Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

maresie · maresie

As you all know I have reached a point where my stress was overwhelming. Things started to shift me for me. The house I live in has become more bearable because of the exit of two people. I left the job that was causing me tremendous stress. I will get unemployment for a while which gives me some time to r...

gknee · gknee

I'm warning you now-- I'm on a rant. SA/AH is "sick" in bed, I'm at home, kids have snow day from school. We are buried in a big winter storm. I've shoveled twice, ran 3 miles on my treadmill. spending some time here answering others posts. I can't stop obsessing about H using again! He h...

meagain · meagain

We just got back from a 6 day holiday and my sister called and asked me to call her back. She told me that my brother Jack (52) has been sick and they found a golf size mass in his kidney--apparently with the tests so far they think it is cancer. His wife died 17 years ago at age 24 of bone cancer. We have had 5 ma...

bev · bev

i went to his work at lunch time and told him about my daughter and that i want to go to ny in case something happens to the baby,he in return tells me to wait until she is born then go up,i told him i want to be up there in case it does happen that she doesnt make it,his words{WAIT TO SEE AFTER MY DAUGHTER HAS THE B...

verenda · verenda

Hi I have been very detached from AH since last Saturday, mainly because I am just trying to protect myself from his emotional abuse, which he denies. Because of the total lack of emotional intimacy, emotional abuse, his violent anger, etc I have not wanted any pyhsical contact, I talk very little exc...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

I hope I can be really really clear about this, speak from where I'm at, and share my experience/strength/hope only. I'm also hoping that by sharing, I'm not going to open myself up to mean commentaries, and instead be able to share with all of you how things are, god knows how slowly, getting better....

QOD · QOD

My ex came over last night to "collect" things he has given me over the years. He took the digital camera he gave me a year ago for Xmas, the laptop computer he gave me AND the kids last spring, 3 diamond rings, my wedding band and my .38 Special he gave me 12 years ago when we moved into our very 1s...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us. We need to let go, on a de...

maresie · maresie

Every bit of me wants to be out there in a panic looking for work but my health is at a standstill and I am going to have to take some time to regroup. I am absolutely tired to the bone and do not know how to get beyond the fatigue state I am in. I also feel incredibly alone. I am trying to rest and eat right and reg...

maresie · maresie

I signed up for unemployment today. That will be enough to pay my bills. I am going to try to put some time into going to meetings which I can't do when I am working all the hours there are. I am also going to put some time into trying to get my space ok. I am really really tired to the bone so I am also going to...

marmare · marmare

Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had to face. Although things have been so different with my A, he is in a controlled drinking state. Has been for the last year. He crossed the line and was extremely intoxicated at home while we had company. He hasn't done cocaine in about a year whi...

dekare · dekare

Making a long story short... My best friend and I spent a lot of time together in the 80's having a great time partying. We were both in our 20's at that time. He was always the life of the party, but as time went by I started to notice changes in him. He went from being the life of the party to becoming mean whe...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Tomorrow is day 3 after my AH tried the abandonment game and I didn't play. I let him walk. And then wouldn't let him come back. It's very quiet today with no contact after his pleading yesterday, now he's trying the "silence, she'll think I've suicided and panic after a few days"... As this...

kissers · kissers

I went to the store during lunch today. I was in the shampoo aisle looking for conditioner. There was a couple to my right looking for shampoo and conditioner also. The wife said she was going to buy Suave conditioner. My big mouth opened and I proceeded to tell her that, that conditioner has a tendency t...

maresie · maresie

My assignment has come to an end. I am looking for another job in earnest. Please pray I get something soon. I need health benefits, a nice environment, no more crazy bosses and an easy commute. I need a life that isn't so hard! Maresie.

wpb70 · wpb70

Hello. Tonight, I am worried sick about my older sister, who is an A that was in recovery. She has been fighting a long and hard battle with her addiction to alcohol and drugs and was doing very well for some time. I believe she was sober for about 5 months prior to her first relapse. Since Christmas, she...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

I am a grateful member of Alanon. Without the understanding and support from this program and its members I would be back on the merry-go-round again. Thanks for the lovely replies guys... I'm never alone in what I experience. During that latest episode --3 weeks of withdrawal, avoidance and drunke...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...the pain I am experiencing in my recovery journey needs to be looked at in much the same way as post surgical pain. One has surgery and there is pain afterwards, but one knows that that pain will stop as healing takes place. Okay, so that is what I have to do now, instead of fighting against the pain of...

blb · blb

Hello - I posted a couple of days ago about my brother, who is currently in a brief addiction/behavior program as a result of a second DUI and his threat to harm himself. I talked to him last night and he's remorseful and said he never plans to drink again (yeah, yeah, I know...), wants to stop hanging arou...

