Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

sonja ja · sonja ja

Hello Everyone. My name is sonja and I'm new to this site. Not to Al-Anon though. I've been a grateful member for a couple of years now and sometimes I think my progress is just soooo slow. My qualifier is my son. He's 34 years old and has lost everything time and again. I was the worst enabler in the world un...

rtexas · rtexas

((((((Everyone)))))) Well, just like many others who come to Alanon... I came here to save my life, and if possible, save my marriage. I guess one out of 2 ain't bad. ;) For those who don't know the story, we seperated almost a year ago when I decided that I could no longer live with the active drinking. ...

tea2 · tea2

Only wanted to wish a member of the family here a very Happy Birthday! Today is Canadianguy aka Toms Birthday I am hoping its a wonderful one for you Tom from someone who is very grateful for all the experience, strength and hope you share! Tracey

Katy · Katy

It's been a whole host of things really, but for the most part it's been a million times better than living with active alcholism in the home. I have been struggling though of late and didn't know how, or if I could write and say I am struggling here, because I don't want to come across as ungreatful when th...

maresie2 · maresie2

Now the whole issue of when and if I get my dog is up in the air again. I am upset needless to say. I had it all in the works. Meantime I am keeping on keeping on. I packed boxes. I make plans to move. I keep at it. I have plans to have that all organized by the weekend. Then I will have all my time to focus on when and h...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Should you shield the valleys from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their canyons. --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Time teaches us about the twofold connection of suffering and wisdom. For every loss, we've gained something new. We are learning that our pain makes us wise over time, but wh...

mon123 · mon123

Hi all I'm not always here as much as I'd like to be. I have recieved a bulk e mail from JohnF asking if I want to remain. I for one find this site absolutely in valuable. I may not come here often but I enjoy recieving e mails from you. It reminds me you are here supporting me. Alanon has become a big part of my li...

sgraingermk · sgraingermk

Ok so my husband I chatted this morning when he called me from work. He says he knows he has a problem but just not sure how to take care of the problem. He don't want AA or Rehab. He wants to try on his own. Now for 9 years he has tried to quit on his own. It never works!! He's got every excuse as possible (as A's do...

TheArtOf · TheArtOf

Wow! I have been dealing with an A for 10 years. She has totally destoyed herself with this family. At first I didn't know what to do. It started out as probably how alot of A's start out. Then boom, before I knew it, total insanity. She is no longer with me, we are divorced; but oh the damage. I never...

Jen · Jen

Can one ever trust an A? No matter how much recovery they have, they can still slip. I get that. Something can always send them over the edge. But is it reasonable to expect that at some point everything won't? Can an A ever get to a point that they can be trusted to handle most of life's ups and downs without...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I had a really strange day today. I got a call from the apartment we were supposed to move into and suddenly I don't qualify and I either have to pay more (which I won't do) or go somewhere else. So I scramble, calling around find a few good prospects and then... I get a call earlier this evening from the re...

maresie2 · maresie2

I have three days till I get my big black baby lab mix. I have barely scratched the surface of my packing. I aske done of my neighbors to help me and said I would pay him. I can't nail him down on when and how. I don't have the money to do anything till tomorrow. So it will all be a great rush for the next few days an...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

First I had a message on my machine. I didn't get the job in Indy. The liason was willing to talk about it. She said, "We didn't feel it was a good fit." I didn't feel like a complete douche bag. I felt sad. But I reminded myself of something Dr Welker, chair of education dept, Witt U said to us: &...

ally · ally

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwoVZS_Blsw&mode=relat...

ddub · ddub

On one hand I was glad to get the I'm sorry and I will start today. It'll take a little time to ease off safely, he says and I say, you will need some medicine or medical assistance now. He just nods....... very proud, private, non responsive and functioning A. BUT then I wonder..... start what? Cutting...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

The final papers have been sent in to the attorney this morning (faxed) so the ball is rolling. Anyone divorce an alcoholic who thinks he's done nothing wrong? What should I expect? Any advice about the kids? I'm going to not get them involved in adult problems. I am going to ask for supervised visitati...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

What are your feelings on someone who stays with an alcoholic even though they have no ties? Do you think the sickness has taken them and they just don't see what they are doing? How long do you try to help these people? How would you nicely tell them what they are doing? You can post it here or pm me with advi...

nycbt · nycbt

I have now been in the room more and found the spirt back that I have lost. I have alot of thing to tell you. So here it goes. The first the is likie I told you that I have been feeling good that I have been spening alot time in the MIP room and helping people like I just too. I haven't been to a face to face I am not re...

