Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Mercury · Mercury

I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have lived together 5 years and have been married for less than 2. I have been living in a deep hole of denial for a very long time - to the point where I isolated myself, pushed others away and was unable to feel anything at all - just empty. Very heavy drinker, v...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for October 25 speaks about a defect of character that of" making choices passively and not making decisions. " One of the ways we can make amends for this defect is to stop practicing the defect. In every area of our lives we can ask ourselves am I taking responsibility for my self tod...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Hi Everybody- i am finally moving into a new (smaller) house with my kids tomorrow. I have some last minute cleaning to do at the house I am selling, then two closings-- so I will plan on writing again next week... Nov 1st! Hope you all have a great week :) Mary

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I can't remember if I posted this or not .. I did not put this on my recent update because it's so much more than that .. My beautiful sponsor lost her battle with cancer at the end of September and I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of grief. I am SO glad I got to see her this summer. It meant the wor...

Annie Oakly · Annie Oakly

I found out last week my husband of 35 years has fallen off the wagon. 28 years sober, gone. I suspected for several months. I tried to talk to him and he shuts me out. We have been in marriage counseling for the last 5 or 6 months too! My father was a alcoholic, it killed him. My problem is how to leave....

New member intro · missy_A

Hi everyone, I'm 34, married and with two kids aged 3 and 7, and I come from Eastern Europe. I am a total mess and I was so happy to find this site! I am a codependent. My husband is an alcoholic. There are some local Al-Anon meetings here but they take place at somewhere 6-7 pm local time (which does not suit m...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading likens recovery in AlAnon to a Birch tree, rather than an an onion, because it sheds its bark on its own after a period of growth: the bark serves a valuable purpose but then fall away as the tree grows and new protective bark takes its place.If a protective layer of bark is removed too ear...

Junenine · Junenine

hi, everyone. new here. been attending meetings on and off for over a year. recently re-committed because my life has been in turmoil over the past few weeks. (months? years?) i think i'm hitting my own bottom, where i need to seriously get in touch with what I (me, me, me) need and want. my fiancé is an...

lisad67 · lisad67

I've been with my bf for 6 years and we have a family together. He has been an alcoholic since he was 14, 21 years. When we first met we had fun. Going out for dinner and drinks, etc. I never paid attention to his drinking at that time because it wasn't causing trouble for our relationship. There have b...

themoonandthestars · themoonandthestars

I don't know where to start. Just before bed dh and I commented on what a nice , "normal" day we had. Twins hadn't been severely intoxicated in our presence in 2-3 weeks. We were *just* starting to let our guard down a teeny tiny bit. We went to bed at 11pm. At 1am I was awoken by the dog barking. The twins were...

SaraLin · SaraLin

Hi guys, I'm new on here. I've been dating my alcoholic boyfriend for 5 months. There were some red flags but I had no idea how bad things were until recently. I noticed that my port barrel was near empty and realised he's been stealing my alcohol. I've asked him many times to stop but have still notic...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Good morning, all lovely Al-anon friends. By the grace of our program, in the last few days I have become aware of more of my layer of denial falling away. A sense of seeing the world from a more realistic stand point. I feel a little nervous about it but very pleased. Dealing with people, places and thing...

Lucy125 · Lucy125

I had to distance myself from my brother and his toxic family. He's now got cirrhosis, his friend(POA) is overseeing his care. The kids(nephews and nieces) kept calling so I gave them resources and cut them off. They don't want help, they just want money and me to fix everything. They are lying to m...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for October 23 speaks about the fact that once sobriety is attained in the home. it points out that we believe that the nightmares will be over. However, we discover that alcohol had a tranquilizing effect and now without this the alcoholic is quite difficult to live with.and...

Doingmybest · Doingmybest

Hello All, Recent I have been really struggling with a myriad of things and I am seeking....something...I'm not certain I even know what. Perhaps support or perhaps peace...I'm not really sure. My RAH is over 18 months sober and doing wonderfull in his program. I try to follow the AlAnon principle...

Fooled · Fooled

My mother is very adamant about her feelings regarding alcoholics. She hates them. Her father, her two brothers, and my father were all alcoholics. Her one brother has achieved sobriety of over 20 years. My father and her other brother died from the disease. Her father, my grandfather, wa...

