Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself.
Post Info TOPIC: Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself.
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself.
Permalink  

I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other.  Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed.  I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with.

i think one of the reasons I find it very uncomfortable to be around her is the mirror aspect. I can focus on anything except myself. Right now getting a new job is time consuming and I'd really rather do anything than deal with it. I also know I am not dealing with certain things like taking care of my health, taking care of my pets (although they are well taken care of) reaching out (very difficult for me to do.  I find it so much easier to obsess about others and how awful they are.  If I did not have my dysfunctional neighbor I would be doing that till i reach the grave. So I know HP has put her in my life for a reason but I just don't like to give up carefully crafted behavior like obsessing and ruminating over others.  I am so good at that and so bad at reaching out and taking care of me and my pets!

Maresie.

__________________
maresie
ally


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 525
Date:
Permalink  

(((((((((((((((Maresie)))))))))))))))

You are not ALONE in thinking this...I have been a "co-dependent" with my "Neighbour" for over twenty years. When I looked at his life, troubles, I refrained from looking at my own....weirdface

As they say "sh*t Happens", yeah It did for a long, long time, I have become emeshed in him and his life, he is a recovering A..... We have both came through "pain" and I have grown through this. He has not, but I have realised this::::

The ONLY person I can, Fix, Heal, is ME.....And to hide from myself is Stopping" my recovery......cry

A day at a time, a min at a time.....Start looking at YOU, notice your "thought's, feeling's and actions"...Take the focus OFF of the neighbour.

Start to concentrate on YOU!!!!!!

It's not easy, It's painful, But once we get through that barrier, there is a BIG new world waiting for us out there, to go and enjoy....

Yours In recovery

Ally Girlevileyeevileye

__________________
nmike


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2677
Date:
Permalink  

Ditto maresie. I am a board certified CODA. Didn't know any better but now I do. What a relief. Getting to know myself and staying out of everyone's business. Scarey but necessary.

In support,
Nancy

__________________
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

I don't know that I am that focused on the roommate actually.  I am not that focused on saving her and that's my normal behavior as a codependent.  I think I am aware of how out of it I can be with my behavior. I think I am also aware that being so obsessed with another person had a role in my life. That is to take the focus of me and make my life manageable. Does that make sense?  I do not cope well with life. I do not take care of myself well. I do not do well at all actually.

I think most of the time I don't have a clue.

Maresie.

__________________
maresie
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself.