Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

sadako · sadako

i bought the conference approved "Blueprint for Progress" workbook, the one that helps you through the 4th step. i read the entire book and i am SO excited to start writing in it! i even have a blank journal ready for if i run out of room on the pages. i love workbooks, guided journals, anythin...

kellic · kellic

Hi, I am new here, so if I don't use the correct abbreviations and such, my apologies in advance. I have been married to my AH (alcoholic husband - right?) for almost 12 years, and we have 3 kids. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease, as is drug addiction. My husband also has a cocain addiction. He...

kissers · kissers

Hi Everyone, Guess what is being televised tonight? HP must want me to see something. Just wanted to let you all know, if anyone is interested in seeing it. It airs at 9 pm Eastern time.

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Sometimes I get irritated because I feel like I can't get my groove on around the AH. He is not in recovery, and I feel like I have to set some sort of example. well, I set a poor example at a freind's party last night, and as drunk as I was, he was drunker. He embarassed the heck out of me, infront of freind's an...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Can someone please tell me what HALT means, apart from the dictionary definition of: to stop? I come across some of these acronymns and although I have heard this I cannot for the life of me remember what it stands for. It is another of those senior moments that I keep on getting of late. Are there any mor...

Just For Now · Just For Now

Most of us can admit our faults...errors of judgement, lack of communication, blurps of insane stupidity, etc. But when combining arguements with these faults seems to cause wildfires to the inner parts of the mind and emotions. And this is where my issues of my life seem to stay rooted to. My err...

ddub · ddub

At today's f2f meeting an elder al anon member spoke of her work with batterers and the similarities (sometimes connected to A) with alcoholism. After the meeting we talked of levels of safety - I feel that if I was ever in danger of physical violence, I would leave immediatly. Perhaps, all feel that w...

ally · ally

(((((((((((((((((((Guys)))))))))))))))) A WOMAN HAS STRENGTHS THAT CAN AMAZE MEN, SHE CAN HANDLE TROUBLE AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS. SHE HOLDS HAPPINESS, LOVE & OPINIONS, SHE SMILES WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SCREAMING, SHE SINGS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE CRYING, SHE CRIES WHEN SHE'S HAPPY, & LAUGHS W...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I got a few calls the other night (been too sick to answer the phone) and luckily found out he's been released before I actually picked up the phone. At least now I know that I need to screen my calls again so I don't get taken by surprise. So much for my divorce filing plans. Last message I heard was - will...

txmomma · txmomma

Hello! I'm really glad I came across this board this weekend, I am so upset and tired of AH's lying and broken promises, I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do. I know I need to leave for my boys, I am a stay-at-home mom with 1 child that has medical issues. We have 2 year old twin boys, life has been...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, Well, I am not crying now but I was. I don't believe the timing of my AHsober. We were waiting for our son in the military to come with our first granddaughter. Happy to see our son and the baby. So my AHsober left to take our son's car in to the garage. And then he says I left the papers by your s...

sadako · sadako

how rude of me to run in and yell "help!" then not come back for a week! my A is the one who attempted suicide on New Year's day. i got hit by a virus, so i've been pretty out of it. i hope to feel better soon and get to posting to others here :) i got the books i ordered, the 4th step workbook and also &qu...

ddub · ddub

Had a great day going and detached when ah passed out tonight. I was winding down to go to bed when ah got up again. Now I can't sleep, too late to call anyone (it's about 2am here) and no one is on chat. I started to get very very anxious so I went to bed anyways, deep breathing, some tears - drunk ah is stone...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((((((((((((Cjo))))))))))))))))))) MyChristy, a very, very Happy Birthday to you !!! What a journey you've had these past few years! I hope you and scholar boy are going to be able to celebrate. Wishing you a joyous day. love ya, Maria

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

Even though I did walk away from my then active alcoholic/addict husband over 20 years ago, I have no doubt that was due in large to my higher power. After completing rehab for my own addictions, I was at least clear-minded enough to recognize that if I were to go back home, he surely would have beaten me t...

omajoy · omajoy

I just came home from taking my husband to yet another medical appointment. I have supervised all the preparation here at home for this CT, did all the arranging, etc. When we got home today with him weak and just dying to get to his recliner and sleep some more, I sat trying to make a grocery list. He chim...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I find text messaging to be an interesting form of communication. What I am referring to specifically, is my ah's communication through it. I am thinking you may find some humor in this. Is it just me or is he just trying to say that I am the one with the "problem" Last week, the morning after ou...

maresie · maresie

I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...

optimistundone · optimistundone

smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...

momto4boys · momto4boys

My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...

