The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i love sunday mornings - I still have anxiety attacks, altho, they are less intense than before - stability has helped me heal in a lot of ways. I guess I still have more healing to go as i keep getting the guilts. This is what i wrote first thing this morning and then decided to post it here. Any suggestions that would be greatly appreciated.
==== 8:46 am
the guilts again I had to survive.It was staying alive I was actively alcoholic Ive apologized so many times but the guilt comes right back to stay it seems to have found a very comfortable corner of my brain and it has taken root it will wait for just the right moment and pounce like a tiger prowling on a bear cub.
I feel more guilty as an ex-lover than I feel guilt as a mom.Motherhood was something I did right I have no guilt there. It was so easy.
My ex is still active I cut off communication about a year ago.I recently heard that he is still drinking.He was very functional so this could go on for years.Part of me wants to say that losing me should really be a wake up call for him He was a very large part of my decision to get sober; however, I had to break free of him to get sober for myself which I did back in September 2006.
Like I can control his thinking?Huh!
I am still maintaining my sobriety for almost eleven months now. I made the conscious decision to get sober one week after breaking up with him. I never want to go back to that place again & with my HP's guidance, I stay sober one day at a time.
So, there are one-year anniversaries coming up?Is that why these feelings are coming up again.I want to avoid the triggers, ya know?
I just need some reminders - I have bounced back from the guilts in the past- I still find blessings everyday. I know it's something I have to pay attention to as it keeps coming back at me. what am i not seeing here?
What you're not seeing is that alcoholism is an entirely self-centered disease. You're upset that he's going to drink if you're not there - do you think your being there, or being in communication with him is going to make him stop drinking? Do you think he's drinking BECAUSE you're not there? He was drinking when you were together; he's drinking when you're apart. Know why? He's an alcoholic. Period. In terms of anniversaries - I know I haven't had a drink for over five years, but didn't pick a day and consciously stop. I just got tired of the hangovers and the craziness. My A had moved in with me and had stopped drinking, so I figured it would be pretty mean to get drunk with him there, so I just stopped. I'm with you - I never want to go back there again, either, and with trust in my HP and my friends (like you!) in Alanon, I won't. One day at a time. He has started drinking again, and there are some other mental health issues going on with him. Meanwhile, he moved out and the behavior is on a fast downward spiral. Maybe that's where the guilt is coming from for you - and the anxiety as well. When you think about the split with your A, it's as if one road led to serenity (and you chose that one) and one road stayed on the same alcoholic path (which is the one he chose). Your choosing the healthy path didn't mean he couldn't; there is plenty of room on the path for two. He chose his own path; you didn't choose it for him. Could you force him to travel on the path with you? No. Could someone have stopped you from drinking before you were ready? No - I know they couldn't have stopped me. We are adults and we make our own decisions, and must therefore deal with the consequences. Please try not to feel guilty because you chose a happy, healthy life for yourself! Congratulations on the anniversary - MANY MORE!!! Hugs to you, take care, Marion
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
Cam, I spent close to a year drinking like a fish in the evenings before bed . . . when my A had a relapse himself and was going to AA and working the program, out of the house, he came by one evening and I was toasted. He just looked at me and left.
I haven't had a drink since, and it's been four years for me.
HE did not cause me to quit, it was my own "good" shame over what I was doing to myself, and what I knew was coming if I didn't stop it NOW.
I also thought if I kicked my A out after his recent relapse and denied him access to me and our little farm, he'd wake the heck up. Nope. I know I am not chopped liver either, nor was our dream of country life. The disease as you well know doesn't give a crap.
I so like what Marion said! You rock!
It's up to him, plain and simple, like it was up to you and you alone to get and stay sober.
