Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

maresie · maresie

I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...

optimistundone · optimistundone

smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...

momto4boys · momto4boys

My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...

Jen · Jen

Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...

kari80 · kari80

With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...

kissers · kissers

The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...

round3 · round3

Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...

concerned123 · concerned123

Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...

kissers · kissers

The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...

fairee · fairee

i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...

david62 · david62

Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...

ddub · ddub

I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken

kissers · kissers

I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...

twnzmama · twnzmama

I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...

kissers · kissers

We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...

kikgirl517 · kikgirl517

I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...

bev · bev

thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens

deedee1 · deedee1

I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...

Codependent · Codependent

First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...

maresie · maresie

"Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...

debilyn · debilyn

As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...

ddub · ddub

David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...

omajoy · omajoy

I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

It was good to finally put my thoughts down and receive all those heartfelt replies. Where would I be without Alanon. I can't wait for my next meeting. I told my AH the other day(trying to be honest) that I didn't like him anymore. I don't know if that is a wrong thing to say or what but he hasn't spoken to me s...

kissers · kissers

She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. --Anais Nin How aptly these words describe the woman so many of us were. Many activities were not attempted, courses weren't taken, conversations w...

maresie · maresie

I am really trying to use the tool of getting busy to get me through this time of transition. So far I have the following in hand: 1. On Saturday a class to go to on some things I need (its free) 2. Meeting a friend on the weekend (I am very very isolated) 3. meeting list for the weekend (I have promised myself I...

maresie · maresie

Two of my roommates are really over involved with each other. One of them is a person I rely on to get a ride now and again. Neverthless her total preoccupation with the other person is nauseating to say the least (I know this reminds me of me). If I don't seem interested she is annoyed because she is abs...

tma0413 · tma0413

I need some advice. As I have posted in a previous post, my husband's drinking has caused him to have some legal problems, being that we are in a small town, lots of people know so it's only a matter of time before MIL finds out. I know how this is going to go when she finds out, she will harp on him about his...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, l...

Codependent · Codependent

I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do yo...

lmw · lmw

I will detach, detach, detach. I will not call him. I will not email him. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We are legally separated, and I am not responsible for him.... When he didn't call me on Tuesday (I had said I would take him shopping), I did a little research and found he'd been arr...

Loupiness · Loupiness

This post is a spin off something I just read in another thread which asked why some alcoholics are functioning, working, productive and others get close to, or actually get to skid row. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in regard to the A's in my life. My ah - Very covert in his use. So m...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother",...

kissers · kissers

It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In eith...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I received divorce papers last week. I knew they were coming. We went to a counseling appt with the kids this afternoon to talk about it and it broke my heart. My 14 yr old son cried openly and my 10 yr old daughter sat silent, but cried herself to sleep tonight. It was suppposed to be an open communicati...

anon4this · anon4this

I am planning on filing for divorce. My AH is not an out of control drunk, but the years of drug abuse, drinking, in addition to his own personal baggage have contributed to his mental instability. Plus I don't need to stay around to see how bad it could get. I have a meeting with an attorney in a we...

bev · bev

as many of you know,my SAH has been in recovery since feb 13 07...{besides drinking he was a drug addict}my SAH has a toothache and he wants me call and get an appt to have it removed,i know the dentist will give him something for the pain,i asked him lastnite,if he thinks it is a good thing to take narcotic...

Jen · Jen

I just thought a bit of an update might be nice. My AH and I had one of those days today. You know the ones that blow the lid off the pressure cooker. The one that the other shoe doesn't just drop, it slams to the floor like a CA earthquake. It was one of those days that no matter what either of us did, nothing wen...

digby · digby

I never know if what I do is right. My son is 26 has suffered from severe depression, crashed his car into a tree. It burst into flames. He was able to get out to go to jail. We didn't get him for 4 days and they had him on suicide watch. He moved home and started going to AA. He did well for about 6 months, He h...

desperate for help · desperate for help

I am tired of all the lies. AH tells me things b/c he knows it's what i want to hear. They are all lies. THen when I do confront him about something, he seems to forget what he told me and comes up with a whole new story. I am trying so hard to just ignore him, like a member of my al-anon group suggested, but i...