sgraingermk · sgraingermk

Ok so For those who have not read my 1st post...I have a alcoholic husband. I also have two small children. An 8 and 6 year old. My husband has never til yesterday drank and drove with my daughter in the car. He says he only had a couple BUT I DON"T CARE . That is unacceptable. I have decided not to allo...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

I hear about alcohol logic though I don't quite understand it. I don't see how you can say you love your kids and then emotionally hurt them. How can you be so mad at your wife over something you construed in your own head to not see your children?? How can you call your wife every name in the book after she ha...

maresie2 · maresie2

So now I am going through the same saga as Kim went through the other day. Oh how I didn't tell the people he is living with he had a felony hit and run. Em how am I supposed to tell them something I don't know. How I am responsible for everything. Well he's 48 is he a child. For once I put it back right on him. ...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have decided to give up on the school goals that I had for myself. I was taking prerequisites to apply to a pa program which would require me to take full time online classes in addition to working and then if accepted quit working for two years to go to school and live on loans. I just found out that the s...

azbax · azbax

I used to come to this message board alot....but haven't been here in quite awhile. A little history...my A is recovering 18 years now and he, for once, isn't my "issue". He actually has been quite an asset to this challenge I've come upon. I have a new job. I've been there for about 5 week...

hippietrippiechick · hippietrippiechick

Hello everyone, Even though my ex-A and I are no longer together, and have not been a couple for some time, I realize I still have to deal with the wreckage of my past. I also realize I must deal with what is right in front of me as well. Someone I knew a long time ago told me in her own words, "Everytime I...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Hello Friends, Thank you all for the wonderful words of compassion and love I have felt thru my post reguarding the death of my husband.. Things are very tough to deal with right now....time heals....I am just taking it slow trying to heal and heal as a family as well.... So many what ifs, however I know...

lilac1 · lilac1

Hi everybody firstly i would like to thank all for the prayers that have been said for my brother who is stable and making progress thank god!!!!!!!! secondly i would like to ask what is a senior member of alanon - is it a person who is of a certain age group ie over 65 like a pensioner - or is it a person who is h...

serendipity · serendipity

He was here for the kids for 2 days, called for 2 days and then nothing. He told me Sat. that they can call him. They are children 12,8 and 4 who have and are suffering a huge loss. This is a crisis. He is their father. HE LIVES 2 BLOCKS AWAY AND WORKS 2 BLOCKS AWAY. Why the hell should it be their responsibilit...

maresie2 · maresie2

those of you who know my long saga with the A know that a huge component of it is his reckless driving. Some of that I belive to be under the influence. In May just after I left him and he was esconsced with a homeless couple he did drugs day and night with he had an accident (nothing new there). He left the sc...

mhgal · mhgal

Hi all, First time I've started a topic, so here goes: The A exbf (now friend), who lived with me until a month ago, moved back to the house we used to live in together, about 3 minutes down the road from me. Problem is, between the alcoholism and the as-yet undiagnosed mental illness (feel strongly that...

ddub · ddub

I just replied to gardengal's post (two below this) re: taking care of yourself first and I thought taking care of others was how I showed I loved them. AND how others loved me..... I agree with gardengal now and am learning how to care for myself in baby steps but then what really is love? My best gue...

roger12dodger · roger12dodger

Yes, she did TRY to go stripping.... it only yeilded her 4 dollars, and a lifetime of humiliation. I went to check on her at her house, and she told me that she was getting sober (yet again) and going to try once more. I want to believe her soo badly, and i want to take her to meetings every day, and i want to ca...

maresie2 · maresie2

For years I swallowed the its all your fault stuff from the A. I swallowed it and swallowed it and swallowed it. He blamed me for everything. Today he says that is the reason he doesn't have any money. Its all me. Its not that he didn't pay the rent, its my fault. Its not that he had every drug addict in town st...

phillipslouise · phillipslouise

Hi, I met someone a few months ago and we started seeing each other and developing a relationship. We got on very well and had great fun, he did the odd thing which made we wonder if he had an alcohol problem but we never spoke about it. Eventually things came to a head and he told me he had a serious problem an...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

Just for today I know I cannot make all my problems go away but I can push them to the side in my mind and think about other pleasant fun things I'd rather be doing like: ~Playing hookie from work and lounging by the pool ~Taking the kids to the beach and eating ice cream in the sand ~Curling up on my sofa with p...

klm4446 · klm4446

Grateful for the replies re: my boyfriend's death. I have not been able to check into face to face meeting because of baby/no sitter. I know there are different stages of grief, but this does not seem real. Again, he had not drank but was smoking pot CONSTANTLY and taking klonopin-5 a day. IS IT TR...

sgraingermk · sgraingermk

Hello everyone. My name is Silvana and my husband is an alcoholic. Unfortunately he don't thinks so. :( I'm going crazy over here and Can't take it anymore. My husband Really is a wonderful person and a wonderful father to our 2 small children. He get's mad when I threaten to leave him. He thinks there a...

