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why do I think like this?
(Preview)
It was good to finally put my thoughts down and receive all those heartfelt replies. Where would I be without Alanon. I can't wait for my next meeting. I told my AH the other day(trying to be honest) that I didn't like him anymore. I don't know if that is a wrong thing to say or what but he hasn't spoken to me s...
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silverbrumby
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11
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792
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For All The Ladies
(Preview)
She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. --Anais Nin How aptly these words describe the woman so many of us were. Many activities were not attempted, courses weren't taken, conversations w...
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kissers
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6
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504
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getting busy
(Preview)
I am really trying to use the tool of getting busy to get me through this time of transition. So far I have the following in hand: 1. On Saturday a class to go to on some things I need (its free) 2. Meeting a friend on the weekend (I am very very isolated) 3. meeting list for the weekend (I have promised myself I...
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maresie
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3
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384
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Over involved /under invovled
(Preview)
Two of my roommates are really over involved with each other. One of them is a person I rely on to get a ride now and again. Neverthless her total preoccupation with the other person is nauseating to say the least (I know this reminds me of me). If I don't seem interested she is annoyed because she is abs...
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maresie
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1
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509
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Advice on dealing with in laws...
(Preview)
I need some advice. As I have posted in a previous post, my husband's drinking has caused him to have some legal problems, being that we are in a small town, lots of people know so it's only a matter of time before MIL finds out. I know how this is going to go when she finds out, she will harp on him about his...
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tma0413
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8
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2339
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A blast from the past: "Emotional Incontinence"
(Preview)
One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, l...
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Jean4444
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5
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580
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When is it controlling?
(Preview)
I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do yo...
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Codependent
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7
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475
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Detach , detach, detach
(Preview)
I will detach, detach, detach. I will not call him. I will not email him. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We are legally separated, and I am not responsible for him.... When he didn't call me on Tuesday (I had said I would take him shopping), I did a little research and found he'd been arr...
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lmw
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9
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773
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Contrasting As
(Preview)
This post is a spin off something I just read in another thread which asked why some alcoholics are functioning, working, productive and others get close to, or actually get to skid row. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in regard to the A's in my life. My ah - Very covert in his use. So m...
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Loupiness
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7
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385
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FINALLY "LET GO OF ALCOHOLIC"
(Preview)
((((((((((((((((((Guys))))))))))))))))))))) Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother",...
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ally
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6
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666
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I Can Do Attitude
(Preview)
It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In eith...
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kissers
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7
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270
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Divorce and Decisions
(Preview)
I received divorce papers last week. I knew they were coming. We went to a counseling appt with the kids this afternoon to talk about it and it broke my heart. My 14 yr old son cried openly and my 10 yr old daughter sat silent, but cried herself to sleep tonight. It was suppposed to be an open communicati...
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Loupiness
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11
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503
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Question for those with kids who left?
(Preview)
I am planning on filing for divorce. My AH is not an out of control drunk, but the years of drug abuse, drinking, in addition to his own personal baggage have contributed to his mental instability. Plus I don't need to stay around to see how bad it could get. I have a meeting with an attorney in a we...
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anon4this
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8
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584
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got a question
(Preview)
as many of you know,my SAH has been in recovery since feb 13 07...{besides drinking he was a drug addict}my SAH has a toothache and he wants me call and get an appt to have it removed,i know the dentist will give him something for the pain,i asked him lastnite,if he thinks it is a good thing to take narcotic...
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bev
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11
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399
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Hope
(Preview)
I just thought a bit of an update might be nice. My AH and I had one of those days today. You know the ones that blow the lid off the pressure cooker. The one that the other shoe doesn't just drop, it slams to the floor like a CA earthquake. It was one of those days that no matter what either of us did, nothing wen...
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Jen
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5
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499
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I need help
(Preview)
I never know if what I do is right. My son is 26 has suffered from severe depression, crashed his car into a tree. It burst into flames. He was able to get out to go to jail. We didn't get him for 4 days and they had him on suicide watch. He moved home and started going to AA. He did well for about 6 months, He h...
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digby
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13
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389
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Can someone explain to me how to detach!?
(Preview)
I am tired of all the lies. AH tells me things b/c he knows it's what i want to hear. They are all lies. THen when I do confront him about something, he seems to forget what he told me and comes up with a whole new story. I am trying so hard to just ignore him, like a member of my al-anon group suggested, but i...
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desperate for help
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11
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688
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Narcotics Anonymous?
