Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

greta · greta

Last night my brother mercifully died from lung cancer. He had been on hospice since October and had been doing very well. He was able to say goodbye and make amends to those close to him before the end. The end came so fast it was surprising. I am happy he did not suffer a long and painful death. Howev...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I can't count how many times I have posted on this topic. And yet here again, I'm getting that feeling of desperation! I have been alone for 18 months now, still no good friends, no men and I am feeling really needy lately. I am seriously considering actually almost planning to go pick up some guy at a b...

maresie · maresie

I am just determined to get benefits, holidays and time to myself. I am sick of being a slave. I got stuck with all the work in my last job while everyone else could take off for everything. I asked for one morning off to go tot he doctor and they had a fit! I deserve better. I deserve to have a life. I deserve t...

Loupiness · Loupiness

As I last posted, my ah is about to significantly reduce his time at work in order to heal his back and work his recovery program. This is a man whose greatest addiction has been work, and ultimately his out of balance life got him to the point he is today. He has gone from not being able to attend his child...

david62 · david62

Hello ((((Family))) This Sunday Feb 10th at 9pm EST is our monthly group conscious/business meeting. The agenda for the meeting is: Secretary's Report Treasurer's Report Old Business: Meeting Schedule/Chair Schedule Update New Business: Meeting Protocol & Manners The meeting will be i...

maresie · maresie

I'm off to another interview this morning. I need those benefits so bad! Please send up some prayers for me to have some stabilty, sanity and comfort in my work environment. Maresie.

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Since the A has been out of jail he has insisted on emailing, calling, texting and completely violating the restraining order and disrespecting my wishes. My son answered the phone once and I told him don't call me anymore. I will call you in March if you're still doing well you can see the kids. I tho...

QOD · QOD

He called to apologize again and tell me how much he LOVES me and doesn't want to live without me. He gave me all the same crap he always gives me. How I am what keeps him going every day and he needs me. How much he loves. How he is going to prove to me that he loves me and be a better man. He is going to work har...

maresie · maresie

Last year when the A was ill, I pulled out al the stops to take care of him, found him a place, fed him, took care of him, supported him, encouraged him and worked day and night to support it all. Now I am ill, really absolutely exhausted to the bone and I don't have the same ferocious passion to take care of me...

bev · bev

hi my family, i was wondering if some of have gone though this..my daughter is expecting in 4 weeks as in my earlier post the baby isnt gaining weight{daughter hasnt gained any weight in 2 months}THE ULTRASOUND SAID THE BABY IS ALMOST 2LBS{DEC 10}i want to go up there to be with my daughter and also in cas...

optimistundone · optimistundone

If I could eliminate 2 words from A's vocabulary they would "probably" and "maybe." He says this about most everything, which I had not realized until recently. It's just enough to give me hope that "maybe he'll get up with the baby", "probably won't get up w...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family))))), For all of you in the path of the storms, I'm sending you all the love and prayers I can. Here's hoping you're all safe and sound. Let us know you're okay or if you need anything. Love and prayers for all those affected by the storms. I know we have some Alanon families in the area...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Some days ago someone in the family recommended this Thought for the day website and I went to visit it. Since then I have read some great thoughts, however I was particularly struck by this one and it has made me reassess my own Strength and Weakness. Take what you like from it or simply discard it, how...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I Hi Friends, I've been in a funk the past few weeks, but think I finally cracked it a bit by looking at my divorce papers (a month later) and making a decision about and phoning an attorney. Time to move on. Things are shifting a bit, and I see God clearly at work. It's odd though, it doesn't bring me peac...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Hullo fellow alanons. After refusing to play alcoholic games anymore and asking my AH to stay away, I am now in my 5th day of separation. The pain is setting in. The loss the sadness. Oh how I miss him He is distraught and shocked beyond belief that I actually mean it. I have taken the biggest risk of my life...

