Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

frazzled · frazzled

i am very interested in the new issue that came up tonight (for me anyway) ,,, i have heard or read somewhere recently about this but so mch going on so i tend to jump from thing to thing. lol alot of people in the group were talking about not wanting to get into relationships out of fear of finding the kinds o...

Jen · Jen

I am trying today to be thankful for small accomplishments, from myself and my AH. I realize he is trying and that I am trying and expectaions from both of us really get in the way. So today I am making a list for myself of the things I would like to accomplish for today. I will be thankful for anything I can ge...

Maria123 · Maria123

Due to the long weekend, we decided to postpone the business meeting to next week, Sunday, September 9th, 9:00 p.m. EST SEPTEMBER 9TH AGENDA I. OP SCHEDULE II. SECRETARY'S REPORT A. Minutes Review/Approval - August 5th III. TREASURER'S REPORT A. ...

wp · wp

Since it's Labor Day, I wonder if the business mtg will be held Sunday? Or when? Thanks, pw

frazzled · frazzled

man i really need a sponsor. i was planning on asking this one older woman who i had spoken to twice before, but she wasnt around tonight and i wsnt fully on the fence about it either...... i am just really eager to get started with the steps. and when i dont get to a face 2 face meeting i lose my focus on the phi...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, I had shoulder surgery two weeks ago. Went in for my check-up and the screw had slipped and went in last week for another surgery. Pain again. Has set me back at work adn life itself. There but for the grace of god friends and family had stepped up to help me. My Ahsober finally showed up to hel...

nycbt · nycbt

I would like to tell everyone yesterday my grandma died. I am hanging in there I am doing ok.

Unsure · Unsure

My husband is trying to get custody of his son from his ex-wife who is an alcoholic, and we think a druggie. She is a mess. They went to court on it in July and were ordered to do mediation, which she refused. So while she was refusing to do the mediation,. her parents went to the courthouse and got paperw...

maresie2 · maresie2

I have moved to a place that is not much better than the last place I lived in. The room itself is like an oven and I have had to work really overtime to get it to a place of habitabiity. I feel like I am running on the spot all the time. One of my neighbors who is a man about the same age as I am has been very very he...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

What the hell is wrong with him???? (the ah) I just found out he borrowed $400 from his father to get his truck fixed but............he used that excuse to only give me a portion of the paycheck. So he had a ton of money and left me and the kids with hardly nothing. I got him in a huge lie. He said "I didn'...

florrie · florrie

i just need to share that im feeling crazy. i have anger and i need help. there are some old freinds staying with us and i feel i am losing my serenity. my hubby who is normally silent, broody and distant, is very animated in this womans company. he is a different person. it makes me feel wierd and disconne...

rtexas · rtexas

(((((((((Everyone))))))))) I have often been moved to tears by the support you have offered me here. Life is just such a strange harbor to be sailing in some days... you all help me see the rocks... and the open water. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. A very very dear friend of mine lent me a cd from...

lness8 · lness8

Hi My name is Lynn. I have been married to an AH/DA for 14 years now. We have 3 children together. I have put up with alot, and Iam sure their are many who put up with more than I have. Over the years, I have dealth with the usual, dui's, no money, him not coming home. Getting mad, fighting, making up. In t...

kissers · kissers

I am so sick and tired of scrounging at the bottom just to get by. My ex A sent me an e-mail threatening to hire a private investigator to find me. He can afford a private investigator, but he couldn't pay child support for the last 7 years! Now I am working for a company that has an A for an owner. He lied to me a...

sgraingermk · sgraingermk

Hello everyone! It's been a couple of weeks i think since my last post. Right now things are well. I guess as good as they can be. I have a job now!! Part time til next week when the kids go back to school. Then I'll be a full timer! It's been 8 years since I've worked a full time job. So it's going to take a littl...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Well I was at the old house until 10 last night and got home covered in sweat and exhausted and suffering from bleach fume inhalation but I'M DONE!! It's clean and ready to move in when the carpets are cleaned. What a relief. I have spent every day since Sunday after work moving stuff and cleaning up fo...

Becky1 · Becky1

The last couple of weeks have been literal hell around here. AH and I have mostly not spoken..I am to the point of just being numb to his crazy ways. It is so bizzare. The anger he has, the insane things he says, the things he destroys....I have come to realize the man I love is never coming back.....unle...

NANUKE · NANUKE

THE RELAXED APPROACH Step One: RELAX I don't have to be in charge or in control anymore. It's going to be okay. Step Two: RELAX I can simply believe that someone stronger than I can restore me to health and wholeness. Step Three: RELAX I can easily tu...

hippietrippiechick · hippietrippiechick

Hello everyone, I am "FREAKED OUT" today! My parakeet, who is very sick, is seeming to be doing better. She is eating and drinking and pooping on her own. For a few days, I had to give her water by hand, and she would eat her treats on my little table beside my computer. But she has this giant her...