Fancypants · Fancypants

I've been lurking here for awhile. Started attending face to face meetings in August but started reading CAL last year. I want recovery so bad but it's so hard and so slow going sometimes. Just when I'm doing good something will happen and I feel like I take 2 steps backwards. Background: AH was 5 year...

lookingup · lookingup

Reacting to all my sit. Has always been my behavior ways ,never worked like pouring fuel to the sit. Today I'm trying to learn a whole new way of behaving with using responding instead of reacting ,a new tool I'm just finding that I really need help with along with examples of how do I stop reacting( never...

Prissykitty · Prissykitty

I was doing so well last week. I was focusing on me and my happiness. I let my recovering alcoholic have his moods and I didn't judge or get caught up with them. BUT I snapped on Saturday. Our theee year old was being three, and I'm pregnant and I'm just TIRED of being alone and having no joy in our house! I w...

sarahGee · sarahGee

I am proud of myself, but I have realized that I have a loooooong way to go. I haven't had a long conversation with my mom (one of the qualifiers in my life) in about two weeks. This might not seem like long, but we were so intertwined that most days we would only go an hour or two without speaking or being toge...

SDB · SDB

I had to travel for 5 days for work across the country. The night before I left I came home to my husband passed out drunk. I went to Seattle and whenever I called to see how things were going he was drunk. He missed a job interview and then proceeded to lie about going. When I returned home, he was drunk aga...

lookingup · lookingup

hi everybody,my best family on earth today,today I am needing prayers for myself ( I'm ok) just that I'm sorta in a bad predicament that I can only work hard and I mean hard at staying ,keeping detached from,and much needed prayers for my Freind please,he is in a very bad situation.much needed prayers f...

Lucy125 · Lucy125

I am the black sheep of my family. Growing up I could do no right. I was beaten down and suicidal. I went to a psychologist and recovered. I am married and have two teen kids. I take care of my 90 year old mom. I don't take any drugs, I got off all psychiatric drugs about 5 years ago. I had to distance mysel...

el-cee · el-cee

Just thinking out loud. When i think of love before alanon and since alanon i can see a huge difference. I thought love was someone needing you, an alcoholic ticks that box. I thought it was becoming one with another, lifes so enmeshed i lost my individuality, i thought it meant making them happy at any...

hotrod · hotrod

John has indicated, on his Face Book page, that he has been recently been hospitalized for his COPD and is recovering slowly. Please include him in your prayers.

MissM · MissM

Today's c2c notes that some of us begin our al-anon journey sharing only light-hearted or amusing stories about the problems of living with or loving an alcoholic and avoid sharing any real, raw or painful truths. The reading suggests that this is because we don't trust anyone with our truth and it o...

LinSC · LinSC

My qualifier is gone, I am single and I now can make positive choices for my life. Easier said than done. I'll be darn if I am having a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone. Why not just stay home! It's easier on my budget, no traffic, it's cold, my own brewed coffee is cheaper, it's too late to go for a sho...

andromeda · andromeda

Please share with the board how you handle expectations especially in romantic relationships. I am dealing with my own inner demons of trying to determine what is a valid expectation and reasonable or what is just ME trying to satisfy my own ego or my own 'hole in my soul' through someone's behaviors,...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Having reactions (hate that word) from within my relationship with my wife sooooo am trying to reach my sponsor as I was taught. He is a sponsor not a marriage counselor so the focus is on me. That part of the disease where I was discounted and not willingly supported even on a minor issue. My react...

Aprilc · Aprilc

Does anyone have any insights on the following? My addict daughter has always fantasised about a life based on opulence, and in the past I have engaged with her, and even helped her with her big ideas about becoming a coffee representative for a supplier in Vietnam resulting in financial loss because...

Junenine · Junenine

hi, all. so i've been attending mtgs on and off for a while but now i'm feeling that i'm hitting my own bottom and need help. need some specific guidance/ advice/ feedback on placing myself back at the center of my life and figuring out what's best for me, what i need... so i'm looking for a sponsor and atte...

kspec85 · kspec85

So, he texted me today- said " I am so sorry I am a piece of s**t, I know I love you very very much. Maybe I will call you after while. I am so sorry" This is almost identical to the text I got yesterday around this same time. Oh, maybe you will call me after while? How kind of you. I responded in this way: ""N...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses faith in a higher power, especially for those who struggle with the concept. Wise Al-Anon members may suggest that we surrender our lack of faith to a Higher Power, and ask for faith. When we feel frightened, helpless or hopeless, we have the choice to surrender those fee...

