lasthope · Veteran Member

Trust yourself. Trust your fear. It's a gift.
If you are asking yourself
whether you're safe, you aren't. You know
what you need to do. Please keep us posted.
Sending you courage.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.