Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

I've always wondered how some of the AA members stay sober and recover after many years. Many go to meetings but relapse. I wonder what the difference is and what they do differently. My husband has been going to meetings for years and some counseling and every few months or less has a relapse. No bi...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT reading for August 20 speaks about our tendency to keep the focus on others. It suggests that we do this because we believe we are always right, and want to fight for wha t"WE believe " is the right way and that others should do and believe what we believe. The reading suggests that we are not...

Aline · Aline

Hey, guys :) Some stuff going on I want to share about. I have been true to my boundary so far of not giving my abf any money, not paying any of his bills and not buying him anything except maybe some food sometimes. Today I was brave enough to refuse lending him some money. He wrote me a message with this requ...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for August 19 speaks about attitudes. The reading points out that our attitudes toward another, drunk or not has a huge influence on our relationships. . It points out that with our habits of blaming, judging and showing contempt for their actions such as their neglect of obligati...

Bo · Bo

I've spoke about emotional sobriety, how long I've been "clean and sober" from my unhealthy thinking, behavior, etc. To me, this is important. I have my triggers too -- I can be triggered by people, places, things, an innocent passing comment, who knows what else. I know when I have a "slip" -- I have to...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Good morning Family...hope all is well with your all. You ever go to a Read, Write, Talk meeting? I attended my first one last evening and we used the Survival to Recovery book which is one that I like much. Instruction was to read first and then write and then share. Booo I begged out from the firs...

Jbella · Jbella

Hi there, I'm new to this. I have a sister, 39, who is an alcoholic. She is 7 days out of rehab and has already been drunk twice. She called me this morning at 7am and I had a feeling she had been drinking but didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. When she's drunk she repeats herself within minutes...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

It has been many years of sobriety, relapses, apologies, getting serious about meetings and counseling. You can't live life without hope and I have hung onto hope that this rotten disease would be managed and my husband would be sober like some people we have met. Unfortunately, I have been in the u...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses Tradition 6 - "Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim." The reading goes on to explain that even when a request has merit an...

MizzB · MizzB

My ABF dried out over the weekend. Said all the right things. Come Monday he goes to work and drinks at work (his workplace has a fridge of alcohol that they provide for all the members of the company to drink at any time for free so even not hvaing money is no barrier which makes me quite angry). Anyway Trie...

El · El

I have been biting my tongue so hard and often lately I am surprised I don't taste blood. I suppose it's a good thing; our program is sinking in and rather than confronting, debating, arguing, etc., I am letting a lot go. I know it just exaggerates an issue and makes for a really tense household. So, wi...

Curlyblu · Curlyblu

Okay, So last month the AH had a bit of "wake up" after breaking the law, which could have turned out far worse him. He at the time realized things had gotten out of hand. That the way he was acting was not a true picture of his character. Well that positive thinking didn't last long. About two weeks ago whi...

Iamhere · Iamhere

My apologies for the late post - had little people spend the night last night... Today's reading in courage to change discusses character defects. Many of us view them as traits we no longer need. Many of us have developed clever methods of surviving with the disease such as denial or secrecy. We le...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I am at a loss at the moment and I am seeking information about my first X. All I need to know is a marriage date I actually have everything else. I need it for my job and to get my DL in TX. This is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever been through and we are talking about a marriage that has been done for over...

Krystyna265 · Krystyna265

I went to my first meeting on Monday and just listened. Tuesday my A son was drunk and I was beating myself up for not getting phone numbers. Today I went to a meeting, got there early and said I was new and needed numbers. One woman said there was a group list and she'd look for it. By the time the meeting was o...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Today's reading in Courage to Change is about self-care. The author reflects on how easy it can be to push ourselves to the limit and not take care of ourselves during stressful times. Getting enough sleep, going to a meeting, or calling a sponsor can seem like a waste of precious and limited time. But i...

KT2015 · KT2015

Sunday night I came home and my AH was very drunk. It's amazing how no matter how many times it happens it still surprises me. He was so drunk that what he said wasn't making sense, he was repeating himself and he reeked of booze and he was trying to grope me which just really made me feel sick to my stomac...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

Hi Alanon Family, I have had so many changes going on recently it's beginning to feel a bit overwhelming for me. I am not the one initiating these changes but they are things that require my participation. I've been trying to stay in touch with what I'm really feeling, do what is in front of me and remain...

mamalioness · mamalioness

I spoke with my A brother today and it was a conversation I didn't need on top of all the sorrow and loss and grief thrown at me this YEAR!!! so hes going on and on and I just told him how sorrowful I felt because to me?? when Jane died, that was IT for me re: family Hes going on and on about how he "likes to drink.....