Jen · Jen

My A that had everyone thinking he had 9 mos. sober is not. I made him leave last night . I can't think clearly when he is here, and I don't want to be mean to him as I am sooo angry. Now I'm not sure if I should let him back once I calm down or not. I told him before that he will not be allowed to live here if he does dru...

serendipity · serendipity

It is my best friend's daughter who died, it was my mom who was the adult in charge, and it was my 2 little ones in the water with her. I am taking it all very hard today. The investagation continues which is horrifing in itself. A social worker came and talked to me and the kids. The first time I actually lis...

ShelBell · ShelBell

I have been working like a dog and I feel the hole not making time for program has made. I try to read daily, but have posted very little lately. On August 9, my AH celebrated one year of sobriety. I went to his meeting with him, and he received his one year chip. I cried the entire meeting. The members th...

maresie2 · maresie2

i think I am incredibly naive to think that when I said No to the A he would not turn around and blame me for every single problem he has in the world. He is constintinally incapable of being honest about anything. He is also incapable of taking care of anything. He makes a huge mess every single day of the we...

maresie2 · maresie2

all weekend long the A has gone on that I should pay for ever. I am not paying of course. I am not going to pay anymore for him. I feel overwhelmed with rage and grief. At the same time I feel relieved to see the insanity. Mary

sadako · sadako

(i'm sorry i haven't replied to advice in my last thread but i am very thankful for it!) my boyfriend (clean & sober 21 years) just went into the ER on Tuesday with severe chest pain and trouble breathing, a CAT scan showed he has a blood clot in his lung. he's been in the ICU since then, they're trying t...

gardengal · gardengal

For years I was bent out of shape and mind to help others, take care of others, try to fix their mistakes, or cover up, or just basically take care of their needs first and foremost. My needs and wants fell onto the backburner. I was going to help them if they liked it or not, because that I thought was my job,...

meagain · meagain

I don't know but I think our generation raised "selfish" kids..... Just my opinion--AND I am talking from my own experience. DH jave 5 adult children between us. As i get older I feel-that perhaps they should "call" us once in awhile to see how we are. --Know it's usually us that...

summergrl83 · summergrl83

I posted a little while ago that my A boyfriend was in rehab. Well he's back, as of yesterday. He seemed really good at first and definitely more healthy, etc. but I could tell that he was getting frustrated easily at things. Well by the night he started telling me about how he was having really bad cravin...

lmt123 · lmt123

To all of the ladies out there, my sister sent me this in an email. I've copied and pasted it to share with you all. (Men can read it to, lol.) "HERE'S TO MY GIRLS!!! What's so poignant about this picture? Well, it shows a line of little girls holding hands facing the immensity of ocean waves. A...

lmt123 · lmt123

Ok, lol, I just noticed the pictures didn't come through on the post... The first one was of 5 toddler girls standing on the beach at the water's edge, facing the waves rolling in, and all were lined up holding hands. The second picture was a cartoon-ish looking pic of three very full-figured elderly wo...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

My ah was coming to see the kids (as usual) and he asked what I was doing visiting my sister. I told him the honest answer. My sister ran out of her pain meds and she borrowed a couple of mine. So she got hers today and asked if I would come out to her house to be paid back what she owes and to see her new puppy and to...

nmike · nmike

I worked so hard at taking care of my little family of my AHsober and 3 sons. We had our chores, we took our family trips, and we did our homework. It was so important to me. Now that they are grown and their AHsober father has moved out and said he wants a divorce, we don't seem much of a family. The oldest says...

CAM0914 · CAM0914

good morning i love sunday mornings - I still have anxiety attacks, altho, they are less intense than before - stability has helped me heal in a lot of ways. I guess I still have more healing to go as i keep getting the guilts. This is what i wrote first thing this morning and then decided to post it here. ...

roger12dodger · roger12dodger

As the title says, do i enjoy being hurt? My name is roger, and i'm an alcoholic. I'm 22 years old, and have been sober since April 29, 2005. thats a miracle. I came to these forums because i need help. My girlfriend is also an alcoholic. She is 33, and can;t seem to 'get it'. Before we met, she had 5 yea...