RedRose17 · RedRose17

My husband has recently started attending NA. Is this the right place for me?

barisax · barisax

We often say in Alanon that we shouldn't give advice, or tell anyone what to do - just share our experience, strength, and hope. Of course that means we give advice/suggestions all the time. Sometimes more benignly than others, but... we do it. We're not perfect. I think it's partly a Mars/Venus thi...

Becky1 · Becky1

I know this song is about "the other woman" but it describes how I feel about my AH right now. I substitute "beer" and "drinking" for any references to "her" or "she". Stay: by Sugarland I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall And...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

What a difference a hour can make. Just heard a dear friend has died suddenly and I feel like the stuffing has been knocked out of me... Just bursting with grieve and shock. She was only 41, and so full of life and love. Cannot get my head around this. Doesn't help because I have no one here to talk to. I rea...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Wed Jan 9, 1:18 AM ET DES MOINES, Iowa - Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the 'meanest mom on the planet.' After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. The ad reads: 'OLDS 1999 Intrigue. To...

concerned123 · concerned123

i was wondering, should i tell my A that I have found this site and begun reaching out for my own help? I feel a little guilty keeping a secret from him. I have even save it in my favorite places under a fake name so he won't find it. Should i share this info or do you guys think it would be better to keep this j...

afmom03 · afmom03

....Is that WE WERE ALL close enough to one another to just jump in our cars , walk or run...and all meet somewhere right now, this very minute! I have been trying and ACTING like I'm so strong since I left my husband, and I don't know why...but lately...these past weeks leading up to the first anniversar...

maresie · maresie

I am in this dilemma. The job I am in is ending in a few weeks. I will have to go out and interview. They are not clear on my job when it is exactly ending. I imagine that it will go over a week or so if I wanted it too. The issue is I am totally burned out with working long hours and communting. I'd really rather s...

kari80 · kari80

The more I read about everyone's experiences the less I see my life will ever go back on track. My ex abf is in a treatment center, my life has been turned upside down over the past two years with him and now he is finally getting the help I pleaded with him to get (after our relationship ended.) I don't know...

maresie · maresie

A few years ago the A wanted one of his friends to be able to come and practically live at our house. He wanted his friend to have access to the house 24/7 and use the driveway that is totally block the driveway and my access to it 24/7 for 6 months. At the time I virulently objected to it. When I was objectin...

getoverit · getoverit

Hi boys and girls of my al anon family, I hope y'all r well and hopefully all is well here also! Now, by request ( perhaps following the week of happy chatroom chats ) the following then is posted.. at the close of the awards is a favorite brownie cake recipe: A brownie cake recipe:To begin, this recipe cal...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Hi this is my first post. I have been a member for a year. Alanon has helped me to see things more clearly and the fellowship and understanding is wonderful. I am praying for courage as I never thought that I was afraid. God showed me recently that I am very afraid. I have been hanging on to something for fea...

bev · bev

hi all.i had my biopsy sat,my arm hurts,and i have 6 stitches..SAH HAD THE WEEKEND OFF WORK,{acually he has every weekend off}but he didnt want to take me,so i called a friend and she went with me to drive me back home, i got on the computer sat nite for few min and now i know why he didnt go he wanted to look at...

xcskier · xcskier

I'm new here. I have this sort of ex-boyfriend, who keeps coming back, when he's the one that ended it. He was a non drinking alcoholic (or whatever you call it) when we were together. Recently he has started drinking again, and leaning on me. He just spent a week with me after asking if he could come h...

