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Hello. Tonight, I am worried sick about my older sister, who is an A that was in recovery. She has been fighting a long and hard battle with her addiction to alcohol and drugs and was doing very well for some time. I believe she was sober for about 5 months prior to her first relapse. Since Christmas, she has relapsed at least 4 times that I am aware of, with the most recent relapse being last night. I understand that relapse is part of the disease, but it seems as though things are spiraling out of control for her again. She goes to AA meetings sporadically, but doesn't seem to be immersed in the program, in my opinion. I vow tonight that I am going to begin going to f2f meetings in my area, and read and post on here as well. I am going to take care of myself, but in the meantime, what is the best way to handle her relapses? I fear SO MUCH for both her and her beautiful 10 month old son. When she was an active alcoholic, my family and I basically lost her to the disease for at least 4 years. I have been so grateful that she has been in recovery, and want to do whatever it is that I can so that we don't lose her again to this henious disease. While she was an active alcoholic, she was close to death on several occasions. Now that she has been in recovery, what can I do to help her and support her? My other sister has taken a very hard line with my A sister since the relapses and has very limited contact with my A sister. My other sister feels that until my A sister has given 100% of herself to the AA program, then she does not choose to have contact with her. I am torn. I want to be in my A sister's life and support her, but I also feel like perhaps I am excusing her relapses too readily. Any input or advice will be most greatly appreciated. Thank you all SO much and I ask you to be so kind as to keep my A sister and her beautiful baby boy in your prayers.
you don't need to feel torn. you can help her and you at the same time. some call this method "tough love", and we here at al-anon call it "boundaries". your love for your sister is evident, and it will be evident even if you turn her away. it sounds like both of you have some program tools... it is healthy for you to say, "i can't have you in my life with addiction." it is hard. difficult. you can help her, yes, but on your terms. if she doesn't want help getting back to recovery, there is nothing for you to do. if she asks for your help in getting back to sober, make it on your terms. addicts will push boundaries, and it is our job --as loving, caring people-- to hold them accountable for their own life and situation.
i hope this helps... i'm sorry you are hurting. my sis got sober 18 years ago and has had a great life, full of love and happiness.
brightest blessings and prayers for your sis to see her own way through, with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Welcome to this great place. I think you will find a lot of resources and relief here. I know I did. The A I was with was never much interested in recovery. Before I met him he was in recovery very very briefly. That was it. Since then he's denied he ever had a problem. Some addicts struggle tremendously to get sober, other people don't. I don't think there is a cookie cutter approach to how some people get there.
The issue is to take care of you. I learned to begin taking care of me. I put the focus on them to take care of themselves. I absolved myself from worrying myself sick. Keep coming back.
Sending prayers your way for your sister and her little boy. My sister is also an A in denial. She has not accepted it at all.
I am also an adult child who is married to an A. Al-Anon has been my life saver. Its very good that you are planning on attending f2f meetings for yourself. That way you will be able to get help for you. You don't say whether or not your sister is attending AA, but if she has, maybe she would be willing to attend an open meeting with you.
Will continue to keep you in prayer. Keep coming back.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I'm with CJ on this, you can help her by helping you.
Take care of you, set the boundaries and keep to them. Come back here for as much support and love that you need for this family will be there for you.
Love and blessing, holding you and your sister in prayer. I too echo the phrase - Keep coming back.
HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Thank you very much for your responses. I can't describe how much better I felt after reading them. I have wanted to post several time prior to last night, but haven't for one reason or another. I'm so glad that I did reach out and I feel so much better today knowing that I have a place to turn to for advice and comfort...thanks again!
