Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Scamper · Scamper

I just want to thank the people who responded to my 'feeling alone and scared' post. You uplifted me tremendously this morning when I came on the site. There were things that were said that I so needed to be reminded of. God bless you guys and I love to read these posts too - I don't feel...

angel123 · angel123

Healing tears....Some cry easy some do not... For me I am a crier I take things deep.I thought it was a defect that I was easy for depression or I was just not accepting things. But I had alot of pain to heal walking into the doors of Alanon.I had guilt, fear all the negative emotions.My tears were fr...

tippergirl · tippergirl

I am supposed to start a daily gratitude list today. Gotta run-but I am grateful I get to take care of my little baby girl (hence why I am running)

dipstick75 · dipstick75

Hello Anyone who is looking to sponsor a newbie. I have visited here for one week today. In the chat room I am aka Allmessedup. Please message me if you are interested in helping me through this journey that I am about to take. Thank you. Hugs.

hersh · hersh

Hi everyone: I have been separated from my A for two months now. He relapsed after a year of sobriety (no program) It was the most horrible thing I have ever been through, like watching someone die. Things are improving and he will not attend AA but is reading a religious book and p...

shadow1 · shadow1

My A that once was a very gentle person started showing signs of anger while drinking. I stopped "nagging" him while he was under the infulece. Now the anger seems to happen when he is not drinking . I think that he is very capable of going into a rage and unknowingly hurt someone. He is on med...

debilyn · debilyn

You guys asked me what would make me want to visit my A in jail or write to him. Someone also said why does it have to be, he has to write me first or whatever. You guys came up with some important points and I listened and took it to heart. I have not contacted him. It has been 22 days now. I realized I want to...

Lily7 · Lily7

My ah and I separated on my request two months ago and I am struggling with what to do. He denies drinking. I think I cannot cope with living with him while he actively drinks but I do not want to end a relationship of 20 years, or do I? One minute I want in, the next minute I want out...

lilms · lilms

I am a little confused as to the setting of boundaries and the natural consequences, or predetermined consequences to those boundaries being crossed. Found out 10 days ago that my stepdaughter is using cocaine again. I was not here the first time in her life that that was an issue but I was tol...

angeleyes8462 · angeleyes8462

Last night, I wanted to do something for me. So I got home from my second job and took a bath. And went into my room grabbed my "Courage to Change" book. I have had something weighing on me alot lately something I have been letting my own feelings getting in the way of instead of letting my hp have it. I have ha...

Gailey · Gailey

I have mentioned on these boards that I have a food addiction (btw...wish they had a board for that in MIP) Last night while I was eating a piece of cake my dh casually made a remark to me. It went like this..."I don't know how you expect to lose any weight eating those kinds of things" Well....I wa...

FormalWare · FormalWare

From the ODAT for today (May 11): "What is the greatest hindrance to my achieving serenity? DETERMINATION..." I've got to LET GO of things, and place them in the hands of my HP. I'm actually getting glimpses of the resulting serenity; yesterday afternoon, as I told my sister, I got this sudden fee...

confused · confused

I have been doing a lot of reflection on what I need to take care of me if my husband and I reconcile. One of the big things that continually comes up in my mind is the financial insecurity we have had over the years. Since he has not contributed at all over the past 5 months, since our separatio...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello (((Everyone))) I'm not OK. I hurt and feel miserable and have those see saw emotions in my head that make me want to try bumping into the same old wall again. There were drugs here when I got home yesterday, yeah I should not have looked but I did. Maybe I should have just pretended I didn't see them...

AlaMom · AlaMom

I came across this recently and thought I would share it. I know I have been using this little poem in my life alot. One Day At A Time I cannot change my yesterdays The things that I have done For those days are behind me A new day has begun. I cannot live tomorrow A captive of my fears ...

bigthoughts · bigthoughts

Last night I met my boyfriend out for drinks with friends. As usual, he took it too far. He feels he needs to be "the life of the party". Our friends think he's fun and funny, I see it as being obnoxious and I know that he will always take it too far. I start dropping little hints to him that I think he sho...

leo · leo

Maresie you have been given a gift to share this journey with your friend. I lost my best friend to cancer when she was only 35 years old. We were separated by 1300kms but it did not stop the love and communication and the visits when I could manage them to see her. Your friend will need someon...

swolves · swolves

got the computer fixed....read you all later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rtexas · rtexas