lil_pieces · lil_pieces

The AH and I have been doing better...okay, I've been doing better not obsessing about his drinking. He still stops at the bar and tries to "sneak" in shots, but I haven't been asking him if he's drinking or not. Plus, there's been trouble with the pregnancy that has been making it real ea...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Hello Friends, Life has been a hellacious place for me in these past few months... My husband of 20 yrs Chuck passed away last week...it was horrible and hellish... I had to have him removed from life support in the end and he knew exactly what was happening talk about hell on earth.. Well Don turned out t...

florrie · florrie

i'm looking for some feedback... rationaly i know better than to look to my partner for conversation/company but that doesn't seem to stop me! we have just relocated to france with our 3 kids and my need to relate is backed up. normally i'd get a meeting once a week, avisit or two to alanon freinds and p...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I have found I have become jaded, believing little, if any good my AHsober displays. I am not proud to be that way and know it is a form of self-protection, however, it is viewed as "negative" by others, because basically it is. We have been separated for 3 mos now and my AH has agreed to attend...

lilac1 · lilac1

Please would everybody continue to pray for my brother who was badly burnt in a fire last week, he is making some progress but is still very poorly in intensive care thanks

Gailey · Gailey

I really, really need to get back to f2f meetings. I am backsliding bigtime. My #1 A son has been drinking every night. I know this....why???...because I have been calling him every night to see if he is. He is really depressed. I can hear it when he talks. I'm a little bit afraid for him. He hates life at th...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

I have always felt that we here in al anon do not talk enough about some of the more immediate, material consequences of the family disease--that our loved ones break promises, over and over again; that we feel at a loss to explain why it is our loved ones behave in bizarre and inappropriate ways to tho...

sadako · sadako

What do you do when your clean-and-sober-for-21-years partner acts like a raving drunk?? I read the "Courage to Change" book, I'm working on setting healthy boundaries, and using healthy detachment. I want this person in my life, I love him, I choose him. But I'm now very lost and confuse...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