Jen · Jen

Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...

kari80 · kari80

With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...

kissers · kissers

The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...

round3 · round3

Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...

concerned123 · concerned123

Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...

kissers · kissers

The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...

fairee · fairee

i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...

david62 · david62

Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...

ddub · ddub

I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken

kissers · kissers

I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...

twnzmama · twnzmama

I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...

kissers · kissers

We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...

kikgirl517 · kikgirl517

I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...

bev · bev

thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens

deedee1 · deedee1

I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...

Codependent · Codependent

First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...

maresie · maresie

"Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...

debilyn · debilyn

As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...

ddub · ddub

David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...

omajoy · omajoy

I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

It was good to finally put my thoughts down and receive all those heartfelt replies. Where would I be without Alanon. I can't wait for my next meeting. I told my AH the other day(trying to be honest) that I didn't like him anymore. I don't know if that is a wrong thing to say or what but he hasn't spoken to me s...

kissers · kissers

She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. --Anais Nin How aptly these words describe the woman so many of us were. Many activities were not attempted, courses weren't taken, conversations w...

maresie · maresie

I am really trying to use the tool of getting busy to get me through this time of transition. So far I have the following in hand: 1. On Saturday a class to go to on some things I need (its free) 2. Meeting a friend on the weekend (I am very very isolated) 3. meeting list for the weekend (I have promised myself I...

maresie · maresie

Two of my roommates are really over involved with each other. One of them is a person I rely on to get a ride now and again. Neverthless her total preoccupation with the other person is nauseating to say the least (I know this reminds me of me). If I don't seem interested she is annoyed because she is abs...

tma0413 · tma0413

I need some advice. As I have posted in a previous post, my husband's drinking has caused him to have some legal problems, being that we are in a small town, lots of people know so it's only a matter of time before MIL finds out. I know how this is going to go when she finds out, she will harp on him about his...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, l...

Codependent · Codependent

I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do yo...

lmw · lmw

I will detach, detach, detach. I will not call him. I will not email him. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We are legally separated, and I am not responsible for him.... When he didn't call me on Tuesday (I had said I would take him shopping), I did a little research and found he'd been arr...

Loupiness · Loupiness

This post is a spin off something I just read in another thread which asked why some alcoholics are functioning, working, productive and others get close to, or actually get to skid row. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in regard to the A's in my life. My ah - Very covert in his use. So m...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother",...

kissers · kissers

It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In eith...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I received divorce papers last week. I knew they were coming. We went to a counseling appt with the kids this afternoon to talk about it and it broke my heart. My 14 yr old son cried openly and my 10 yr old daughter sat silent, but cried herself to sleep tonight. It was suppposed to be an open communicati...

anon4this · anon4this

I am planning on filing for divorce. My AH is not an out of control drunk, but the years of drug abuse, drinking, in addition to his own personal baggage have contributed to his mental instability. Plus I don't need to stay around to see how bad it could get. I have a meeting with an attorney in a we...

bev · bev

as many of you know,my SAH has been in recovery since feb 13 07...{besides drinking he was a drug addict}my SAH has a toothache and he wants me call and get an appt to have it removed,i know the dentist will give him something for the pain,i asked him lastnite,if he thinks it is a good thing to take narcotic...