Something has made me want to develope a list of reasons to stay in this marriage. So far all I have is : - monitor what goes on around the kids - be there to support her if she ever decides to get a program (not likely) I am horrible at allowing my HP to guide me. We haven't ta...

richard · richard

Hi, tried posting this last night but I must have clicked the wrong button because it did not show up. So, here it is again. I will be going to an Al-anon meeting in a bit. ________ I stopped going to Al-Anon a while back. My son is\was doing fairly well… for not doing a 12 step progr...

hudsond · hudsond

Why is it that flaws stand out so profoundly? I am talking about my own--I see others too, but mine hurt so much. I really asm having a good week, except I keep seeing all these things in me that I don't like. Which I know in and of itself isn't a bad thing--it's just that they seem to be st...

robyn76 · robyn76

Hi all, It has been a while since I last posted. After 3 months of supporting him through out patient it seems there was a straw that broke this camel's back. I had planned a date (as suggested by our counselor for him to do)...so I called him and said why don't we go to one of your meet...

feelinhopeless · feelinhopeless

I am new to this so forgive my ignorance. I would like to work on the steps but the link to the step work board isn't working for me. Is there someplace where I can go to start working the steps? Another question, I have heard and read alot about sponsors, but there is no f2f meetings where I l...

tippergirl · tippergirl

It's so hard to focus on my problems. I think that in some way I had chosen an A to marry because I wanted a "fixer-upper" project. It sure is easier to look at someone else's problem than to look at my own. If I didn't have problems, I would be happier. But my spiritual immaturity keep me focusedon how other...

kspear · kspear

Hello all, I was reflecting over some of my recent behavior, none of which was outrageous or bad per se, but the motives have been less than pure. I've noticed that even after so much work done in the other program, I find that I still go to extreme lengths to gain approval from others. Of c...

emma · emma

i'm wondering if i am surrounded by A's ... i have one person i work with who is trying to make everyone feel good ... so that just when we get a decision and a plan, this person, who has some authority over the group, then says something that obfuscates the whole plan ... and so no one does anything, and we...

quest · quest

As I progress with using the tools I learn in our program, detachment, boundries… I am getting some peace and reacting less. So when my ah is having a hard time I am more sympathetic and understanding. But… When my ah is not drinking/using, I seem to lose some of my patien...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello (((Everyone))) It's Sully's (mastiff puppy) 5 month birthday today! Hurray LOL silly I know but what the heck I need something to celebrate and since he is spoiled rotten already I might as well go all the way. Today I am going to drop the dogs off at home before work, my AH will be there then but...

Gailey · Gailey

I am trying so hard to stay out of my son's business. Sometimes I just cannot let go of the fact that his business in NOT my business. I find myself wanting to tell him things his wife tells me the children say about missing him etc. I just have to keep my mouth closed and let his HP tell him if it is...

lilms · lilms

I have come to realize over the past few days that I do not know the child my wife speaks of. My alcoholic/addict stepdaughter. I am now realizing that that is part of the reason why I don't get it. I never knew the child and she has been addicted to some substance or another since she...

mistykat · mistykat

I haven't yet been able to attend a meeting, so don't know anything about the steps or how to get started. I have lived with an alcoholic husband for twenty years, but just last night decided I needed to finally do something for myself, since it is pretty obvious that he is not going to change. Wher...

ditto · ditto

We are in the process of getting an uncontested divorce. He has signed all of the papers. The papers are filed with the court. He has left. He has been gone for 10 days, and in those 10 days I have not missed him. While he lived with me he refused to work. He lied cons...

Dolphin123 · Dolphin123

Hi all, I guess I spoke to soon. I just got a call from my "A". He went over to go work on the car. Somehow it caught on fire, and the fire department put it out. So now the car is toast, literally. He said the engine melted. And it is not repairable. He is crying asking what has he done to deserve this. ...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Hello (((All))), Well as I sit here today pondering whether I made the right decision seperating from hub, my mind and my heart tell me yes....... I have had some difficult days, it has been difficult and at the same time peaceful. Well as peaceful as it can be living with two teenagers..........

drucilla06 · drucilla06

(((family))) I have been thinking about something my mother said to me.She said that she loved my dad ( an A),but it was the man he used to be.Before the alcohol.Years later after the alcohol had taken over and much verbal and physical abuse,she said,when my dad walked in it was not the man she loved at...

