Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Codependent · Codependent

I have talked to the A for the past couple of days and last night he mentioned he might drop by and see me and our child. I told him to call first. After I got off the phone I text messaged him back to be sure to call as I was expecting company. I wasn't really expecting company, but didn't want to have him ove...

kari80 · kari80

My 9 month old's father hasn't been very involved in his life, a lot of it has to do with my trust issues with him. How can I leave my baby alone with a man who can't control his drinking? I've given him the option to have his mother or me around for visits, that was never good enough he wanted it his way or no w...

Christy · Christy

This is from an e-book The Reunion: A Parable For Peace. It was put together by a group I belong to called "Powerful Intenders". This section was written by Chief Seattle who obviously has the attitude of staying positive. Great reminders for all of us. "My brother, I tell you tru...

gknee · gknee

AH and I are talking. He is about 24 hours sober. I know he is jittery and hurting-- we've been through this game a few times before. We are talking about stuff that bugs him-- like piles of items in various rooms in the house that he doesn't like looking at. This from a guy who has either been passed out asl...

Codependent · Codependent

Okay, so they said the computer repairman had been behind, but hopefully it will be finished soon so I can do more than just post on my own needs and instead be able to also respond to yours as well. I saw the A this week. He showed up unexpectedly Monday. My son was ecstatic so I let him stay on the couch. W...

round3 · round3

I'm reading a wonderful novel/memoir right now ("Eat Pray Love", by Elizabeth Gilbert) and came across some dialogue that the author had with herself that really got to me. She was in the throes of loneliness and depression (and was struggling with the decision whether or not to take an...

omajoy · omajoy

All of the concern and suggestions I received last week after my last post about how "thing just keep happening" were appreciated and read and re-read. I come back and keep reading the responses I got and wondering why I am so hard to convince. I am intelligent. I understand the reasons for t...

greta · greta

This was given to me in 2004 when I started out in alanon. At the time, I wanted the serenity of alanon and I wanted it all now. I sure didn't know where to start, and I couldn't grasp the concept of baby steps ever helping me with so many problems to overcome. I have posted this here before, I think today i...

verenda · verenda

Have not been on here in a while, but I need some thoughts on something because I am nearing the end of my tolerance and feel like I could just scream. I am very depressed, hurt, and feel betrayed. Before my AH came back home he was different, he listened to me, expressed empathy, concern, we talked about e...

optimistundone · optimistundone

I am taking my life in my own hands. Spending time with the girls. Applying for jobs. Prepping for a lecture tonight. I am somewhat filled with peace. That "somewhat peaceful" feeling will suffice for today. I am not grinding my teeth. I am not stressed out. I will not ask "wha...

Karilynn · Karilynn

Has anybody seen our sweet Abbyal? Just wondering if she's okay.

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I was just reading the last post and thinking about how happy we are when things just fall together. We rejoice in it and feel relief. I can't even count the number of times I have let everything go to HP with the real belief that everything would fall together and without fail when I am intent on doing so...

Loupiness · Loupiness

In talking to an attorney last week, the very first thing he asked me was about my ah's time with the kids. Although they see him multiple times a week, it is pretty random and overnights are infrequent - maybe one child once a week. The attorney then guaranteed me that as a part of the divorce process th...

ddub · ddub

I have struggled with weekends lately - AH is around more and I have much to learn yet re: al anon tools. But as I struggle I have learned a couple important things. 1- no matter how little or big, silly or serious- this MIP family is here for each of us including me. That is the most awesome & humbling...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Photo-Highlight/ss/photos_highlight_fp;_ylt=AlKl0Khao_yMBpIw5d1_fO.s0NUE

sadako · sadako

i bought the conference approved "Blueprint for Progress" workbook, the one that helps you through the 4th step. i read the entire book and i am SO excited to start writing in it! i even have a blank journal ready for if i run out of room on the pages. i love workbooks, guided journals, anythin...

kellic · kellic

Hi, I am new here, so if I don't use the correct abbreviations and such, my apologies in advance. I have been married to my AH (alcoholic husband - right?) for almost 12 years, and we have 3 kids. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease, as is drug addiction. My husband also has a cocain addiction. He...

kissers · kissers

Hi Everyone, Guess what is being televised tonight? HP must want me to see something. Just wanted to let you all know, if anyone is interested in seeing it. It airs at 9 pm Eastern time.

