Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

NatalieP · NatalieP

How does allowing the alcoholic suffer the consequences fit in with "putting down the sword" if the consequences are that they've done something or said something to cause hurt and anger? 3 years ago my AH & I split up for 6 months then reconciled. During the separation...actually only a day afte...

Sorcha · Sorcha

Good morning all, well my two weeks in my brother's house are up and my daughter and I are going home today. It's been a hard couple of weeks in ways, no contact, well no direct contact, just the neighbour getting the message to me that he went to the hospital with his liver but didn't stay in. I did call the n...

NCJo · NCJo

Hey Everyone! It has been a while since I have been on here. Everyone helped me so much when I was here previously. A little update on my situation- things ended up getting worse with my ABF, so I decided I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. I had made up my mind to end the relationship,...

H-MT · H-MT

I'm the only daughter of an alcoholic. Both of my parents are on vacation in Hawaii, my 30+ years of alcoholism mother got pneumonia there and has been in the ICU. She was on a reperaitor last night and they have removed all oxygen and she is breathing on her own. I talked to one of the nurses and he told me th...

Lyne · Lyne

Choices: The reading for today talks about discovering we have choices that we didn't know we had. And, if we are uncomfortable about something, we don't have to do it! The author says that this is true freedom. However, there will be times that we actually do have to do some things that we don't wan...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT Reading for today speaks about our tendency to dwell on past hurts and live in self pity and fear. The reading asks why do we continue to hurt ourselves in this manner? Is it because we have a hidden desire to suffer?. The reading points out that living on past hurts only ruins our presen...

hopefloats72 · hopefloats72

Hello all I am a newbie looking for some advice and support. My MIL is a full blown alcoholic. We found out last summer and my FIL confirmed our suspicions. She has to drink to stay level, drinks 24/7, gets up in the night for a drink. She switched to Vodka 5 years ago from her usual drink of rye. Finding out s...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi everyone. I went to an addiction counselor with my A yesterday, and between two talks with my son during the week, and what I shared with the counselor, I SAW how broken my marriage is. And I do have to look at myself, and ask the question, why have I stayed with a person who has hurt me so much? And the a...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Today my AH was extremely mad at my newest boundaries: You have three choices: 1. Rehab 2. Do what YOU want, but you have to live someplace else 3. Do what YOU want and kid and I will move out at the end of the month. I can't live this way any longer. So I am trying to move towards what is best for ME and my kid. Eve...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for today 8-12 speaks about the 3rd Step turning our will and life over to the care of HP. The reading suggests that this is thei type of surrender that we need in order to accept the fact that we are not all powerful and in control The quote is from Plato:"Time will change an even revers...

Flyfree · Flyfree

Hi I am struggling today with respect. How am I supposed to show respect to my AH? He does nothing for our relationship except create drama and drain us financially. How do I show myself more respect??? Why is this life placed before me to handle??? I know my HP has to be at work and more will be revealed lat...

Mattie · Mattie

I got this from the Facebook page of Harriet Lerner, who writes about relationships, and I thought it summed up what I've experienced in Al-Anon: "SETTING BOUNDARIES takes so much courage, whether it's with a partner, parent or close friend. Why is it so scary? As we become clearer about what is accep...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So lately I have been examining myself. What did I bring to my marriage, to my adult life, to motherhood. I guess an inventory. Not all inclusive, but I had been thinking about what quality about me makes it almost impossible to deal with my AH? The need to be "right." So, through this program I have learn...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Daughter called me, car was smoking, mine, she pulled over, turned it off, called me - in the throes of a nasty cough/cold I got up and going to pick her up and see what needed to be done to save my car (ha ha ha). Needless to say grubby dressed mom to the rescue? Part way there phone rings, answer it cause its h...

MizzB · MizzB

One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning MIP family - TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday)! Today's reading in Courage to Change discusses the importance of meetings and leaning into the Al-Anon program -- especially when we don't want to. It talks about how we all face challenges and when we hit that point where we want to hide u...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So now that I have accepted the realities of living with an alcoholic, really accepted my situation, the last month or so has been livable. What I want? Definitely not. But I successfully use my slogans, attend my meetings, and use the "right" tools when dealing with my AH. I even weathered the storm t...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

My AH went to his immediate boss on Tuesday and told him about his drinking problem and asked for help. His boss had him driven home by a co-worker and told him he would check in on him (phone) the next day. The next day they let him go. i was pretty sure there is some law about that and alcoholism being a 'dise...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, I have been really stressed out over the whole getting the girl into a covered psychiatrist on her insurance plan and HP stepped in. I had a big fight with the insurance company today .. I have no issues with being conflict habituated when things are outside of my control .. absolutely none at all...