kismetstrand · kismetstrand

So this morning hubby starts telling me how his ex has found an inpatient 30-day treatment facility that her insurance will cover. At first I'm confused thinking "huh? for who?" Well, for their youngest daughter (yes, the one we've been having recent problems with). Seems she h...

bob6502 · bob6502

Hiya friends, I just talked to smpoli on the phone a bit ago. Bryon is ill and wasn't able to do his radiation today. They are not sure what is wrong with him. She's upset about his health and missing her family at home. Please send her lots of love and prayers. She appreciates it all. SenoraBob

hudsond · hudsond

Monday and Tuesday were good days for me as far as telling my ex and my current husbands what I thought. I was proud of me. First Monday night I let my ex know that I was very angry and hurt by the way he was treating me. I told him I did not appreciate being lied to and manipulated. I...

jennneeefffurrr · jennneeefffurrr

I have not spoken to my A since late Monday night, when I called it quits with him. I have turned off my cell phone, my only number, so if he calls he goes straight to voice mail...so far, no word from him. I keep seeing visions of these women on talk shows who were involved with alcoholics. The A started...

angeleyes8462 · angeleyes8462

I went to my second f2f last night. It was a great meeting talked about self estem. Made me think alot about how I have been feeling lately. I have been feeling like I really didn't have much self estem. That I have been beaten down alot inside lately. But then I really st...

regrets · regrets

My recovering A of 1 year called to see if he should file the papers since he was in the area of the courthouse. I told him he needs to do what he feels he needs or should do. I'm tired of having to make all the decsions for him so that he doesn't have to accept accountability. So we went back and fo...

txmom · txmom

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace with myself I've been burdened with blame trapped in the past for too long I'm moving on I lived in this place and I know all the faces Each...

tippergirl · tippergirl

I posted another thread about being afraid to let go of my anger. But I think I am also afraid to leave my pity party. I have for a long time felt sorry for myself. When I was a child, this was a way that I comforted myself. I think I still do that. But I wonder how I can break that cycle. How do I stop feeling sorry...

sarahlm · sarahlm

My husband is in jail right now for multiple DUIs and his family hates me because we got into a fight and he bad mouthed me to them. Then we made up, because I went to the jail to visit him. Up until then, I was being the devoted wife, putting $ on his account, visiting, talking to the lawyer, going to court, or...

tippergirl · tippergirl

I struggle with anger all the time. In some ways, I am addicted to anger. It has been a survival emotion for me, because if I didn't have anger I would have cried and felt completely defenseless and hopeless. I am working so hard on me right now and getting out of my depression and trying to let go of my anger...

QOD · QOD

So my AH has been gone for a full week. Just up and disappeared AGAIN. No contact what so ever. I was so mad last week when he disappeared. Then my mom & sister took the kids & me to Nags Head for the weekend. We had a nice time. When I got home Sunday, I knew he...

quest · quest

sometimes i think it is a contradiction to think of a'ism as a disease while saying it is the a's choice to drink or not. if it is a disease and they are powerless over it, then isn't it not their choice? but yet we say they need to hit bottom and work the program steps and they need to make the cho...

kspear · kspear

Good morning all. I know that many of us have difficulties and hardships that we are going through, some as a result of living with and/or dealing with the As in our lives, some just because it is actually just life. I have found, however, as a result of working the 12 steps and pracitcing thes...

jennneeefffurrr · jennneeefffurrr

My A and I had a good weekend...lotts of closeness and love, until yesterday. He called me at 3 and said he had been golfing all day with a friend. Then he said he was on his way to the state park to meet a friend and his GF to go fishing, THEN after that he was thinking of fishing with the friend he had been gol...

babysteps · babysteps

I would like to start a discussion about detachment and boundaries. I believe there must be a subtle art to both, but I haven't figured it out. Several months ago I attempted to set my boundaries by providing my AH a list of expectations. There was nothing radical on the list simply that...

Dolphin123 · Dolphin123

It is 11am my time. And already we have lost the car, and I just found out that my grandfather has to have heart surgery. I that at 28, having my granfather still here is a blessing. But I am soooooooooo not ready to face the fact that he is getting older. And the thought of losing him. Not even something I t...

angelnomore · angelnomore

Today my Dad & Me smiled it was just a few minutes but it was good. I think this morning when I was so hysterical it was an awakening which led me to my Dad and some how I help him and he helped me. Regardless of how sad we both were it was good moment. Thank you HP and MIP Friends for the replies thei...

maresie · maresie

I just found our a friend of mine has cancer. She has pretty advanced cancer actually which says a lot about her level of self care because she did not go to a doctor for like 13 years. My caretaking is in high gear because of course I am in shock and when I am in shock, I caretake. I want to...