Jen10 · Jen10

Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...

QOD · QOD

Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda

maresie · maresie

I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...

Jena · Jena

Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...

debilyn · debilyn

I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...

Rigby · Rigby

Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...

blb · blb

This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...

Codependent · Codependent

Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...

glad · glad

Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...

flgirl925 · flgirl925

My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...

omajoy · omajoy

On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...

barisax · barisax

.... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...

Loupiness · Loupiness

accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03

debilyn · debilyn

Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...

glad · glad

I have come to realize I need a life outside of trying to "fix" the one I have so at 41 living near a big city (Dallas) I need some good clean suggestions of ways to have fun and meet people, mostly women since I am in a committed relationship but just have no social life of my own. Like most here my...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

My A got out of jail about 2 weeks ago and went into a recovery house. Now he's in an apartment with a guy he is working for. He has a job, a home and says he is going to meetings, etc. My agenda was to file for divorce while he was in jail so I can have it go cheaply and smoothly without a custody/visitation fig...

round3 · round3

It's been nearly two months since my A cut off our (long distance) relationship to get his head in the program. At about the same time, I broke off ties with my (long distance) father (and he with me)....... but that's another story. In these past two months, I've spent a lot of time in introspection an...

lin0606 · lin0606

Does anybody have a copy of the "Three views of alanon" pamphlet handy? I'm looking for the bit in "Letter from the alcoholic" that talks about love not being able to exist without justice. Just need to those few sentences.

Codependent · Codependent

I know in my case my A seems to think I am inferior to him because I still care about him so much when he illustrates so clearly how little he is able to care for me. I've read other posts where this is talked about. Do you think this is true just for A's or do you think all people see others who unconditionall...

Alicia · Alicia

Would you be willing to share your experiences with a recovering alcoholic and distrust? To say I am feeling cautious, might be understating my feelings. I'm not sure he is ready to hear the full truth of my feelings. Now that he has chosen to turn back to his HP for assistance and turn back to our marr...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...in the chaos and ashes of despair a Pheonix has risen, and this in itself has caused me to stop and celebrate a new day, a new dawn, and a new understanding of ME as I am TODAY. Whilst sitting in my study preparing for my time of daily contemplation and prayer, I wrote three words down on my note pad: Insan...

david62 · david62

(((((Family))))) This Sunday was to have been the day for our next monthly business meeting in the chat room. However! This also happens to be Superbowl Sunday..!! I will be unavailable to chair the business meeting because of this and so I am rescheduling the Feb Business meeting for the following...

Antigua · Antigua

This is my first time visiting this forum. I have been concerned about my husband's drinking for quite some time now. My husband and I have had many discussions about his drinking and he promises me that he doesn't have a problem. However, this afternoon I found an empy bottle of vodka in his closet a...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Thank you to everyone who set me on my feet again and supported me through my fear. ((((((((((((xxxxxxxxxxxxxx)))))))))))) I have been looking for something to say that would absolutely express the gratitude I have felt and the love that has been wrapped around me and the prayers that have been offe...

bcanuck · bcanuck

Hi all, I've been away for too long, funny how you get so busy living your life and caring for others you forget about yourself. I have a question with regard to detatchment. I have become so "detatched" that I feel I have closed myself off not only to my A hubby, but to the rest of my family and fr...

glad · glad

I am so new to even trying to figure lots of things out. When I read about how some people had detached from their spouse I really thought it was wrong. Till death do us part, love unconditionally etc. Well I almost lost my mind this week. I have really bad migraines... like almost deadly feeling. Doctor...

ddub · ddub

I am not sure but I am more angry with myself for not being able to move on and do anything. I fight so hard against feeling crazy and sometimes it almost feels easier to just ride the slide into the darkness. I don't have much fight left in me anymore and a lot of my problem is me probably. Everything about...

kissers · kissers

My ex A begged for me to take him back. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem and he disagreed. I knew he would, but that is really not the point. It wasn't so much the drinking that bothered me. It was the name calling, put downs, expecting me to do all the work, blaming me, ignoring me. I have friends...