(Preview)
My husband has recently started attending NA. Is this the right place for me?
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RedRose17
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6
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1206
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Listening vs Suggesting vs Advice Giving
(Preview)
We often say in Alanon that we shouldn't give advice, or tell anyone what to do - just share our experience, strength, and hope. Of course that means we give advice/suggestions all the time. Sometimes more benignly than others, but... we do it. We're not perfect. I think it's partly a Mars/Venus thi...
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barisax
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7
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761
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STAY...
(Preview)
I know this song is about "the other woman" but it describes how I feel about my AH right now. I substitute "beer" and "drinking" for any references to "her" or "she". Stay: by Sugarland I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall And...
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Becky1
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6
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473
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Just heard a friend has died...feel as tho the stuffing has been knocked out of me...
(Preview)
What a difference a hour can make. Just heard a dear friend has died suddenly and I feel like the stuffing has been knocked out of me... Just bursting with grieve and shock. She was only 41, and so full of life and love. Cannot get my head around this. Doesn't help because I have no one here to talk to. I rea...
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Heartbroken
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10
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613
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I had this email in my inbox this morning...
(Preview)
Wed Jan 9, 1:18 AM ET DES MOINES, Iowa - Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the 'meanest mom on the planet.' After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. The ad reads: 'OLDS 1999 Intrigue. To...
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carolinagirl
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13
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604
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Should I tell?
(Preview)
i was wondering, should i tell my A that I have found this site and begun reaching out for my own help? I feel a little guilty keeping a secret from him. I have even save it in my favorite places under a fake name so he won't find it. Should i share this info or do you guys think it would be better to keep this j...
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concerned123
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15
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745
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What I wish....
(Preview)
....Is that WE WERE ALL close enough to one another to just jump in our cars , walk or run...and all meet somewhere right now, this very minute! I have been trying and ACTING like I'm so strong since I left my husband, and I don't know why...but lately...these past weeks leading up to the first anniversar...
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afmom03
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7
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367
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time crunch
(Preview)
I am in this dilemma. The job I am in is ending in a few weeks. I will have to go out and interview. They are not clear on my job when it is exactly ending. I imagine that it will go over a week or so if I wanted it too. The issue is I am totally burned out with working long hours and communting. I'd really rather s...
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maresie
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1
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234
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will there ever be a chance
(Preview)
The more I read about everyone's experiences the less I see my life will ever go back on track. My ex abf is in a treatment center, my life has been turned upside down over the past two years with him and now he is finally getting the help I pleaded with him to get (after our relationship ended.) I don't know...
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kari80
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6
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549
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Abusing the animals (a new low)
(Preview)
A few years ago the A wanted one of his friends to be able to come and practically live at our house. He wanted his friend to have access to the house 24/7 and use the driveway that is totally block the driveway and my access to it 24/7 for 6 months. At the time I virulently objected to it. When I was objectin...
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maresie
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4
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530
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humor mix posting -- and brownie cake recipe ...
(Preview)
Hi boys and girls of my al anon family, I hope y'all r well and hopefully all is well here also! Now, by request ( perhaps following the week of happy chatroom chats ) the following then is posted.. at the close of the awards is a favorite brownie cake recipe: A brownie cake recipe:To begin, this recipe cal...
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getoverit
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0
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426
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courage
(Preview)
Hi this is my first post. I have been a member for a year. Alanon has helped me to see things more clearly and the fellowship and understanding is wonderful. I am praying for courage as I never thought that I was afraid. God showed me recently that I am very afraid. I have been hanging on to something for fea...
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silverbrumby
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8
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371
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update
(Preview)
hi all.i had my biopsy sat,my arm hurts,and i have 6 stitches..SAH HAD THE WEEKEND OFF WORK,{acually he has every weekend off}but he didnt want to take me,so i called a friend and she went with me to drive me back home, i got on the computer sat nite for few min and now i know why he didnt go he wanted to look at...
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bev
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3
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435
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denial...him and me
(Preview)
I'm new here. I have this sort of ex-boyfriend, who keeps coming back, when he's the one that ended it. He was a non drinking alcoholic (or whatever you call it) when we were together. Recently he has started drinking again, and leaning on me. He just spent a week with me after asking if he could come h...
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xcskier
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5
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349
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interview got cancelled
(Preview)
My interview was cancelled they want me to be available to start work tomorrow. I guess there is always a catch 22. When I was unemployed I couldn't get a job to save my life. Now I am employed no one wants me to give notice! I am keeping on keeping on. I sent in the fee for my dog license today. Both dogs are co...