Elizabeth M · Elizabeth M

I am new to Alanon...My husbands drinking seems to only effect me. He will come home 3 4 5 6 hours late. No one else is aware of this. When my daughter asks... I say he his out with friends. Sometimes I feel I am making this a problem If only I didn't care Why ca...

UncleLou · UncleLou

I haven't posted in a while, thank those of you who were asking about me. As some of you know, I've made an attempt to work things out with my ex. The house was sold after the divorce, but the buyers backed out and we decided to try to stay and see if we could make thing work. I was waiting for her to get a new coun...

jojo · jojo

The past couple days I've started to see my own co-dependency...I guess I've always saw myself as a independent person...but my view has quickly changed. I'm seeing how much I've become entwined in the life of my A. I've been very down on myself for not being how I use to be...(into music a...

maresie · maresie

Unfortnuntely my other post about birthdays went awol and the only bit that showed up was at the end. My birthday is on Tuesday. This last year has been particularly difficult which is one reason I came to al-anon. I guess I had to hit a whole series of bottoms to get here. I make thi...

gardengal · gardengal

I thought I would pose this question to all, new comers, and "oldsters" alike. I know for me I was always trying to change someone else's life, leaving mine on the back burner. This is what alcoholism did to me. I would constantly be trying to "fix" him change him to my way of living or thinking. I never tho...