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Sometimes I get irritated because I feel like I can't get my groove on around the AH. He is not in recovery, and I feel like I have to set some sort of example. well, I set a poor example at a freind's party last night, and as drunk as I was, he was drunker. He embarassed the heck out of me, infront of freind's an...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Can someone please tell me what HALT means, apart from the dictionary definition of: to stop? I come across some of these acronymns and although I have heard this I cannot for the life of me remember what it stands for. It is another of those senior moments that I keep on getting of late. Are there any mor...

Just For Now · Just For Now

Most of us can admit our faults...errors of judgement, lack of communication, blurps of insane stupidity, etc. But when combining arguements with these faults seems to cause wildfires to the inner parts of the mind and emotions. And this is where my issues of my life seem to stay rooted to. My err...

ddub · ddub

At today's f2f meeting an elder al anon member spoke of her work with batterers and the similarities (sometimes connected to A) with alcoholism. After the meeting we talked of levels of safety - I feel that if I was ever in danger of physical violence, I would leave immediatly. Perhaps, all feel that w...

ally · ally

(((((((((((((((((((Guys)))))))))))))))) A WOMAN HAS STRENGTHS THAT CAN AMAZE MEN, SHE CAN HANDLE TROUBLE AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS. SHE HOLDS HAPPINESS, LOVE & OPINIONS, SHE SMILES WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SCREAMING, SHE SINGS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE CRYING, SHE CRIES WHEN SHE'S HAPPY, & LAUGHS W...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I got a few calls the other night (been too sick to answer the phone) and luckily found out he's been released before I actually picked up the phone. At least now I know that I need to screen my calls again so I don't get taken by surprise. So much for my divorce filing plans. Last message I heard was - will...

txmomma · txmomma

Hello! I'm really glad I came across this board this weekend, I am so upset and tired of AH's lying and broken promises, I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do. I know I need to leave for my boys, I am a stay-at-home mom with 1 child that has medical issues. We have 2 year old twin boys, life has been...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, Well, I am not crying now but I was. I don't believe the timing of my AHsober. We were waiting for our son in the military to come with our first granddaughter. Happy to see our son and the baby. So my AHsober left to take our son's car in to the garage. And then he says I left the papers by your s...

sadako · sadako

how rude of me to run in and yell "help!" then not come back for a week! my A is the one who attempted suicide on New Year's day. i got hit by a virus, so i've been pretty out of it. i hope to feel better soon and get to posting to others here :) i got the books i ordered, the 4th step workbook and also &qu...

ddub · ddub

Had a great day going and detached when ah passed out tonight. I was winding down to go to bed when ah got up again. Now I can't sleep, too late to call anyone (it's about 2am here) and no one is on chat. I started to get very very anxious so I went to bed anyways, deep breathing, some tears - drunk ah is stone...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((((((((((((Cjo))))))))))))))))))) MyChristy, a very, very Happy Birthday to you !!! What a journey you've had these past few years! I hope you and scholar boy are going to be able to celebrate. Wishing you a joyous day. love ya, Maria

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

Even though I did walk away from my then active alcoholic/addict husband over 20 years ago, I have no doubt that was due in large to my higher power. After completing rehab for my own addictions, I was at least clear-minded enough to recognize that if I were to go back home, he surely would have beaten me t...

omajoy · omajoy

I just came home from taking my husband to yet another medical appointment. I have supervised all the preparation here at home for this CT, did all the arranging, etc. When we got home today with him weak and just dying to get to his recliner and sleep some more, I sat trying to make a grocery list. He chim...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I find text messaging to be an interesting form of communication. What I am referring to specifically, is my ah's communication through it. I am thinking you may find some humor in this. Is it just me or is he just trying to say that I am the one with the "problem" Last week, the morning after ou...

maresie · maresie

I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...

optimistundone · optimistundone

smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...

momto4boys · momto4boys

My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...

