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The 12 Steps
(Preview)
I keep hearing about the 12 steps. May I ask how to learn more about this part of the program? If anyone can guide me to what literature I should get, that would be appreciated too! I've also heard something about a Daily Blessing book? Thank You!
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Freatlast
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3
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342
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Feeling Stupid
(Preview)
Sometimes I wonder how many times I have to go thru something to finally get it. I have been seperated from my A husband since November. In that time we would have "short lived" periods where we would be talking and trying to work things out. Then there would be other times when I may s...
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JulieLynn
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4
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308
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Right site or should I be in some relationship site?
(Preview)
Don't know where to turn. 1st time here. Read thru some threads & my story seems minimal compared to everyone's heartache here. Not sure where to turn anymore. Met my "A" boyfriend 2 yrs ago. Had our salad days & fell in love quick. Then I noticed the heavy drinkin. Drinking before I met him, during dinne...
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Souljacker
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13
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394
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Didn't make my meeting
(Preview)
No, I didn't make my meeting because my a/bf called and asked if I could bring his son home, he would tell me why when we got there. Figured he wanted to talk to me so I agreeded. When I got there he told me he had been talking to a friend who had lost his nephew in a drunk driving accident Saturday night. he had b...
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sisdragonfly1957
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2
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396
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Speaking out of the side of his mouth
(Preview)
Well, I posted about not knowing what my HP wanted for me. My HP sure keeps me connected to my AHsober through transmissions on the blink. We drove 6 hours to pick up our car and visit our son in college. So my H drove one car back the same day. He had to finish some work. He avoids deadlines and procras...
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nmike
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3
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421
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Turning my will over
(Preview)
Hi ala-pals,
Gosh, I love this program!!! When you show up, and you open up your heart and mind, something comes to you. Tonite in the online meeting, I had an "ah - ha!" as folks were sharing about resentment and getting over it.
In the past, I have struggled to work step three b/c I didn't understand...
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itsgot2bgd
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1
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304
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First things First
(Preview)
That saying or slogan to me has changed meanings in so many ways over the years. First things First was always something that came before me. I gave my attention and time to so many other things and people before I even considered myself. There were pockets of time that I "really too...
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twinmom2
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4
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3761
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Just found out he cheated!!
(Preview)
Yes, I found out he cheated on me and I am so crushed and don't know what to do. It is a long story, but I will try to be brief.
Found out, conforted him, he denies that he slept with her. Of course. I feel so used and hurt. How could he be with me after he had been with me as if nothing happened? Sometimes...
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sisdragonfly1957
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10
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666
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UPDATE
(Preview)
I just wanted to give an update on the way things are going since I have set the BOUNDRY.
Things are going much better in my home. He has come strait home from work everyday, and he did not drink for almost a week. He, of course, made up for lost times this weekend. The diffence...
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bluebjade
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3
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270
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Trust
(Preview)
TRUST a big word. I had/have issue with trust. I ask myself, is it only my A that made me feel i cant ever trust anybody, or was the issue deep down in me before i knew him? Anything in childhood, first boyfried, second boyfriend, all the boyfriends? There is a question for all of you, how do you deal w...
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daisy2
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7
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442
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Still hurts
(Preview)
Well, he walked in here this morning, sober as a judge, took a shower, and went to bed. Guess he's slepping now in my compfy bed, just like nothing happened.
Ya know, when this 'other being' invades his body, it always finds ways to hurt me. I know I am having real problems with detatching 'cause it stil...
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TLC2
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5
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397
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Help Please
(Preview)
Hi everyone, im new here. I am seeking advice and support as I am a daughter (23) of an alcoholic, she finally admitted to me she still has a problem, she has always said it was in the past.
she is currently in hospital undergoing detox (which she has had before) I wondered if anyone can give me adv...
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sarah
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8
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435
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Reflections and Discovery
(Preview)
Hi again my friends,
Well, I did a lot of thinking lately. And ya know, it all came back to one thing.
Every time my A has hit the bottle this Summer, was when MY family was here. My kids are well brought up, mannerly, kind and loving.They are not monsters that would 'drive a man to drink'!! Therefore, I...
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TLC2
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4
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414
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those who are critical of us
(Preview)
I was reading at the weekend. This was the lesson I learned, and thought I'd share it with you....
There are some people who are very critical of others. They spend a lot of time telling us what is wrong with us. These people are not deserving of uor loyalty...
Be careful when you hear someone doi...
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annmarie
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9
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560
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Update re: ex bf and coffee
(Preview)
Hi guys,
I mentioned a week or so ago I was really anxious about mtg my ex bf A for some coffee. I thought it might be a good idea for me to put some closure on our seperation. We never formally broke up just stopped talking when he went to rehab and it was suggested by his sponsor...