MizzB · MizzB

Since my boy dog died, I've been trying to get the girl into routines for when I go out as she's never been alone before. She and boy dog came as a pair and now she wants me to be round all the time which I can't be when work starts in September. Anyway, the signal I"m going out is that she gets cheese. She loves c...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So today I get a text at work from AH: "Not going to go to mom's bday thing. I told my boss about my drinking problem... I'll explain what's going to happen when I get home." WTH? So this is the man for the 8 months that I have known about his alcoholism who won't seek help, won't take advantage of his work's su...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Good morning, MIP! Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fea...

Taraxacum1 · Taraxacum1

I'm struggling with my responses to AH when he wants me to pity him or take his side in a situation I often disagree with his assessment of what other people should do or say and feel he is lacking in maturity and empathy when he feels someone is wrong. He comes to me with a story about a person who he feels i...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading shares about how each of us lives with this disease a bit differently. Meeting discussions regarding housekeeping habits showed how the disease presents and we react. Some members kept a tidy home which gave the illusion of control. Others had clothes, paper, books and more clu...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

A really great girlfriend of mine is in SF, CA .. that's my home city or one of them .. lol .. it's where I was born so I spent a lot of time in Northern CA. It brought about a funny/odd memory I hadn't thought about in years. When I was kid I remember running into my Dad at the airport in SF .. he was catching ano...

Mattie · Mattie

Actually I think it's denial. This is on the part of my A. You may remember that he had a big drinking-related health crisis recently. He wasn't speaking to me, but from what I heard, he only barely pulled through. A month in the hospital, and now he is in a wheelchair. He says he is involved with AA, b...

NatalieP · NatalieP

I just have a question about attending my first meeting. My father has offered to go with me to the meeting tomorrow night. Is that ok? He technically is a "friend" of an alcoholic even if he's actually going more for my support than for my AH. But he does care for my AH a great deal and he offered, I didn...

MizzB · MizzB

Hi, I'm new here but I have been to a couple of al-anon meetings. I just find it hard to get to them at the moment. I'm tired of the alcoholic in my life. When he's sober he says all the right things but then he drinks. He has the memory of a goldfish when he's drunk so I remove myself from arguments and convers...

bzz123 · bzz123

Hello, I am new to this, having gone to two meetings and three 1x1 therapy appointments. I am ready for a change, ready to break the cycle, etc. I know you're not supposed to give me advice, but I am interested in hearing your experiences. My person is still actively drinking and absolutely on the verg...

NatalieP · NatalieP

I am having a very hard time with Step One. While I'm trying to accept that I have no control over alcoholism or its symptoms and that I need to allow the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of his choices, I feel so many consequences effect only me. How do I still take the snide comments and insinuatio...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone- Today's reading illuminates a problem that many of us affected by alcoholism have: speaking openly and directly (especially about our feelings). The writer describes a camping trip his/her father offered, and then cancellled. The adult child was completely disappoin...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

At least I got a a little more information and some sticker shock as well as my girl got some valuable information. In the form of learning curve .. this is all good. So the GP explained a great deal that the dumb neurologist did not .. ugh. We are not closer to a diagnosis however we at least got her anoth...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

Please join us! The Alanon meeting has just started in the chatroom. Our topics this morning are "Family Disease that effects everyone" and Open Alanon topic.

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

I posted on another thread re: my AH. My AH's nephew texted me today and told me that AH wants to wait a few days. He then asked me if AH was stalling. LOL! I told him, more than likely. I told him that AH is thinking clearer now, and thinks he can manage this with minimal fuss. My nephew then told me that all th...

atheos · atheos

Tomorrow I will spend about $200 for a used elliptical machine on Craigslist. I can already hear my dad going off about this. "What does she need an elliptical machine for? She's broke! And she just bought an iPhone! And a mattress, and then a topper for the d*mn mattress! Don't DO stupid things like thi...

Isthisreallife · Isthisreallife

I can't do it anymore. I'm fed up. We've been married 7 years and he's been a major alcoholic for 5 years. I am basically a single mother because he's a drunken mess whenever he's home. He's been violent to me while drinking at least 3 times this year. He would never do such a thing sober but he hasn't had a so...