Jen · Jen

I just thought a bit of an update might be nice. My AH and I had one of those days today. You know the ones that blow the lid off the pressure cooker. The one that the other shoe doesn't just drop, it slams to the floor like a CA earthquake. It was one of those days that no matter what either of us did, nothing wen...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	4th step workbook (Preview) i bought the conference approved "Blueprint for Progress" workbook, the one that helps you through the 4th step. i read the entire book and i am SO excited to start writing in it! i even have a blank journal ready for if i run out of room on the pages. i love workbooks, guided journals, anythin...	sadako	9	14727	Jan 22, 2008 by SLS
	new - need help (Preview) Hi, I am new here, so if I don't use the correct abbreviations and such, my apologies in advance. I have been married to my AH (alcoholic husband - right?) for almost 12 years, and we have 3 kids. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease, as is drug addiction. My husband also has a cocain addiction. He...	kellic	12	698	Jan 22, 2008 by Christy
	Do you remember my post about the movie Runaway Bride? (Preview) Hi Everyone, Guess what is being televised tonight? HP must want me to see something. Just wanted to let you all know, if anyone is interested in seeing it. It airs at 9 pm Eastern time.	kissers	1	414	Jan 22, 2008 by kissers
	Pot and Kettle (Preview) Sometimes I get irritated because I feel like I can't get my groove on around the AH. He is not in recovery, and I feel like I have to set some sort of example. well, I set a poor example at a freind's party last night, and as drunk as I was, he was drunker. He embarassed the heck out of me, infront of freind's an...	RainyJamie	6	413	Jan 22, 2008 by RainyJamie
	HALT? (Preview) Can someone please tell me what HALT means, apart from the dictionary definition of: to stop? I come across some of these acronymns and although I have heard this I cannot for the life of me remember what it stands for. It is another of those senior moments that I keep on getting of late. Are there any mor...	Heartbroken	7	611	Jan 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Bitter Struggles (Preview) Most of us can admit our faults...errors of judgement, lack of communication, blurps of insane stupidity, etc. But when combining arguements with these faults seems to cause wildfires to the inner parts of the mind and emotions. And this is where my issues of my life seem to stay rooted to. My err...	Just For Now	3	471	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	levels of safety (Preview) At today's f2f meeting an elder al anon member spoke of her work with batterers and the similarities (sometimes connected to A) with alcoholism. After the meeting we talked of levels of safety - I feel that if I was ever in danger of physical violence, I would leave immediatly. Perhaps, all feel that w...	ddub	6	629	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	FOR ALL WOMEN OUT THERE AND REMINDERS FOR MEN... (Preview) (((((((((((((((((((Guys)))))))))))))))) A WOMAN HAS STRENGTHS THAT CAN AMAZE MEN, SHE CAN HANDLE TROUBLE AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS. SHE HOLDS HAPPINESS, LOVE & OPINIONS, SHE SMILES WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SCREAMING, SHE SINGS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE CRYING, SHE CRIES WHEN SHE'S HAPPY, & LAUGHS W...	ally	7	837	Jan 21, 2008 by Mandy123
	He's out :( (Preview) I got a few calls the other night (been too sick to answer the phone) and luckily found out he's been released before I actually picked up the phone. At least now I know that I need to screen my calls again so I don't get taken by surprise. So much for my divorce filing plans. Last message I heard was - will...	carolinagirl	2	552	Jan 21, 2008 by QOD
	New here, so angry at AH and don't know how to leave with children (Preview) Hello! I'm really glad I came across this board this weekend, I am so upset and tired of AH's lying and broken promises, I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do. I know I need to leave for my boys, I am a stay-at-home mom with 1 child that has medical issues. We have 2 year old twin boys, life has been...	txmomma	11	727	Jan 21, 2008 by tma0413
	He gives me the divorce papers (Preview) Hi Alanoners, Well, I am not crying now but I was. I don't believe the timing of my AHsober. We were waiting for our son in the military to come with our first granddaughter. Happy to see our son and the baby. So my AHsober left to take our son's car in to the garage. And then he says I left the papers by your s...	nmike	6	717	Jan 21, 2008 by Karilynn
	update (Preview) how rude of me to run in and yell "help!" then not come back for a week! my A is the one who attempted suicide on New Year's day. i got hit by a virus, so i've been pretty out of it. i hope to feel better soon and get to posting to others here :) i got the books i ordered, the 4th step workbook and also &qu...	sadako	7	441	Jan 21, 2008 by sadako