QOD · QOD

Well, I have to say that I expected him to EVENTUALLY regret how he treated me Sunday and Monday night. I figured he would apologize and ask for forgiveness. I just didn't expect it this soon. He called me at lunch time today and said he was sorry for the things he said and he didn't mean any of it. He was h...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, the A is back in jail.Heard through his brother. While he cannot call me as I don't have a landline, he could call me 3 way which he hasn't. His friend did call me once hinting about money. I made it clear that was not an option for me. I also spoke to him once for a half a second when I ASK to talk to him when...

round3 · round3

Not sure where I am with myself right now. I've been processing a lot of things that have gone on in the past couple of months and I think I'm beginning to get to the anger portion of my "stuff". As many of you know, my A broke off our long distance relationship following his slip at Thanksgivi...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hi everyone! I am struggling with a few things but basically my life is great! Jen is without power I think. She and I talk everyday sometimes late at night! One time I called her because I hit my head and couldn't reach my alcoholic! Anyway, Jen is so special to me. I don't know what I would do without h...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hey Friends in Alanon! I need some input on my mom being at all the Alanon meetings I go to. I cannot feel free to share my issues when my mom is right there. Once a month I am able to go to a meeting outside our area 60 miles away and I don't drive! I am not sure what to do to share my ESH with someone except on this...

glad lee · glad lee

Dear Family, I need to vent... I am not happy where I am today. Before I came to al-anon, I believed that I could never get myself out of my painful marriage. I believed that I could never make it (financially or otherwise) without him. I was in a deep depression, yet still not sure what was wrong....

Christy · Christy

This is Eckhart Tolle speaking of living in the NOW. He has a wonderful way of explaining that we are not the things we have been through. It is simply that, things we have lived through. He also explains what the NOW is. As usual I have to say this may be a bit out there for some... but then you don't h...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Lately, I have been feeling like my life has sunk into a rut. Same thing day in day out. 4 days a week I get up early and go to a job an hour away, 2 or 3 nights a week I go to another job. I spend every weekend working. That affects both my social life and my daughter's. Neither of us has one basically. Some...

maresie · maresie

As you all know I have reached a point where my stress was overwhelming. Things started to shift me for me. The house I live in has become more bearable because of the exit of two people. I left the job that was causing me tremendous stress. I will get unemployment for a while which gives me some time to r...

gknee · gknee

I'm warning you now-- I'm on a rant. SA/AH is "sick" in bed, I'm at home, kids have snow day from school. We are buried in a big winter storm. I've shoveled twice, ran 3 miles on my treadmill. spending some time here answering others posts. I can't stop obsessing about H using again! He h...

meagain · meagain

We just got back from a 6 day holiday and my sister called and asked me to call her back. She told me that my brother Jack (52) has been sick and they found a golf size mass in his kidney--apparently with the tests so far they think it is cancer. His wife died 17 years ago at age 24 of bone cancer. We have had 5 ma...

bev · bev

i went to his work at lunch time and told him about my daughter and that i want to go to ny in case something happens to the baby,he in return tells me to wait until she is born then go up,i told him i want to be up there in case it does happen that she doesnt make it,his words{WAIT TO SEE AFTER MY DAUGHTER HAS THE B...

verenda · verenda

Hi I have been very detached from AH since last Saturday, mainly because I am just trying to protect myself from his emotional abuse, which he denies. Because of the total lack of emotional intimacy, emotional abuse, his violent anger, etc I have not wanted any pyhsical contact, I talk very little exc...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

I hope I can be really really clear about this, speak from where I'm at, and share my experience/strength/hope only. I'm also hoping that by sharing, I'm not going to open myself up to mean commentaries, and instead be able to share with all of you how things are, god knows how slowly, getting better....

QOD · QOD

My ex came over last night to "collect" things he has given me over the years. He took the digital camera he gave me a year ago for Xmas, the laptop computer he gave me AND the kids last spring, 3 diamond rings, my wedding band and my .38 Special he gave me 12 years ago when we moved into our very 1s...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us. We need to let go, on a de...

maresie · maresie

Every bit of me wants to be out there in a panic looking for work but my health is at a standstill and I am going to have to take some time to regroup. I am absolutely tired to the bone and do not know how to get beyond the fatigue state I am in. I also feel incredibly alone. I am trying to rest and eat right and reg...

maresie · maresie

I signed up for unemployment today. That will be enough to pay my bills. I am going to try to put some time into going to meetings which I can't do when I am working all the hours there are. I am also going to put some time into trying to get my space ok. I am really really tired to the bone so I am also going to...

marmare · marmare

Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had to face. Although things have been so different with my A, he is in a controlled drinking state. Has been for the last year. He crossed the line and was extremely intoxicated at home while we had company. He hasn't done cocaine in about a year whi...

dekare · dekare

Making a long story short... My best friend and I spent a lot of time together in the 80's having a great time partying. We were both in our 20's at that time. He was always the life of the party, but as time went by I started to notice changes in him. He went from being the life of the party to becoming mean whe...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Tomorrow is day 3 after my AH tried the abandonment game and I didn't play. I let him walk. And then wouldn't let him come back. It's very quiet today with no contact after his pleading yesterday, now he's trying the "silence, she'll think I've suicided and panic after a few days"... As this...