glad · glad

For me I don't battle the "partying". I battle emotional distance during drinking and when he's not, more when he is. When I try to talk to him he sometimes makes jokes about women vs. men and emotional connection but it's so much more than the normal issues like that. How much of my wants are...

tma0413 · tma0413

I am struggling today....AH had made a new years resolution to slow down on his drinking (his choice)...OK...so that was a month ago and Yeah, he has slowed way down...but there has still been the nights (at least 1-2 a week) where he is annoyingly drunk. Not fall down drunk, but enough to annoy me (usu...

donnarock · donnarock

hello all. i am relatively new here and i haven't really posted much. i am married to a recoverd A for seven years. we are in the process of getting a divorce. still living together, still doing some things together and still care for each other. the issue is him. he has been sober for 19 years. but h...

Codependent · Codependent

I think I have mentioned before that I have used with my A. I never had before prior to our relationship. However, I have also used some periodically without him- alot of my feelings involving my guilt with using I believe is also associated with my anxiety over using with him. Anyway, when we had our...

maresie · maresie

One reason I find myself so stressed out is that I can now see fully in technicolor how easiy I fall into the role of victim super martyr. I found myself wanting to go into work early and rescue everyone and be "liked" because I feel like a fish out of water being assertive and focused on my job se...

cookie1971 · cookie1971

Dear Family, I feel that my job may be in jeopardy. This is scaring me to death. I work in a chain drug store as a pharmacist. Each store has 2 pharmacists. My former partner was promoted, and has now become my supervisor. When she was my partner, we had some disagreements and she ended up being transferr...

serendipity · serendipity

What is the oppisite of being compassionate? I believe I am being Un-compassionate as a coping mechanism. I feel like I am trying to stay frozen all the time so that I don't have to feel the pain or anymore pain than I have already felt. I feel like I am turning into a loveless person. I don't want to be this...

Diva · Diva

I see it stated time and time again..."What others think of me is none of my business." I don't have to care what others think of me, but it IS my business, and here's why: If I don't know what others think, don't listen to what others think, and otherwise consider it "none of my business,...