scared · scared

Hi its been quite some time since ive been here. but im in dire need of help. Im hoping at least one of you mite be able to help direct me to were i need to be. I grew up in a home with a father who was an A and was both physicly and mentaly abusive to my mother and I. mom seems to have came thru it ok after his death ( al...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello ((Everyone)) Today I am feeling quite unsettled. I got a drunk dial call last night, asking me to come home because he was so lonely, then told he was in the kitchen by the refrigerator .... then the phone got cut off. I did not call back. He is lonely .... why am I worried about if he will have sex w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Friday - Yay - feeling much better (Preview) I just want to thank the people who responded to my 'feeling alone and scared' post. You uplifted me tremendously this morning when I came on the site. There were things that were said that I so needed to be reminded of. God bless you guys and I love to read these posts too - I don't feel...	Scamper	4	375	May 12, 2006 by angeleyes8462
	Healing Tears (Preview) Healing tears....Some cry easy some do not... For me I am a crier I take things deep.I thought it was a defect that I was easy for depression or I was just not accepting things. But I had alot of pain to heal walking into the doors of Alanon.I had guilt, fear all the negative emotions.My tears were fr...	angel123	4	413	May 12, 2006 by kent_s
	gratitude (Preview) I am supposed to start a daily gratitude list today. Gotta run-but I am grateful I get to take care of my little baby girl (hence why I am running)	tippergirl	1	360	May 12, 2006 by tippergirl
	looking for sponsor (Preview) Hello Anyone who is looking to sponsor a newbie. I have visited here for one week today. In the chat room I am aka Allmessedup. Please message me if you are interested in helping me through this journey that I am about to take. Thank you. Hugs.	dipstick75	2	459	May 12, 2006 by tippergirl
	Tiptoeing into a Situation (Preview) Hi everyone: I have been separated from my A for two months now. He relapsed after a year of sobriety (no program) It was the most horrible thing I have ever been through, like watching someone die. Things are improving and he will not attend AA but is reading a religious book and p...	hersh	5	468	May 12, 2006 by sandy w
	Rage (Preview) My A that once was a very gentle person started showing signs of anger while drinking. I stopped "nagging" him while he was under the infulece. Now the anger seems to happen when he is not drinking . I think that he is very capable of going into a rage and unknowingly hurt someone. He is on med...	shadow1	4	463	May 12, 2006 by tea2
	thoughts (Preview) You guys asked me what would make me want to visit my A in jail or write to him. Someone also said why does it have to be, he has to write me first or whatever. You guys came up with some important points and I listened and took it to heart. I have not contacted him. It has been 22 days now. I realized I want to...	debilyn	4	377	May 12, 2006 by TLC2
	Decisions decisions (Preview) My ah and I separated on my request two months ago and I am struggling with what to do. He denies drinking. I think I cannot cope with living with him while he actively drinks but I do not want to end a relationship of 20 years, or do I? One minute I want in, the next minute I want out...	Lily7	2	439	May 12, 2006 by sandy w
	setting boundaries or being mean??? (Preview) I am a little confused as to the setting of boundaries and the natural consequences, or predetermined consequences to those boundaries being crossed. Found out 10 days ago that my stepdaughter is using cocaine again. I was not here the first time in her life that that was an issue but I was tol...	lilms	8	1190	May 12, 2006 by sandy w
	Forgiveness (Preview) Last night, I wanted to do something for me. So I got home from my second job and took a bath. And went into my room grabbed my "Courage to Change" book. I have had something weighing on me alot lately something I have been letting my own feelings getting in the way of instead of letting my hp have it. I have ha...	angeleyes8462	2	397	May 12, 2006 by angeleyes8462
	lightbulb moment!!! (Preview) I have mentioned on these boards that I have a food addiction (btw...wish they had a board for that in MIP) Last night while I was eating a piece of cake my dh casually made a remark to me. It went like this..."I don't know how you expect to lose any weight eating those kinds of things" Well....I wa...	Gailey	4	425	May 12, 2006 by ImOkay
	Determination: Bet you thought it was a virtue! (Preview) From the ODAT for today (May 11): "What is the greatest hindrance to my achieving serenity? DETERMINATION..." I've got to LET GO of things, and place them in the hands of my HP. I'm actually getting glimpses of the resulting serenity; yesterday afternoon, as I told my sister, I got this sudden fee...	FormalWare	2	460	May 12, 2006 by ImOkay
	financial boundaries/planning, reconciliation and early sobriety - am I expecting too much ESH needed please (Preview) I have been doing a lot of reflection on what I need to take care of me if my husband and I reconcile. One of the big things that continually comes up in my mind is the financial insecurity we have had over the years. Since he has not contributed at all over the past 5 months, since our separatio...	confused	7	568	May 12, 2006 by Jeannie
	Not OK (Preview) Hello (((Everyone))) I'm not OK. I hurt and feel miserable and have those see saw emotions in my head that make me want to try bumping into the same old wall again. There were drugs here when I got home yesterday, yeah I should not have looked but I did. Maybe I should have just pretended I didn't see them...	Jennifer	6	541	May 12, 2006 by twinmom2