kissers · kissers

I went to the store during lunch today. I was in the shampoo aisle looking for conditioner. There was a couple to my right looking for shampoo and conditioner also. The wife said she was going to buy Suave conditioner. My big mouth opened and I proceeded to tell her that, that conditioner has a tendency t...

maresie · maresie

My assignment has come to an end. I am looking for another job in earnest. Please pray I get something soon. I need health benefits, a nice environment, no more crazy bosses and an easy commute. I need a life that isn't so hard! Maresie.

wpb70 · wpb70

Hello. Tonight, I am worried sick about my older sister, who is an A that was in recovery. She has been fighting a long and hard battle with her addiction to alcohol and drugs and was doing very well for some time. I believe she was sober for about 5 months prior to her first relapse. Since Christmas, she...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

I am a grateful member of Alanon. Without the understanding and support from this program and its members I would be back on the merry-go-round again. Thanks for the lovely replies guys... I'm never alone in what I experience. During that latest episode --3 weeks of withdrawal, avoidance and drunke...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...the pain I am experiencing in my recovery journey needs to be looked at in much the same way as post surgical pain. One has surgery and there is pain afterwards, but one knows that that pain will stop as healing takes place. Okay, so that is what I have to do now, instead of fighting against the pain of...

blb · blb

Hello - I posted a couple of days ago about my brother, who is currently in a brief addiction/behavior program as a result of a second DUI and his threat to harm himself. I talked to him last night and he's remorseful and said he never plans to drink again (yeah, yeah, I know...), wants to stop hanging arou...

Jen10 · Jen10

Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...

QOD · QOD

Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda

maresie · maresie

I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...

Jena · Jena

Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...

debilyn · debilyn

I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...

Rigby · Rigby

Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...

blb · blb

This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...

Codependent · Codependent

Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...

glad · glad

Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...

flgirl925 · flgirl925

My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...

omajoy · omajoy

On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...

barisax · barisax

.... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...