Trust An attitude of helpful expectancy can serve me very well today. My Higher Power has my day in His hands. Whatever happens, it will go most smoothly, and I will feel best about myself, if I am open to what the day brings, and at peace with whatever it holds for me. I can give my best if I do not get bogged d...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Introducing myself (Preview) Hello Everyone. My name is sonja and I'm new to this site. Not to Al-Anon though. I've been a grateful member for a couple of years now and sometimes I think my progress is just soooo slow. My qualifier is my son. He's 34 years old and has lost everything time and again. I was the worst enabler in the world un...	sonja ja	6	534	Aug 16, 2007 by carosie
	Life just never stops changing (Preview) ((((((Everyone)))))) Well, just like many others who come to Alanon... I came here to save my life, and if possible, save my marriage. I guess one out of 2 ain't bad. ;) For those who don't know the story, we seperated almost a year ago when I decided that I could no longer live with the active drinking. ...	rtexas	16	679	Aug 16, 2007 by kismetstrand
	Birthday Wishes (Preview) Only wanted to wish a member of the family here a very Happy Birthday! Today is Canadianguy aka Toms Birthday I am hoping its a wonderful one for you Tom from someone who is very grateful for all the experience, strength and hope you share! Tracey	tea2	16	523	Aug 15, 2007 by aunitedway
	Sobriety, the first year! (Preview) It's been a whole host of things really, but for the most part it's been a million times better than living with active alcholism in the home. I have been struggling though of late and didn't know how, or if I could write and say I am struggling here, because I don't want to come across as ungreatful when th...	Katy	3	600	Aug 15, 2007 by lin0606
	Scuttlebutted (Preview) Now the whole issue of when and if I get my dog is up in the air again. I am upset needless to say. I had it all in the works. Meantime I am keeping on keeping on. I packed boxes. I make plans to move. I keep at it. I have plans to have that all organized by the weekend. Then I will have all my time to focus on when and h...	maresie2	4	447	Aug 15, 2007 by maresie2
	keep coming back... (Preview) Should you shield the valleys from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their canyons. --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Time teaches us about the twofold connection of suffering and wisdom. For every loss, we've gained something new. We are learning that our pain makes us wise over time, but wh...	Tiger2006	1	471	Aug 15, 2007 by florrie
	Not always here (Preview) Hi all I'm not always here as much as I'd like to be. I have recieved a bulk e mail from JohnF asking if I want to remain. I for one find this site absolutely in valuable. I may not come here often but I enjoy recieving e mails from you. It reminds me you are here supporting me. Alanon has become a big part of my li...	mon123	4	429	Aug 15, 2007 by mon123
	so frusterated (Preview) Ok so my husband I chatted this morning when he called me from work. He says he knows he has a problem but just not sure how to take care of the problem. He don't want AA or Rehab. He wants to try on his own. Now for 9 years he has tried to quit on his own. It never works!! He's got every excuse as possible (as A's do...	sgraingermk	7	576	Aug 15, 2007 by maresie2
	I'm so glad I found this place (Preview) Wow! I have been dealing with an A for 10 years. She has totally destoyed herself with this family. At first I didn't know what to do. It started out as probably how alot of A's start out. Then boom, before I knew it, total insanity. She is no longer with me, we are divorced; but oh the damage. I never...	TheArtOf	5	424	Aug 15, 2007 by maresie2
	OK. Here's the big question, for me. (Preview) Can one ever trust an A? No matter how much recovery they have, they can still slip. I get that. Something can always send them over the edge. But is it reasonable to expect that at some point everything won't? Can an A ever get to a point that they can be trusted to handle most of life's ups and downs without...	Jen	15	1152	Aug 15, 2007 by Jen
	A strange day! (Preview) I had a really strange day today. I got a call from the apartment we were supposed to move into and suddenly I don't qualify and I either have to pay more (which I won't do) or go somewhere else. So I scramble, calling around find a few good prospects and then... I get a call earlier this evening from the re...	carolinagirl	4	506	Aug 15, 2007 by maresie2
	3 days till I get my big black baby (Preview) I have three days till I get my big black baby lab mix. I have barely scratched the surface of my packing. I aske done of my neighbors to help me and said I would pay him. I can't nail him down on when and how. I don't have the money to do anything till tomorrow. So it will all be a great rush for the next few days an...	maresie2	3	454	Aug 15, 2007 by Kim65
	Just had a really rotten day and need some help (Preview) First I had a message on my machine. I didn't get the job in Indy. The liason was willing to talk about it. She said, "We didn't feel it was a good fit." I didn't feel like a complete douche bag. I felt sad. But I reminded myself of something Dr Welker, chair of education dept, Witt U said to us: &...	Tiger2006	5	499	Aug 15, 2007 by Tiger2006
	VIDEO....DO WE KNOW OTHERS ARE WORSE OFF THAN OURSELVES (Preview) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwoVZS_Blsw&mode=relat...	ally	3	428	Aug 15, 2007 by Barbs45
	what to tell the children? (Preview) On one hand I was glad to get the I'm sorry and I will start today. It'll take a little time to ease off safely, he says and I say, you will need some medicine or medical assistance now. He just nods....... very proud, private, non responsive and functioning A. BUT then I wonder..... start what? Cutting...	ddub	6	592	Aug 14, 2007 by ddub
