The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the last year or so, I have experienced a significant shift in several of my close friendships. Due to life circumstances, several of my friends have been so busy with their own lives that they have not been nearly as available as they used to be, and I really have been missing those close friendships! Especially, as I struggle through the aftermath of a break-up with my partner, I have really been yearning to have my friends to talk to about what is REALLY going on with me.
Over the last few months, there have been times, like today, I let my focus shift to the pity-pot a bit--wondering why my friends aren't reaching out to me, etc. Today, I started to feel blue about this situation and then I realized that my best thinking was getting me there lol. I kept thinking all day about WHY was my friend not calling me.
Tonight, though, I realized I need to get my attention back on myself. The way that I am doing that tonight is to focus not on what 'my friends haven't been doing for me' but instead on what I have been doing for myself:
The things I did for myself today include: got up early and biked to a serene outdoor spot to sit in a quiet spot and commune with my HP; went to my favorite coffee shop to leisurely read the Sunday times and enjoy some breakfast; called a few friends who are having their own hard times to let them know I am thinking about them; worked on my fall course; made myself a wonderful dinner; attended an Alanon meeting.
When I look at it this way, I can see that I am doing the footwork for myself in all areas of my life: social, spiritual, mental, and physical. I think I am going to continue this practice of naming for myself what I am doing for myself, so I can really appreciate how I am trying to be THERE for myself during this tough time.
Breakups are hard, so are shifts in friendships, and its been important for me to acknowledge the tough feelings of grief that have been coming up for me. Still, just for today, I did what I could to take care of ME. As member shared tonight in my Alanon meeting, happiness and serenity are not synonymous. Today, I can have serenity by feeling my feelings, focusing on myself, and doing the footwork.
My goodness BC... thank you so much for posting that! It's exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes I forget about the things that I really need to be doing for myself.
Lately I've been noticing that I'm getting a little bit of a belly, well, just another thing that only I can do for myself. Someone in my apartment building put an exercise bike down in the laundry room, and posted a note saying that anyone can use it, as long as they help clean it up afterwards. I keep telling myself that I'm going to go down there and take advantage of the use of the bike. I haven't yet done this. Tomorrow morning, I am going to get my lazy bum up early in the morning, and I'm going to go down there and ride that bike till I can't move my legs anymore! LOL
Sometimes I just need reminding that *I* have to do for *myself* rather than wait on someone to do it for me!!
That was awsome. Recovery is about you and for you. It means taking back your life and living strong. We all get off the path (heaven knows I have wondered many a day). You sound so serene and strong. Keep doing what you're doing.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you did a great job of taking care of yourself. Love the part about going outdoors! I am past middle age and all my close friends and not so close friends seem to be in some sort of crisis. I am separated from my AHsober and sometimes my crisis seems minor compared to theirs. I have hesitated calling them with my problems. Why burden them I think. But that is when we need each other the most. Like you said, call someone who is having a tough time and give them support.
I am glad that you took care of yourself. I think its fantastic you had a great Sunday. I have a hard time with friendships changing which is inevitable really. I have recently reached out and started having recovery partners. I have not necessarily had good experience with that in the past so it takes courage to reach out.