	One Day At A Time.... (Preview) I came across this recently and thought I would share it. I know I have been using this little poem in my life alot. One Day At A Time I cannot change my yesterdays The things that I have done For those days are behind me A new day has begun. I cannot live tomorrow A captive of my fears ...	AlaMom	6	690	May 12, 2006 by txmom
	Now what? (Preview) Last night I met my boyfriend out for drinks with friends. As usual, he took it too far. He feels he needs to be "the life of the party". Our friends think he's fun and funny, I see it as being obnoxious and I know that he will always take it too far. I start dropping little hints to him that I think he sho...	bigthoughts	8	483	May 12, 2006 by sarahlm
	friendship (Preview) Maresie you have been given a gift to share this journey with your friend. I lost my best friend to cancer when she was only 35 years old. We were separated by 1300kms but it did not stop the love and communication and the visits when I could manage them to see her. Your friend will need someon...	leo	1	413	May 12, 2006 by debilyn
	i'm back (Preview) got the computer fixed....read you all later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!	swolves	7	422	May 11, 2006 by david62
	Really struggling today (Preview) Something has made me want to develope a list of reasons to stay in this marriage. So far all I have is : - monitor what goes on around the kids - be there to support her if she ever decides to get a program (not likely) I am horrible at allowing my HP to guide me. We haven't ta...	rtexas	10	489	May 11, 2006 by Scamper
	It has been a long while since here... (Preview) Hi, tried posting this last night but I must have clicked the wrong button because it did not show up. So, here it is again. I will be going to an Al-anon meeting in a bit. ________ I stopped going to Al-Anon a while back. My son is\was doing fairly well… for not doing a 12 step progr...	richard	11	455	May 11, 2006 by richard
	Flaws (Preview) Why is it that flaws stand out so profoundly? I am talking about my own--I see others too, but mine hurt so much. I really asm having a good week, except I keep seeing all these things in me that I don't like. Which I know in and of itself isn't a bad thing--it's just that they seem to be st...	hudsond	2	469	May 11, 2006 by Jennifer
	Peace for the girls (Preview) Hi all, It has been a while since I last posted. After 3 months of supporting him through out patient it seems there was a straw that broke this camel's back. I had planned a date (as suggested by our counselor for him to do)...so I called him and said why don't we go to one of your meet...	robyn76	3	469	May 11, 2006 by MrBlue42
	Step work (Preview) I am new to this so forgive my ignorance. I would like to work on the steps but the link to the step work board isn't working for me. Is there someplace where I can go to start working the steps? Another question, I have heard and read alot about sponsors, but there is no f2f meetings where I l...	feelinhopeless	2	378	May 11, 2006 by feelinhopeless
	my problem (Preview) It's so hard to focus on my problems. I think that in some way I had chosen an A to marry because I wanted a "fixer-upper" project. It sure is easier to look at someone else's problem than to look at my own. If I didn't have problems, I would be happier. But my spiritual immaturity keep me focusedon how other...	tippergirl	1	410	May 11, 2006 by debilyn
	Approval seeking (Preview) Hello all, I was reflecting over some of my recent behavior, none of which was outrageous or bad per se, but the motives have been less than pure. I've noticed that even after so much work done in the other program, I find that I still go to extreme lengths to gain approval from others. Of c...	kspear	2	405	May 11, 2006 by debilyn
	communcation patterns (Preview) i'm wondering if i am surrounded by A's ... i have one person i work with who is trying to make everyone feel good ... so that just when we get a decision and a plan, this person, who has some authority over the group, then says something that obfuscates the whole plan ... and so no one does anything, and we...	emma	1	364	May 11, 2006 by lilms
	this was hard to share (Preview) As I progress with using the tools I learn in our program, detachment, boundries… I am getting some peace and reacting less. So when my ah is having a hard time I am more sympathetic and understanding. But… When my ah is not drinking/using, I seem to lose some of my patien...	quest	6	529	May 11, 2006 by feelinhopeless
	Today is a new start on ME (Preview) Hello (((Everyone))) It's Sully's (mastiff puppy) 5 month birthday today! Hurray LOL silly I know but what the heck I need something to celebrate and since he is spoiled rotten already I might as well go all the way. Today I am going to drop the dogs off at home before work, my AH will be there then but...	Jennifer	2	550	May 11, 2006 by rtexas
	Minding my own business...I think! (Preview) I am trying so hard to stay out of my son's business. Sometimes I just cannot let go of the fact that his business in NOT my business. I find myself wanting to tell him things his wife tells me the children say about missing him etc. I just have to keep my mouth closed and let his HP tell him if it is...	Gailey	2	422	May 11, 2006 by kent_s
	But I don't know this person (Preview) I have come to realize over the past few days that I do not know the child my wife speaks of. My alcoholic/addict stepdaughter. I am now realizing that that is part of the reason why I don't get it. I never knew the child and she has been addicted to some substance or another since she...	lilms	4	471	May 11, 2006 by tippergirl