sarahGee · sarahGee

Yet another question for those of you who have been at this longer than I - Have you noticed that you are attracting more solid, steady people into your life as you progress in your program? I laugh every time I see someone talk about the broken picker-outer. It's so very true! Almost all of the relation...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Hey there MIP family. Tomorrow, I am headed out of town for a day trip to visit my friend with cancer. She's currently in treatment and because she was no responding to chemo, they've changed up the cocktail and still battling. She's a spiritual person as well as religious and has been very upbeat th...

kspec85 · kspec85

zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he...

vvv · vvv

My boyfriend and I recently broke up a few months ago because he got seriously injured after an alcohol related event and then chose to continue to drink. I could not go through another situation like the one I had just been through and I had to distance myself so I moved out. We have still been talking and...

sarahGee · sarahGee

My mom had her surgery today, it went well. Waiting for pathology results Monday. Anyway, I offered to bring her some dinner. I have a f2f meeting tonight at 8, I told her I had to leave around 7:30 to meet a friend for coffee. That was dumb. I really should have thought through every avenue first. "Who are...

KT2015 · KT2015

Ah woke up this morning in what appeared to be a terrible mood. It took me a while to identify it and in that time period he criticized me numerous times. By the time he was ready to leave I was ready to say good riddance. He left one parting criticism about the work I did with my daughter on her spelling pract...

a4l · a4l

Heard some bad news about former alcoholic acquaintances. Three people dead, one a bystander, one an alcoholic the other one of us. Alcoholism distorts normality to a point where crazy becomes do able and there's a point of no return. Amongst the sorrow is gratitude for the saving grace of my angels a...

sweeetr · sweeetr

my exH was a much easier detachment than what I'm living with now. My son 11 yr old. Is driving me as crazy as I use to be. (Starting my steps again.) Detaching from an 11 year old is hard. I find myself depressing again. I'm staying so busy when he's not here I'm so muscle sore I can hardly sleep. But when he...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Has anyone noticed that even when u detach they r not there for u but in a rant that is almost automatic? I keep thinking why can't he just listen to me and not get mad at whatever it is.. He is entitled to feelings but I have to stay neutral or things go bad. Is neutral detaching? Sometimes I wonder? Example:...

interstellarvagabond · interstellarvagabond

Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like...

sarahGee · sarahGee

Today HP is throwing me some curveballs to test my patience. I posted earlier about my Amoms cancer diagnosis. She had me believing that it was aggressive, and that there was no hope. We needed to prepare for the end. I found out shortly after that it is a small patch of skin cancer cells. Not to minimize...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about just for today and staying in the present moment. The writer shares about being a small child, watchful on hands/knees perhaps with a bug or caterpillar. Curiosity and the anticipation of movement or change kept our interest as we marveled over the creature, the colors, t...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading provides a reminder that we are not responsible for, nor can we alter, things outside of ourselves. This means that when we face a deadline, we can't ensure success by worrying or taking extreme measures. Sometimes that just results in more stress along with a missed deadline.When w...

MissM · MissM

Saturday night last, now-definitely-ex-abf turned up at my house extremely drunk and falling over. I told him to leave so he went away and came back crying. I made him give me his keys to my house (big relief; that was troubling me) and told him he was not coming in and he was not welcome to be anywhere near...

el-cee · el-cee

Why have i surrounded myself with crazy people? Then an even better question, why do i then expect these crazy people to behave normally? Whose the craziest, them or me?

Helpangel · Helpangel

I posted about detachment a couple of days ago and man was it an eye opener! Thank u everyone! It got me thinking...if they rant so easy about so many topics what do you consider a safe topic? I know my job is a sore subject so Tonight I tried to talk about how my brother in law has gotten a promotion. My sister...

El · El

Hi all! So, I have "known" for a while that my AH has been sneaking alcohol. He will freely drink beer in front of me, but a couple of years ago he swore off scotch and no longer sips it with his beer here in the house. He will order it when we go out....he has given himself permission to order something harde...