Jen · Jen

Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...

kari80 · kari80

With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...

kissers · kissers

The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...

round3 · round3

Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...

concerned123 · concerned123

Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...

kissers · kissers

The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...

fairee · fairee

i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...

david62 · david62

Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...

ddub · ddub

I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken

kissers · kissers

I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...

twnzmama · twnzmama

I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...

kissers · kissers

We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...

kikgirl517 · kikgirl517

I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...

bev · bev

thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens

deedee1 · deedee1

I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...

Codependent · Codependent

First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...

maresie · maresie

"Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...

debilyn · debilyn

As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...

ddub · ddub

David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...

omajoy · omajoy

I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Does cutting off all ties help the A? (Preview) I have talked to the A for the past couple of days and last night he mentioned he might drop by and see me and our child. I told him to call first. After I got off the phone I text messaged him back to be sure to call as I was expecting company. I wasn't really expecting company, but didn't want to have him ove...	Codependent	14	742	Jan 24, 2008 by mel123
	best for the baby (Preview) My 9 month old's father hasn't been very involved in his life, a lot of it has to do with my trust issues with him. How can I leave my baby alone with a man who can't control his drinking? I've given him the option to have his mother or me around for visits, that was never good enough he wanted it his way or no w...	kari80	4	428	Jan 23, 2008 by Maria123
	Book excerpt (Preview) This is from an e-book The Reunion: A Parable For Peace. It was put together by a group I belong to called "Powerful Intenders". This section was written by Chief Seattle who obviously has the attitude of staying positive. Great reminders for all of us. "My brother, I tell you tru...	Christy	5	529	Jan 23, 2008 by Maria123
	was this too mean? (Preview) AH and I are talking. He is about 24 hours sober. I know he is jittery and hurting-- we've been through this game a few times before. We are talking about stuff that bugs him-- like piles of items in various rooms in the house that he doesn't like looking at. This from a guy who has either been passed out asl...	gknee	10	427	Jan 23, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Wanting to be approved... (Preview) Okay, so they said the computer repairman had been behind, but hopefully it will be finished soon so I can do more than just post on my own needs and instead be able to also respond to yours as well. I saw the A this week. He showed up unexpectedly Monday. My son was ecstatic so I let him stay on the couch. W...	Codependent	2	483	Jan 23, 2008 by nmike
	Loneliness & Depression (non CAL) (Preview) I'm reading a wonderful novel/memoir right now ("Eat Pray Love", by Elizabeth Gilbert) and came across some dialogue that the author had with herself that really got to me. She was in the throes of loneliness and depression (and was struggling with the decision whether or not to take an...	round3	6	681	Jan 23, 2008 by maresie
	wishing I could activate advice (Preview) All of the concern and suggestions I received last week after my last post about how "thing just keep happening" were appreciated and read and re-read. I come back and keep reading the responses I got and wondering why I am so hard to convince. I am intelligent. I understand the reasons for t...	omajoy	11	507	Jan 23, 2008 by Heartbroken
	The Daffodil Principle (Preview) This was given to me in 2004 when I started out in alanon. At the time, I wanted the serenity of alanon and I wanted it all now. I sure didn't know where to start, and I couldn't grasp the concept of baby steps ever helping me with so many problems to overcome. I have posted this here before, I think today i...	greta	5	282	Jan 23, 2008 by carosie