	What do I expect in the divorce? (Preview) The final papers have been sent in to the attorney this morning (faxed) so the ball is rolling. Anyone divorce an alcoholic who thinks he's done nothing wrong? What should I expect? Any advice about the kids? I'm going to not get them involved in adult problems. I am going to ask for supervised visitati...	Friendofyours	11	813	Aug 14, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Looking in from the outside. (Preview) What are your feelings on someone who stays with an alcoholic even though they have no ties? Do you think the sickness has taken them and they just don't see what they are doing? How long do you try to help these people? How would you nicely tell them what they are doing? You can post it here or pm me with advi...	Friendofyours	12	580	Aug 14, 2007 by ET
	Coming back (Preview) I have now been in the room more and found the spirt back that I have lost. I have alot of thing to tell you. So here it goes. The first the is likie I told you that I have been feeling good that I have been spening alot time in the MIP room and helping people like I just too. I haven't been to a face to face I am not re...	nycbt	5	603	Aug 14, 2007 by Maria123
	so many questions....Here's another (Preview) Ok so For those who have not read my 1st post...I have a alcoholic husband. I also have two small children. An 8 and 6 year old. My husband has never til yesterday drank and drove with my daughter in the car. He says he only had a couple BUT I DON"T CARE . That is unacceptable. I have decided not to allo...	sgraingermk	6	548	Aug 14, 2007 by Aspen
	He said he would push me away (8 yrs ago) He was right. (Preview) I hear about alcohol logic though I don't quite understand it. I don't see how you can say you love your kids and then emotionally hurt them. How can you be so mad at your wife over something you construed in your own head to not see your children?? How can you call your wife every name in the book after she ha...	Friendofyours	11	563	Aug 14, 2007 by ET
	Dejavu (Preview) So now I am going through the same saga as Kim went through the other day. Oh how I didn't tell the people he is living with he had a felony hit and run. Em how am I supposed to tell them something I don't know. How I am responsible for everything. Well he's 48 is he a child. For once I put it back right on him. ...	maresie2	3	313	Aug 14, 2007 by Kim65
	Giving Up (Preview) I have decided to give up on the school goals that I had for myself. I was taking prerequisites to apply to a pa program which would require me to take full time online classes in addition to working and then if accepted quit working for two years to go to school and live on loans. I just found out that the s...	carolinagirl	8	575	Aug 14, 2007 by Friendofyours
	New here..not new to all this. (Preview) I used to come to this message board alot....but haven't been here in quite awhile. A little history...my A is recovering 18 years now and he, for once, isn't my "issue". He actually has been quite an asset to this challenge I've come upon. I have a new job. I've been there for about 5 week...	azbax	2	407	Aug 14, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Been away....thought I'd come in and talk about it.... (Preview) Hello everyone, Even though my ex-A and I are no longer together, and have not been a couple for some time, I realize I still have to deal with the wreckage of my past. I also realize I must deal with what is right in front of me as well. Someone I knew a long time ago told me in her own words, "Everytime I...	hippietrippiechick	3	288	Aug 14, 2007 by hippietrippiechick
	Thanks for the caring and concern (Preview) Hello Friends, Thank you all for the wonderful words of compassion and love I have felt thru my post reguarding the death of my husband.. Things are very tough to deal with right now....time heals....I am just taking it slow trying to heal and heal as a family as well.... So many what ifs, however I know...	Andrea12	4	480	Aug 14, 2007 by Andrea12
	Interesting stuff (Preview) Hi everybody firstly i would like to thank all for the prayers that have been said for my brother who is stable and making progress thank god!!!!!!!! secondly i would like to ask what is a senior member of alanon - is it a person who is of a certain age group ie over 65 like a pensioner - or is it a person who is h...	lilac1	2	316	Aug 14, 2007 by Leetle
	Back to the A (vent, long) (Preview) He was here for the kids for 2 days, called for 2 days and then nothing. He told me Sat. that they can call him. They are children 12,8 and 4 who have and are suffering a huge loss. This is a crisis. He is their father. HE LIVES 2 BLOCKS AWAY AND WORKS 2 BLOCKS AWAY. Why the hell should it be their responsibilit...	serendipity	4	557	Aug 14, 2007 by Kim65
	going to jail this time (Preview) those of you who know my long saga with the A know that a huge component of it is his reckless driving. Some of that I belive to be under the influence. In May just after I left him and he was esconsced with a homeless couple he did drugs day and night with he had an accident (nothing new there). He left the sc...	maresie2	8	594	Aug 14, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Need encouragement...and need to unload.. (Preview) Hi all, First time I've started a topic, so here goes: The A exbf (now friend), who lived with me until a month ago, moved back to the house we used to live in together, about 3 minutes down the road from me. Problem is, between the alcoholism and the as-yet undiagnosed mental illness (feel strongly that...	mhgal	6	526	Aug 14, 2007 by Karilynn