KT2015 · KT2015

Last week I had an incident at work where I missed something medium sized in importance because I wasn't really on top of my work. I've been very distracted for a long time and I have a horrible habit of avoiding things I don't want to face and procrastinating. The issue worked out ok and I think it was a l...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I have major expectations around other people's behavior when it comes to friendship and I'm trying to let this go, but it comes up again and again and is going to take a long time to change. I have a scorecard in my mind about who has called whom, who has initiated an activity, who has invited whom over or o...

shimo · shimo

Al-Anon meeting in the chat room in approximately 30 minutes (9:00 a.m. EST). Come on in and join us! Link to the chat room: https://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html If you come into the room without selecting a nickname for yourself, you would need to type /nick space followed by the nicknam...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Feeling very grateful for my program right now. AH in bad place so unfortunately he is taking up his efforts to drag me into a fight or to listen to his pity party. To ease his stress, make him feel better. Because of my program, I was able to see this and be aware of it. Therefore I am able to take appropriate...

sarahGee · sarahGee

I am not quite at that stage of my recovery yet, but it has been on my mind a lot recently. When it comes to your qualifier, and those who enable your qualifier, do your amends reflect your own participation in the situation? One that I can think of, and would like to approach when the time is right, is my da...

lookingup · lookingup

as most of you here know that I've recently had 2 of my live in qualifiers leave my home permanantly ,it's been going on 3 mths since the traumatizeing event happened thought it had ended there ,guess not,I've recently blocked both which its breaking my heart into peices cause one is my closest sister,...

Snippetvilla · Snippetvilla

Do all alcoholic families have members who think they have powers to change and manipulate other people's reality or is this sickness of abilities just in my family?

lookingup · lookingup

I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,h...

sarahGee · sarahGee

As I go along and learn more about this program, I wonder who am I supposed to turn to when I need to vent, or get some advice? I realize that (as someone else put it so spot on) my "picker outer" is broken. So my friendships, romantic relationships and those with my family (qualifiers) aren't ideal places...