LexieA · LexieA

My attitude stinks! I try to find joy in my life but it seems like anxiety gets the best of me and I feel anger and sad. I didn't want this life so now I have to have a program so I don't go nuts living with an alcoholic. How do you continually turned your life to happy all by yourself?

Junenine · Junenine

i decided i couldn't hold on to my relationship any longer. we had 3 rough years. i was enabling and his disease escalated. i kicked him out. i was (am) heartbroken and traumatized. he went to rehab and then residential program, away for over two months. treatment at the place sucks. we have stayed in t...

Buckeye Girl · Buckeye Girl

First off I want to say I've been an Alanon member for about 3 years. I'm staying at my single adult daughter's condo to take care of her pets because she has entered a 30 day rehab program for the 4th time. Since I live about 1500 miles away, i flew in here about 10 days ago. I helped her get into a treatment fa...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I was just reading some CAL (al-anon Conference Approved Literature) this after noon and read about something I had not read about before. The 4 M's. They are Managing, Manipulating, Martyrdom and Mothering. From what I read, these four characteristics can go either way for us al-anoners. I though...

Lyne · Lyne

Maintenance Steps: The author talks about Steps 10, 11, & 12, being referred to as "maintenance steps." However, the author prefered to think of them as "growth steps." He/she shared about retiring and having more time for "stinking thinking," but decided to turn this around and use the tim...

Aline · Aline

Hi all. I was at my meeting today, but didn't share about my last big enabling thing, just didn't feel up to it, because honestly I'm ashamed about this almost more than about anything else at the moment. I have reduced enabling my ex-abf drastically during the last year or so, but I still spend quite a lo...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT reading for today, August 6 speaks about staying in the moment and appreciating treasures that can be found in the moment and the day. It suggests that if we are intent on building our lives iin a positive fashion we need to focus on living just for the day,and in the moment.IN this manner w...

Sorcha · Sorcha

Hi everyone, so the on/off non live-in alcoholic partner of 4 years has been drinking constantly for 6-8 weeks now. It has been mostly off between us for the last few months, he he's been trying to talk to me but really I just felt like I'd had it, just couldn't cope with it anymore. Then we had a talk a coupl...

MissM · MissM

Today's C2C reading is about resentments, and the way that we tend to keep them burning by re-living and "reahearsing" them to make sure that we still feel justified in the way that we have assigned blame to others and pity to ourselves. It's very liberating to realise that we actually don't have to do t...

a4l · a4l

I can not believe how amazingly well this programme works when we let it. This morning I did something I didn't want to do, was anxious about doing but was able to do by concentrating on principles over personalities. My immediate foo system is immensely alcoholically complicated and every variati...

Jerry F · Jerry F

My eldest son is in relapse and almost every aspect of his life is cracked and falling apart with the latest aspect being his children and his children-in-law. They are drinking and are polishing the alcoholic personalities and might be focusing some animosity our way. We spoke to and passed some...

mamalioness · mamalioness

I see my post on Mattie's boundary post ( A great one, Mattie, thank you) I think I should start a new topic on this one its weird...In my old sick days, I had friends up the ying yang and some were actually GOOD....here??? I get into recovery and it seems my circle has shrunk...like I am in exile or somet...

southernmissgirl9 · southernmissgirl9

Hi, I'm new here. I need some immediate help so unfortunately I have not read all the rules and regulations and FAQs so please forgive me if this topic has already been mentioned. I will try to make this as short as possible but there are details I need to make sure I hit. First off, my husband is a drug a...

bud · bud

Hi MIP Family, I never could have guessed how much last night's meeting would change my life- and started to release me from my suffering. From my last post, I entered the room still shaking from the downward spiral of events (from previous post). I saw familiar faces and some new ones - this group is a g...