	so what is love? (Preview) I just replied to gardengal's post (two below this) re: taking care of yourself first and I thought taking care of others was how I showed I loved them. AND how others loved me..... I agree with gardengal now and am learning how to care for myself in baby steps but then what really is love? My best gue...	ddub	4	708	Aug 14, 2007 by mom1973
	Do i enjoy pain? ** Update (Preview) Yes, she did TRY to go stripping.... it only yeilded her 4 dollars, and a lifetime of humiliation. I went to check on her at her house, and she told me that she was getting sober (yet again) and going to try once more. I want to believe her soo badly, and i want to take her to meetings every day, and i want to ca...	roger12dodger	1	444	Aug 14, 2007 by Jerry F
	Its all your fault! (Preview) For years I swallowed the its all your fault stuff from the A. I swallowed it and swallowed it and swallowed it. He blamed me for everything. Today he says that is the reason he doesn't have any money. Its all me. Its not that he didn't pay the rent, its my fault. Its not that he had every drug addict in town st...	maresie2	8	592	Aug 13, 2007 by firefly63
	Confused (Preview) Hi, I met someone a few months ago and we started seeing each other and developing a relationship. We got on very well and had great fun, he did the odd thing which made we wonder if he had an alcohol problem but we never spoke about it. Eventually things came to a head and he told me he had a serious problem an...	phillipslouise	5	510	Aug 13, 2007 by maresie2
	I'd rather be surfing.... (Preview) Just for today I know I cannot make all my problems go away but I can push them to the side in my mind and think about other pleasant fun things I'd rather be doing like: ~Playing hookie from work and lounging by the pool ~Taking the kids to the beach and eating ice cream in the sand ~Curling up on my sofa with p...	twinmom2	5	572	Aug 13, 2007 by rtexas
	struggling (Preview) Grateful for the replies re: my boyfriend's death. I have not been able to check into face to face meeting because of baby/no sitter. I know there are different stages of grief, but this does not seem real. Again, he had not drank but was smoking pot CONSTANTLY and taking klonopin-5 a day. IS IT TR...	klm4446	4	527	Aug 13, 2007 by maresie2
	I'm new to this (Preview) Hello everyone. My name is Silvana and my husband is an alcoholic. Unfortunately he don't thinks so. :( I'm going crazy over here and Can't take it anymore. My husband Really is a wonderful person and a wonderful father to our 2 small children. He get's mad when I threaten to leave him. He thinks there a...	sgraingermk	5	582	Aug 13, 2007 by maresie2
	Please, some ES&H (Preview) My A that had everyone thinking he had 9 mos. sober is not. I made him leave last night . I can't think clearly when he is here, and I don't want to be mean to him as I am sooo angry. Now I'm not sure if I should let him back once I calm down or not. I told him before that he will not be allowed to live here if he does dru...	Jen	9	956	Aug 13, 2007 by Jen
	In the middle of this tradgedy (Preview) It is my best friend's daughter who died, it was my mom who was the adult in charge, and it was my 2 little ones in the water with her. I am taking it all very hard today. The investagation continues which is horrifing in itself. A social worker came and talked to me and the kids. The first time I actually lis...	serendipity	5	637	Aug 13, 2007 by maresie2
	This & that (Preview) I have been working like a dog and I feel the hole not making time for program has made. I try to read daily, but have posted very little lately. On August 9, my AH celebrated one year of sobriety. I went to his meeting with him, and he received his one year chip. I cried the entire meeting. The members th...	ShelBell	1	465	Aug 13, 2007 by Kim65
	naivete (Preview) i think I am incredibly naive to think that when I said No to the A he would not turn around and blame me for every single problem he has in the world. He is constintinally incapable of being honest about anything. He is also incapable of taking care of anything. He makes a huge mess every single day of the we...	maresie2	2	429	Aug 13, 2007 by serendipity
	saying no to an A (Preview) all weekend long the A has gone on that I should pay for ever. I am not paying of course. I am not going to pay anymore for him. I feel overwhelmed with rage and grief. At the same time I feel relieved to see the insanity. Mary	maresie2	3	407	Aug 13, 2007 by maresie2
	now he has to quit smoking, too (Preview) (i'm sorry i haven't replied to advice in my last thread but i am very thankful for it!) my boyfriend (clean & sober 21 years) just went into the ER on Tuesday with severe chest pain and trouble breathing, a CAT scan showed he has a blood clot in his lung. he's been in the ICU since then, they're trying t...	sadako	3	559	Aug 13, 2007 by Diva
	Are you as good to yourself , as you would be to someone you care for? (Preview) For years I was bent out of shape and mind to help others, take care of others, try to fix their mistakes, or cover up, or just basically take care of their needs first and foremost. My needs and wants fell onto the backburner. I was going to help them if they liked it or not, because that I thought was my job,...	gardengal	4	494	Aug 13, 2007 by Diva
	adult children (Preview) I don't know but I think our generation raised "selfish" kids..... Just my opinion--AND I am talking from my own experience. DH jave 5 adult children between us. As i get older I feel-that perhaps they should "call" us once in awhile to see how we are. --Know it's usually us that...	meagain	1	428	Aug 13, 2007 by rtexas
	Feeling sick... (Preview) I posted a little while ago that my A boyfriend was in rehab. Well he's back, as of yesterday. He seemed really good at first and definitely more healthy, etc. but I could tell that he was getting frustrated easily at things. Well by the night he started telling me about how he was having really bad cravin...	summergrl83	5	1176	Aug 13, 2007 by klm4446