Taraxacum · Taraxacum

I recently reached out to a family member who has been estranged for almost two years. I had heard she was ill and decided to send her a potted plant and a note because I wanted to show my compassion for her illness. She responded a few days later with a text, and it seems we may be moving towards some reconci...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I need to leave my husband (Preview) I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have lived together 5 years and have been married for less than 2. I have been living in a deep hole of denial for a very long time - to the point where I isolated myself, pushed others away and was unable to feel anything at all - just empty. Very heavy drinker, v...	Mercury	7	2207	Oct 25, 2016 by Mercury
	C2C reading 10-25 (Preview) The C2C reading for October 25 speaks about a defect of character that of" making choices passively and not making decisions. " One of the ways we can make amends for this defect is to stop practicing the defect. In every area of our lives we can ask ourselves am I taking responsibility for my self tod...	hotrod	2	293	Oct 25, 2016 by e_i_m
	Hope for Today Oct 25 (Preview) Hi Everybody- i am finally moving into a new (smaller) house with my kids tomorrow. I have some last minute cleaning to do at the house I am selling, then two closings-- so I will plan on writing again next week... Nov 1st! Hope you all have a great week :) Mary	yanksfan51	3	326	Oct 25, 2016 by Iamhere
	Overwhelmig Grief .. (Preview) I can't remember if I posted this or not .. I did not put this on my recent update because it's so much more than that .. My beautiful sponsor lost her battle with cancer at the end of September and I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of grief. I am SO glad I got to see her this summer. It meant the wor...	SerenityRUS	5	523	Oct 25, 2016 by Green Eyes
	recent event (Preview) I found out last week my husband of 35 years has fallen off the wagon. 28 years sober, gone. I suspected for several months. I tried to talk to him and he shuts me out. We have been in marriage counseling for the last 5 or 6 months too! My father was a alcoholic, it killed him. My problem is how to leave....	Annie Oakly	8	409	Oct 25, 2016 by Jerry F
	New member intro (Preview) Hi everyone, I'm 34, married and with two kids aged 3 and 7, and I come from Eastern Europe. I am a total mess and I was so happy to find this site! I am a codependent. My husband is an alcoholic. There are some local Al-Anon meetings here but they take place at somewhere 6-7 pm local time (which does not suit m...	missy_A	13	682	Oct 25, 2016 by sarahGee
	Courage to Change (C2C) 10/24/16 Recovery Like a Birch Tree (Preview) Today's reading likens recovery in AlAnon to a Birch tree, rather than an an onion, because it sheds its bark on its own after a period of growth: the bark serves a valuable purpose but then fall away as the tree grows and new protective bark takes its place.If a protective layer of bark is removed too ear...	Enigmatic	5	473	Oct 25, 2016 by serenity47
	newbie with ongoing crisis (Preview) hi, everyone. new here. been attending meetings on and off for over a year. recently re-committed because my life has been in turmoil over the past few weeks. (months? years?) i think i'm hitting my own bottom, where i need to seriously get in touch with what I (me, me, me) need and want. my fiancé is an...	Junenine	13	602	Oct 24, 2016 by Junenine
	Anger with my ABF (Preview) I've been with my bf for 6 years and we have a family together. He has been an alcoholic since he was 14, 21 years. When we first met we had fun. Going out for dinner and drinks, etc. I never paid attention to his drinking at that time because it wasn't causing trouble for our relationship. There have b...	lisad67	1	352	Oct 24, 2016 by pinkchip
	Police 2x in 2 hours. (Preview) I don't know where to start. Just before bed dh and I commented on what a nice , "normal" day we had. Twins hadn't been severely intoxicated in our presence in 2-3 weeks. We were just starting to let our guard down a teeny tiny bit. We went to bed at 11pm. At 1am I was awoken by the dog barking. The twins were...	themoonandthestars	3	486	Oct 24, 2016 by Jerry F
	Alcoholic boyfriend (Preview) Hi guys, I'm new on here. I've been dating my alcoholic boyfriend for 5 months. There were some red flags but I had no idea how bad things were until recently. I noticed that my port barrel was near empty and realised he's been stealing my alcohol. I've asked him many times to stop but have still notic...	SaraLin	16	2923	Oct 24, 2016 by Jerry F
	Layer (Preview) Good morning, all lovely Al-anon friends. By the grace of our program, in the last few days I have become aware of more of my layer of denial falling away. A sense of seeing the world from a more realistic stand point. I feel a little nervous about it but very pleased. Dealing with people, places and thing...	Calm Lady	17	513	Oct 23, 2016 by Calm Lady
	My brother's addiction problem is spreading to my family (Preview) I had to distance myself from my brother and his toxic family. He's now got cirrhosis, his friend(POA) is overseeing his care. The kids(nephews and nieces) kept calling so I gave them resources and cut them off. They don't want help, they just want money and me to fix everything. They are lying to m...	Lucy125	4	426	Oct 23, 2016 by Lucy125
	Courage to Change reading 10-23 (Preview) The C2C reading for October 23 speaks about the fact that once sobriety is attained in the home. it points out that we believe that the nightmares will be over. However, we discover that alcohol had a tranquilizing effect and now without this the alcoholic is quite difficult to live with.and...	hotrod	5	585	Oct 23, 2016 by Jerry F