_bunny_ · _bunny_

Today I told my AH that the boys and I are not coming home this weekend. I could use some time to myself, to catch up on some cleaning and errands and also self care kind of stuff, yoga, reading etc....I continue to live an hour away from our home during the work week and go home on the weekends. The move and ne...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I am looking outside the box at this point and I am ok with where I am at .. my daughter goes for her appointment and I have 100 other stresses happening all of which I create for myself .. LOL .. somehow it will all workout .. it's all I have at the moment. This week has been stressful however been incredibly...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses how the program helps us accept who we are as well as accepting who others are. We are reminded that the tools of our program help us recognize that we have value - simply because we breathe the breath of humanity. As we use the program tools, work with a sponsor and recover, w...

tiredtonite · tiredtonite

Topics are "Enabling, how am I contributing?" and Open Topic (Alanon) Courage is our chairperson this morning.

sunmustshine · sunmustshine

On vacation. AH was doing great staying sober then began to slip. Realized he had a sunburn last night and flew off the handle claiming I didn't put sunblock on him properly when asked because I'm so lazy. So gross. The kicker is I have the same sunburn on my back. Guess who put my sunblock on? Ha! Of course...

a4l · a4l

So I abandoned FB five or six years ago, because I didn't like it. Recently, for the sake of my family project, I had to get back on. It made me a bit anxious but there were also long-term friends I cut off in the process whom it was good to contact again. True friends, you know who they are with time, that's fo...

Teddy · Teddy

My A Husband and I have been separated for 16 months - he lives in an apt building we own. He has been mia since last Wednesday. Holder up in his apt now for days drinking alone. This happens every few months. I am wirried bevause he is not gking to wotk. We have 3 children. what am I to do? In the pas...

Lyne · Lyne

I accept, detach, don't try to control, etc., and I cannot get used to my A's continued lying. She expects me to instantaneously believe her, after 20+ years of lying. Last night and this morning she is angry, has a very loud volume, and I am trying to stay calm. She is unable to put herself in my shoes....

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about denial and learning how to face the reality of the past without placing blame or wallowing in self-pity but instead to learn from it. Today's reminder --- There is much to learn from the past, but I cannot allow past hurts to smolder and destroy today. Instead, I can ask my Hi...