	weekends are very tough lately (Preview) Had a great day going and detached when ah passed out tonight. I was winding down to go to bed when ah got up again. Now I can't sleep, too late to call anyone (it's about 2am here) and no one is on chat. I started to get very very anxious so I went to bed anyways, deep breathing, some tears - drunk ah is stone...	ddub	8	697	Jan 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Birthdays are Grand (Preview) ((((((((((((((Cjo))))))))))))))))))) MyChristy, a very, very Happy Birthday to you !!! What a journey you've had these past few years! I hope you and scholar boy are going to be able to celebrate. Wishing you a joyous day. love ya, Maria	Maria123	8	491	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	Accepting my limitations (Preview) Even though I did walk away from my then active alcoholic/addict husband over 20 years ago, I have no doubt that was due in large to my higher power. After completing rehab for my own addictions, I was at least clear-minded enough to recognize that if I were to go back home, he surely would have beaten me t...	Tenderheartsks	3	741	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	things just keep happening (Preview) I just came home from taking my husband to yet another medical appointment. I have supervised all the preparation here at home for this CT, did all the arranging, etc. When we got home today with him weak and just dying to get to his recliner and sleep some more, I sat trying to make a grocery list. He chim...	omajoy	9	623	Jan 20, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Text Messaging (Preview) I find text messaging to be an interesting form of communication. What I am referring to specifically, is my ah's communication through it. I am thinking you may find some humor in this. Is it just me or is he just trying to say that I am the one with the "problem" Last week, the morning after ou...	Loupiness	10	544	Jan 20, 2008 by carolinagirl
	how to move on? 10 years/5 years/whatever (Preview) I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...	maresie	7	718	Jan 20, 2008 by maresie
	A rose by any other name..... (Preview) smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...	optimistundone	2	480	Jan 20, 2008 by optimistundone
	New Here, AH in rehab, what do I expect now? (Preview) My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...	momto4boys	5	760	Jan 20, 2008 by karena7
	I miss my friend. (Preview) Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...	Jen	4	727	Jan 20, 2008 by stormie
	is any of it real (Preview) With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...	kari80	12	656	Jan 20, 2008 by round3
	Tipping the scales... (Preview) ...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...	Heartbroken	5	733	Jan 20, 2008 by cookie1971
	The Gift of Healing Together (Preview) The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...	kissers	0	449	Jan 19, 2008 by kissers
	What's love got to do with it? (Preview) Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...	round3	6	838	Jan 19, 2008 by david62
	Upset with A's mother (Preview) Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...	Codependent	8	737	Jan 19, 2008 by Jerry F
	Disease or choice? (Preview) Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...	concerned123	21	950	Jan 19, 2008 by Karilynn
	Courage (Preview) The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...	kissers	2	1455	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	new here (Preview) i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...	fairee	4	446	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	Grateful to be sick!!! Are you kidding me!!!??? (Preview) Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...	david62	9	705	Jan 18, 2008 by wp
	victim knee jerk reactions (Preview) I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...	ddub	2	633	Jan 18, 2008 by nmike
	Lunamoth - how are you doing? (Preview) Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken	Heartbroken	0	420	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Lecture on Alcoholism (Preview) I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...	kissers	2	1117	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	I am so terrified... (Preview) I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...	twnzmama	13	822	Jan 18, 2008 by Peggy7
	Thought for the Day (Preview) We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...	kissers	1	432	Jan 18, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Sometimes I wonder if it is all too late... (Preview) ...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...	Heartbroken	8	538	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	Detachment and trust (Preview) I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...	kikgirl517	7	890	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	more on got a queston (Preview) thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens	bev	1	416	Jan 18, 2008 by optimistundone
	Just Confused!? (Preview) I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...	deedee1	2	522	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	This annoying thing he says (Preview) Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...	RainyJamie	8	761	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	Update (Preview) First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...	Codependent	2	459	Jan 17, 2008 by nmike
	quote on Fear (non conference approved) (Preview) "Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...	maresie	1	432	Jan 17, 2008 by Maria123