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beachbaby
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5
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508
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I feel like I'm living outside the bubble....
(Preview)
Well, I'm having another one of those days. I just can't seem to get inside myself to help myself. Rehash, we're married 28 years, my A was sober (no treatment, just AA) for quite a few years and started drinking again. The past 5 years have been crappy. Lots of lies and deceit. ...
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daymama
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3
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504
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Service to the HP
(Preview)
Well, those of you that live in the Cincinati, Ohio area, have probably heard the news of little Marcus Feisel has been missing for more than 24 hours. (For those of you not in the Cincinnati area, news link here)
Thi...
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nachoqtpie
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3
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259
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The last boy scout...
(Preview)
(((Everyone)))
Ok... you can laugh if you want but I was a boy scout. I find it odd as I have spent time over the last few months taking stock of who I am that I keep coming back to some very ingrained principals that I have adopted and stuck to throughout my life.
Guess I keep trying to figure out w...
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rtexas
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6
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512
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lost my ability to detatch!
(Preview)
I remember at one time, years ago now, when I could actually detatch, and honestly didn't care if my A drank or not. I decided to go on with my life, and enjoy myself, do things just for me. Somewhere on this rollercoaster ride, I lost that, and a very important person-me.
I started obsces...
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TLC2
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7
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465
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Getting the Focus Back Where It Belongs
(Preview)
Roomies,
Over the last year or so, I have experienced a significant shift in several of my close friendships. Due to life circumstances, several of my friends have been so busy with their own lives that they have not been nearly as available as they used to be, and I really have be...
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BlueCloud
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4
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326
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duh
(Preview)
Well I have probably said this before a million times. But again it hit me.
Ok now I get it. again. The mean A or monster does not love me, in fact hates me and everything to do with me. Tells everyone lies about me, they believe it becuz they do not realize it is not the man who I married.
My A husband, love...
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debilyn
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2
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281
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SO VERY VERY HAPPY
(Preview)
Hi FRIENDS
Just needed to let u know that good things do come to those who wait
My hubby is at his first AA meeting tonight, an all of a sudden, out of the blue thing.
After supper, he told me that in two hours he was going, deceided that it was time
He managed the first step on his own, feel groovy.
&...
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cher
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7
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279
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frustrated and sad
(Preview)
I've started a post once before - about a week ago or so. I am so sad and frustrated right now. Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
I've just started to accept the fact that my husband has troubles with alcohol. Today was rough. He's been estranged from h...
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mimi
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8
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468
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bad weekend...again
(Preview)
I'm so sorry this is gonna be long but I need to vent....My A's family had a bbq on Saturday which had been planned for many weeks. At these events it's always a drinking feast and when my A was attending AA he tried to distance himself from these get togethers. But for this one he was all game....
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daisygrl4
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4
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390
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Do you still care enough to make changes in your life?
(Preview)
When I first entered alanon I could not find one good point about myself. This disease had beaten my inner soul to a pulp, and there nothing left but a shell of a woman. I can clearly see now that I did care about myself and by attending alanon and giving up on a war that I could not possibley win, I started to g...
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gardengal
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7
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433
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the process of working step 4
(Preview)
Hello dear friends on the journey to health and sanity
I've been working step 4 with a new temporary sponsor. I'm not totally comfortable with the way we are working it and am looking for others ESH so I can think about it honestly and see if I'm the problem or if its we don't fit.
Thank yo...
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frog58
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3
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697
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to catch you all up
(Preview)
I have not disappeared off the face of the earth. I have been busy finally digging in deep into those dreaded boxes left from March, the garbage man must think I am nuts. There were as many boxes on the street this week as the first week I moved in. I have given up "live tv" and the internet in order to take bac...
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jrtjosey
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3
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298
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First F2F
(Preview)
I did it! I went to my first f2f tonight. I was a bit nervous, but oh my gosh - the love and acceptance was awesome! It made me feel like I wasn't nearly as crazy as I thought I was. And it's given me the hope that I can make it through the next weekend. I might feel differently...
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mimi
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6
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431
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Something I've noticed
(Preview)
In perusing this board I have found that there is a gentleness of spirit here of which I am in awe. All of you are caregivers, lovers........healers. All of you are what we, as human beings, strive to be.........the essence of humanity. Thank you for this place.
Laurie
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Freatlast
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2
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332
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After A While
(Preview)
I found this poem a few weeks back, and I read it often. It really helps me when I'm down, there are a few that are like that, and I know that I may seem a bit cooky to some, but I'm just one of those people that feel words and emotions that are written in a particular way. I hope that you all like this poem as much a...