maresie · maresie

My interview was cancelled they want me to be available to start work tomorrow. I guess there is always a catch 22. When I was unemployed I couldn't get a job to save my life. Now I am employed no one wants me to give notice! I am keeping on keeping on. I sent in the fee for my dog license today. Both dogs are co...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	how to move on? 10 years/5 years/whatever (Preview) I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...	maresie	7	643	Jan 20, 2008 by maresie
	A rose by any other name..... (Preview) smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...	optimistundone	2	403	Jan 20, 2008 by optimistundone
	New Here, AH in rehab, what do I expect now? (Preview) My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...	momto4boys	5	685	Jan 20, 2008 by karena7
	I miss my friend. (Preview) Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...	Jen	4	661	Jan 20, 2008 by stormie
	is any of it real (Preview) With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...	kari80	12	571	Jan 20, 2008 by round3
	Tipping the scales... (Preview) ...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...	Heartbroken	5	654	Jan 20, 2008 by cookie1971
	The Gift of Healing Together (Preview) The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...	kissers	0	369	Jan 19, 2008 by kissers
	What's love got to do with it? (Preview) Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...	round3	6	758	Jan 19, 2008 by david62
	Upset with A's mother (Preview) Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...	Codependent	8	657	Jan 19, 2008 by Jerry F
	Disease or choice? (Preview) Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...	concerned123	21	863	Jan 19, 2008 by Karilynn
	Courage (Preview) The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...	kissers	2	1228	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	new here (Preview) i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...	fairee	4	377	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	Grateful to be sick!!! Are you kidding me!!!??? (Preview) Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...	david62	9	625	Jan 18, 2008 by wp
	victim knee jerk reactions (Preview) I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...	ddub	2	562	Jan 18, 2008 by nmike
	Lunamoth - how are you doing? (Preview) Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken	Heartbroken	0	343	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Lecture on Alcoholism (Preview) I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...	kissers	2	1041	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	I am so terrified... (Preview) I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...	twnzmama	13	741	Jan 18, 2008 by Peggy7
	Thought for the Day (Preview) We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...	kissers	1	373	Jan 18, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Sometimes I wonder if it is all too late... (Preview) ...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...	Heartbroken	8	461	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	Detachment and trust (Preview) I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...	kikgirl517	7	799	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	more on got a queston (Preview) thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens	bev	1	336	Jan 18, 2008 by optimistundone
	Just Confused!? (Preview) I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...	deedee1	2	459	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	This annoying thing he says (Preview) Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...	RainyJamie	8	693	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	Update (Preview) First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...	Codependent	2	375	Jan 17, 2008 by nmike
	quote on Fear (non conference approved) (Preview) "Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...	maresie	1	367	Jan 17, 2008 by Maria123
	lightbulb moment on the choice thing (Preview) As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...	debilyn	10	634	Jan 17, 2008 by debilyn
	Phone number to call in sick? (Preview) David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...	ddub	2	570	Jan 17, 2008 by maresie
	Inevitable..a knife in heart (Preview) I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...	omajoy	13	746	Jan 17, 2008 by omajoy
	why do I think like this? (Preview) It was good to finally put my thoughts down and receive all those heartfelt replies. Where would I be without Alanon. I can't wait for my next meeting. I told my AH the other day(trying to be honest) that I didn't like him anymore. I don't know if that is a wrong thing to say or what but he hasn't spoken to me s...	silverbrumby	11	823	Jan 17, 2008 by concerned123
	For All The Ladies (Preview) She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. --Anais Nin How aptly these words describe the woman so many of us were. Many activities were not attempted, courses weren't taken, conversations w...	kissers	6	531	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	getting busy (Preview) I am really trying to use the tool of getting busy to get me through this time of transition. So far I have the following in hand: 1. On Saturday a class to go to on some things I need (its free) 2. Meeting a friend on the weekend (I am very very isolated) 3. meeting list for the weekend (I have promised myself I...	maresie	3	411	Jan 17, 2008 by Jean4444