	Struggling - lost *very long post* (Preview) Hello All, Recent I have been really struggling with a myriad of things and I am seeking....something...I'm not certain I even know what. Perhaps support or perhaps peace...I'm not really sure. My RAH is over 18 months sober and doing wonderfull in his program. I try to follow the AlAnon principle...	Doingmybest	7	445	Oct 23, 2016 by Jerry F
	My mother (Preview) My mother is very adamant about her feelings regarding alcoholics. She hates them. Her father, her two brothers, and my father were all alcoholics. Her one brother has achieved sobriety of over 20 years. My father and her other brother died from the disease. Her father, my grandfather, wa...	Fooled	39	1130	Oct 23, 2016 by Fooled
	Trying not to be crazy (Preview) I've been lurking here for awhile. Started attending face to face meetings in August but started reading CAL last year. I want recovery so bad but it's so hard and so slow going sometimes. Just when I'm doing good something will happen and I feel like I take 2 steps backwards. Background: AH was 5 year...	Fancypants	8	428	Oct 23, 2016 by Lyne
	Responding instead of reacting (Preview) Reacting to all my sit. Has always been my behavior ways ,never worked like pouring fuel to the sit. Today I'm trying to learn a whole new way of behaving with using responding instead of reacting ,a new tool I'm just finding that I really need help with along with examples of how do I stop reacting( never...	lookingup	4	551	Oct 23, 2016 by lookingup
	How do you do this with a toddler??? (Preview) I was doing so well last week. I was focusing on me and my happiness. I let my recovering alcoholic have his moods and I didn't judge or get caught up with them. BUT I snapped on Saturday. Our theee year old was being three, and I'm pregnant and I'm just TIRED of being alone and having no joy in our house! I w...	Prissykitty	15	553	Oct 22, 2016 by Hopeful2112
	First contact with my alcoholic since I started Al Anon. (Preview) I am proud of myself, but I have realized that I have a loooooong way to go. I haven't had a long conversation with my mom (one of the qualifiers in my life) in about two weeks. This might not seem like long, but we were so intertwined that most days we would only go an hour or two without speaking or being toge...	sarahGee	3	503	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Husband in detox, trying to figure out what's next (Preview) I had to travel for 5 days for work across the country. The night before I left I came home to my husband passed out drunk. I went to Seattle and whenever I called to see how things were going he was drunk. He missed a job interview and then proceeded to lie about going. When I returned home, he was drunk aga...	SDB	8	503	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Prayers needed please ! (Preview) hi everybody,my best family on earth today,today I am needing prayers for myself ( I'm ok) just that I'm sorta in a bad predicament that I can only work hard and I mean hard at staying ,keeping detached from,and much needed prayers for my Freind please,he is in a very bad situation.much needed prayers f...	lookingup	8	415	Oct 22, 2016 by lookingup
	Somebody please help!!! (Preview) I am the black sheep of my family. Growing up I could do no right. I was beaten down and suicidal. I went to a psychologist and recovered. I am married and have two teen kids. I take care of my 90 year old mom. I don't take any drugs, I got off all psychiatric drugs about 5 years ago. I had to distance mysel...	Lucy125	12	547	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Can love exist alongside fear? (Preview) Just thinking out loud. When i think of love before alanon and since alanon i can see a huge difference. I thought love was someone needing you, an alcoholic ticks that box. I thought it was becoming one with another, lifes so enmeshed i lost my individuality, i thought it meant making them happy at any...	el-cee	9	496	Oct 22, 2016 by Hope4Healing
	MIP Owner (Preview) John has indicated, on his Face Book page, that he has been recently been hospitalized for his COPD and is recovering slowly. Please include him in your prayers.	hotrod	28	793	Oct 22, 2016 by Truth
	Courage to Change 22/10 (Preview) Today's c2c notes that some of us begin our al-anon journey sharing only light-hearted or amusing stories about the problems of living with or loving an alcoholic and avoid sharing any real, raw or painful truths. The reading suggests that this is because we don't trust anyone with our truth and it o...	MissM	3	414	Oct 22, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Comfort Zone (Preview) My qualifier is gone, I am single and I now can make positive choices for my life. Easier said than done. I'll be darn if I am having a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone. Why not just stay home! It's easier on my budget, no traffic, it's cold, my own brewed coffee is cheaper, it's too late to go for a sho...	LinSC	13	608	Oct 22, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Expectations and defensiveness (Preview) Please share with the board how you handle expectations especially in romantic relationships. I am dealing with my own inner demons of trying to determine what is a valid expectation and reasonable or what is just ME trying to satisfy my own ego or my own 'hole in my soul' through someone's behaviors,...	andromeda	10	740	Oct 22, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	There is no end to my dis-ease. (Preview) Having reactions (hate that word) from within my relationship with my wife sooooo am trying to reach my sponsor as I was taught. He is a sponsor not a marriage counselor so the focus is on me. That part of the disease where I was discounted and not willingly supported even on a minor issue. My react...	Jerry F	6	424	Oct 22, 2016 by Jerry F
