A closet Agnostic?? - Al-Anon Family Group

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

RE: A closet Agnostic??

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Maybe with more openings in the guard rails? (((N)))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

John wrote:

Keep it simple, Easy does it... I found I don't need to understand or examine everything or figure it all out... just become willing to participate as a part of the universal goodness. Also, and lastly, I am a abuse survivor. I had to come to a place of accepting that God doesn't interfere with human will, any more than God interferes with gravity. Not even when it harms others. What God or the Universal power does is provide a internal place of warmth, time, peace and comfort so healing can take place. And from the most wounded come the worlds greatest warriors for justice for the vulnerable. These I call God's peeps... Angels. You are one of them in my eyes.Just my two cents worth... Rose, I think you are on the right path... just stay the course and let the universal laws show you God (as you come to understand).John

-- Edited by John on Friday 7th of November 2014 11:08:14 AM

Dear John, I LOVE this story and this way to esh'd that lady....I totally could relate to it...I want to be the things you questioned that lady....so I say "yes, of course I want to be those things you described"....and yep...going back to simplicity in my spirituality ...and take it easy on me......and i agree Creator does not interfere with human will and I think my confusion/disillusion with HP WAS b/c it was MAN who messed me up so badly , thus , the confusion of creator abandoning me....I like the "internal place of warmth, time, peace and comfort so healing can take place"....i like the Good orderly direction and the Get out of defects, lol...i can relate to that big time.....thank you for thinking i am a "God peep" I want to be a God peep...I want to be all the things u described and i believe i am , even tho confused and wounded, and i shall be a better one.....thank you for this DEEP and thought provoking share......LOVED every bit of it.....

this whole thread is one great education for me...somehow, living here, in strict, rigid bible belt, being persecuted by family, others, and the coda "wanting to fit in" and my past and recent past experiences, just jumbled me all up......i am gonna print this thread, lol and read it and read it and staple all this wisdom to my heart.....thank you , John for not just validating ME, but showing me that I gotta be positive, loving, healing MY WAY, as Jerry said, i am going back to my culture and chatted last night and this am to my Creator, Great Spirit....today, i feel peace...focused...in a Good--Orderly--Direction and i will be here for life to "Get--Out--of those danged Defects"

Violet B · Newbie

I tried to post here a moment ago but what I posted isn't showing up, so here it is again. I read this thread, and what I woke up to this morning I loved, so I wanted to share it here.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh WOW, Violet, that is WAY too cool......yep...I wish i had known I could be me and still be loved , accepted as is....I can be afraid and its ok, i can kiss my fears and go on as best as i can...I can be hurt, but i can reach out with my hurts and get a nice hug from someone and I can go on as best as i can..i can have questions about seemingly the most obvious things, and i can get answers/esh/help from others and go on as best as i can...

Thank you and i see you are a newbie...WELCOME to the family....

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie! This all makes me so very happy for you. I love you and I'm grateful for you, too.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
Maybe with more openings in the guard rails? (((N)))

((((((((((P))))))))))))) keeping my mind open...had a good day today, feeling like i had a spiritual heart transplant and new "organ" is doing fine.......got soo much good on this thread to refect on and meditate on and when i feel doubts and confusion, pull out this thingy and go over it, work the steps on it...i wanna keep what you all offered me.......hugs

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
Rosie, Rosie, Rosie! This all makes me so very happy for you. I love you and I'm grateful for you, too.

((((((((((((Catherine))))))) the feeings are so mutual......i feel so cleansed w/the great replies i got...like this was ALL in my face and i was blinded and didn't see....EVERYONE of you w/out exception gave me good stuff to think on, meditate on, practice on........2 good guys and you good ladies stepped up for a sister in need, dire need, of some good common sense, from the heart you all stepped up and I am reading, reflecting and I am KEEPING all this.....each one of you i would read your replies and go "oh yea" and "WOW, why didn't i see this?? this is what i WANT" and yea, Catherine, I think great spirit was workin over time to help me thru you all

I think i see another place where i fell out of the guard rails....I was putting HUMAN traits on pure spirit...and humans have been 90% of the source of my pain....so yea, i was associating HP w/humans.....several of you mentioned the difference between HP and humans, it was like BOING, a big light bulb went off, reflecting, meditating on your replies, I am seeing just how i went off the track....i was ignoring/bypassing the "god steps" b/c I didn't like the god that was shoved upon me.....now i can face these steps that refer to great spirit/creator and not go "yuck" i can't stomache this......I gotta figure out how to print this thread so i can keep it in my "tool box" with my courage to change and from survival to recovery books.........BIG hugs of gratitude......

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

As I heard a friend of mine say once upon a time: I can curse the darkness or I can reflect the light. It sounds like you are choosing to reflect the light. It isn't easy and we have the program, each other and the Source of all that will last to help us be the little light that you recognize now that you are and will be in your way and with your understanding of your Light Source.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
As I heard a friend of mine say once upon a time: I can curse the darkness or I can reflect the light. It sounds like you are choosing to reflect the light. It isn't easy and we have the program, each other and the Source of all that will last to help us be the little light that you recognize now that you are and will be in your way and with your understanding of your Light Source.