Loupiness · Loupiness

accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03

debilyn · debilyn

Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	should I have or shouldn't I have gone? (Preview) Last night my brother mercifully died from lung cancer. He had been on hospice since October and had been doing very well. He was able to say goodbye and make amends to those close to him before the end. The end came so fast it was surprising. I am happy he did not suffer a long and painful death. Howev...	greta	11	739	Feb 9, 2008 by Maria123
	Tired of being alone! (Preview) I can't count how many times I have posted on this topic. And yet here again, I'm getting that feeling of desperation! I have been alone for 18 months now, still no good friends, no men and I am feeling really needy lately. I am seriously considering actually almost planning to go pick up some guy at a b...	carolinagirl	18	692	Feb 8, 2008 by round3
	going on anoher interview on monday (Preview) I am just determined to get benefits, holidays and time to myself. I am sick of being a slave. I got stuck with all the work in my last job while everyone else could take off for everything. I asked for one morning off to go tot he doctor and they had a fit! I deserve better. I deserve to have a life. I deserve t...	maresie	2	446	Feb 8, 2008 by nmike
	What do you think? (Preview) As I last posted, my ah is about to significantly reduce his time at work in order to heal his back and work his recovery program. This is a man whose greatest addiction has been work, and ultimately his out of balance life got him to the point he is today. He has gone from not being able to attend his child...	Loupiness	8	770	Feb 8, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	February Business Meeting-Sunday Night! (Preview) Hello ((((Family))) This Sunday Feb 10th at 9pm EST is our monthly group conscious/business meeting. The agenda for the meeting is: Secretary's Report Treasurer's Report Old Business: Meeting Schedule/Chair Schedule Update New Business: Meeting Protocol & Manners The meeting will be i...	david62	0	380	Feb 8, 2008 by david62
	prayers please (Preview) I'm off to another interview this morning. I need those benefits so bad! Please send up some prayers for me to have some stabilty, sanity and comfort in my work environment. Maresie.	maresie	6	418	Feb 8, 2008 by maresie
	Why won't he just leave me alone? (Preview) Since the A has been out of jail he has insisted on emailing, calling, texting and completely violating the restraining order and disrespecting my wishes. My son answered the phone once and I told him don't call me anymore. I will call you in March if you're still doing well you can see the kids. I tho...	carolinagirl	6	561	Feb 8, 2008 by Jean4444
	My ex called again last night -Urrgghhh (Preview) He called to apologize again and tell me how much he LOVES me and doesn't want to live without me. He gave me all the same crap he always gives me. How I am what keeps him going every day and he needs me. How much he loves. How he is going to prove to me that he loves me and be a better man. He is going to work har...	QOD	4	653	Feb 8, 2008 by maresie
	Taking care of myself the hardest topic (Preview) Last year when the A was ill, I pulled out al the stops to take care of him, found him a place, fed him, took care of him, supported him, encouraged him and worked day and night to support it all. Now I am ill, really absolutely exhausted to the bone and I don't have the same ferocious passion to take care of me...	maresie	5	584	Feb 8, 2008 by maresie
	has anyone else felt this way (Preview) hi my family, i was wondering if some of have gone though this..my daughter is expecting in 4 weeks as in my earlier post the baby isnt gaining weight{daughter hasnt gained any weight in 2 months}THE ULTRASOUND SAID THE BABY IS ALMOST 2LBS{DEC 10}i want to go up there to be with my daughter and also in cas...	bev	7	649	Feb 8, 2008 by leo
	As and their Rhetoric (Preview) If I could eliminate 2 words from A's vocabulary they would "probably" and "maybe." He says this about most everything, which I had not realized until recently. It's just enough to give me hope that "maybe he'll get up with the baby", "probably won't get up w...	optimistundone	5	514	Feb 8, 2008 by Loupiness
	Prayers for our Alanon families (Preview) ((((((((Family))))), For all of you in the path of the storms, I'm sending you all the love and prayers I can. Here's hoping you're all safe and sound. Let us know you're okay or if you need anything. Love and prayers for all those affected by the storms. I know we have some Alanon families in the area...	Karilynn	2	435	Feb 8, 2008 by cookie1971
	Strength and Weakness... (Preview) Some days ago someone in the family recommended this Thought for the day website and I went to visit it. Since then I have read some great thoughts, however I was particularly struck by this one and it has made me reassess my own Strength and Weakness. Take what you like from it or simply discard it, how...	Heartbroken	2	784	Feb 8, 2008 by cookie1971
	Moving Forward (Preview) I Hi Friends, I've been in a funk the past few weeks, but think I finally cracked it a bit by looking at my divorce papers (a month later) and making a decision about and phoning an attorney. Time to move on. Things are shifting a bit, and I see God clearly at work. It's odd though, it doesn't bring me peac...	Loupiness	7	472	Feb 7, 2008 by ddub
	Separation Pain so great (Preview) Hullo fellow alanons. After refusing to play alcoholic games anymore and asking my AH to stay away, I am now in my 5th day of separation. The pain is setting in. The loss the sadness. Oh how I miss him He is distraught and shocked beyond belief that I actually mean it. I have taken the biggest risk of my life...	silverbrumby	10	719	Feb 7, 2008 by silverbrumby
	My ex called to apologize (Preview) Well, I have to say that I expected him to EVENTUALLY regret how he treated me Sunday and Monday night. I figured he would apologize and ask for forgiveness. I just didn't expect it this soon. He called me at lunch time today and said he was sorry for the things he said and he didn't mean any of it. He was h...	QOD	7	776	Feb 7, 2008 by Codependent