	DEALING WITH A BUDDING ADDICT (Preview) Does anyone have any insights on the following? My addict daughter has always fantasised about a life based on opulence, and in the past I have engaged with her, and even helped her with her big ideas about becoming a coffee representative for a supplier in Vietnam resulting in financial loss because...	Aprilc	5	384	Oct 22, 2016 by Aprilc
	Al-Anon lingo questions (Preview) hi, all. so i've been attending mtgs on and off for a while but now i'm feeling that i'm hitting my own bottom and need help. need some specific guidance/ advice/ feedback on placing myself back at the center of my life and figuring out what's best for me, what i need... so i'm looking for a sponsor and atte...	Junenine	14	2534	Oct 21, 2016 by Junenine
	Proud of Myself (Preview) So, he texted me today- said " I am so sorry I am a piece of s**t, I know I love you very very much. Maybe I will call you after while. I am so sorry" This is almost identical to the text I got yesterday around this same time. Oh, maybe you will call me after while? How kind of you. I responded in this way: ""N...	kspec85	2	376	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 10/21/16 (Preview) Today's reading discusses faith in a higher power, especially for those who struggle with the concept. Wise Al-Anon members may suggest that we surrender our lack of faith to a Higher Power, and ask for faith. When we feel frightened, helpless or hopeless, we have the choice to surrender those fee...	Iamhere	4	402	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Attraction (Preview) Yet another question for those of you who have been at this longer than I - Have you noticed that you are attracting more solid, steady people into your life as you progress in your program? I laugh every time I see someone talk about the broken picker-outer. It's so very true! Almost all of the relation...	sarahGee	13	475	Oct 21, 2016 by a4l
	Road Trip - Need ESH or Prayers! (Preview) Hey there MIP family. Tomorrow, I am headed out of town for a day trip to visit my friend with cancer. She's currently in treatment and because she was no responding to chemo, they've changed up the cocktail and still battling. She's a spiritual person as well as religious and has been very upbeat th...	Iamhere	18	463	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Making Plans (Preview) zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he...	kspec85	6	423	Oct 21, 2016 by starcatcher2
	Alcoholic ExBf "Needs Me to Stop Drinking" (Preview) My boyfriend and I recently broke up a few months ago because he got seriously injured after an alcohol related event and then chose to continue to drink. I could not go through another situation like the one I had just been through and I had to distance myself so I moved out. We have still been talking and...	vvv	7	820	Oct 21, 2016 by Jerry F
	Help! I want to STAY anon! (Preview) My mom had her surgery today, it went well. Waiting for pathology results Monday. Anyway, I offered to bring her some dinner. I have a f2f meeting tonight at 8, I told her I had to leave around 7:30 to meet a friend for coffee. That was dumb. I really should have thought through every avenue first. "Who are...	sarahGee	6	466	Oct 21, 2016 by sarahGee
	Feeling nitpicked (Preview) Ah woke up this morning in what appeared to be a terrible mood. It took me a while to identify it and in that time period he criticized me numerous times. By the time he was ready to leave I was ready to say good riddance. He left one parting criticism about the work I did with my daughter on her spelling pract...	KT2015	13	2572	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	senseless yet graced. (Preview) Heard some bad news about former alcoholic acquaintances. Three people dead, one a bystander, one an alcoholic the other one of us. Alcoholism distorts normality to a point where crazy becomes do able and there's a point of no return. Amongst the sorrow is gratitude for the saving grace of my angels a...	a4l	6	352	Oct 20, 2016 by a4l
	11 year old son (Preview) my exH was a much easier detachment than what I'm living with now. My son 11 yr old. Is driving me as crazy as I use to be. (Starting my steps again.) Detaching from an 11 year old is hard. I find myself depressing again. I'm staying so busy when he's not here I'm so muscle sore I can hardly sleep. But when he...	sweeetr	6	413	Oct 20, 2016 by pinkchip
	Detachment (Preview) Has anyone noticed that even when u detach they r not there for u but in a rant that is almost automatic? I keep thinking why can't he just listen to me and not get mad at whatever it is.. He is entitled to feelings but I have to stay neutral or things go bad. Is neutral detaching? Sometimes I wonder? Example:...	Helpangel	8	582	Oct 20, 2016 by danielle44
	my girlfriend drinks, but she's not the alcoholic in my life advice needed help please (Preview) Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like...	interstellarvagabond	6	3044	Oct 20, 2016 by ItsAllAboutMeMC
	Patience (Preview) Today HP is throwing me some curveballs to test my patience. I posted earlier about my Amoms cancer diagnosis. She had me believing that it was aggressive, and that there was no hope. We needed to prepare for the end. I found out shortly after that it is a small patch of skin cancer cells. Not to minimize...	sarahGee	9	638	Oct 20, 2016 by andromeda