LOVE the "source of all" and the "light source" that resonates w/me.....taking the human traits off creator has helped me a lot....and I loved the way you said the schizophrenic attributes, taking them off as well.....to me?? it is cause and effect....i do negative?? negative comes back to me..HP really isn't "up there" somewhere with a mallet ready to bash this little chicken into a frikasee.........

simple...easy to wrap my head around what you all said to me........i was waaay complicating something that needn't have been....going into a paralysis of analysis as one wise soul said to me.......i had a good day today...was relaxed..focused....and ate about TEN butter fingers......on a sugar high, but today??? even THAT feels good, LOL.....program is soo simple, but it aint easy........BIG hugs.....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My sponsor is back in from being out of town, and I told her about my "week" and the thread i started and i told her about all the replies and she was happy for me...Happy that I reached out b/c its my responsibility to get my needs met and to do it the best way I can..Noone is gonna spoon feed this to me, its my responsibility to make sure I am fed..and then to practice what works....

I soo recommend having a sponsor or a good recovery partner whose been in the program for a while....a good sponsor is worth his/her weight in gold, but i am here to say that as essential as my sponsor and my "talking on phone" recovery mates are , THIS community is also essential to me...

I don't think one can get "water logged" working the program...Sometimes I can be easier on my work..Sometimes I have to really put my hours in, depending on the day....One day at a time....

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I have heard many people explain step 3 as more of a coming to believe in a god of their NOT understanding. I denied God/HP a lot by trying to find a logical answer for matters of faith. Faith by definition is believing in something without needing logic persay. I couldn't "think" my way into believing in God. I had to experience my way into it. I also found God when I started looking for him/her/it rather than trying to find evidence of God's absence.

The fact that I do NOT know all the answers. That there are things I can't explain is now evidence of a power greater than me. I don't need to know exactly how God functions to believe and that is a relief. I am happy to believe in a God I don't fully understand.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

pinkchip wrote:
I have heard many people explain step 3 as more of a coming to believe in a god of their NOT understanding. I denied God/HP a lot by trying to find a logical answer for matters of faith. Faith by definition is believing in something without needing logic persay. I couldn't "think" my way into believing in God. I had to experience my way into it. I also found God when I started looking for him/her/it rather than trying to find evidence of God's absence.

The fact that I do NOT know all the answers. That there are things I can't explain is now evidence of a power greater than me. I don't need to know exactly how God functions to believe and that is a relief. I am happy to believe in a God I don't fully understand.

Ohhh Mark, this is GR8..."of their NOT understanding" there again, i am seeing that my "need to know" needs to be replaced by "want to learn" and even then, i am not gonna learn all things.......and i agree..i am not gonna "think" it i will "feel/experience" it...I was waaay over thinking/analyzing something no way i was gonna understand.........and ya know??? in meditation last night, i came to acceptance that i am willing to be "OK" with NOT knowing all the answers...I will be fed knowledge on a need to know basis, sorta......and yep....I now see that its "ok" to not fully understand creator b/c the more people i talk with, the more i see that this is "OK".......the old fear of not being in control, inserted itself, even in this area of my life....i don't have to "know it all" to be "ok" ...thanks Mark...I hope my LOOOOONG post on your family of origin issues was "ok" your thread was so fascinating, I got a memory, i felt like sharing.....

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you did. I appreciate all your sharing and background info. You have some hard won wisdom.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

you know, today i was talking w/my sister and i told her about I had a "mini" breakthrough....we were talking about the world, in general, and i touched in brief how i did this post and how the bottom line was i was waaay too over analyzing creator and putting human traits on it....how i got confused...lost my way, etc., and how my alanon sisters and brothers helped me find my way back again...

she asked me (she knows my control--need to know issues) and i told her that, really, i was OK...i told her It was OK i didn't understand creator/HP...i just know that "something" greater than I is available to me for at the very least, guidance, love, maybe even protection, I don't know, but something universal and omnipresent is there..........evidence??? i had a little "speed bump" and my norm was to get fearful, then angry, then coming at HP for not helping me, yada yada...but this time????

I just said "ok, this is what it is and what do i do???" no getting angry at HP...not even close to it....

and then i get a pm from a well meaning friend on facebook saying i am being "tested"....i thanked them for their share and said basically any "tests" are my "cause and affect" I said "my actions bringing about a reaction OR this is just LIFE...and by default , life can be a bitch or a rash in the butt or it can be great..it goes in cycles......most of the negative stuff that happens to me is either just life or my not paying attention, or a bad choice on my part....."

I didn't , upon her pm, feel that "oh yea, HP is out to get me" and thus the angry victim......I blew it off as a well meaning person handing me their beliefs and I did not bite......

yea, i think the HP thingy is beginning to take root......just wanted to tell you guys that.....my answers were right in my face but i was blinded by thinking too much.....

HP, help me stay in my business, be peaceful over the stuff i can't do anything about and know that it will be OK, anyway, and give me the courage to change/mitigate the things I can , and please give me the wisdom and open mindedness to be able to relax and know where I end and you start and thus let me release me from that which is over my head...........Thank you!!!

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Good work Neshema. It's not easy to face the steps with the deep honesty that is needed to help heal. I find myself revisiting the steps often and continue to strengthen my relationship with my HP and work Alanon in all of my affairs.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.