Bayley · Bayley

Husband kicked out son last night. My mom said he was going to her house. She said they have to come here to get his things. I am hoping this will be short term if he will agree to counseling and begin the process. I know that is me controlling but I can't stop the fixer in me. I feel broken. Family is broken. Ol...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone- Today's reading is a focus on how fear can activate our character defects, and how very often fear is triggered by trying to control things over which we have no control. The writer mentions that leaving the present and worrying over the past or future is also a trigger for fear....

mamalioness · mamalioness

my a brother texted me and asked me if we could talk Of course I called him back and we just agreed to disagree on his drinking and we would be a loving brother and sister and basically he said again that he wanted to drink and get drunk but that he loved me and that I was always going to be his sissy and that...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So I am living in this weird space right now. According to one of my last posts (5 days ago), I told my AH that he had 3 choices. Seek treatment Do nothing and leave Do nothing and I will leave b/c I can't live this life anymore. I was officially done...MY bottom! In the meantime, AH's adult nephew has been t...

mamalioness · mamalioness

All my life I viewed life "as I wanted it- dreamed it- wished for it to be" Case in point...my nieces in CA..I have spoken to them re: possibly moving nearer to them and they are telling me all the rent they are gonna charge me, PLUS I have to get rid of my pets because they are "dogged" up according to the ci...

gratefulforafuture · gratefulforafuture

I am new here, but thought perhaps someone has been through something similar to my experience. After many years of trying to come to terms with my husband's alcoholism, I moved out with my 15-year old daughter. I do feel better in my own home, but my image of being able to leave the old "alcoholic impa...

luv123 · luv123

I am making that journey from head to heart with Mom right now because all this family dynamic is triggering old patterns in me. (fear for brother who just got out of detox for 2th time & after nearly dying for second time, anger and sadness & ppl pleasing to compensate over not feeling good e...

mamalioness · mamalioness

Well, tomorrow is the memorial service for my sister..I have called the girls, my BFF, my cousin, and NOBODY is home and I am feeling a bit lonely, so I thought I would stop in and say hello to my recovery mates and check up on how ya'll are doing I'm hanging in there..One day at a time..Also, I decided that I...

NatalieP · NatalieP

How does allowing the alcoholic suffer the consequences fit in with "putting down the sword" if the consequences are that they've done something or said something to cause hurt and anger? 3 years ago my AH & I split up for 6 months then reconciled. During the separation...actually only a day afte...

Sorcha · Sorcha

Good morning all, well my two weeks in my brother's house are up and my daughter and I are going home today. It's been a hard couple of weeks in ways, no contact, well no direct contact, just the neighbour getting the message to me that he went to the hospital with his liver but didn't stay in. I did call the n...

NCJo · NCJo

Hey Everyone! It has been a while since I have been on here. Everyone helped me so much when I was here previously. A little update on my situation- things ended up getting worse with my ABF, so I decided I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. I had made up my mind to end the relationship,...

H-MT · H-MT

I'm the only daughter of an alcoholic. Both of my parents are on vacation in Hawaii, my 30+ years of alcoholism mother got pneumonia there and has been in the ICU. She was on a reperaitor last night and they have removed all oxygen and she is breathing on her own. I talked to one of the nurses and he told me th...

Lyne · Lyne

Choices: The reading for today talks about discovering we have choices that we didn't know we had. And, if we are uncomfortable about something, we don't have to do it! The author says that this is true freedom. However, there will be times that we actually do have to do some things that we don't wan...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT Reading for today speaks about our tendency to dwell on past hurts and live in self pity and fear. The reading asks why do we continue to hurt ourselves in this manner? Is it because we have a hidden desire to suffer?. The reading points out that living on past hurts only ruins our presen...