Mercywilkins · Mercywilkins

Hello Im New here! My husband just got back from rehab he was there for two months He has been back for two weeks now and I am wondering what is happening with our marriage. For three years he was not available to us for two months he was gone he is back and only into himself we live apart we have two grown chil...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Hurt & anger as a consequence? (Preview) How does allowing the alcoholic suffer the consequences fit in with "putting down the sword" if the consequences are that they've done something or said something to cause hurt and anger? 3 years ago my AH & I split up for 6 months then reconciled. During the separation...actually only a day afte...	NatalieP	4	2481	Aug 14, 2017 by Bo
	Going home today.... (Preview) Good morning all, well my two weeks in my brother's house are up and my daughter and I are going home today. It's been a hard couple of weeks in ways, no contact, well no direct contact, just the neighbour getting the message to me that he went to the hospital with his liver but didn't stay in. I did call the n...	Sorcha	6	619	Aug 14, 2017 by Jerry F
	Rehab Support (Preview) Hey Everyone! It has been a while since I have been on here. Everyone helped me so much when I was here previously. A little update on my situation- things ended up getting worse with my ABF, so I decided I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. I had made up my mind to end the relationship,...	NCJo	5	2311	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	When to help (Preview) I'm the only daughter of an alcoholic. Both of my parents are on vacation in Hawaii, my 30+ years of alcoholism mother got pneumonia there and has been in the ICU. She was on a reperaitor last night and they have removed all oxygen and she is breathing on her own. I talked to one of the nurses and he told me th...	H-MT	5	2510	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	C2C 8/14/17 (Preview) Choices: The reading for today talks about discovering we have choices that we didn't know we had. And, if we are uncomfortable about something, we don't have to do it! The author says that this is true freedom. However, there will be times that we actually do have to do some things that we don't wan...	Lyne	5	2752	Aug 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	ODAT READING SUnday 8-13-2017 (Preview) The ODAT Reading for today speaks about our tendency to dwell on past hurts and live in self pity and fear. The reading asks why do we continue to hurt ourselves in this manner? Is it because we have a hidden desire to suffer?. The reading points out that living on past hurts only ruins our presen...	hotrod	3	2155	Aug 13, 2017 by bud
	alcoholic MIL (Preview) Hello all I am a newbie looking for some advice and support. My MIL is a full blown alcoholic. We found out last summer and my FIL confirmed our suspicions. She has to drink to stay level, drinks 24/7, gets up in the night for a drink. She switched to Vodka 5 years ago from her usual drink of rye. Finding out s...	hopefloats72	2	512	Aug 13, 2017 by hotrod
	Feeling sad today (Preview) Hi everyone. I went to an addiction counselor with my A yesterday, and between two talks with my son during the week, and what I shared with the counselor, I SAW how broken my marriage is. And I do have to look at myself, and ask the question, why have I stayed with a person who has hurt me so much? And the a...	Lyne	12	3561	Aug 13, 2017 by bud
	Needing a hug, I guess (Preview) Today my AH was extremely mad at my newest boundaries: You have three choices: 1. Rehab 2. Do what YOU want, but you have to live someplace else 3. Do what YOU want and kid and I will move out at the end of the month. I can't live this way any longer. So I am trying to move towards what is best for ME and my kid. Eve...	PosiesandPuppies	21	751	Aug 13, 2017 by T Sears
	C2C 8-12 (Preview) The C2C reading for today 8-12 speaks about the 3rd Step turning our will and life over to the care of HP. The reading suggests that this is thei type of surrender that we need in order to accept the fact that we are not all powerful and in control The quote is from Plato:"Time will change an even revers...	hotrod	2	520	Aug 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	Respect (Preview) Hi I am struggling today with respect. How am I supposed to show respect to my AH? He does nothing for our relationship except create drama and drain us financially. How do I show myself more respect??? Why is this life placed before me to handle??? I know my HP has to be at work and more will be revealed lat...	Flyfree	12	845	Aug 12, 2017 by milkwood
	Boundaries (Preview) I got this from the Facebook page of Harriet Lerner, who writes about relationships, and I thought it summed up what I've experienced in Al-Anon: "SETTING BOUNDARIES takes so much courage, whether it's with a partner, parent or close friend. Why is it so scary? As we become clearer about what is accep...	Mattie	22	2793	Aug 12, 2017 by mamalioness
	Self-Examination (Preview) So lately I have been examining myself. What did I bring to my marriage, to my adult life, to motherhood. I guess an inventory. Not all inclusive, but I had been thinking about what quality about me makes it almost impossible to deal with my AH? The need to be "right." So, through this program I have learn...	PosiesandPuppies	13	727	Aug 11, 2017 by mamalioness
	Example: Accepting the things I cannot change..... (Preview) Daughter called me, car was smoking, mine, she pulled over, turned it off, called me - in the throes of a nasty cough/cold I got up and going to pick her up and see what needed to be done to save my car (ha ha ha). Needless to say grubby dressed mom to the rescue? Part way there phone rings, answer it cause its h...	likemyheart	7	752	Aug 11, 2017 by a4l
