The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
sometimes i think it is a contradiction to think of a'ism as a disease while saying it is the a's choice to drink or not. if it is a disease and they are powerless over it, then isn't it not their choice? but yet we say they need to hit bottom and work the program steps and they need to make the choice not to drink. is my ah chosing to drink or does he not have a choice? - quest
Bottom line to me is yes they do have a choice, but he dosent think so. Until he says that what he's doing is causing him a problem ( it isn't _) it's causing us a problelm. Denial keeps them in the state of alcoholism The disease tells them it's okay they aren't hurting anyone but them selves. Only he will know when enough is enough , then he will make the choice to stop.Until then this disease is running his life. Just my opinion
*my opinion* Since the disease doesn't have conscious thought and the brain does, there is choice. But the disease will fight to survive. Like battling an alien within, trying to take over.
Christy.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
For me the choice was not whether to drink or not, it was whether to get help or not. Left on my own, I was completely powerless to not drink again. The compulsion is too strong and it distorts an alcoholic’s thinking into believing a drink is the right way to go even if there is conscious thought not to pick up. I tried to explain this to a non alcoholic friend of mine who said he couldn’t understand. I said imagine that you told yourself that you would stop eating food (for whatever reason.) You could probably control it for a day or too with a lot of will power, but eventually the natural and healthy craving to eat to maintain your life would overpower your conscience will power not to eat, and you would probably go to extreme lengths to find food and eat it to survive. Of course the craving and compulsion to drink is neither natural nor healthy, this is why it is a disease.
Just my thoughts, I believe the A has a choice to not pick up the drink, but the disease tricks them and distorts their thinking to believe that one drink won't hurt. It'll make me feel better if I take a drink. Until they decide that they are powerless and out of control with their drinking they'll continue to use. It's hard to make sense of it all.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thanks for your feedback everyone. It is very helpful as I continue to remind myself of the disease. I could particularly understand Uncle Lou’s eating analogy. I need to continue to be more comfortable with being patient while my ah struggles with thinking he can just decide he is not going to drink any more and then yet again has another relapse. It is so hard. I try to manage my expectations, but yet try to remain hopeful. I try to understand the disease yet let him manage it himself. It is so hard. I try to manage me and set boundaries, but he is hurting so badly. it is so very hard. Thanks everyone for sharing with me. - quest
I am new at this although I'm not new to a'ism. It really stumps me about the difference in choice and disease, too. For instance, I really enjoy a glass of wine or two. It's very relaxing at the end of a very hectic day. On the other hand, my ah can't (or won't) stop at that; doesn't stop til he passes out or gets so mad at something (anything) that he goes to bed sometimes without supper. He seems to be choosing to zonk himself out. I know he is depressed, but he is zeroing out his medication for that condition with the drinking. He is well aware that he is doing extreme damage to our marriage, but will not accept any responsibility for it. It's all my fault!!!
I too struggle with this. I've seen many different disease. I've worked with people with cancer, diabetes, MS, muscular dystrophy, Lou Gerhig's disease, parkinson's, Alzheimers, depression, schizophrenia, manic depression, COPD, CHF and other diseases.
I have watched people suffer from these various diseases, I see the families suffer as well. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but try to keep them comfortable. Treat the symptoms, manage their pain.
I started smoking cigs when I was 12 yrs. old,many, many moons ago, lol. Quit them in 1991.When I was in my early 20's I went out partying 6 nights a week! I tried cocaine, speed (crystal meth, my favorite) hash (didnt like that), pot (didnt care for that either.) Used to go to parties after work & drink, snort crank, all hours of the night!!!
I had my share of hang overs.Yet, I am not addicted to any of it.The thing was, while I was doing all that "partying", I was miserable!!!!!!!!!!! That was NOT me. I felt something missing in my life. I felt empty inside.
I choose not to drink, smoke or use drugs. That is my choice in my life. I am a much healthier, happier person for it. I watch my husband, who I believe is an alcoholic, drink his beer, watch him get so drunk he can't walk, talk or even hold himself upright. I've noticed he gets real crabby, moody, angry, about his 3rd day without a beer.
It is definietly an addiction. I think it starts out as a choice, then because of some chemical imbalance in the brains of alcoholics, it becomes an addiction & turns into a disease.
That is how I see it, that helps me to try to be a little more empathetic. Not an easy thing to do, not for me any way.