	Need advice about lack of communication with AH (Preview) Have not been on here in a while, but I need some thoughts on something because I am nearing the end of my tolerance and feel like I could just scream. I am very depressed, hurt, and feel betrayed. Before my AH came back home he was different, he listened to me, expressed empathy, concern, we talked about e...	verenda	15	1388	Jan 23, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Just for today (Preview) I am taking my life in my own hands. Spending time with the girls. Applying for jobs. Prepping for a lecture tonight. I am somewhat filled with peace. That "somewhat peaceful" feeling will suffice for today. I am not grinding my teeth. I am not stressed out. I will not ask "wha...	optimistundone	3	286	Jan 22, 2008 by cookie1971
	Where's Abbyal? (Preview) Has anybody seen our sweet Abbyal? Just wondering if she's okay.	Karilynn	1	301	Jan 22, 2008 by belle1
	Falling together Falling apart (Preview) I was just reading the last post and thinking about how happy we are when things just fall together. We rejoice in it and feel relief. I can't even count the number of times I have let everything go to HP with the real belief that everything would fall together and without fail when I am intent on doing so...	carolinagirl	3	433	Jan 22, 2008 by maresie
	Why am I such a wimp?! (Preview) In talking to an attorney last week, the very first thing he asked me was about my ah's time with the kids. Although they see him multiple times a week, it is pretty random and overnights are infrequent - maybe one child once a week. The attorney then guaranteed me that as a part of the divorce process th...	Loupiness	8	664	Jan 22, 2008 by serendipity
	humbled progress (Preview) I have struggled with weekends lately - AH is around more and I have much to learn yet re: al anon tools. But as I struggle I have learned a couple important things. 1- no matter how little or big, silly or serious- this MIP family is here for each of us including me. That is the most awesome & humbling...	ddub	2	257	Jan 22, 2008 by Jean4444
	something to brighten your day... (Preview) http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Photo-Highlight/ss/photos_highlight_fp;_ylt=AlKl0Khao_yMBpIw5d1_fO.s0NUE	Tiger2006	0	275	Jan 22, 2008 by Tiger2006
	4th step workbook (Preview) i bought the conference approved "Blueprint for Progress" workbook, the one that helps you through the 4th step. i read the entire book and i am SO excited to start writing in it! i even have a blank journal ready for if i run out of room on the pages. i love workbooks, guided journals, anythin...	sadako	9	14236	Jan 22, 2008 by SLS
	new - need help (Preview) Hi, I am new here, so if I don't use the correct abbreviations and such, my apologies in advance. I have been married to my AH (alcoholic husband - right?) for almost 12 years, and we have 3 kids. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease, as is drug addiction. My husband also has a cocain addiction. He...	kellic	12	587	Jan 22, 2008 by Christy
	Do you remember my post about the movie Runaway Bride? (Preview) Hi Everyone, Guess what is being televised tonight? HP must want me to see something. Just wanted to let you all know, if anyone is interested in seeing it. It airs at 9 pm Eastern time.	kissers	1	318	Jan 22, 2008 by kissers
	Pot and Kettle (Preview) Sometimes I get irritated because I feel like I can't get my groove on around the AH. He is not in recovery, and I feel like I have to set some sort of example. well, I set a poor example at a freind's party last night, and as drunk as I was, he was drunker. He embarassed the heck out of me, infront of freind's an...	RainyJamie	6	302	Jan 22, 2008 by RainyJamie
	HALT? (Preview) Can someone please tell me what HALT means, apart from the dictionary definition of: to stop? I come across some of these acronymns and although I have heard this I cannot for the life of me remember what it stands for. It is another of those senior moments that I keep on getting of late. Are there any mor...	Heartbroken	7	483	Jan 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Bitter Struggles (Preview) Most of us can admit our faults...errors of judgement, lack of communication, blurps of insane stupidity, etc. But when combining arguements with these faults seems to cause wildfires to the inner parts of the mind and emotions. And this is where my issues of my life seem to stay rooted to. My err...	Just For Now	3	377	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	levels of safety (Preview) At today's f2f meeting an elder al anon member spoke of her work with batterers and the similarities (sometimes connected to A) with alcoholism. After the meeting we talked of levels of safety - I feel that if I was ever in danger of physical violence, I would leave immediatly. Perhaps, all feel that w...	ddub	6	513	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	FOR ALL WOMEN OUT THERE AND REMINDERS FOR MEN... (Preview) (((((((((((((((((((Guys)))))))))))))))) A WOMAN HAS STRENGTHS THAT CAN AMAZE MEN, SHE CAN HANDLE TROUBLE AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS. SHE HOLDS HAPPINESS, LOVE & OPINIONS, SHE SMILES WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SCREAMING, SHE SINGS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE CRYING, SHE CRIES WHEN SHE'S HAPPY, & LAUGHS W...	ally	7	731	Jan 21, 2008 by Mandy123