	Soundtrack to my sanity (Preview) One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on...	MizzB	7	616	Aug 11, 2017 by a4l
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/11/17 (Preview) Good morning MIP family - TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday)! Today's reading in Courage to Change discusses the importance of meetings and leaning into the Al-Anon program -- especially when we don't want to. It talks about how we all face challenges and when we hit that point where we want to hide u...	Iamhere	2	507	Aug 11, 2017 by Iamhere
	Dealing with a new wrinkle... (Preview) So now that I have accepted the realities of living with an alcoholic, really accepted my situation, the last month or so has been livable. What I want? Definitely not. But I successfully use my slogans, attend my meetings, and use the "right" tools when dealing with my AH. I even weathered the storm t...	PosiesandPuppies	12	807	Aug 11, 2017 by MizzB
	PNP Update (Preview) My AH went to his immediate boss on Tuesday and told him about his drinking problem and asked for help. His boss had him driven home by a co-worker and told him he would check in on him (phone) the next day. The next day they let him go. i was pretty sure there is some law about that and alcoholism being a 'dise...	PosiesandPuppies	15	768	Aug 11, 2017 by MizzB
	Good News .. (Preview) Well, I have been really stressed out over the whole getting the girl into a covered psychiatrist on her insurance plan and HP stepped in. I had a big fight with the insurance company today .. I have no issues with being conflict habituated when things are outside of my control .. absolutely none at all...	SerenityRUS	7	588	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	A little light relief (Preview) Since my boy dog died, I've been trying to get the girl into routines for when I go out as she's never been alone before. She and boy dog came as a pair and now she wants me to be round all the time which I can't be when work starts in September. Anyway, the signal I"m going out is that she gets cheese. She loves c...	MizzB	4	562	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Wow, did he actually hit his "rock bottom?" (Preview) So today I get a text at work from AH: "Not going to go to mom's bday thing. I told my boss about my drinking problem... I'll explain what's going to happen when I get home." WTH? So this is the man for the 8 months that I have known about his alcoholism who won't seek help, won't take advantage of his work's su...	PosiesandPuppies	30	1392	Aug 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	C2C August 9 (Preview) Good morning, MIP! Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fea...	Skorpi	7	540	Aug 10, 2017 by tiredtonite
	AH seeking collusion, what can I do better? (Preview) I'm struggling with my responses to AH when he wants me to pity him or take his side in a situation I often disagree with his assessment of what other people should do or say and feel he is lacking in maturity and empathy when he feels someone is wrong. He comes to me with a story about a person who he feels i...	Taraxacum1	6	606	Aug 10, 2017 by Neroli
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/10/17 (Preview) Today's reading shares about how each of us lives with this disease a bit differently. Meeting discussions regarding housekeeping habits showed how the disease presents and we react. Some members kept a tidy home which gave the illusion of control. Others had clothes, paper, books and more clu...	Iamhere	4	531	Aug 10, 2017 by MizzB
	Putting the "fun" in Dysfunction .. (Preview) A really great girlfriend of mine is in SF, CA .. that's my home city or one of them .. lol .. it's where I was born so I spent a lot of time in Northern CA. It brought about a funny/odd memory I hadn't thought about in years. When I was kid I remember running into my Dad at the airport in SF .. he was catching ano...	SerenityRUS	4	993	Aug 10, 2017 by Jerry F
	Outrageous optimism - or is it denial? (Preview) Actually I think it's denial. This is on the part of my A. You may remember that he had a big drinking-related health crisis recently. He wasn't speaking to me, but from what I heard, he only barely pulled through. A month in the hospital, and now he is in a wheelchair. He says he is involved with AA, b...	Mattie	5	825	Aug 10, 2017 by Bo
	Quick Question about Meetings (Preview) I just have a question about attending my first meeting. My father has offered to go with me to the meeting tomorrow night. Is that ok? He technically is a "friend" of an alcoholic even if he's actually going more for my support than for my AH. But he does care for my AH a great deal and he offered, I didn...	NatalieP	3	509	Aug 9, 2017 by Junenine
	Someone's listening (Preview) Hi, I'm new here but I have been to a couple of al-anon meetings. I just find it hard to get to them at the moment. I'm tired of the alcoholic in my life. When he's sober he says all the right things but then he drinks. He has the memory of a goldfish when he's drunk so I remove myself from arguments and convers...	MizzB	10	597	Aug 9, 2017 by MizzB
	question about enabling - want your experiences (Preview) Hello, I am new to this, having gone to two meetings and three 1x1 therapy appointments. I am ready for a change, ready to break the cycle, etc. I know you're not supposed to give me advice, but I am interested in hearing your experiences. My person is still actively drinking and absolutely on the verg...	bzz123	12	1060	Aug 9, 2017 by MizzB
	Stuck on understanding Step One (Preview) I am having a very hard time with Step One. While I'm trying to accept that I have no control over alcoholism or its symptoms and that I need to allow the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of his choices, I feel so many consequences effect only me. How do I still take the snide comments and insinuatio...	NatalieP	23	939	Aug 9, 2017 by El