hopefloats72 · hopefloats72

Hello all I am a newbie looking for some advice and support. My MIL is a full blown alcoholic. We found out last summer and my FIL confirmed our suspicions. She has to drink to stay level, drinks 24/7, gets up in the night for a drink. She switched to Vodka 5 years ago from her usual drink of rye. Finding out s...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi everyone. I went to an addiction counselor with my A yesterday, and between two talks with my son during the week, and what I shared with the counselor, I SAW how broken my marriage is. And I do have to look at myself, and ask the question, why have I stayed with a person who has hurt me so much? And the a...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Today my AH was extremely mad at my newest boundaries: You have three choices: 1. Rehab 2. Do what YOU want, but you have to live someplace else 3. Do what YOU want and kid and I will move out at the end of the month. I can't live this way any longer. So I am trying to move towards what is best for ME and my kid. Eve...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for today 8-12 speaks about the 3rd Step turning our will and life over to the care of HP. The reading suggests that this is thei type of surrender that we need in order to accept the fact that we are not all powerful and in control The quote is from Plato:"Time will change an even revers...

Flyfree · Flyfree

Hi I am struggling today with respect. How am I supposed to show respect to my AH? He does nothing for our relationship except create drama and drain us financially. How do I show myself more respect??? Why is this life placed before me to handle??? I know my HP has to be at work and more will be revealed lat...

Mattie · Mattie

I got this from the Facebook page of Harriet Lerner, who writes about relationships, and I thought it summed up what I've experienced in Al-Anon: "SETTING BOUNDARIES takes so much courage, whether it's with a partner, parent or close friend. Why is it so scary? As we become clearer about what is accep...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So lately I have been examining myself. What did I bring to my marriage, to my adult life, to motherhood. I guess an inventory. Not all inclusive, but I had been thinking about what quality about me makes it almost impossible to deal with my AH? The need to be "right." So, through this program I have learn...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Daughter called me, car was smoking, mine, she pulled over, turned it off, called me - in the throes of a nasty cough/cold I got up and going to pick her up and see what needed to be done to save my car (ha ha ha). Needless to say grubby dressed mom to the rescue? Part way there phone rings, answer it cause its h...

MizzB · MizzB

One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning MIP family - TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday)! Today's reading in Courage to Change discusses the importance of meetings and leaning into the Al-Anon program -- especially when we don't want to. It talks about how we all face challenges and when we hit that point where we want to hide u...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So now that I have accepted the realities of living with an alcoholic, really accepted my situation, the last month or so has been livable. What I want? Definitely not. But I successfully use my slogans, attend my meetings, and use the "right" tools when dealing with my AH. I even weathered the storm t...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

My AH went to his immediate boss on Tuesday and told him about his drinking problem and asked for help. His boss had him driven home by a co-worker and told him he would check in on him (phone) the next day. The next day they let him go. i was pretty sure there is some law about that and alcoholism being a 'dise...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, I have been really stressed out over the whole getting the girl into a covered psychiatrist on her insurance plan and HP stepped in. I had a big fight with the insurance company today .. I have no issues with being conflict habituated when things are outside of my control .. absolutely none at all...

MizzB · MizzB

Since my boy dog died, I've been trying to get the girl into routines for when I go out as she's never been alone before. She and boy dog came as a pair and now she wants me to be round all the time which I can't be when work starts in September. Anyway, the signal I"m going out is that she gets cheese. She loves c...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So today I get a text at work from AH: "Not going to go to mom's bday thing. I told my boss about my drinking problem... I'll explain what's going to happen when I get home." WTH? So this is the man for the 8 months that I have known about his alcoholism who won't seek help, won't take advantage of his work's su...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Good morning, MIP! Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fea...

Taraxacum1 · Taraxacum1

I'm struggling with my responses to AH when he wants me to pity him or take his side in a situation I often disagree with his assessment of what other people should do or say and feel he is lacking in maturity and empathy when he feels someone is wrong. He comes to me with a story about a person who he feels i...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading shares about how each of us lives with this disease a bit differently. Meeting discussions regarding housekeeping habits showed how the disease presents and we react. Some members kept a tidy home which gave the illusion of control. Others had clothes, paper, books and more clu...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

A really great girlfriend of mine is in SF, CA .. that's my home city or one of them .. lol .. it's where I was born so I spent a lot of time in Northern CA. It brought about a funny/odd memory I hadn't thought about in years. When I was kid I remember running into my Dad at the airport in SF .. he was catching ano...

Mattie · Mattie

Actually I think it's denial. This is on the part of my A. You may remember that he had a big drinking-related health crisis recently. He wasn't speaking to me, but from what I heard, he only barely pulled through. A month in the hospital, and now he is in a wheelchair. He says he is involved with AA, b...