	lightbulb moment on the choice thing (Preview) As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...	debilyn	10	708	Jan 17, 2008 by debilyn
	Phone number to call in sick? (Preview) David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...	ddub	2	636	Jan 17, 2008 by maresie
	Inevitable..a knife in heart (Preview) I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...	omajoy	13	828	Jan 17, 2008 by omajoy
	why do I think like this? (Preview) It was good to finally put my thoughts down and receive all those heartfelt replies. Where would I be without Alanon. I can't wait for my next meeting. I told my AH the other day(trying to be honest) that I didn't like him anymore. I don't know if that is a wrong thing to say or what but he hasn't spoken to me s...	silverbrumby	11	927	Jan 17, 2008 by concerned123
	For All The Ladies (Preview) She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. --Anais Nin How aptly these words describe the woman so many of us were. Many activities were not attempted, courses weren't taken, conversations w...	kissers	6	601	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	getting busy (Preview) I am really trying to use the tool of getting busy to get me through this time of transition. So far I have the following in hand: 1. On Saturday a class to go to on some things I need (its free) 2. Meeting a friend on the weekend (I am very very isolated) 3. meeting list for the weekend (I have promised myself I...	maresie	3	478	Jan 17, 2008 by Jean4444
	Over involved /under invovled (Preview) Two of my roommates are really over involved with each other. One of them is a person I rely on to get a ride now and again. Neverthless her total preoccupation with the other person is nauseating to say the least (I know this reminds me of me). If I don't seem interested she is annoyed because she is abs...	maresie	1	615	Jan 17, 2008 by maresie
	Advice on dealing with in laws... (Preview) I need some advice. As I have posted in a previous post, my husband's drinking has caused him to have some legal problems, being that we are in a small town, lots of people know so it's only a matter of time before MIL finds out. I know how this is going to go when she finds out, she will harp on him about his...	tma0413	8	2789	Jan 17, 2008 by abbyal
	A blast from the past: "Emotional Incontinence" (Preview) One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, l...	Jean4444	5	689	Jan 17, 2008 by david62
	When is it controlling? (Preview) I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do yo...	Codependent	7	575	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	Detach , detach, detach (Preview) I will detach, detach, detach. I will not call him. I will not email him. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We are legally separated, and I am not responsible for him.... When he didn't call me on Tuesday (I had said I would take him shopping), I did a little research and found he'd been arr...	lmw	9	882	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	Contrasting As (Preview) This post is a spin off something I just read in another thread which asked why some alcoholics are functioning, working, productive and others get close to, or actually get to skid row. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in regard to the A's in my life. My ah - Very covert in his use. So m...	Loupiness	7	484	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	FINALLY "LET GO OF ALCOHOLIC" (Preview) ((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother",...	ally	6	768	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	I Can Do Attitude (Preview) It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In eith...	kissers	7	369	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	Divorce and Decisions (Preview) I received divorce papers last week. I knew they were coming. We went to a counseling appt with the kids this afternoon to talk about it and it broke my heart. My 14 yr old son cried openly and my 10 yr old daughter sat silent, but cried herself to sleep tonight. It was suppposed to be an open communicati...	Loupiness	11	626	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	Question for those with kids who left? (Preview) I am planning on filing for divorce. My AH is not an out of control drunk, but the years of drug abuse, drinking, in addition to his own personal baggage have contributed to his mental instability. Plus I don't need to stay around to see how bad it could get. I have a meeting with an attorney in a we...	anon4this	8	697	Jan 16, 2008 by lmw
	got a question (Preview) as many of you know,my SAH has been in recovery since feb 13 07...{besides drinking he was a drug addict}my SAH has a toothache and he wants me call and get an appt to have it removed,i know the dentist will give him something for the pain,i asked him lastnite,if he thinks it is a good thing to take narcotic...	bev	11	505	Jan 16, 2008 by lin0606
	Hope (Preview) I just thought a bit of an update might be nice. My AH and I had one of those days today. You know the ones that blow the lid off the pressure cooker. The one that the other shoe doesn't just drop, it slams to the floor like a CA earthquake. It was one of those days that no matter what either of us did, nothing wen...	Jen	5	623	Jan 16, 2008 by Jill
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