justonemore · justonemore

Hello, I am new here. I am not sure what I am even doing. I know my drinking habits are far from normal and I feel they have gotten much worse in the past few months. I went from going out occassionally after I had my daughter, to going out every weekend, sometimes more than once. We don't even have the money f...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Letting go (Preview) As you all know I have reached a point where my stress was overwhelming. Things started to shift me for me. The house I live in has become more bearable because of the exit of two people. I left the job that was causing me tremendous stress. I will get unemployment for a while which gives me some time to r...	maresie	5	313	Feb 7, 2008 by maresie
	Oh where, oh where has my serenity gone? (Preview) I'm warning you now-- I'm on a rant. SA/AH is "sick" in bed, I'm at home, kids have snow day from school. We are buried in a big winter storm. I've shoveled twice, ran 3 miles on my treadmill. spending some time here answering others posts. I can't stop obsessing about H using again! He h...	gknee	3	542	Feb 7, 2008 by QOD
	Prayers needed ASAp (Preview) We just got back from a 6 day holiday and my sister called and asked me to call her back. She told me that my brother Jack (52) has been sick and they found a golf size mass in his kidney--apparently with the tests so far they think it is cancer. His wife died 17 years ago at age 24 of bone cancer. We have had 5 ma...	meagain	13	486	Feb 6, 2008 by cookie1971
	update (Preview) i went to his work at lunch time and told him about my daughter and that i want to go to ny in case something happens to the baby,he in return tells me to wait until she is born then go up,i told him i want to be up there in case it does happen that she doesnt make it,his words{WAIT TO SEE AFTER MY DAUGHTER HAS THE B...	bev	5	436	Feb 6, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Sober AH ...his response to my detachment...what to say (Preview) Hi I have been very detached from AH since last Saturday, mainly because I am just trying to protect myself from his emotional abuse, which he denies. Because of the total lack of emotional intimacy, emotional abuse, his violent anger, etc I have not wanted any pyhsical contact, I talk very little exc...	verenda	8	603	Feb 6, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	When sick people make amends (Preview) I hope I can be really really clear about this, speak from where I'm at, and share my experience/strength/hope only. I'm also hoping that by sharing, I'm not going to open myself up to mean commentaries, and instead be able to share with all of you how things are, god knows how slowly, getting better....	Tiger2006	5	602	Feb 6, 2008 by Jean4444
	Ex came over last night - not pretty! (Preview) My ex came over last night to "collect" things he has given me over the years. He took the digital camera he gave me a year ago for Xmas, the laptop computer he gave me AND the kids last spring, 3 diamond rings, my wedding band and my .38 Special he gave me 12 years ago when we moved into our very 1s...	QOD	12	668	Feb 6, 2008 by Becky1
	Stopping Victimization (Preview) Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us. We need to let go, on a de...	Tenderheartsks	1	377	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	pacing myself (Preview) Every bit of me wants to be out there in a panic looking for work but my health is at a standstill and I am going to have to take some time to regroup. I am absolutely tired to the bone and do not know how to get beyond the fatigue state I am in. I also feel incredibly alone. I am trying to rest and eat right and reg...	maresie	0	283	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	new chapter (Preview) I signed up for unemployment today. That will be enough to pay my bills. I am going to try to put some time into going to meetings which I can't do when I am working all the hours there are. I am also going to put some time into trying to get my space ok. I am really really tired to the bone so I am also going to...	maresie	3	467	Feb 6, 2008 by maresie
	Reminder to myself..... (Preview) Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had to face. Although things have been so different with my A, he is in a controlled drinking state. Has been for the last year. He crossed the line and was extremely intoxicated at home while we had company. He hasn't done cocaine in about a year whi...	marmare	3	348	Feb 6, 2008 by tma0413
	Help me understand this... (Preview) Making a long story short... My best friend and I spent a lot of time together in the 80's having a great time partying. We were both in our 20's at that time. He was always the life of the party, but as time went by I started to notice changes in him. He went from being the life of the party to becoming mean whe...	dekare	8	901	Feb 6, 2008 by Denoraphy
	the lull before the storm? (Preview) Tomorrow is day 3 after my AH tried the abandonment game and I didn't play. I let him walk. And then wouldn't let him come back. It's very quiet today with no contact after his pleading yesterday, now he's trying the "silence, she'll think I've suicided and panic after a few days"... As this...	silverbrumby	5	536	Feb 6, 2008 by Kerbear
	HP has hilarious humor! (Preview) I went to the store during lunch today. I was in the shampoo aisle looking for conditioner. There was a couple to my right looking for shampoo and conditioner also. The wife said she was going to buy Suave conditioner. My big mouth opened and I proceeded to tell her that, that conditioner has a tendency t...	kissers	11	664	Feb 5, 2008 by Maria123
	one door opens another close s (Preview) My assignment has come to an end. I am looking for another job in earnest. Please pray I get something soon. I need health benefits, a nice environment, no more crazy bosses and an easy commute. I need a life that isn't so hard! Maresie.	maresie	5	485	Feb 5, 2008 by maresie
	In Need of Advice --How Best Can I Help My A Sister? (Preview) Hello. Tonight, I am worried sick about my older sister, who is an A that was in recovery. She has been fighting a long and hard battle with her addiction to alcohol and drugs and was doing very well for some time. I believe she was sober for about 5 months prior to her first relapse. Since Christmas, she...	wpb70	5	532	Feb 5, 2008 by wpb70
	It's a miracle, HE left!! (Preview) I am a grateful member of Alanon. Without the understanding and support from this program and its members I would be back on the merry-go-round again. Thanks for the lovely replies guys... I'm never alone in what I experience. During that latest episode --3 weeks of withdrawal, avoidance and drunke...	silverbrumby	6	1049	Feb 5, 2008 by canadianguy
	Trying to look at pain from a different perspective... (Preview) ...the pain I am experiencing in my recovery journey needs to be looked at in much the same way as post surgical pain. One has surgery and there is pain afterwards, but one knows that that pain will stop as healing takes place. Okay, so that is what I have to do now, instead of fighting against the pain of...	Heartbroken	8	835	Feb 5, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Next Step? (Preview) Hello - I posted a couple of days ago about my brother, who is currently in a brief addiction/behavior program as a result of a second DUI and his threat to harm himself. I talked to him last night and he's remorseful and said he never plans to drink again (yeah, yeah, I know...), wants to stop hanging arou...	blb	5	378	Feb 5, 2008 by abbyal
	New to Al-anon (Preview) Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...	Jen10	6	603	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	My drama begins again!!! (Preview) Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...	QOD	7	549	Feb 5, 2008 by Loupiness
	I love this quote! (Preview) Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda	Jean4444	1	444	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself. (Preview) I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...	maresie	3	538	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	How to break the cycle? (Preview) Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...	Jena	6	773	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Please send a prayer or a thought or two (Preview) I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...	debilyn	7	713	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	Advice Very Much Needed (Preview) Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...	Rigby	10	652	Feb 4, 2008 by Rigby
	here we go... (Preview) This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...	blb	12	718	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Forgiving Ourselves (Preview) Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...	Codependent	5	600	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	What a life! (Preview) Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...	Hoot Nanny	7	723	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Abandonment as a tool? (Preview) Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...	glad	6	578	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	how to discuss this (boundaries.. child involved) (Preview) My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...	flgirl925	4	537	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	the dreaded weekend (Preview) On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...	omajoy	10	596	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	What Would We Say If We Couldn't Be Sarcastic? (Preview) .... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...	barisax	8	774	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	oops! (Preview) accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03	Loupiness	3	494	Feb 4, 2008 by Loupiness
	Uncomfortable experiences (Preview) Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...	debilyn	1	623	Feb 4, 2008 by Jerry F
	The sound of silence (Preview) Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...	silverbrumby	3	1186	Feb 3, 2008 by Jean4444
	Happy Groundhog's Day! (Preview) ((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...	Karilynn	5	523	Feb 3, 2008 by Jerry F
	Suggestions for fun? (Preview) I have come to realize I need a life outside of trying to "fix" the one I have so at 41 living near a big city (Dallas) I need some good clean suggestions of ways to have fun and meet people, mostly women since I am in a committed relationship but just have no social life of my own. Like most here my...	glad	11	475	Feb 2, 2008 by Diva
	Feeling frustrated irritated and confused! (Preview) My A got out of jail about 2 weeks ago and went into a recovery house. Now he's in an apartment with a guy he is working for. He has a job, a home and says he is going to meetings, etc. My agenda was to file for divorce while he was in jail so I can have it go cheaply and smoothly without a custody/visitation fig...	carolinagirl	14	693	Feb 2, 2008 by Jen
	Laughter and fun (Preview) It's been nearly two months since my A cut off our (long distance) relationship to get his head in the program. At about the same time, I broke off ties with my (long distance) father (and he with me)....... but that's another story. In these past two months, I've spent a lot of time in introspection an...	round3	9	546	Feb 2, 2008 by round3
	Three views of alanon (Preview) Does anybody have a copy of the "Three views of alanon" pamphlet handy? I'm looking for the bit in "Letter from the alcoholic" that talks about love not being able to exist without justice. Just need to those few sentences.	lin0606	9	6011	Feb 2, 2008 by lin0606
	Inferiority (Preview) I know in my case my A seems to think I am inferior to him because I still care about him so much when he illustrates so clearly how little he is able to care for me. I've read other posts where this is talked about. Do you think this is true just for A's or do you think all people see others who unconditionall...	Codependent	5	461	Feb 2, 2008 by lin0606
	Please share...recovering alcoholic and distrust (Preview) Would you be willing to share your experiences with a recovering alcoholic and distrust? To say I am feeling cautious, might be understating my feelings. I'm not sure he is ready to hear the full truth of my feelings. Now that he has chosen to turn back to his HP for assistance and turn back to our marr...	Alicia	5	1403	Feb 2, 2008 by debilyn
	Insanity versus Irrationality (Preview) ...in the chaos and ashes of despair a Pheonix has risen, and this in itself has caused me to stop and celebrate a new day, a new dawn, and a new understanding of ME as I am TODAY. Whilst sitting in my study preparing for my time of daily contemplation and prayer, I wrote three words down on my note pad: Insan...	Heartbroken	1	345	Feb 2, 2008 by debilyn