NatalieP · NatalieP

I just have a question about attending my first meeting. My father has offered to go with me to the meeting tomorrow night. Is that ok? He technically is a "friend" of an alcoholic even if he's actually going more for my support than for my AH. But he does care for my AH a great deal and he offered, I didn...

MizzB · MizzB

Hi, I'm new here but I have been to a couple of al-anon meetings. I just find it hard to get to them at the moment. I'm tired of the alcoholic in my life. When he's sober he says all the right things but then he drinks. He has the memory of a goldfish when he's drunk so I remove myself from arguments and convers...

bzz123 · bzz123

Hello, I am new to this, having gone to two meetings and three 1x1 therapy appointments. I am ready for a change, ready to break the cycle, etc. I know you're not supposed to give me advice, but I am interested in hearing your experiences. My person is still actively drinking and absolutely on the verg...

NatalieP · NatalieP

I am having a very hard time with Step One. While I'm trying to accept that I have no control over alcoholism or its symptoms and that I need to allow the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of his choices, I feel so many consequences effect only me. How do I still take the snide comments and insinuatio...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone- Today's reading illuminates a problem that many of us affected by alcoholism have: speaking openly and directly (especially about our feelings). The writer describes a camping trip his/her father offered, and then cancellled. The adult child was completely disappoin...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

At least I got a a little more information and some sticker shock as well as my girl got some valuable information. In the form of learning curve .. this is all good. So the GP explained a great deal that the dumb neurologist did not .. ugh. We are not closer to a diagnosis however we at least got her anoth...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