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maresie
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4
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433
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I Am Going to Scream
(Preview)
Well, the silent treatment continues here. He went to work yesterday, it was just for a couple of hours, but he didn't call or come home from 8am, until 5pm, so I had made plans to go out with my friend who will soon be moving to Nashville. We have been friends thru thick and thin....25 years or so. As I w...
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Becky1
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7
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569
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Sponsee of 7 yrs died, it hurts...
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, I'm really feeling bad tonight. A sponsee of 7 years that I truly got to know, befriend and cherish died about 2 weeks ago, after a really short bout with cancer. He died clean and sober. He was a true friend in recovery. We worked steps together, did 12 Step calls together, went to AA and NA so...
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John
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13
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745
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We Got Us a Birthday Girl
(Preview)
((((((((((((((((((((Carolinagirl)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Wishing you all the best on your birthday tomorrow! Go Capricorns !!!
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Maria123
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16
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593
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working it or letting go
(Preview)
I keep wondering about lots of things and maybe you have too. Looking for esh as my head hurts from turning things over and over again. One thing I wonder is how do you know when to quit trying to figure things out and letting go, letting HP. Maybe just stopping the wondering is good and give it all up to HP...
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ddub
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2
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459
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pride, ego and vanity
(Preview)
Not posted for a while, but feeling really mixed up at the moment I think its to do with resentments, ego and my pride and still some unhealthy thinking patterns. My aboyf now ex! decided to behave in an unbearable manner which caused a lot of upsets and rows almost as though he was trying to get me to kick h...
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chick29
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1
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642
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Burdens
(Preview)
(((((((Family))))), A very good morning and Happy Sunday to you all. After reading some posts, I thought this might help us all. It was yesterday's meditation from: The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg (Hazelden 1991) This is an abbreviated version. Freedom means choos...
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Karilynn
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6
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331
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another interview tomorrow
(Preview)
I am going on another interview tomorrow. Its in a University which should be exempt from the recession thats looming. I am thinking the recession may help me in some ways. Apartments are coming available, the rent is dropping, pretty soon I will find a place that will let me in with the dogs, bad cre...
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maresie
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0
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277
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The Choice to Drink
(Preview)
I'm spinning this off of another thread, where someone mentioned that their A said they drank by choice, not by compulsion.... I stuggled with that for many years, long before I went to AA. Deep down, I knew I had many symptoms of alcoholism. But I believed that "real" alcoholics drank co...
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barisax
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7
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636
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The pity potty...
(Preview)
Well I woke up a little late; the wife had gone off to work and I thought she was shopping (wrong again Jerry F!!) and the weather was colder than normal (who can I blame for that?) Before rushing off to the "Super Saturday" AFG face to face meeting I had to do pity potty duty. I sat there thin...
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Jerry F
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12
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914
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Breaks my heart!
(Preview)
My 10 yr old daughter absolutely adores her father. She is his greatest defender and protector. She is also one who likes to know exactly what is happening in her life. The limbo we have been in regarding impending divorce is torturing her. She has been begging for months now just to have some resolu...
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Loupiness
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7
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374
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Why its so hard to put ourselves first...?
(Preview)
I have been thinking that one of the reasons why its so hard for me to put myself first is because I was born and raised watching the A's in my life do the same thing through their disease/addiction. I have found this so abhorrent, this inability of them to see that they put their alcohol/drugs/whatever f...
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Jean4444
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7
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656
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The Serenity Prayer... with notations from me...
(Preview)
The Serenity Prayer by Reinold Niebuhr. Interpretation/understanding/perceptions - just one take on the meaning behind the words - not suggesting anyone else should interpret/understand/perceive this prayer as I do, I just thought I would share my perspective with you. by Heartbroken. God gr...
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Heartbroken
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3
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481
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my own marriage
(Preview)
I have spent today pacing and asking my HP to stop me from any action. So far I haven't done a thing. No phone ringing, but I wasn't going to answer anyway. Final call today from son was "she (His EX) is threatening to call sherriff on me" and he hung up. I hope he isn't in a cell right now because sh...
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omajoy
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2
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557
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I feel like I'm becoming the monster
(Preview)
My therapist has been recommending that I attend al anon meetings for sometime now, but with my one and a half year old and my full time university experience i find myself with little free time. I have been with my partner for a little over two years and emotionally and mentally i find myself giving up....