	Jail (Preview) Well, the A is back in jail.Heard through his brother. While he cannot call me as I don't have a landline, he could call me 3 way which he hasn't. His friend did call me once hinting about money. I made it clear that was not an option for me. I also spoke to him once for a half a second when I ASK to talk to him when...	Codependent	9	846	Feb 7, 2008 by Codependent
	Boundaries vs cutting people off (Preview) Not sure where I am with myself right now. I've been processing a lot of things that have gone on in the past couple of months and I think I'm beginning to get to the anger portion of my "stuff". As many of you know, my A broke off our long distance relationship following his slip at Thanksgivi...	round3	8	905	Feb 7, 2008 by round3
	It is worth the wait! (Preview) Hi everyone! I am struggling with a few things but basically my life is great! Jen is without power I think. She and I talk everyday sometimes late at night! One time I called her because I hit my head and couldn't reach my alcoholic! Anyway, Jen is so special to me. I don't know what I would do without h...	Hoot Nanny	0	427	Feb 7, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	MOMS IN ALANON (Preview) Hey Friends in Alanon! I need some input on my mom being at all the Alanon meetings I go to. I cannot feel free to share my issues when my mom is right there. Once a month I am able to go to a meeting outside our area 60 miles away and I don't drive! I am not sure what to do to share my ESH with someone except on this...	Hoot Nanny	5	680	Feb 7, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Relapsing... (Preview) Dear Family, I need to vent... I am not happy where I am today. Before I came to al-anon, I believed that I could never get myself out of my painful marriage. I believed that I could never make it (financially or otherwise) without him. I was in a deep depression, yet still not sure what was wrong....	glad lee	8	478	Feb 7, 2008 by glad lee
	The Power of Now. (Preview) This is Eckhart Tolle speaking of living in the NOW. He has a wonderful way of explaining that we are not the things we have been through. It is simply that, things we have lived through. He also explains what the NOW is. As usual I have to say this may be a bit out there for some... but then you don't h...	Christy	7	630	Feb 7, 2008 by Christy
	I think I'm in a rut (Preview) Lately, I have been feeling like my life has sunk into a rut. Same thing day in day out. 4 days a week I get up early and go to a job an hour away, 2 or 3 nights a week I go to another job. I spend every weekend working. That affects both my social life and my daughter's. Neither of us has one basically. Some...	carolinagirl	2	550	Feb 7, 2008 by maresie
	Letting go (Preview) As you all know I have reached a point where my stress was overwhelming. Things started to shift me for me. The house I live in has become more bearable because of the exit of two people. I left the job that was causing me tremendous stress. I will get unemployment for a while which gives me some time to r...	maresie	5	365	Feb 7, 2008 by maresie
	Oh where, oh where has my serenity gone? (Preview) I'm warning you now-- I'm on a rant. SA/AH is "sick" in bed, I'm at home, kids have snow day from school. We are buried in a big winter storm. I've shoveled twice, ran 3 miles on my treadmill. spending some time here answering others posts. I can't stop obsessing about H using again! He h...	gknee	3	597	Feb 7, 2008 by QOD
	Prayers needed ASAp (Preview) We just got back from a 6 day holiday and my sister called and asked me to call her back. She told me that my brother Jack (52) has been sick and they found a golf size mass in his kidney--apparently with the tests so far they think it is cancer. His wife died 17 years ago at age 24 of bone cancer. We have had 5 ma...	meagain	13	536	Feb 6, 2008 by cookie1971
	update (Preview) i went to his work at lunch time and told him about my daughter and that i want to go to ny in case something happens to the baby,he in return tells me to wait until she is born then go up,i told him i want to be up there in case it does happen that she doesnt make it,his words{WAIT TO SEE AFTER MY DAUGHTER HAS THE B...	bev	5	491	Feb 6, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Sober AH ...his response to my detachment...what to say (Preview) Hi I have been very detached from AH since last Saturday, mainly because I am just trying to protect myself from his emotional abuse, which he denies. Because of the total lack of emotional intimacy, emotional abuse, his violent anger, etc I have not wanted any pyhsical contact, I talk very little exc...	verenda	8	652	Feb 6, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	When sick people make amends (Preview) I hope I can be really really clear about this, speak from where I'm at, and share my experience/strength/hope only. I'm also hoping that by sharing, I'm not going to open myself up to mean commentaries, and instead be able to share with all of you how things are, god knows how slowly, getting better....	Tiger2006	5	654	Feb 6, 2008 by Jean4444
	Ex came over last night - not pretty! (Preview) My ex came over last night to "collect" things he has given me over the years. He took the digital camera he gave me a year ago for Xmas, the laptop computer he gave me AND the kids last spring, 3 diamond rings, my wedding band and my .38 Special he gave me 12 years ago when we moved into our very 1s...	QOD	12	733	Feb 6, 2008 by Becky1
	Stopping Victimization (Preview) Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us. We need to let go, on a de...	Tenderheartsks	1	430	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	pacing myself (Preview) Every bit of me wants to be out there in a panic looking for work but my health is at a standstill and I am going to have to take some time to regroup. I am absolutely tired to the bone and do not know how to get beyond the fatigue state I am in. I also feel incredibly alone. I am trying to rest and eat right and reg...	maresie	0	334	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	new chapter (Preview) I signed up for unemployment today. That will be enough to pay my bills. I am going to try to put some time into going to meetings which I can't do when I am working all the hours there are. I am also going to put some time into trying to get my space ok. I am really really tired to the bone so I am also going to...	maresie	3	525	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	Reminder to myself..... (Preview) Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had to face. Although things have been so different with my A, he is in a controlled drinking state. Has been for the last year. He crossed the line and was extremely intoxicated at home while we had company. He hasn't done cocaine in about a year whi...	marmare	3	398	Feb 6, 2008 by tma0413