	February Business Meeting (Preview) (((((Family))))) This Sunday was to have been the day for our next monthly business meeting in the chat room. However! This also happens to be Superbowl Sunday..!! I will be unavailable to chair the business meeting because of this and so I am rescheduling the Feb Business meeting for the following...	david62	1	329	Feb 2, 2008 by Karilynn
	New and Confused (Preview) This is my first time visiting this forum. I have been concerned about my husband's drinking for quite some time now. My husband and I have had many discussions about his drinking and he promises me that he doesn't have a problem. However, this afternoon I found an empy bottle of vodka in his closet a...	Antigua	6	599	Feb 1, 2008 by nmike
	A HUGE BIG THANK YOU... (Preview) Thank you to everyone who set me on my feet again and supported me through my fear. ((((((((((((xxxxxxxxxxxxxx)))))))))))) I have been looking for something to say that would absolutely express the gratitude I have felt and the love that has been wrapped around me and the prayers that have been offe...	Heartbroken	2	300	Feb 1, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	"too" detatched (Preview) Hi all, I've been away for too long, funny how you get so busy living your life and caring for others you forget about yourself. I have a question with regard to detatchment. I have become so "detatched" that I feel I have closed myself off not only to my A hubby, but to the rest of my family and fr...	bcanuck	4	455	Feb 1, 2008 by debilyn
	Detachment (Preview) I am so new to even trying to figure lots of things out. When I read about how some people had detached from their spouse I really thought it was wrong. Till death do us part, love unconditionally etc. Well I almost lost my mind this week. I have really bad migraines... like almost deadly feeling. Doctor...	glad	5	433	Feb 1, 2008 by cookie1971
	irritated (Preview) I am not sure but I am more angry with myself for not being able to move on and do anything. I fight so hard against feeling crazy and sometimes it almost feels easier to just ride the slide into the darkness. I don't have much fight left in me anymore and a lot of my problem is me probably. Everything about...	ddub	6	628	Feb 1, 2008 by Jean4444
	Letting Go (Preview) My ex A begged for me to take him back. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem and he disagreed. I knew he would, but that is really not the point. It wasn't so much the drinking that bothered me. It was the name calling, put downs, expecting me to do all the work, blaming me, ignoring me. I have friends...	kissers	4	328	Feb 1, 2008 by Maria123
	What is it like for you? (Preview) For me I don't battle the "partying". I battle emotional distance during drinking and when he's not, more when he is. When I try to talk to him he sometimes makes jokes about women vs. men and emotional connection but it's so much more than the normal issues like that. How much of my wants are...	glad	5	502	Feb 1, 2008 by maresie
	Does he not love his family?? (Preview) I am struggling today....AH had made a new years resolution to slow down on his drinking (his choice)...OK...so that was a month ago and Yeah, he has slowed way down...but there has still been the nights (at least 1-2 a week) where he is annoyingly drunk. Not fall down drunk, but enough to annoy me (usu...	tma0413	10	717	Feb 1, 2008 by Pugluver
	Does the recovered A always know best?.... (Preview) hello all. i am relatively new here and i haven't really posted much. i am married to a recoverd A for seven years. we are in the process of getting a divorce. still living together, still doing some things together and still care for each other. the issue is him. he has been sober for 19 years. but h...	donnarock	7	624	Feb 1, 2008 by Karilynn
	This may be a question for NA... (Preview) I think I have mentioned before that I have used with my A. I never had before prior to our relationship. However, I have also used some periodically without him- alot of my feelings involving my guilt with using I believe is also associated with my anxiety over using with him. Anyway, when we had our...	Codependent	7	637	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	victim super martyr (Preview) One reason I find myself so stressed out is that I can now see fully in technicolor how easiy I fall into the role of victim super martyr. I found myself wanting to go into work early and rescue everyone and be "liked" because I feel like a fish out of water being assertive and focused on my job se...	maresie	5	617	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	I AM IN SHOCK (Preview) Dear Family, I feel that my job may be in jeopardy. This is scaring me to death. I work in a chain drug store as a pharmacist. Each store has 2 pharmacists. My former partner was promoted, and has now become my supervisor. When she was my partner, we had some disagreements and she ended up being transferr...	cookie1971	10	743	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	compassion (Preview) What is the oppisite of being compassionate? I believe I am being Un-compassionate as a coping mechanism. I feel like I am trying to stay frozen all the time so that I don't have to feel the pain or anymore pain than I have already felt. I feel like I am turning into a loveless person. I don't want to be this...	serendipity	4	618	Jan 31, 2008 by Jerry F
	What others think of me is none of my business....Oh really???? (Preview) I see it stated time and time again..."What others think of me is none of my business." I don't have to care what others think of me, but it IS my business, and here's why: If I don't know what others think, don't listen to what others think, and otherwise consider it "none of my business,...	Diva	20	4550	Jan 31, 2008 by norwood
	new here (Preview) Hello, I am new here. I am not sure what I am even doing. I know my drinking habits are far from normal and I feel they have gotten much worse in the past few months. I went from going out occassionally after I had my daughter, to going out every weekend, sometimes more than once. We don't even have the money f...	justonemore	5	376	Jan 31, 2008 by abbyal
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.