	New at this - HELP (Preview) I haven't yet been able to attend a meeting, so don't know anything about the steps or how to get started. I have lived with an alcoholic husband for twenty years, but just last night decided I needed to finally do something for myself, since it is pretty obvious that he is not going to change. Wher...	mistykat	7	542	May 11, 2006 by leo
	Sometimes there is no understanding (Preview) We are in the process of getting an uncontested divorce. He has signed all of the papers. The papers are filed with the court. He has left. He has been gone for 10 days, and in those 10 days I have not missed him. While he lived with me he refused to work. He lied cons...	ditto	2	587	May 11, 2006 by Diva
	Up in flames (Preview) Hi all, I guess I spoke to soon. I just got a call from my "A". He went over to go work on the car. Somehow it caught on fire, and the fire department put it out. So now the car is toast, literally. He said the engine melted. And it is not repairable. He is crying asking what has he done to deserve this. ...	Dolphin123	7	459	May 11, 2006 by leo
	Trying to stay positive (Preview) Hello (((All))), Well as I sit here today pondering whether I made the right decision seperating from hub, my mind and my heart tell me yes....... I have had some difficult days, it has been difficult and at the same time peaceful. Well as peaceful as it can be living with two teenagers..........	Andrea12	7	520	May 11, 2006 by mel123
	love?? (Preview) (((family))) I have been thinking about something my mother said to me.She said that she loved my dad ( an A),but it was the man he used to be.Before the alcohol.Years later after the alcohol had taken over and much verbal and physical abuse,she said,when my dad walked in it was not the man she loved at...	drucilla06	6	499	May 11, 2006 by tommyecat
	Disease Moving on to next generation... (Preview) So this morning hubby starts telling me how his ex has found an inpatient 30-day treatment facility that her insurance will cover. At first I'm confused thinking "huh? for who?" Well, for their youngest daughter (yes, the one we've been having recent problems with). Seems she h...	kismetstrand	5	443	May 10, 2006 by doxie
	an update (Preview) Hiya friends, I just talked to smpoli on the phone a bit ago. Bryon is ill and wasn't able to do his radiation today. They are not sure what is wrong with him. She's upset about his health and missing her family at home. Please send her lots of love and prayers. She appreciates it all. SenoraBob	bob6502	4	405	May 10, 2006 by doxie
	Let them know how I felt (Preview) Monday and Tuesday were good days for me as far as telling my ex and my current husbands what I thought. I was proud of me. First Monday night I let my ex know that I was very angry and hurt by the way he was treating me. I told him I did not appreciate being lied to and manipulated. I...	hudsond	3	678	May 10, 2006 by david62
	I really think this is it...pray for us (Preview) I have not spoken to my A since late Monday night, when I called it quits with him. I have turned off my cell phone, my only number, so if he calls he goes straight to voice mail...so far, no word from him. I keep seeing visions of these women on talk shows who were involved with alcoholics. The A started...	jennneeefffurrr	6	623	May 10, 2006 by Dolphin123
	2nd f2f Meeting (Preview) I went to my second f2f last night. It was a great meeting talked about self estem. Made me think alot about how I have been feeling lately. I have been feeling like I really didn't have much self estem. That I have been beaten down alot inside lately. But then I really st...	angeleyes8462	4	469	May 10, 2006 by david62
	Filing divorce papers (Preview) My recovering A of 1 year called to see if he should file the papers since he was in the area of the courthouse. I told him he needs to do what he feels he needs or should do. I'm tired of having to make all the decsions for him so that he doesn't have to accept accountability. So we went back and fo...	regrets	4	459	May 10, 2006 by david62
	My song for today (Preview) I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace with myself I've been burdened with blame trapped in the past for too long I'm moving on I lived in this place and I know all the faces Each...	txmom	7	560	May 10, 2006 by bob6502
	the party's over? (Preview) I posted another thread about being afraid to let go of my anger. But I think I am also afraid to leave my pity party. I have for a long time felt sorry for myself. When I was a child, this was a way that I comforted myself. I think I still do that. But I wonder how I can break that cycle. How do I stop feeling sorry...	tippergirl	3	579	May 10, 2006 by twinmom2
	Stuck-unsure what to do here.... (Preview) My husband is in jail right now for multiple DUIs and his family hates me because we got into a fight and he bad mouthed me to them. Then we made up, because I went to the jail to visit him. Up until then, I was being the devoted wife, putting $ on his account, visiting, talking to the lawyer, going to court, or...	sarahlm	9	530	May 10, 2006 by QOD
	afraid to let go of anger (Preview) I struggle with anger all the time. In some ways, I am addicted to anger. It has been a survival emotion for me, because if I didn't have anger I would have cried and felt completely defenseless and hopeless. I am working so hard on me right now and getting out of my depression and trying to let go of my anger...	tippergirl	3	733	May 10, 2006 by Elizabeth M