	Over involved /under invovled (Preview) Two of my roommates are really over involved with each other. One of them is a person I rely on to get a ride now and again. Neverthless her total preoccupation with the other person is nauseating to say the least (I know this reminds me of me). If I don't seem interested she is annoyed because she is abs...	maresie	1	546	Jan 17, 2008 by maresie
	Advice on dealing with in laws... (Preview) I need some advice. As I have posted in a previous post, my husband's drinking has caused him to have some legal problems, being that we are in a small town, lots of people know so it's only a matter of time before MIL finds out. I know how this is going to go when she finds out, she will harp on him about his...	tma0413	8	2468	Jan 17, 2008 by abbyal
	A blast from the past: "Emotional Incontinence" (Preview) One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, l...	Jean4444	5	609	Jan 17, 2008 by david62
	When is it controlling? (Preview) I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do yo...	Codependent	7	503	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	Detach , detach, detach (Preview) I will detach, detach, detach. I will not call him. I will not email him. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We are legally separated, and I am not responsible for him.... When he didn't call me on Tuesday (I had said I would take him shopping), I did a little research and found he'd been arr...	lmw	9	801	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	Contrasting As (Preview) This post is a spin off something I just read in another thread which asked why some alcoholics are functioning, working, productive and others get close to, or actually get to skid row. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in regard to the A's in my life. My ah - Very covert in his use. So m...	Loupiness	7	412	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	FINALLY "LET GO OF ALCOHOLIC" (Preview) ((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother",...	ally	6	696	Jan 17, 2008 by Jerry F
	I Can Do Attitude (Preview) It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In eith...	kissers	7	298	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	Divorce and Decisions (Preview) I received divorce papers last week. I knew they were coming. We went to a counseling appt with the kids this afternoon to talk about it and it broke my heart. My 14 yr old son cried openly and my 10 yr old daughter sat silent, but cried herself to sleep tonight. It was suppposed to be an open communicati...	Loupiness	11	538	Jan 17, 2008 by ddub
	Question for those with kids who left? (Preview) I am planning on filing for divorce. My AH is not an out of control drunk, but the years of drug abuse, drinking, in addition to his own personal baggage have contributed to his mental instability. Plus I don't need to stay around to see how bad it could get. I have a meeting with an attorney in a we...	anon4this	8	616	Jan 16, 2008 by lmw
	got a question (Preview) as many of you know,my SAH has been in recovery since feb 13 07...{besides drinking he was a drug addict}my SAH has a toothache and he wants me call and get an appt to have it removed,i know the dentist will give him something for the pain,i asked him lastnite,if he thinks it is a good thing to take narcotic...	bev	11	423	Jan 16, 2008 by lin0606
	Hope (Preview) I just thought a bit of an update might be nice. My AH and I had one of those days today. You know the ones that blow the lid off the pressure cooker. The one that the other shoe doesn't just drop, it slams to the floor like a CA earthquake. It was one of those days that no matter what either of us did, nothing wen...	Jen	5	531	Jan 16, 2008 by Jill
	I need help (Preview) I never know if what I do is right. My son is 26 has suffered from severe depression, crashed his car into a tree. It burst into flames. He was able to get out to go to jail. We didn't get him for 4 days and they had him on suicide watch. He moved home and started going to AA. He did well for about 6 months, He h...	digby	13	425	Jan 16, 2008 by round3
	Can someone explain to me how to detach!? (Preview) I am tired of all the lies. AH tells me things b/c he knows it's what i want to hear. They are all lies. THen when I do confront him about something, he seems to forget what he told me and comes up with a whole new story. I am trying so hard to just ignore him, like a member of my al-anon group suggested, but i...	desperate for help	11	727	Jan 16, 2008 by glad lee
	Narcotics Anonymous? (Preview) My husband has recently started attending NA. Is this the right place for me?	RedRose17	6	1242	Jan 16, 2008 by QOD
	Listening vs Suggesting vs Advice Giving (Preview) We often say in Alanon that we shouldn't give advice, or tell anyone what to do - just share our experience, strength, and hope. Of course that means we give advice/suggestions all the time. Sometimes more benignly than others, but... we do it. We're not perfect. I think it's partly a Mars/Venus thi...	barisax	7	803	Jan 16, 2008 by barisax