Please join us! The Alanon meeting has just started in the chatroom. Our topics this morning are "Family Disease that effects everyone" and Open Alanon topic.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	What does an AA member do differently to stay sober??? (Preview) I've always wondered how some of the AA members stay sober and recover after many years. Many go to meetings but relapse. I wonder what the difference is and what they do differently. My husband has been going to meetings for years and some counseling and every few months or less has a relapse. No bi...	wifeofalcoholic	10	3413	Aug 20, 2017 by Jerry F
	ODAT Reading 8-20-2017 (Preview) The ODAT reading for August 20 speaks about our tendency to keep the focus on others. It suggests that we do this because we believe we are always right, and want to fight for wha t"WE believe " is the right way and that others should do and believe what we believe. The reading suggests that we are not...	hotrod	2	3910	Aug 20, 2017 by Iamhere
	Various thoughts (Preview) Hey, guys :) Some stuff going on I want to share about. I have been true to my boundary so far of not giving my abf any money, not paying any of his bills and not buying him anything except maybe some food sometimes. Today I was brave enough to refuse lending him some money. He wrote me a message with this requ...	Aline	6	2590	Aug 19, 2017 by Aline
	ODAT Reading 8-19-2017 (Preview) The ODA T reading for August 19 speaks about attitudes. The reading points out that our attitudes toward another, drunk or not has a huge influence on our relationships. . It points out that with our habits of blaming, judging and showing contempt for their actions such as their neglect of obligati...	hotrod	2	1968	Aug 19, 2017 by Iamhere
	Our "relapse" and "slips" (Preview) I've spoke about emotional sobriety, how long I've been "clean and sober" from my unhealthy thinking, behavior, etc. To me, this is important. I have my triggers too -- I can be triggered by people, places, things, an innocent passing comment, who knows what else. I know when I have a "slip" -- I have to...	Bo	12	3984	Aug 19, 2017 by Doingmybest
	Read, Write, Talk... (Preview) Good morning Family...hope all is well with your all. You ever go to a Read, Write, Talk meeting? I attended my first one last evening and we used the Survival to Recovery book which is one that I like much. Instruction was to read first and then write and then share. Booo I begged out from the firs...	Jerry F	4	2198	Aug 18, 2017 by Jerry F
	At a loss.. (Preview) Hi there, I'm new to this. I have a sister, 39, who is an alcoholic. She is 7 days out of rehab and has already been drunk twice. She called me this morning at 7am and I had a feeling she had been drinking but didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. When she's drunk she repeats herself within minutes...	Jbella	4	3024	Aug 18, 2017 by Jbella
	Trying to stay sane living with AH (Preview) It has been many years of sobriety, relapses, apologies, getting serious about meetings and counseling. You can't live life without hope and I have hung onto hope that this rotten disease would be managed and my husband would be sober like some people we have met. Unfortunately, I have been in the u...	wifeofalcoholic	11	2740	Aug 18, 2017 by wifeofalcoholic
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/18/17 (Preview) Today's reading discusses Tradition 6 - "Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim." The reading goes on to explain that even when a request has merit an...	Iamhere	2	2652	Aug 18, 2017 by hotrod
	Trying to remain strong (Preview) My ABF dried out over the weekend. Said all the right things. Come Monday he goes to work and drinks at work (his workplace has a fridge of alcohol that they provide for all the members of the company to drink at any time for free so even not hvaing money is no barrier which makes me quite angry). Anyway Trie...	MizzB	24	3464	Aug 18, 2017 by Iamhere
	Biting my tongue (off) and looking for the good (Preview) I have been biting my tongue so hard and often lately I am surprised I don't taste blood. I suppose it's a good thing; our program is sinking in and rather than confronting, debating, arguing, etc., I am letting a lot go. I know it just exaggerates an issue and makes for a really tense household. So, wi...	El	10	3308	Aug 18, 2017 by El
	The Merry go round can make you dizzy (Preview) Okay, So last month the AH had a bit of "wake up" after breaking the law, which could have turned out far worse him. He at the time realized things had gotten out of hand. That the way he was acting was not a true picture of his character. Well that positive thinking didn't last long. About two weeks ago whi...	Curlyblu	13	3849	Aug 17, 2017 by Flyfree
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/17/17 (Preview) My apologies for the late post - had little people spend the night last night... Today's reading in courage to change discusses character defects. Many of us view them as traits we no longer need. Many of us have developed clever methods of surviving with the disease such as denial or secrecy. We le...	Iamhere	3	2893	Aug 17, 2017 by MizzB
	OT Request about information (Preview) I am at a loss at the moment and I am seeking information about my first X. All I need to know is a marriage date I actually have everything else. I need it for my job and to get my DL in TX. This is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever been through and we are talking about a marriage that has been done for over...	SerenityRUS	5	2460	Aug 17, 2017 by MizzB