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wahineal
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6
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728
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Catching Myself 'Mothering' my AH
(Preview)
I was wondering if any of you have this same challenge to overcome: Mothering your A. I'm separated from my recovering AH, although we see each other on weekends (usually). We have two grown children, both in their early 30s. I have no difficulty not giving them unsolicited advice. For example, o...
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stormie
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8
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600
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where's Debilyn?
(Preview)
Hey, you, if you are reading this please send a sign! Hugs, missing your thoughts/words, J.
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Jean4444
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1
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291
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drama making me sicker this morning
(Preview)
As I type, I am fighting just collaspsing. If anyone is on-line right now and can give me some help, please I need it. Our family drama with EXDIL, son has escalated into nasty communication between them. Son is angry with me as well because I try to talk sense into him. He is frantic that he's seen son onl...
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omajoy
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5
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518
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Round and Round he goes
(Preview)
where he stops.....nobody knows. Nothing like the silent treatment for two days followed by a day of an engaged and semi-helpful spouse who decided to talk to me today. He thanked me for reaching out to him, and my response was "I know it wasn't me"...which set him into another "pen...
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optimistundone
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3
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528
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the interview
(Preview)
i went for the interview on Friday and I felt it went well. I could have done better on some questions but I think I did pretty well overall. I hope I manage to get in there. My current job is up in the air. They are looking for someone but they expect me to stick around for ever for that. I am not willing to. I'v...
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maresie
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2
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325
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I'm Guilty
(Preview)
I'm guilty of letting him drive when I know he's drunk. Is it something I could be convicted of? Am I legally obligated to call the police? What if he killed somebody, and I told the police...yeah, he was really drunk. I should have stopped him. I thought about it. I had oppertunities. He wouldn't hav...
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RainyJamie
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17
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632
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Wow...I am so humbled by your kindness and candor...
(Preview)
Thank you all so very much for your heartfelt honesty and warm welcome. You truly made me feel welcome and comfortable - in such a way that I haven't felt in years.
As I'm sure you all know - having kids can change your life. Being involved with an alcoholic changes it further. Separating from or divorc...
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mrcjschu
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5
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2862
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Birthday Report!
(Preview)
I have had an unbelievable birthday. I went on a date for lunch with a guy I met online and he FLEW in to take me out. He shows up with a dozen roses. Come to find out he's a millionaire. And then he buys me a new GPS as a gift. On the first date. I'm a little wary but being glad for today going so well and as so...
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carolinagirl
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9
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398
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Being Somebody
(Preview)
After reading carolinagirl's post about being shunned by her co-workers, it made me reflect on my life and how I perceived myself and my friends over the years. I was a supreme loner as a teenager. I had no really true friends in high school. I talked to people plenty, about all kinds of stuff, but had n...
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barisax
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3
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369
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Omnia Vincit Amor
(Preview)
My AH and I have not spoken in 11 days, except a couple of sentences about my car which needed repair. All he does is drink. However, after not talking or eating meals together or ANYTHING he did fix steaks for supper Sunday night. We didn't talk, and I didn't know he was fixing supper, but he did. I miss m...
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Becky1
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7
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2375
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Conflict with family
(Preview)
I need some advice on how to handle my A BF's family. He passed away a few days after Christmas and his memorial is this Thursday. They have not included me in ANY of the planning and have been telling people all kinds of stories that simple are not true about him and me. The only one in his family who is ke...
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Mariedl05
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7
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505
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I did it! I went to my first f2f!!!
(Preview)
I am so extremely proud of myself. I actually walked in the room and felt the warmth and compassion of these people just take me in! It was very overwhelming to be with a bunch of people that totally and completely understood what I was going through. Another newcomer just sat in the chair and cried. ...
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desperate for help
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7
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704
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self love
(Preview)
I think it was Tiger (or someone) who posted recently about a movie or TV show that had a character that hit home and that happened to me recently. I never ever watch tv but I am house sitting in this place that has a huge one so I thought I would flip it on. There on the MASSIVE screen was this woman standing th...
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Jean4444
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5
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583
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new here....
(Preview)
Hi...I am new to the board but have been looking for support somewhere.... My husband (I feel) is an alcoholic. He feels differently. Recently due to his drinking, he has some legal problems. I don't know what to do....he has slowed down on his drinking but my fear is it won't last long. I am lost......
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tma0413
|
7
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552
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