	He's out :( (Preview) I got a few calls the other night (been too sick to answer the phone) and luckily found out he's been released before I actually picked up the phone. At least now I know that I need to screen my calls again so I don't get taken by surprise. So much for my divorce filing plans. Last message I heard was - will...	carolinagirl	2	453	Jan 21, 2008 by QOD
	New here, so angry at AH and don't know how to leave with children (Preview) Hello! I'm really glad I came across this board this weekend, I am so upset and tired of AH's lying and broken promises, I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do. I know I need to leave for my boys, I am a stay-at-home mom with 1 child that has medical issues. We have 2 year old twin boys, life has been...	txmomma	11	606	Jan 21, 2008 by tma0413
	He gives me the divorce papers (Preview) Hi Alanoners, Well, I am not crying now but I was. I don't believe the timing of my AHsober. We were waiting for our son in the military to come with our first granddaughter. Happy to see our son and the baby. So my AHsober left to take our son's car in to the garage. And then he says I left the papers by your s...	nmike	6	604	Jan 21, 2008 by Karilynn
	update (Preview) how rude of me to run in and yell "help!" then not come back for a week! my A is the one who attempted suicide on New Year's day. i got hit by a virus, so i've been pretty out of it. i hope to feel better soon and get to posting to others here :) i got the books i ordered, the 4th step workbook and also &qu...	sadako	7	309	Jan 21, 2008 by sadako
	weekends are very tough lately (Preview) Had a great day going and detached when ah passed out tonight. I was winding down to go to bed when ah got up again. Now I can't sleep, too late to call anyone (it's about 2am here) and no one is on chat. I started to get very very anxious so I went to bed anyways, deep breathing, some tears - drunk ah is stone...	ddub	8	594	Jan 21, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Birthdays are Grand (Preview) ((((((((((((((Cjo))))))))))))))))))) MyChristy, a very, very Happy Birthday to you !!! What a journey you've had these past few years! I hope you and scholar boy are going to be able to celebrate. Wishing you a joyous day. love ya, Maria	Maria123	8	385	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	Accepting my limitations (Preview) Even though I did walk away from my then active alcoholic/addict husband over 20 years ago, I have no doubt that was due in large to my higher power. After completing rehab for my own addictions, I was at least clear-minded enough to recognize that if I were to go back home, he surely would have beaten me t...	Tenderheartsks	3	607	Jan 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	things just keep happening (Preview) I just came home from taking my husband to yet another medical appointment. I have supervised all the preparation here at home for this CT, did all the arranging, etc. When we got home today with him weak and just dying to get to his recliner and sleep some more, I sat trying to make a grocery list. He chim...	omajoy	9	521	Jan 20, 2008 by carolinagirl
	Text Messaging (Preview) I find text messaging to be an interesting form of communication. What I am referring to specifically, is my ah's communication through it. I am thinking you may find some humor in this. Is it just me or is he just trying to say that I am the one with the "problem" Last week, the morning after ou...	Loupiness	10	437	Jan 20, 2008 by carolinagirl
	how to move on? 10 years/5 years/whatever (Preview) I spoke to a representative from my landlord yesterday and he said (not knowing I have an evicition on my record gift from the A's acting out) that an eviction stays on your record for 10 years. He was speaking about someone else. I have learned well not to disclose that much about myself to people other t...	maresie	7	605	Jan 20, 2008 by maresie
