The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok, so my AH is two months out of inpatient treatment. He's been unbearable, the majority of the time. He's so angry, and mostly tries to pick fights with and blame me. Aside from the recent crisis that built over a few weeks of dwindling AA meetings - is this still normal?
I was doing well with focusing on me, focusing on AlAnon and mostly my ACoA issues. I'm back to feeling insecure in every aspect of my life, especially work!
I don't like the feeling of not being able to recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I miss me, I like "me," I want that person back. I feel sick all of the time.
Or, am I transforming? Is the pain helping me to grow? It's always that struggle: is being in the abusive situation tearing me down or building me up? At times I feel like the work I had done on my issues is being broken down, other times I consider that maybe I just had that much more to deal with and the hell I'm living in is just God's way of making me look at my issues again.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
K
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Dear Klotus, after being in an abusive situation (even if it is not physical) erodes self-esteem and confidence. People often report lots of self-doubt, guilt, etc...
Personally, I don't believe that God places one in abusive situations to "teach a lesson"
my a is active again after 9 months sober. when he came home after rehab he too was very angrey etc etc unbearable. I went to a convention yesterday and the AA speakers spoke about their journeys most were not straight forward sober spells then back to drinking. Even if they put the drink down that is just the beginning they then have to try and work the programme and change. I know I am finding recovery changing tough sometimes I do better than others. My A was tole its hard to develop a relationship with a nother in early recovery they need to live and breath AA to learn and grow. My needs still never got met. i had to work on my resentments and remove myself when he was angrey etc. I had to change the things I could. Sobriety does not bring a happy ending it is jut the beginning. There is a book called living with sobriety. I realise today that he is going to drink or ot he is going to change work a programme or not. I have to really try anf focus n myself. I find it hard when he is around. I have to really work my programme lots of meetings, reading phone calls. try and take care of you.
Hugs, we are all just onions waiting to see what is at the center .. personally I like the tootsie pop anaology how many licks does it take to get to the center. I'd rather eat a tootsie pop than an onion any day of the week. :) Either way growth is growth. You are headed for the center and unresolved feelings are going to pop up because that's what they do. With that are going to come feelings of self doubt, insecurities and so on, you are practicing new behavior that is challenging to change from unhealthy to healthy behavior. Some weeks are easier than others. Last week was a huge challenge for me. I didn't feel sorry for myself, I did feel major frustration about what has been going on in my life. SCRAM, money, kids going back to school, hormones, my mother and grandma, the van needs some work done, did I already mention money?? :) It was just to much to take in I felt like I was on over stimulation big time. Sometimes life is just like that it feels like one big test and I totally got an epic fail on that one .. lol. It's ok. I know that today is a new day. I have a better perspective, the things I thought were bad were not as bad as I thought (that being said abuse is never ok). I actually handled things way better than I thought I did originally. Progress not perfection.
There is always an opporutinty to learn something out of any given situation. Even if it's a bad situation or unbearable one. I don't look at those things as punishment for something I've done. I do look at my own behavior in the situation. That's where I can go back to and that's where I can see what I need to change in me. Abuse is not ok and I don't believe that God puts us into these situations with the idea that we need to be punished or made to see the error of our ways. That's why we have free will. He will always see us through even if the answers we get aren't what we necessarially want.
Hugs, keep working your program, it's going to get better a step at a time. :) P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
KLotus, I am not sure if you said, I can't remember, but are you going to meetings? It was suggested to me when I first came here, and I didn't want to hear it. I went here and there, but I didn't want to. Then I stopped going, stopped this board and stopped all healing for a couple months, I was having an adult tantrum... then I came crawling back and I know now that I need those meetings, and this board and the people of alanon... I need a spiritual program because I can't fix my sick mind with my sick mind. I have to have meetings, readings and this board and my sponsor. Please if you haven't already, try some meetings, bring the baby, get help for you :) And remember, you aren't alone, we are here in support. My situation has gotten better because of alanon and if you try it, it works when you work it :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Pain is what made me reach a decision to stop what I was doing and try something different.
Going to meetings, reading the books and working a program helped me grow. And the fellowship helped me to stick with it.
When I find myself hurting again it's usually because I stopped 'working' my program and slipped back into my old ways of thinking and acting.
Treatment centers generally suggest that people begin attending AA meetings following treatment. The standard suggestion is to attend at least 90 meetings in 90 days. Those that begin to recover usually find the meetings start to 'work' for them during this time and continue. Those that don't, don't.
I think it was Bill W who said, "Pain is the touchstone for all spiritual growth."
In early recovery, I found some peace by using my al-anon tools but...... God isn't finished with me. All my experiences are an invitation by Higher power to pull me closer. Today I am so lucky to have 12 steps to show me "how." It's the only guide for living I ever got.
Trust your journey, that your experiences have value. You don't need to know the outcome for anything, just trust and relax. Things will become clear, today you don't have to "do" anything. Just "be."
One of my behavior patterns/character defects is insecurity. My step 6 work involves writing prayers asking God for help with my defects. I "humbly ask" every day. You can borrow my prayer, if you like:
Dear God,
Please help me to feel your loving protection surrounding me and guarding me...
so that I may feel safe,
confident,
and secure.
Amen.
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 22nd of August 2011 06:48:22 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
