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I am at work so just wanted to write quickly. I did take my personal laptop in for repair so hopefully I get back in soon. I am tempted to telling my A who is running from the police to turn himself in, to go ahead and face consequences, go to rehab, and give his child some opportunity to get to know him. Do you think that would be giving him a different perspective to think on or would that be controlling? Open to all feedback. :) Hopefully soon I will be able to give feedback on what is going on with all of you! Miss You!
CoDe, examine your expectations. What do you think will happen when you tell him these things? Did he ask you for your feedback or opinion? Has he asked for your help? J.
I have to agree with Maresie on focusing on your feelings, as opposed to what he should do.
Trying to reason with an alcoholic, or make them 'see' things just doesn't work.
The hardest thing I have ever had to do was sit on my hands and keep quiet when it came to my alcoholic daughter. She's had plenty of consequences, including numerous stays in jail.
I've tried to talk to her for the sake of her children, to no avail.
Today I leave it up to God and stay out of my daughter's way.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
What would be your motive for telling him this? And what do you expect (if anything) would happen if you did tell him this?
I know that I was the only sane person in my ex's life for a long time. He was living with A's and drug addicts who were supporting his "poor me" attitude and drugs and sex lifestyle. I, at the time, was talking to him on the phone and I finally told him that he holds all the cards when it comes to his life. No one else was telling him this and I was sick to death of talking to his drunk butt and listening to the whining. I told him he was NOT a victim and all of his complaining was not going to make his life better. I had NO expectations of him having a change of heart at that point. My motive was to have conversations with him about our kids ONLY, not about him and who was screwing him over or getting him high. I knew there was no one else who was going to give it to him straight. So, I did. I don't know if it changed anything, but I felt better.
So, go ahead and let him know if it will make you feel better.
I think this is wish full thinking , (hugs) your husb knows what he has to do , he isn't ready to do it yet and may never be. U have a right to tell him how u feel but for your sake have no expectations that he will take your advice . then let it go . goo d luck Louise
I undertand so much where you are coming from. The behavior is so outlandish that we become convinced that it must be because they don't know the truth or what the right thing is. In reality they know, they just don't care.
I don't think that giving such advice would be controlling as much as it would be pointless, and result in you feeling more frustrated and resentful about the whole thing. There is no reasoning wih an A.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
When you have him tied up in the trunk of your car and are transporting him yourself to the police department...that is controling. When you have his trussed up with duct tape sitting out by the garbage cans and are waiting for the cops to come pick him up...that is controling. When you have him tied over the hood of your car like a dead deer...that is controling.
Feeding him sound judgement that if he followed (IF I said) would change the outcomes of his choices or anything like this is being supportive and wishful. Sponsors do things close to that. HOWEVER you are not his sponsor and should have killed your expectations that he would do anything other than progress in this disease. If he does do some "right" thing? Applaud, pat him on the back if you can get to his back (sometimes they are well surrounded by those "Public servants") ask him if he wants the current meeting schedule for AA then go do something nice for you and the child as it's probably about time something good happened to you.
Thats kinda a long input but it's input all the same. Take what you like and leave the rest tis what we say in the program.