	A rose by any other name..... (Preview) smells just as sweet....an addiction by any other name creates just as much havoc. An intense conversation with AH yesterday which in essence falls on me for detaching, not communicating. If he could only understand that if I were to truly communicate it would be full of screaming, expletives, an...	optimistundone	2	367	Jan 20, 2008 by optimistundone
	New Here, AH in rehab, what do I expect now? (Preview) My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)? I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afr...	momto4boys	5	650	Jan 20, 2008 by karena7
	I miss my friend. (Preview) Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really...	Jen	4	627	Jan 20, 2008 by stormie
	is any of it real (Preview) With all the lies and cheating did a real relationship ever exist? I was reading the text messaging post and it made me wonder. My a would text message me a lot and I knew if I got a text he had been drinking. He would send me "I love you and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you" At first my he...	kari80	12	540	Jan 20, 2008 by round3
	Tipping the scales... (Preview) ...finding my feet again after that little hiccup that came about by my friend's shocking death, however now I have been diagnosed with VERTIGO, and every time I stand up I fall over whilst every time I turn my head it feels as though it is going to spin off! LOL (if I was not feeling so nauseus). Doc thinks...	Heartbroken	5	621	Jan 20, 2008 by cookie1971
	The Gift of Healing Together (Preview) The especial genius of women, I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. --Margaret Fuller We are women, and we are moving, together and alone. We are moving into new images of ourselves. There is a healing power that comes from moving, from sharing one's i...	kissers	0	337	Jan 19, 2008 by kissers
	What's love got to do with it? (Preview) Not trying to beat a dead horse - but I find this love issue interesting to explore. I think everyone has different definitions of love - and I like everyone's analogy with TV/movies. I'm so guilty of making that comparison to my own life. I've had the opportunity (like many of you) to have known the A...	round3	6	706	Jan 19, 2008 by david62
	Upset with A's mother (Preview) Well, he didn't go to rehab. Apparently his mom drove to get him out of jail. Granted he is 37. She ask him if he would go to rehab. He said yeah if she wanted him too. Said also he thought it would look good in court- go figure. Told her he didn't think he really needed it- that he knew what to do he just di...	Codependent	8	625	Jan 19, 2008 by Jerry F
	Disease or choice? (Preview) Now, i know that alcoholism is a disease. The medical community says so, everysone says so. but sometimes i get so mad at my A because most people when they are sick, get treatment. I still have so much to learn about this disease and want to stop being so mad at my A. There has to be some level of choice i...	concerned123	21	832	Jan 19, 2008 by Karilynn
	Courage (Preview) The definition of courage is the ability to conquer fear or despair. In the past we may have been called courageous because we stayed in circumstances that were difficult or nearly unbearable. We may have felt that walking away from family, children, or friends was cowardly or displayed weakness. W...	kissers	2	1143	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	new here (Preview) i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many y...	fairee	4	345	Jan 19, 2008 by Jen
	Grateful to be sick!!! Are you kidding me!!!??? (Preview) Hiya (((((Family))))) I am on day two of being home from work sick! I do NOT enjoy it. Would much rather be at work. Not sure what it is yet, achy head, sore throat and a little coughing..but no fever so far. This new year has started out sorta bumpy in some ways...didn't get a job I wanted, now sick..and...	david62	9	595	Jan 18, 2008 by wp
	victim knee jerk reactions (Preview) I have learned from therapy that my daughter (a couple years ago) didn't need to hear "why" things happened which is rationalization, she just needed her pain to be acknowledged that things happened. I could do that and then it made sense to apologize. I didn't really feel like it was ta...	ddub	2	528	Jan 18, 2008 by nmike