	Courage and Looking for a Sponsor (Preview) I went to my first meeting on Monday and just listened. Tuesday my A son was drunk and I was beating myself up for not getting phone numbers. Today I went to a meeting, got there early and said I was new and needed numbers. One woman said there was a group list and she'd look for it. By the time the meeting was o...	Krystyna265	5	2853	Aug 17, 2017 by Jerry F
	C2C August 16 (Preview) Today's reading in Courage to Change is about self-care. The author reflects on how easy it can be to push ourselves to the limit and not take care of ourselves during stressful times. Getting enough sleep, going to a meeting, or calling a sponsor can seem like a waste of precious and limited time. But i...	Skorpi	7	2566	Aug 16, 2017 by YARNCRAZY
	Sad and Lonely (Preview) Sunday night I came home and my AH was very drunk. It's amazing how no matter how many times it happens it still surprises me. He was so drunk that what he said wasn't making sense, he was repeating himself and he reeked of booze and he was trying to grope me which just really made me feel sick to my stomac...	KT2015	10	2098	Aug 16, 2017 by wifeofalcoholic
	People Pleasing Makes Me Sick (Preview) Hi Alanon Family, I have had so many changes going on recently it's beginning to feel a bit overwhelming for me. I am not the one initiating these changes but they are things that require my participation. I've been trying to stay in touch with what I'm really feeling, do what is in front of me and remain...	tiredtonite	13	3104	Aug 16, 2017 by tiredtonite
	I just let him go!!!! (Preview) I spoke with my A brother today and it was a conversation I didn't need on top of all the sorrow and loss and grief thrown at me this YEAR!!! so hes going on and on and I just told him how sorrowful I felt because to me?? when Jane died, that was IT for me re: family Hes going on and on about how he "likes to drink.....	mamalioness	16	2958	Aug 16, 2017 by mamalioness
	Pain (Preview) Husband kicked out son last night. My mom said he was going to her house. She said they have to come here to get his things. I am hoping this will be short term if he will agree to counseling and begin the process. I know that is me controlling but I can't stop the fixer in me. I feel broken. Family is broken. Ol...	Bayley	11	3929	Aug 16, 2017 by el-cee
	Hope for Today aug 15 (Preview) Good morning Everyone- Today's reading is a focus on how fear can activate our character defects, and how very often fear is triggered by trying to control things over which we have no control. The writer mentions that leaving the present and worrying over the past or future is also a trigger for fear....	yanksfan51	7	1713	Aug 16, 2017 by Enigmatic
	therapy and changes today (Preview) my a brother texted me and asked me if we could talk Of course I called him back and we just agreed to disagree on his drinking and we would be a loving brother and sister and basically he said again that he wanted to drink and get drunk but that he loved me and that I was always going to be his sissy and that...	mamalioness	7	1345	Aug 16, 2017 by mamalioness
	My Weird Place (Preview) So I am living in this weird space right now. According to one of my last posts (5 days ago), I told my AH that he had 3 choices. Seek treatment Do nothing and leave Do nothing and I will leave b/c I can't live this life anymore. I was officially done...MY bottom! In the meantime, AH's adult nephew has been t...	PosiesandPuppies	15	3612	Aug 16, 2017 by milkwood
	facing reality???? (Preview) All my life I viewed life "as I wanted it- dreamed it- wished for it to be" Case in point...my nieces in CA..I have spoken to them re: possibly moving nearer to them and they are telling me all the rent they are gonna charge me, PLUS I have to get rid of my pets because they are "dogged" up according to the ci...	mamalioness	11	3038	Aug 14, 2017 by mamalioness
	left my alcoholic but still need help (Preview) I am new here, but thought perhaps someone has been through something similar to my experience. After many years of trying to come to terms with my husband's alcoholism, I moved out with my 15-year old daughter. I do feel better in my own home, but my image of being able to leave the old "alcoholic impa...	gratefulforafuture	12	3281	Aug 14, 2017 by Junenine
	Healing Choices & Boundaries (Preview) I am making that journey from head to heart with Mom right now because all this family dynamic is triggering old patterns in me. (fear for brother who just got out of detox for 2th time & after nearly dying for second time, anger and sadness & ppl pleasing to compensate over not feeling good e...	luv123	5	1996	Aug 14, 2017 by luv123
	Stopping in to say "hello" (Preview) Well, tomorrow is the memorial service for my sister..I have called the girls, my BFF, my cousin, and NOBODY is home and I am feeling a bit lonely, so I thought I would stop in and say hello to my recovery mates and check up on how ya'll are doing I'm hanging in there..One day at a time..Also, I decided that I...	mamalioness	6	4215	Aug 14, 2017 by Bo
	Hurt & anger as a consequence? (Preview) How does allowing the alcoholic suffer the consequences fit in with "putting down the sword" if the consequences are that they've done something or said something to cause hurt and anger? 3 years ago my AH & I split up for 6 months then reconciled. During the separation...actually only a day afte...	NatalieP	4	2726	Aug 14, 2017 by Bo
	Going home today.... (Preview) Good morning all, well my two weeks in my brother's house are up and my daughter and I are going home today. It's been a hard couple of weeks in ways, no contact, well no direct contact, just the neighbour getting the message to me that he went to the hospital with his liver but didn't stay in. I did call the n...	Sorcha	6	693	Aug 14, 2017 by Jerry F