	STAY... (Preview) I know this song is about "the other woman" but it describes how I feel about my AH right now. I substitute "beer" and "drinking" for any references to "her" or "she". Stay: by Sugarland I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall And...	Becky1	6	500	Jan 16, 2008 by Rita G
	Just heard a friend has died...feel as tho the stuffing has been knocked out of me... (Preview) What a difference a hour can make. Just heard a dear friend has died suddenly and I feel like the stuffing has been knocked out of me... Just bursting with grieve and shock. She was only 41, and so full of life and love. Cannot get my head around this. Doesn't help because I have no one here to talk to. I rea...	Heartbroken	10	654	Jan 16, 2008 by Heartbroken
	I had this email in my inbox this morning... (Preview) Wed Jan 9, 1:18 AM ET DES MOINES, Iowa - Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the 'meanest mom on the planet.' After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. The ad reads: 'OLDS 1999 Intrigue. To...	carolinagirl	13	631	Jan 16, 2008 by cookie1971
	Should I tell? (Preview) i was wondering, should i tell my A that I have found this site and begun reaching out for my own help? I feel a little guilty keeping a secret from him. I have even save it in my favorite places under a fake name so he won't find it. Should i share this info or do you guys think it would be better to keep this j...	concerned123	15	779	Jan 15, 2008 by debilyn
	What I wish.... (Preview) ....Is that WE WERE ALL close enough to one another to just jump in our cars , walk or run...and all meet somewhere right now, this very minute! I have been trying and ACTING like I'm so strong since I left my husband, and I don't know why...but lately...these past weeks leading up to the first anniversar...	afmom03	7	394	Jan 15, 2008 by xcskier
	time crunch (Preview) I am in this dilemma. The job I am in is ending in a few weeks. I will have to go out and interview. They are not clear on my job when it is exactly ending. I imagine that it will go over a week or so if I wanted it too. The issue is I am totally burned out with working long hours and communting. I'd really rather s...	maresie	1	261	Jan 15, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	will there ever be a chance (Preview) The more I read about everyone's experiences the less I see my life will ever go back on track. My ex abf is in a treatment center, my life has been turned upside down over the past two years with him and now he is finally getting the help I pleaded with him to get (after our relationship ended.) I don't know...	kari80	6	584	Jan 15, 2008 by Jean4444
	Abusing the animals (a new low) (Preview) A few years ago the A wanted one of his friends to be able to come and practically live at our house. He wanted his friend to have access to the house 24/7 and use the driveway that is totally block the driveway and my access to it 24/7 for 6 months. At the time I virulently objected to it. When I was objectin...	maresie	4	561	Jan 15, 2008 by maresie
	humor mix posting -- and brownie cake recipe ... (Preview) Hi boys and girls of my al anon family, I hope y'all r well and hopefully all is well here also! Now, by request ( perhaps following the week of happy chatroom chats ) the following then is posted.. at the close of the awards is a favorite brownie cake recipe: A brownie cake recipe:To begin, this recipe cal...	getoverit	0	455	Jan 15, 2008 by getoverit
	courage (Preview) Hi this is my first post. I have been a member for a year. Alanon has helped me to see things more clearly and the fellowship and understanding is wonderful. I am praying for courage as I never thought that I was afraid. God showed me recently that I am very afraid. I have been hanging on to something for fea...	silverbrumby	8	404	Jan 15, 2008 by silverbrumby
	update (Preview) hi all.i had my biopsy sat,my arm hurts,and i have 6 stitches..SAH HAD THE WEEKEND OFF WORK,{acually he has every weekend off}but he didnt want to take me,so i called a friend and she went with me to drive me back home, i got on the computer sat nite for few min and now i know why he didnt go he wanted to look at...	bev	3	462	Jan 15, 2008 by cookie1971
	denial...him and me (Preview) I'm new here. I have this sort of ex-boyfriend, who keeps coming back, when he's the one that ended it. He was a non drinking alcoholic (or whatever you call it) when we were together. Recently he has started drinking again, and leaning on me. He just spent a week with me after asking if he could come h...	xcskier	5	384	Jan 14, 2008 by xcskier
	interview got cancelled (Preview) My interview was cancelled they want me to be available to start work tomorrow. I guess there is always a catch 22. When I was unemployed I couldn't get a job to save my life. Now I am employed no one wants me to give notice! I am keeping on keeping on. I sent in the fee for my dog license today. Both dogs are co...	maresie	4	463	Jan 14, 2008 by maresie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.