	Lunamoth - how are you doing? (Preview) Lunamoth have not seen you lately, and I am wondering how you are. Hoping you are well. Heartbroken	Heartbroken	0	310	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Lecture on Alcoholism (Preview) I went to a lecture on alcoholism and wrote down all the symptoms of living with an alcoholic or sick person. anxiety depression adapt to the abnormal no boundaries you're not good enough damage to self-esteem damage to self-confidence guilt anger frustration of not having needs met broken trust mi...	kissers	2	1002	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	I am so terrified... (Preview) I have been lurking. I have read about being detached and how a lot of the things I'm doing to/for my AH are wrong or at least not helpful to him. I try to be his friend and guide him towrds doing what he has told me he wants. He wants to stop. He actually said it, I couldn't breathe, and he did it. For one day. Sti...	twnzmama	13	709	Jan 18, 2008 by Peggy7
	Thought for the Day (Preview) We are born in innocence. Corruption comes later. The first fear is a corruption, the first reaching for a something that defies us. The first nuance of difference, the first need to feel better than the different one, more loved, stronger, richer, more blessed--these are corruptions. --Laura Z. H...	kissers	1	340	Jan 18, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Sometimes I wonder if it is all too late... (Preview) ...that is for me. I have been on my own now for 18 years. My AH is no longer in my life, I did not have anything like this family for support, indeed I did not have any support during my 20 years with my A and all maternal and paternal family members shunned me and my children, mine telling me that I should hav...	Heartbroken	8	432	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	Detachment and trust (Preview) I feel slightly lost in the whole concept of detachment. I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I also understand that I can't control it, and that it is not my fault, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I guess the point at which I feel lost is the point where I start thinking, what's...	kikgirl517	7	766	Jan 18, 2008 by Jean4444
	more on got a queston (Preview) thanks for all your thoughts,i did make the appt,and yes it is up to him,to tell the dentists of his addictions not mine..but i know he wont..his appt is sat morning.i will update you on what happens	bev	1	293	Jan 18, 2008 by optimistundone
	Just Confused!? (Preview) I am new to this Alanon and group chat thing. I guess Im just looking for a little advice on how to deal with everything. My husband has been an alcoholic and drug addict for about 10 years now. He just got out of rehab after he had a breakdown all on his own and decided to go. I thought I was happy about it, th...	deedee1	2	430	Jan 18, 2008 by Heartbroken
	This annoying thing he says (Preview) Ever since way back when he was still in recovery he used to say... "For an addict, thinking is doing. If the addict thinks about taking a hit, it's already done. It might be later that day, or years away" I used to think this was some sort of recovery philosophy. But I wonder now if there is any s...	RainyJamie	8	662	Jan 18, 2008 by Jerry F
	Update (Preview) First, let me say thanks for all who respond to my posts. I know I haven't been able to contribute much to you all while my personal laptop is STILL getting worked on! Yes, STILL! Anyway, wanted to write quickly to update you on current situation. A did get arrested in another county for DUI by consent...	Codependent	2	344	Jan 17, 2008 by nmike
	quote on Fear (non conference approved) (Preview) "Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the less worried we are of what people will think if and when we do, the less judgmental of ourselves we are every time we make a mistake, the more fearless we will be,...	maresie	1	339	Jan 17, 2008 by Maria123
	lightbulb moment on the choice thing (Preview) As I was reading Barisaxes post it hit me. There is NO WAY we as non addicts can relate to how an addict feels anymore thant an addict relating to a non addict. Our idea of choice is totalling different than an A. I hear alllll the time, the A saying,they want to be "normal." They see how non addi...	debilyn	10	602	Jan 17, 2008 by debilyn
	Phone number to call in sick? (Preview) David's post about the challenge to be grateful to be sick reminded me of my past wkend. I continue to be amazed that our mental, physical and emotional systems are so closely related - when one system is stressed, the others are affected. I've known this for a long time but I am either more aware...	ddub	2	536	Jan 17, 2008 by maresie
	Inevitable..a knife in heart (Preview) I just dropped my grandbaby off to his mother following our second Wednesday night visitation routine. Last week was awful; she didn't let me drop him due to boyfriend being at her house. Today she said I could drop him; obviously boyfriend not there tonight. Son came for visit. I had told him don't co...	omajoy	13	721	Jan 17, 2008 by omajoy
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.