	Hope for Today Aug 8 (Preview) Good morning Everyone- Today's reading illuminates a problem that many of us affected by alcoholism have: speaking openly and directly (especially about our feelings). The writer describes a camping trip his/her father offered, and then cancellled. The adult child was completely disappoin...	yanksfan51	4	519	Aug 9, 2017 by bud
	More will be revealed .. (Preview) At least I got a a little more information and some sticker shock as well as my girl got some valuable information. In the form of learning curve .. this is all good. So the GP explained a great deal that the dumb neurologist did not .. ugh. We are not closer to a diagnosis however we at least got her anoth...	SerenityRUS	7	563	Aug 9, 2017 by bud
	Wednesday Morning MIP Alanon Meeting (Preview) Please join us! The Alanon meeting has just started in the chatroom. Our topics this morning are "Family Disease that effects everyone" and Open Alanon topic.	tiredtonite	1	458	Aug 8, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Weird feeling (Preview) I posted on another thread re: my AH. My AH's nephew texted me today and told me that AH wants to wait a few days. He then asked me if AH was stalling. LOL! I told him, more than likely. I told him that AH is thinking clearer now, and thinks he can manage this with minimal fuss. My nephew then told me that all th...	PosiesandPuppies	13	789	Aug 8, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Internalized negative voices (Preview) Tomorrow I will spend about $200 for a used elliptical machine on Craigslist. I can already hear my dad going off about this. "What does she need an elliptical machine for? She's broke! And she just bought an iPhone! And a mattress, and then a topper for the d*mn mattress! Don't DO stupid things like thi...	atheos	10	613	Aug 8, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	I'm done. I'm gone... but (Preview) I can't do it anymore. I'm fed up. We've been married 7 years and he's been a major alcoholic for 5 years. I am basically a single mother because he's a drunken mess whenever he's home. He's been violent to me while drinking at least 3 times this year. He would never do such a thing sober but he hasn't had a so...	Isthisreallife	11	659	Aug 8, 2017 by andromeda
	Attitude (Preview) My attitude stinks! I try to find joy in my life but it seems like anxiety gets the best of me and I feel anger and sad. I didn't want this life so now I have to have a program so I don't go nuts living with an alcoholic. How do you continually turned your life to happy all by yourself?	LexieA	6	859	Aug 7, 2017 by LexieA
	letting go and holding on (Preview) i decided i couldn't hold on to my relationship any longer. we had 3 rough years. i was enabling and his disease escalated. i kicked him out. i was (am) heartbroken and traumatized. he went to rehab and then residential program, away for over two months. treatment at the place sucks. we have stayed in t...	Junenine	20	684	Aug 7, 2017 by Junenine
	I need some perspective please!!! (Preview) First off I want to say I've been an Alanon member for about 3 years. I'm staying at my single adult daughter's condo to take care of her pets because she has entered a 30 day rehab program for the 4th time. Since I live about 1500 miles away, i flew in here about 10 days ago. I helped her get into a treatment fa...	Buckeye Girl	30	2062	Aug 7, 2017 by el-cee
	The 4 M's (Preview) I was just reading some CAL (al-anon Conference Approved Literature) this after noon and read about something I had not read about before. The 4 M's. They are Managing, Manipulating, Martyrdom and Mothering. From what I read, these four characteristics can go either way for us al-anoners. I though...	Jean4444	18	17639	Aug 7, 2017 by mamalioness
	C2C 8/7 (Preview) Maintenance Steps: The author talks about Steps 10, 11, & 12, being referred to as "maintenance steps." However, the author prefered to think of them as "growth steps." He/she shared about retiring and having more time for "stinking thinking," but decided to turn this around and use the tim...	Lyne	6	564	Aug 7, 2017 by mamalioness
	Enabling - money (Preview) Hi all. I was at my meeting today, but didn't share about my last big enabling thing, just didn't feel up to it, because honestly I'm ashamed about this almost more than about anything else at the moment. I have reduced enabling my ex-abf drastically during the last year or so, but I still spend quite a lo...	Aline	16	685	Aug 7, 2017 by Aline
	Alanon Reading 8-6-2017 (Preview) The ODAT reading for today, August 6 speaks about staying in the moment and appreciating treasures that can be found in the moment and the day. It suggests that if we are intent on building our lives iin a positive fashion we need to focus on living just for the day,and in the moment.IN this manner w...	hotrod	13	619	Aug 6, 2017 by DavidG
	Not sure how to handle this, esh please! (Preview) Hi everyone, so the on/off non live-in alcoholic partner of 4 years has been drinking constantly for 6-8 weeks now. It has been mostly off between us for the last few months, he he's been trying to talk to me but really I just felt like I'd had it, just couldn't cope with it anymore. Then we had a talk a coupl...	Sorcha	8	897	Aug 6, 2017 by shrnp
	Courage To Change 5/8- Resentments. (Preview) Today's C2C reading is about resentments, and the way that we tend to keep them burning by re-living and "reahearsing" them to make sure that we still feel justified in the way that we have assigned blame to others and pity to ourselves. It's very liberating to realise that we actually don't have to do t...	MissM	9	1572	Aug 6, 2017 by Aline