	Courage to Change (C2C) 10/20/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about just for today and staying in the present moment. The writer shares about being a small child, watchful on hands/knees perhaps with a bug or caterpillar. Curiosity and the anticipation of movement or change kept our interest as we marveled over the creature, the colors, t...	Iamhere	2	346	Oct 20, 2016 by Iamhere
	C2C 10/19/16 (Preview) Today's reading provides a reminder that we are not responsible for, nor can we alter, things outside of ourselves. This means that when we face a deadline, we can't ensure success by worrying or taking extreme measures. Sometimes that just results in more stress along with a missed deadline.When w...	Enigmatic	4	336	Oct 19, 2016 by e_i_m
	Need a label-maker for my monkeys. (Preview) Saturday night last, now-definitely-ex-abf turned up at my house extremely drunk and falling over. I told him to leave so he went away and came back crying. I made him give me his keys to my house (big relief; that was troubling me) and told him he was not coming in and he was not welcome to be anywhere near...	MissM	13	643	Oct 19, 2016 by starcatcher2
	Aaaaaaargh (Preview) Why have i surrounded myself with crazy people? Then an even better question, why do i then expect these crazy people to behave normally? Whose the craziest, them or me?	el-cee	8	471	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	The common Ranting --what topics are safe? (Preview) I posted about detachment a couple of days ago and man was it an eye opener! Thank u everyone! It got me thinking...if they rant so easy about so many topics what do you consider a safe topic? I know my job is a sore subject so Tonight I tried to talk about how my brother in law has gotten a promotion. My sister...	Helpangel	24	591	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	Seeing the proof hurts (Preview) Hi all! So, I have "known" for a while that my AH has been sneaking alcohol. He will freely drink beer in front of me, but a couple of years ago he swore off scotch and no longer sips it with his beer here in the house. He will order it when we go out....he has given himself permission to order something harde...	El	13	589	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	Keeping the focus on myself (Preview) Last week I had an incident at work where I missed something medium sized in importance because I wasn't really on top of my work. I've been very distracted for a long time and I have a horrible habit of avoiding things I don't want to face and procrastinating. The issue worked out ok and I think it was a l...	KT2015	5	3596	Oct 19, 2016 by 2HP
	Expectations, working on it. (Preview) I have major expectations around other people's behavior when it comes to friendship and I'm trying to let this go, but it comes up again and again and is going to take a long time to change. I have a scorecard in my mind about who has called whom, who has initiated an activity, who has invited whom over or o...	e_i_m	24	724	Oct 19, 2016 by 2HP
	WEDNESDAY AL-ANON MEETING 9:00 A.M. EST (Preview) Al-Anon meeting in the chat room in approximately 30 minutes (9:00 a.m. EST). Come on in and join us! Link to the chat room: https://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html If you come into the room without selecting a nickname for yourself, you would need to type /nick space followed by the nicknam...	shimo	1	296	Oct 19, 2016 by hotrod
	Grateful (Preview) Feeling very grateful for my program right now. AH in bad place so unfortunately he is taking up his efforts to drag me into a fight or to listen to his pity party. To ease his stress, make him feel better. Because of my program, I was able to see this and be aware of it. Therefore I am able to take appropriate...	Calm Lady	12	541	Oct 19, 2016 by el-cee
	Making amends (Preview) I am not quite at that stage of my recovery yet, but it has been on my mind a lot recently. When it comes to your qualifier, and those who enable your qualifier, do your amends reflect your own participation in the situation? One that I can think of, and would like to approach when the time is right, is my da...	sarahGee	4	525	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	Reputation (Preview) as most of you here know that I've recently had 2 of my live in qualifiers leave my home permanantly ,it's been going on 3 mths since the traumatizeing event happened thought it had ended there ,guess not,I've recently blocked both which its breaking my heart into peices cause one is my closest sister,...	lookingup	4	381	Oct 18, 2016 by sarahGee
	Alcoholic "powers" (Preview) Do all alcoholic families have members who think they have powers to change and manipulate other people's reality or is this sickness of abilities just in my family?	Snippetvilla	2	535	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	Youngest brother come to stay (Preview) I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,h...	lookingup	6	514	Oct 18, 2016 by lookingup
	Who do you turn to? (Preview) As I go along and learn more about this program, I wonder who am I supposed to turn to when I need to vent, or get some advice? I realize that (as someone else put it so spot on) my "picker outer" is broken. So my friendships, romantic relationships and those with my family (qualifiers) aren't ideal places...	sarahGee	10	435	Oct 18, 2016 by sarahGee
	Seeking your wisdom and courage (Preview) I recently reached out to a family member who has been estranged for almost two years. I had heard she was ill and decided to send her a potted plant and a note because I wanted to show my compassion for her illness. She responded a few days later with a text, and it seems we may be moving towards some reconci...	Taraxacum	5	393	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.