	He's Been Gone For 1 Week!! (Preview) So my AH has been gone for a full week. Just up and disappeared AGAIN. No contact what so ever. I was so mad last week when he disappeared. Then my mom & sister took the kids & me to Nags Head for the weekend. We had a nice time. When I got home Sunday, I knew he...	QOD	6	568	May 10, 2006 by QOD
	choice vs disease (Preview) sometimes i think it is a contradiction to think of a'ism as a disease while saying it is the a's choice to drink or not. if it is a disease and they are powerless over it, then isn't it not their choice? but yet we say they need to hit bottom and work the program steps and they need to make the cho...	quest	7	536	May 10, 2006 by horselover58
	Joy and hope (Preview) Good morning all. I know that many of us have difficulties and hardships that we are going through, some as a result of living with and/or dealing with the As in our lives, some just because it is actually just life. I have found, however, as a result of working the 12 steps and pracitcing thes...	kspear	5	516	May 10, 2006 by tippergirl
	He is getting meaner (Preview) My A and I had a good weekend...lotts of closeness and love, until yesterday. He called me at 3 and said he had been golfing all day with a friend. Then he said he was on his way to the state park to meet a friend and his GF to go fishing, THEN after that he was thinking of fishing with the friend he had been gol...	jennneeefffurrr	6	598	May 10, 2006 by jennneeefffurrr
	detaching and boundaries (Preview) I would like to start a discussion about detachment and boundaries. I believe there must be a subtle art to both, but I haven't figured it out. Several months ago I attempted to set my boundaries by providing my AH a list of expectations. There was nothing radical on the list simply that...	babysteps	7	535	May 10, 2006 by babysteps
	11am, is this day over yet? (Preview) It is 11am my time. And already we have lost the car, and I just found out that my grandfather has to have heart surgery. I that at 28, having my granfather still here is a blessing. But I am soooooooooo not ready to face the fact that he is getting older. And the thought of losing him. Not even something I t...	Dolphin123	8	559	May 10, 2006 by hudsond
	My Dad & Me (Preview) Today my Dad & Me smiled it was just a few minutes but it was good. I think this morning when I was so hysterical it was an awakening which led me to my Dad and some how I help him and he helped me. Regardless of how sad we both were it was good moment. Thank you HP and MIP Friends for the replies thei...	angelnomore	1	510	May 10, 2006 by Gailey
	when a friend has cancer (Preview) I just found our a friend of mine has cancer. She has pretty advanced cancer actually which says a lot about her level of self care because she did not go to a doctor for like 13 years. My caretaking is in high gear because of course I am in shock and when I am in shock, I caretake. I want to...	maresie	2	546	May 10, 2006 by Barbara
	doubting (Preview) I am new to Alanon...My husbands drinking seems to only effect me. He will come home 3 4 5 6 hours late. No one else is aware of this. When my daughter asks... I say he his out with friends. Sometimes I feel I am making this a problem If only I didn't care Why ca...	Elizabeth M	5	457	May 10, 2006 by Elizabeth M
	I won't take it anymore (Preview) I haven't posted in a while, thank those of you who were asking about me. As some of you know, I've made an attempt to work things out with my ex. The house was sold after the divorce, but the buyers backed out and we decided to try to stay and see if we could make thing work. I was waiting for her to get a new coun...	UncleLou	10	646	May 10, 2006 by maresie
	my co-dependency (Preview) The past couple days I've started to see my own co-dependency...I guess I've always saw myself as a independent person...but my view has quickly changed. I'm seeing how much I've become entwined in the life of my A. I've been very down on myself for not being how I use to be...(into music a...	jojo	5	559	May 10, 2006 by maresie
	my birthday (Preview) Unfortnuntely my other post about birthdays went awol and the only bit that showed up was at the end. My birthday is on Tuesday. This last year has been particularly difficult which is one reason I came to al-anon. I guess I had to hit a whole series of bottoms to get here. I make thi...	maresie	11	543	May 10, 2006 by maresie
	Question? Do you still care enough to make changes in your life? (Preview) I thought I would pose this question to all, new comers, and "oldsters" alike. I know for me I was always trying to change someone else's life, leaving mine on the back burner. This is what alcoholism did to me. I would constantly be trying to "fix" him change him to my way of living or thinking. I never tho...	gardengal	5	491	May 9, 2006 by tommyecat
	abuse & anger management (Preview) Hi its been quite some time since ive been here. but im in dire need of help. Im hoping at least one of you mite be able to help direct me to were i need to be. I grew up in a home with a father who was an A and was both physicly and mentaly abusive to my mother and I. mom seems to have came thru it ok after his death ( al...	scared	6	4788	May 9, 2006 by Jerry F
	Feeking a need to understand (Preview) Hello ((Everyone)) Today I am feeling quite unsettled. I got a drunk dial call last night, asking me to come home because he was so lonely, then told he was in the kitchen by the refrigerator .... then the phone got cut off. I did not call back. He is lonely .... why am I worried about if he will have sex w...	Jennifer	4	559	May 9, 2006 by Jerry F
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