	Help me understand this... (Preview) Making a long story short... My best friend and I spent a lot of time together in the 80's having a great time partying. We were both in our 20's at that time. He was always the life of the party, but as time went by I started to notice changes in him. He went from being the life of the party to becoming mean whe...	dekare	8	959	Feb 6, 2008 by Denoraphy
	the lull before the storm? (Preview) Tomorrow is day 3 after my AH tried the abandonment game and I didn't play. I let him walk. And then wouldn't let him come back. It's very quiet today with no contact after his pleading yesterday, now he's trying the "silence, she'll think I've suicided and panic after a few days"... As this...	silverbrumby	5	589	Feb 6, 2008 by Kerbear
	HP has hilarious humor! (Preview) I went to the store during lunch today. I was in the shampoo aisle looking for conditioner. There was a couple to my right looking for shampoo and conditioner also. The wife said she was going to buy Suave conditioner. My big mouth opened and I proceeded to tell her that, that conditioner has a tendency t...	kissers	11	724	Feb 5, 2008 by Maria123
	one door opens another close s (Preview) My assignment has come to an end. I am looking for another job in earnest. Please pray I get something soon. I need health benefits, a nice environment, no more crazy bosses and an easy commute. I need a life that isn't so hard! Maresie.	maresie	5	537	Feb 5, 2008 by maresie
	In Need of Advice --How Best Can I Help My A Sister? (Preview) Hello. Tonight, I am worried sick about my older sister, who is an A that was in recovery. She has been fighting a long and hard battle with her addiction to alcohol and drugs and was doing very well for some time. I believe she was sober for about 5 months prior to her first relapse. Since Christmas, she...	wpb70	5	583	Feb 5, 2008 by wpb70
	It's a miracle, HE left!! (Preview) I am a grateful member of Alanon. Without the understanding and support from this program and its members I would be back on the merry-go-round again. Thanks for the lovely replies guys... I'm never alone in what I experience. During that latest episode --3 weeks of withdrawal, avoidance and drunke...	silverbrumby	6	1103	Feb 5, 2008 by canadianguy
	Trying to look at pain from a different perspective... (Preview) ...the pain I am experiencing in my recovery journey needs to be looked at in much the same way as post surgical pain. One has surgery and there is pain afterwards, but one knows that that pain will stop as healing takes place. Okay, so that is what I have to do now, instead of fighting against the pain of...	Heartbroken	8	899	Feb 5, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Next Step? (Preview) Hello - I posted a couple of days ago about my brother, who is currently in a brief addiction/behavior program as a result of a second DUI and his threat to harm himself. I talked to him last night and he's remorseful and said he never plans to drink again (yeah, yeah, I know...), wants to stop hanging arou...	blb	5	435	Feb 5, 2008 by abbyal
	New to Al-anon (Preview) Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...	Jen10	6	658	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	My drama begins again!!! (Preview) Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...	QOD	7	602	Feb 5, 2008 by Loupiness
	I love this quote! (Preview) Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda	Jean4444	1	495	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself. (Preview) I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...	maresie	3	592	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	How to break the cycle? (Preview) Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...	Jena	6	849	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Please send a prayer or a thought or two (Preview) I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...	debilyn	7	763	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	Advice Very Much Needed (Preview) Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...	Rigby	10	710	Feb 4, 2008 by Rigby
	here we go... (Preview) This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...	blb	12	772	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Forgiving Ourselves (Preview) Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...	Codependent	5	649	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	What a life! (Preview) Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...	Hoot Nanny	7	772	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Abandonment as a tool? (Preview) Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...	glad	6	635	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	how to discuss this (boundaries.. child involved) (Preview) My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...	flgirl925	4	599	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	the dreaded weekend (Preview) On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...	omajoy	10	648	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	What Would We Say If We Couldn't Be Sarcastic? (Preview) .... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...	barisax	8	831	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	oops! (Preview) accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03	Loupiness	3	549	Feb 4, 2008 by Loupiness
	Uncomfortable experiences (Preview) Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...	debilyn	1	680	Feb 4, 2008 by Jerry F
	The sound of silence (Preview) Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...	silverbrumby	3	1249	Feb 3, 2008 by Jean4444
	Happy Groundhog's Day! (Preview) ((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...	Karilynn	5	579	Feb 3, 2008 by Jerry F
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