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nachoqtpie
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4
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295
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How to Deal with Emotional Blackmail?
(Preview)
Hi all!
Still on the relationship rollercoaster but then who here isn't, or hasn't been? I'm really just looking for some advice here.
She is still very unstable when it comes to her emotions, almost manic depression. As you may remember from previous posts her alcoholism came to a head when the p...
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Mike5056
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4
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1455
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Confused/Angry
(Preview)
I have been distancing myself from my A. I have been trying to not try to control and push. I know that he will have to do it on his own. I need space to figure out where I am going and what I am doing. But yesterday was my sons 13th birthday. My son didn't receive a phone call from him. He was really upset about it...
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DoN4me
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7
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413
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Just a quick question...
(Preview)
Hello Everyone,
I have a question for you to consider.
If I don’t want to spend any time with an A spouse who is under the influence daily and not working any program, is that considered “conditional love”? In other words if I don’t want to go out to dinner or take vacation wi...
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jeeves
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12
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667
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I'm having trouble....
(Preview)
getting directly to this board. I have to go on a search then click on the link there. For some reason when I save it in my favorites it takes me to Sparks something. Can anyone please put the direct link in a response or tell me what to do? Thank you so much!
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Freatlast
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2
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304
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Hey Ya'll! It's the "NEW ME!!!"
(Preview)
Hey Ya'll,
Here's the "NEW ME!" LOL! From now on I'll be entering chat as "Texasjoni21" and here on the board too! Same email addy, same me, just new nickname!
For any newbies, this is a great forum to vent, cry, scream, laugh and make some wonderful new friends who'll support you thru thick 'n thin!...
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Texasjoni21
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4
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301
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Hello, I'm new here
(Preview)
Hello. I found this site while looking for Alanon meetings in my area. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband who is a life long alcoholic (started drinking when he was 8. He's from East London). He walked out on our first anniversary, a month ago today. He receive...
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Freatlast
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8
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511
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My Friends
(Preview)
Sorry I posted that. -- Edited by kitty at 04:13, 2006-08-15
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kitty
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2
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327
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not going to f2f meetings
(Preview)
Hi all,
i have a problem, not huge, but it bothers me.
My A is in recovery and we have aftercare meetings every monday in his treatment centre, where he spend 6 weeks. All is going great, sometimes we fight, just normal stuff. He is doing his meeting regulary, but i'm not. Everybody is telling me in af...
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daisy2
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15
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489
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Becky
(Preview)
I wanted to thank you for your post to me. Yes it is true we can love them even though they are not here.
Well the A would have to know what the monster in him is doing, or he/she would not feel so guilty.
When I hurt, and he is him, he always says to me, "It tears me up to see you so hurt."
So can you ima...
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debilyn
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1
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303
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poignant (IMO) joke
(Preview)
my A does some service volunteer work, mostly speaking, and he knows a zillion AA jokes. he's told me one about Al-Anon, that i didn't really understand until recently! i'll share ...
how many Al-Anons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none. they all detach and the lightbulb screws it...
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purpleraven
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9
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749
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Fortune Cookie Wisdom
(Preview)
Today I opened a fortune cookie which read--Honor yourself, and others will Honor you too. When did Alanon start making Fortune Cookies?
Love in Recovery,
Becky1
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Becky1
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5
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421
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anyone experience this?
(Preview)
I just came home from my first al-anon meeting. My A husband was home when I got here and asked me where I'd been. I should have lied, but I told him that I went to an al-anon meeting. He got angry and told me that I shouldn't ever go again because someone might recognize me. I told him that it's anonymous... t...
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artygirl
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11
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594
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Little Blurbs to Live By....
(Preview)
I got these today in an email - I thought they were great. A little humor on our program way of life trials & tribulations....I hope you all enjoy them as much as I did.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I h...
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AlaMom
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3
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272
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Wedding Anniversary
(Preview)
Today is my Wedding Anniversary - My AH & I have been married for 14 yrs. Wow - I can't believe it - talk about beating the odds - his 3rd marriage, my 2nd; with his active disease and me without Al-Anon - how did we make it? - Only by the Grace of our HP.
So many things go through my mind on ou...
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Rita G
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7
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450
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Typical A behavior?
(Preview)
Once in a while...just once in a while, I will become annoyed or have my feelings hurt. It could be something my partner has said; a misunderstanding; something someone else has said or done that causes me to feel angry or hurt. It happens to us all. Will I never learn? When I attempt to talk to him, I alway...