	Rehab Support (Preview) Hey Everyone! It has been a while since I have been on here. Everyone helped me so much when I was here previously. A little update on my situation- things ended up getting worse with my ABF, so I decided I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. I had made up my mind to end the relationship,...	NCJo	5	2513	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	When to help (Preview) I'm the only daughter of an alcoholic. Both of my parents are on vacation in Hawaii, my 30+ years of alcoholism mother got pneumonia there and has been in the ICU. She was on a reperaitor last night and they have removed all oxygen and she is breathing on her own. I talked to one of the nurses and he told me th...	H-MT	5	2734	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	C2C 8/14/17 (Preview) Choices: The reading for today talks about discovering we have choices that we didn't know we had. And, if we are uncomfortable about something, we don't have to do it! The author says that this is true freedom. However, there will be times that we actually do have to do some things that we don't wan...	Lyne	5	2980	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	ODAT READING SUnday 8-13-2017 (Preview) The ODAT Reading for today speaks about our tendency to dwell on past hurts and live in self pity and fear. The reading asks why do we continue to hurt ourselves in this manner? Is it because we have a hidden desire to suffer?. The reading points out that living on past hurts only ruins our presen...	hotrod	3	2374	Aug 13, 2017 by bud
	alcoholic MIL (Preview) Hello all I am a newbie looking for some advice and support. My MIL is a full blown alcoholic. We found out last summer and my FIL confirmed our suspicions. She has to drink to stay level, drinks 24/7, gets up in the night for a drink. She switched to Vodka 5 years ago from her usual drink of rye. Finding out s...	hopefloats72	2	585	Aug 13, 2017 by hotrod
	Feeling sad today (Preview) Hi everyone. I went to an addiction counselor with my A yesterday, and between two talks with my son during the week, and what I shared with the counselor, I SAW how broken my marriage is. And I do have to look at myself, and ask the question, why have I stayed with a person who has hurt me so much? And the a...	Lyne	12	3940	Aug 13, 2017 by bud
	Needing a hug, I guess (Preview) Today my AH was extremely mad at my newest boundaries: You have three choices: 1. Rehab 2. Do what YOU want, but you have to live someplace else 3. Do what YOU want and kid and I will move out at the end of the month. I can't live this way any longer. So I am trying to move towards what is best for ME and my kid. Eve...	PosiesandPuppies	21	817	Aug 13, 2017 by T Sears
	C2C 8-12 (Preview) The C2C reading for today 8-12 speaks about the 3rd Step turning our will and life over to the care of HP. The reading suggests that this is thei type of surrender that we need in order to accept the fact that we are not all powerful and in control The quote is from Plato:"Time will change an even revers...	hotrod	2	611	Aug 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	Respect (Preview) Hi I am struggling today with respect. How am I supposed to show respect to my AH? He does nothing for our relationship except create drama and drain us financially. How do I show myself more respect??? Why is this life placed before me to handle??? I know my HP has to be at work and more will be revealed lat...	Flyfree	12	947	Aug 12, 2017 by milkwood
	Boundaries (Preview) I got this from the Facebook page of Harriet Lerner, who writes about relationships, and I thought it summed up what I've experienced in Al-Anon: "SETTING BOUNDARIES takes so much courage, whether it's with a partner, parent or close friend. Why is it so scary? As we become clearer about what is accep...	Mattie	22	3360	Aug 12, 2017 by mamalioness
	Self-Examination (Preview) So lately I have been examining myself. What did I bring to my marriage, to my adult life, to motherhood. I guess an inventory. Not all inclusive, but I had been thinking about what quality about me makes it almost impossible to deal with my AH? The need to be "right." So, through this program I have learn...	PosiesandPuppies	13	814	Aug 11, 2017 by mamalioness
	Example: Accepting the things I cannot change..... (Preview) Daughter called me, car was smoking, mine, she pulled over, turned it off, called me - in the throes of a nasty cough/cold I got up and going to pick her up and see what needed to be done to save my car (ha ha ha). Needless to say grubby dressed mom to the rescue? Part way there phone rings, answer it cause its h...	likemyheart	7	850	Aug 11, 2017 by a4l
	Soundtrack to my sanity (Preview) One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on...	MizzB	7	722	Aug 11, 2017 by a4l
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/11/17 (Preview) Good morning MIP family - TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday)! Today's reading in Courage to Change discusses the importance of meetings and leaning into the Al-Anon program -- especially when we don't want to. It talks about how we all face challenges and when we hit that point where we want to hide u...	Iamhere	2	583	Aug 11, 2017 by Iamhere
	Dealing with a new wrinkle... (Preview) So now that I have accepted the realities of living with an alcoholic, really accepted my situation, the last month or so has been livable. What I want? Definitely not. But I successfully use my slogans, attend my meetings, and use the "right" tools when dealing with my AH. I even weathered the storm t...	PosiesandPuppies	12	888	Aug 11, 2017 by MizzB
	PNP Update (Preview) My AH went to his immediate boss on Tuesday and told him about his drinking problem and asked for help. His boss had him driven home by a co-worker and told him he would check in on him (phone) the next day. The next day they let him go. i was pretty sure there is some law about that and alcoholism being a 'dise...	PosiesandPuppies	15	853	Aug 11, 2017 by MizzB