	Principles over personalities in all my affairs (Preview) I can not believe how amazingly well this programme works when we let it. This morning I did something I didn't want to do, was anxious about doing but was able to do by concentrating on principles over personalities. My immediate foo system is immensely alcoholically complicated and every variati...	a4l	8	615	Aug 6, 2017 by tiredtonite
	another generation crumbling. (Preview) My eldest son is in relapse and almost every aspect of his life is cracked and falling apart with the latest aspect being his children and his children-in-law. They are drinking and are polishing the alcoholic personalities and might be focusing some animosity our way. We spoke to and passed some...	Jerry F	13	600	Aug 5, 2017 by tiredtonite
	Some stuff I see (Preview) I see my post on Mattie's boundary post ( A great one, Mattie, thank you) I think I should start a new topic on this one its weird...In my old sick days, I had friends up the ying yang and some were actually GOOD....here??? I get into recovery and it seems my circle has shrunk...like I am in exile or somet...	mamalioness	6	626	Aug 5, 2017 by mamalioness
	New here. Help/Advice needed (Preview) Hi, I'm new here. I need some immediate help so unfortunately I have not read all the rules and regulations and FAQs so please forgive me if this topic has already been mentioned. I will try to make this as short as possible but there are details I need to make sure I hit. First off, my husband is a drug a...	southernmissgirl9	11	814	Aug 5, 2017 by Iamhere
	C2C-more revealed after meeting (Preview) Hi MIP Family, I never could have guessed how much last night's meeting would change my life- and started to release me from my suffering. From my last post, I entered the room still shaking from the downward spiral of events (from previous post). I saw familiar faces and some new ones - this group is a g...	bud	9	497	Aug 5, 2017 by bud
	Not my norm (Preview) Today I told my AH that the boys and I are not coming home this weekend. I could use some time to myself, to catch up on some cleaning and errands and also self care kind of stuff, yoga, reading etc....I continue to live an hour away from our home during the work week and go home on the weekends. The move and ne...	_bunny_	4	794	Aug 5, 2017 by mamalioness
	Outside the box .. (Preview) I am looking outside the box at this point and I am ok with where I am at .. my daughter goes for her appointment and I have 100 other stresses happening all of which I create for myself .. LOL .. somehow it will all workout .. it's all I have at the moment. This week has been stressful however been incredibly...	SerenityRUS	6	476	Aug 4, 2017 by shrnp
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/4/17 (Preview) Today's reading discusses how the program helps us accept who we are as well as accepting who others are. We are reminded that the tools of our program help us recognize that we have value - simply because we breathe the breath of humanity. As we use the program tools, work with a sponsor and recover, w...	Iamhere	6	425	Aug 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	Friday Morning Meeting in Progress (Preview) Topics are "Enabling, how am I contributing?" and Open Topic (Alanon) Courage is our chairperson this morning.	tiredtonite	1	444	Aug 4, 2017 by hotrod
	Nastiness (Preview) On vacation. AH was doing great staying sober then began to slip. Realized he had a sunburn last night and flew off the handle claiming I didn't put sunblock on him properly when asked because I'm so lazy. So gross. The kicker is I have the same sunburn on my back. Guess who put my sunblock on? Ha! Of course...	sunmustshine	8	613	Aug 4, 2017 by KT2015
	Mental and emotional freedom (Preview) So I abandoned FB five or six years ago, because I didn't like it. Recently, for the sake of my family project, I had to get back on. It made me a bit anxious but there were also long-term friends I cut off in the process whom it was good to contact again. True friends, you know who they are with time, that's fo...	a4l	12	698	Aug 4, 2017 by bud
	Ah on a bender been days since anyone has seen him (Preview) My A Husband and I have been separated for 16 months - he lives in an apt building we own. He has been mia since last Wednesday. Holder up in his apt now for days drinking alone. This happens every few months. I am wirried bevause he is not gking to wotk. We have 3 children. what am I to do? In the pas...	Teddy	5	509	Aug 4, 2017 by Skorpi
	Lying is so destructive (Preview) I accept, detach, don't try to control, etc., and I cannot get used to my A's continued lying. She expects me to instantaneously believe her, after 20+ years of lying. Last night and this morning she is angry, has a very loud volume, and I am trying to stay calm. She is unable to put herself in my shoes....	Lyne	6	520	Aug 3, 2017 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/3/17 (Preview) Today's reading is about denial and learning how to face the reality of the past without placing blame or wallowing in self-pity but instead to learn from it. Today's reminder --- There is much to learn from the past, but I cannot allow past hurts to smolder and destroy today. Instead, I can ask my Hi...	Iamhere	5	523	Aug 3, 2017 by mamalioness
	Alone and angry (Preview) Hello Im New here! My husband just got back from rehab he was there for two months He has been back for two weeks now and I am wondering what is happening with our marriage. For three years he was not available to us for two months he was gone he is back and only into himself we live apart we have two grown chil...	Mercywilkins	16	665	Aug 3, 2017 by mamalioness
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.