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Diva
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14
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676
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kids are like dogs; teens are like (ugh) cats
(Preview)
Kids are Dogs, Teens are Cats
Author Unknown
I just realized that while children are dogs ... loyal and affectionate ... teenagers are cats.
It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It...
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Maria123
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9
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4270
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learning to detach.... again
(Preview)
 for several years i have felt able to detach from my A's behavior and hurtful words. When he stopped drinking for 2 weeks, all my "walls" broke down. It was a wonderful 2 weeks. He was the wonderful, sweet, loving, kind, responsible husband I knew was in there. Th...
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vateach7
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3
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234
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Mixed Feelings
(Preview)
I am having some mixed feelings about A husband. I got married to my first husband at a very young age and started having children. I missed out on my teenage years and at the time just really didn't realize it. While girls my age where in high school going to proms, shopping at the mal...
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JulieLynn
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7
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363
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sober and crazymaking
(Preview)
i am still so new to this. i'm still trying to understand how the alcoholic still suffers from their disease even when they're not drinking. part of me speculates that he uses it as an excuse so he can act with total self-indulgence. part of me knows it's part of a bigger disease that i don't fully underst...
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purpleraven
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8
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429
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Tim McGraw - Drugs or Jesus
(Preview)
I just heard this song again from a while ago and thought how appropos of us versus the drug or the drink (same thing).
"Drugs Or Jesus"
In my home town
For anyone who sticks around
You're either lost or you're found
There's not much in between
In my home town
Everything's still black...
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Maria123
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4
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2071
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Have to have a belief in my HP
(Preview)
Hi Alanoners,
I am a member because I am powerless over an alcoholic who is sober and I am powerless over my disease. I have been without a vehicle for a week (still having transmission problems with the other car). I wanted to do something this weekend so I asked my AHsober to come tonight. He sa...
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nmike
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5
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385
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Reaching out for help
(Preview)
I’m not one to reach out for help but my wonderful sponsor is tied up with a very sick family member and I don’t want to burden her. I am lost and I don’t where to turn.
My 76-year-old mother called me yesterday and told me that she had arrived home from a trip early and that dad had been drinking. T...
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shadow1
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6
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410
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The Reality of it All
(Preview)
Hello Friends,
Well today is just one of those face reality days.......the reality of my life, the reality of how I want to live......and knowing it is all in my hands....
I have suspected that hubby is using again......not positive, just know the signs and know his actions when drinking......
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Andrea12
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12
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539
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Don't I deserve a "9th step" too?
(Preview)
Hi, I am new to Al-Anon and these forum. My husband has been sober for 3 years and is very active in A.A.
When he was drinking, I used to hope an pray that things would get better, if he could only stop drinking, everything would be alright…
Well, it isn’t. ...
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Hope
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9
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836
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"Getting Them Sober" and other books
(Preview)
After all the recommendations for reading "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, I finally ordered it and read it completely through. I was expecting so much and must say that I was very disappointed. I found the advice typical but somehow it felt demeaning to spouses. Not being a spouse of an A ...
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omajoy
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10
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693
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just need ones who understand
(Preview)
wrote you guys and fell asleep in my chair. woke to a half grown choc lab/red dobi pup licking my face.
My first thought was he is gone again.
Ya see he was him again. But at the jail ya had to talk on a phone and ya have glass between you.
He was pink skinned and less wrinkly, rested,smili...
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debilyn
|
23
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730
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Respond with kindness.
(Preview)
I have had such a wonderful weekend I wanted to share.
Of course it didn't start off so wonderful. My A/bf travels during the week and got to come home early friday and was there when I got home from work. Instead of hugs and kisses from him I got asked why I hadn't done t...
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sld488
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2
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345
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Boundaries...
(Preview)
Hi everyone:
Well AH and I talked lastnight (finally one night of sobriety).
I told him I did not think we were going to work out. We gave each other turns to talk. He let me go first. I told him I didn't think things were going great and that I was beginning to think that it wa...
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hersh
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6
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344
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experience please
(Preview)
my ex ah has been seeing the kids with me here. he comes to my house. i don't really know where he lives. neither does he. i have been really kind and nice, friendly. he has been coldish, not knowing how to react to my genuine care and detatchment. he is a crack addict but, from what he told me tonight he has sw...
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serendipity
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3
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316
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Trying to Let It Go!
(Preview)
Hi everyone,
A post I read sorta touched a nerve in me today. Now this particular nerve gets plucked every now and then and I don't think I have ever mentioned it before but feel like I need to get it off my chest and on this board so I can try to get free of it!
Something I read on here today really both...
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david62
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4
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482
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