	Good News .. (Preview) Well, I have been really stressed out over the whole getting the girl into a covered psychiatrist on her insurance plan and HP stepped in. I had a big fight with the insurance company today .. I have no issues with being conflict habituated when things are outside of my control .. absolutely none at all...	SerenityRUS	7	679	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	A little light relief (Preview) Since my boy dog died, I've been trying to get the girl into routines for when I go out as she's never been alone before. She and boy dog came as a pair and now she wants me to be round all the time which I can't be when work starts in September. Anyway, the signal I"m going out is that she gets cheese. She loves c...	MizzB	4	632	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Wow, did he actually hit his "rock bottom?" (Preview) So today I get a text at work from AH: "Not going to go to mom's bday thing. I told my boss about my drinking problem... I'll explain what's going to happen when I get home." WTH? So this is the man for the 8 months that I have known about his alcoholism who won't seek help, won't take advantage of his work's su...	PosiesandPuppies	30	1538	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	C2C August 9 (Preview) Good morning, MIP! Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fea...	Skorpi	7	642	Aug 10, 2017 by tiredtonite
	AH seeking collusion, what can I do better? (Preview) I'm struggling with my responses to AH when he wants me to pity him or take his side in a situation I often disagree with his assessment of what other people should do or say and feel he is lacking in maturity and empathy when he feels someone is wrong. He comes to me with a story about a person who he feels i...	Taraxacum1	6	692	Aug 10, 2017 by Neroli
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/10/17 (Preview) Today's reading shares about how each of us lives with this disease a bit differently. Meeting discussions regarding housekeeping habits showed how the disease presents and we react. Some members kept a tidy home which gave the illusion of control. Others had clothes, paper, books and more clu...	Iamhere	4	616	Aug 10, 2017 by MizzB
	Putting the "fun" in Dysfunction .. (Preview) A really great girlfriend of mine is in SF, CA .. that's my home city or one of them .. lol .. it's where I was born so I spent a lot of time in Northern CA. It brought about a funny/odd memory I hadn't thought about in years. When I was kid I remember running into my Dad at the airport in SF .. he was catching ano...	SerenityRUS	4	1149	Aug 10, 2017 by Jerry F
	Outrageous optimism - or is it denial? (Preview) Actually I think it's denial. This is on the part of my A. You may remember that he had a big drinking-related health crisis recently. He wasn't speaking to me, but from what I heard, he only barely pulled through. A month in the hospital, and now he is in a wheelchair. He says he is involved with AA, b...	Mattie	5	918	Aug 10, 2017 by Bo
	Quick Question about Meetings (Preview) I just have a question about attending my first meeting. My father has offered to go with me to the meeting tomorrow night. Is that ok? He technically is a "friend" of an alcoholic even if he's actually going more for my support than for my AH. But he does care for my AH a great deal and he offered, I didn...	NatalieP	3	582	Aug 9, 2017 by Junenine
	Someone's listening (Preview) Hi, I'm new here but I have been to a couple of al-anon meetings. I just find it hard to get to them at the moment. I'm tired of the alcoholic in my life. When he's sober he says all the right things but then he drinks. He has the memory of a goldfish when he's drunk so I remove myself from arguments and convers...	MizzB	10	692	Aug 9, 2017 by MizzB
	question about enabling - want your experiences (Preview) Hello, I am new to this, having gone to two meetings and three 1x1 therapy appointments. I am ready for a change, ready to break the cycle, etc. I know you're not supposed to give me advice, but I am interested in hearing your experiences. My person is still actively drinking and absolutely on the verg...	bzz123	12	1151	Aug 9, 2017 by MizzB
	Stuck on understanding Step One (Preview) I am having a very hard time with Step One. While I'm trying to accept that I have no control over alcoholism or its symptoms and that I need to allow the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of his choices, I feel so many consequences effect only me. How do I still take the snide comments and insinuatio...	NatalieP	23	1026	Aug 9, 2017 by El
	Hope for Today Aug 8 (Preview) Good morning Everyone- Today's reading illuminates a problem that many of us affected by alcoholism have: speaking openly and directly (especially about our feelings). The writer describes a camping trip his/her father offered, and then cancellled. The adult child was completely disappoin...	yanksfan51	4	588	Aug 9, 2017 by bud
	More will be revealed .. (Preview) At least I got a a little more information and some sticker shock as well as my girl got some valuable information. In the form of learning curve .. this is all good. So the GP explained a great deal that the dumb neurologist did not .. ugh. We are not closer to a diagnosis however we at least got her anoth...	SerenityRUS	7	630	Aug 9, 2017 by bud
	Wednesday Morning MIP Alanon Meeting (Preview) Please join us! The Alanon meeting has just started in the chatroom. Our topics this morning are "Family Disease that effects everyone" and Open Alanon topic.	tiredtonite	1	520	Aug 8, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.