	fun reading (for a change, lol) (Preview) To all of the ladies out there, my sister sent me this in an email. I've copied and pasted it to share with you all. (Men can read it to, lol.) "HERE'S TO MY GIRLS!!! What's so poignant about this picture? Well, it shows a line of little girls holding hands facing the immensity of ocean waves. A...	lmt123	4	487	Aug 12, 2007 by itsgot2bgd
	Here's the visual for my earlier post titled "fun reading" (Preview) Ok, lol, I just noticed the pictures didn't come through on the post... The first one was of 5 toddler girls standing on the beach at the water's edge, facing the waves rolling in, and all were lined up holding hands. The second picture was a cartoon-ish looking pic of three very full-figured elderly wo...	lmt123	0	260	Aug 12, 2007 by lmt123
	What in the world just happend??? (Preview) My ah was coming to see the kids (as usual) and he asked what I was doing visiting my sister. I told him the honest answer. My sister ran out of her pain meds and she borrowed a couple of mine. So she got hers today and asked if I would come out to her house to be paid back what she owes and to see her new puppy and to...	Friendofyours	14	891	Aug 12, 2007 by Jen
	What family? (Preview) I worked so hard at taking care of my little family of my AHsober and 3 sons. We had our chores, we took our family trips, and we did our homework. It was so important to me. Now that they are grown and their AHsober father has moved out and said he wants a divorce, we don't seem much of a family. The oldest says...	nmike	5	618	Aug 12, 2007 by Friendofyours
	the guilts (Preview) good morning i love sunday mornings - I still have anxiety attacks, altho, they are less intense than before - stability has helped me heal in a lot of ways. I guess I still have more healing to go as i keep getting the guilts. This is what i wrote first thing this morning and then decided to post it here. ...	CAM0914	3	429	Aug 12, 2007 by Tenderheartsks
	Do i enjoy pain? (Preview) As the title says, do i enjoy being hurt? My name is roger, and i'm an alcoholic. I'm 22 years old, and have been sober since April 29, 2005. thats a miracle. I came to these forums because i need help. My girlfriend is also an alcoholic. She is 33, and can;t seem to 'get it'. Before we met, she had 5 yea...	roger12dodger	7	1238	Aug 12, 2007 by roger12dodger
	One day at a time... (Preview) The AH and I have been doing better...okay, I've been doing better not obsessing about his drinking. He still stops at the bar and tries to "sneak" in shots, but I haven't been asking him if he's drinking or not. Plus, there's been trouble with the pregnancy that has been making it real ea...	lil_pieces	4	537	Aug 12, 2007 by lil_pieces
	The Passing of my Husband Chuck (Preview) Hello Friends, Life has been a hellacious place for me in these past few months... My husband of 20 yrs Chuck passed away last week...it was horrible and hellish... I had to have him removed from life support in the end and he knew exactly what was happening talk about hell on earth.. Well Don turned out t...	Andrea12	29	909	Aug 12, 2007 by tea2
	needs and anger (Preview) i'm looking for some feedback... rationaly i know better than to look to my partner for conversation/company but that doesn't seem to stop me! we have just relocated to france with our 3 kids and my need to relate is backed up. normally i'd get a meeting once a week, avisit or two to alanon freinds and p...	florrie	6	634	Aug 12, 2007 by florrie
	Stay On The Sunny Side... yeah, right (Preview) I have found I have become jaded, believing little, if any good my AHsober displays. I am not proud to be that way and know it is a form of self-protection, however, it is viewed as "negative" by others, because basically it is. We have been separated for 3 mos now and my AH has agreed to attend...	Loupiness	3	529	Aug 12, 2007 by lin0606
	Prayers please (Preview) Please would everybody continue to pray for my brother who was badly burnt in a fire last week, he is making some progress but is still very poorly in intensive care thanks	lilac1	10	519	Aug 12, 2007 by wheelie123
	Help me leave the A alone (Preview) I really, really need to get back to f2f meetings. I am backsliding bigtime. My #1 A son has been drinking every night. I know this....why???...because I have been calling him every night to see if he is. He is really depressed. I can hear it when he talks. I'm a little bit afraid for him. He hates life at th...	Gailey	9	627	Aug 12, 2007 by kissers
	A new prospective on the 7th tradition (Preview) I have always felt that we here in al anon do not talk enough about some of the more immediate, material consequences of the family disease--that our loved ones break promises, over and over again; that we feel at a loss to explain why it is our loved ones behave in bizarre and inappropriate ways to tho...	Tiger2006	2	1509	Aug 12, 2007 by kissers
	New and lost (Preview) What do you do when your clean-and-sober-for-21-years partner acts like a raving drunk?? I read the "Courage to Change" book, I'm working on setting healthy boundaries, and using healthy detachment. I want this person in my life, I love him, I choose him. But I'm now very lost and confuse...	sadako	8	583	Aug 12, 2007 by sadako
	The most important trust issue that will ever be worked on..at least for me (Preview) Trust An attitude of helpful expectancy can serve me very well today. My Higher Power has my day in His hands. Whatever happens, it will go most smoothly, and I will feel best about myself, if I am open to what the day brings, and at peace with whatever it holds for me. I can give my best if I do not get bogged d...	Tiger2006	1	336	Aug 12, 2007 by ddub
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.