Loupiness · Loupiness

The other night at a f2f meeting, a woman shared how she had been forced to keep secrets since she was a child, and that she no longer would do so because it is so damaging. It made me really start thinking about all the secrets I am keeping and what my true motivation is. We are in a small town where we own a bu...

erin in ny · erin in ny

Hi everyone. I'm Erin and it's been far too long since I've checked in on this board. I've tried out a handful of face to face meetings in the last couple of weeks but I haven't yet found one that's a good fit. As a "double winner" myself, I know I felt my best when I was working both programs c...

NANUKE · NANUKE

Hi Alanon Family, This is a keeper, I hope we all benefit from it!! Let's be gentle with ourselves and work our program focusing on us and let our Higher Power do the rest!! Isn't it grand we don't have to fix anyone, we can allow our Higher Power do what He does best-this way we can tend to us and cherish the...

QOD · QOD

Ok. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post but it has become all consuming!!! My AH and I have been completely apart for right at 2 months. Meaning, no hugging, touching, kissing, anything. Now for 14 years I have had the attitude about sex that I could take it or leave it. It was always more of...

serendipity · serendipity

Got a text from the ex this morning. "Hi" I sent back "hey". I am feeling so low. Crying and just feeling sad. I even thought seriously about going out and getting ripped. I haven't had a drink in 13 years. But I stop and think it thru and I know it is not what I want, it wouldn't help an...

Mindful · Mindful

Hi I am just feeling wierd at my ftf meetings. I have always felt a little different (being the only guy in most meetings) but lately my feelings are something else. I grew up in a alcoholic home. And truthfully I became one. I went to treatment almost 18 years ago. Been clean ever since. Faithfully went t...

rtexas · rtexas

(((((((((Everyone))))))))) The summer is always such a worl'wind for me. Kids out of school and going back and forth from mom to me... at work, playing with friends... whew, I love having them around and playing, but what a break when they go back to school! I haven't posted much, cause things have be...

frazzled · frazzled

well i thought i was going to my alanon meeting tonight while he went to his..... our five year old had kindergarten orientation tonight at 6:45. the meetings started at 8:00. we got out of there at 8:09~ and that was fine with me i didnt even worry about the meeting till i got in the car and thought about th...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have noticed while reading through posts that a lot of us have been in these relationships for 7 years before leaving. I thought that was odd because I have been in 2 relationships like this both for 7 years and always joked I can only tolerate 7 years of bs. Now that I see so many others with the same amt...

ddub · ddub

4:30am here and I still can't get to sleep. Maybe thinking by writing will help me figgure out how to settle. I've been re-setting my kids and myself to go to bed earlier so we can wake early enough for school. I was doing great until tonight. I am so depleted from seven years of therapists for kids and...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, its so great to have this message board, ex-a going to hospital next sunday, for quite a lot of test, not looking good, grant appeal for my PhD has got very messy through delays. Looks like I will be paying back money, have taken full responsibility for same. ex-a still managing to drink every n...

maresie2 · maresie2

When I met the A coming up to 7 years ago I had a decent job, was making good money, had choices, was dating, and felt desperate. I hid it very very well. I had no idea how to date and I was incredilby lonely. Along cam ethe A and he was willing and ready to go full throttle into relationship right away. I saw not...

Jen · Jen

I found out after I posted yesterdays topic that part of my trouble was that again he was lying and he was not sober. I suspected it, but had no proof. I really realize now that he is in really bad shape. He came over yesterday and before we even got to town he was shaking and going through some heavy withdra...

CJ098 · CJ098

I was researching, how to end a relationship. I think it was Dr. Phil who said to end a relationship you cut off all communication. Well, you'd think that would be easy living with an A, cause when do you communication with them? Especially if you work opposite shifts and hardly ever see one another a...

QOD · QOD

We celebrating my daughter's 5th bday Sat at Chuck-E-Cheese. My AH and his mom & grandma went w/us. We had a good time there. And he was in an incredible mood. Smiling and laughing and of course getting too affectionate towards me AGAIN. Then I screwed up and asked him if he wanted to go w/me and t...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family)))))), To those of you who were all affected by Hurricane Katrina, you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hard to believe it's 2 years later. I have seen many of you be so strong, and you have taught me many things including courage and strength. I remember all of you and your families and...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

For those of you who have been following along... I finally got the key to the new condo on Sunday morning and had about 3/4 of the stuff moved in Sunday night. Of course Monday was a nightmare with waking up late, getting the kids set at their first day of school, the kindergarten teacher forgot to put my...

skier · skier

I am at my wits end right now. My AH has been attending sporadic AA meetings now for abour 4 months. (Precipitatated by my taking our son to my Moms for a couple of weeks, as I work nights, and found he was hiding and drinking while I was at work) This summer has been a rollercoaster of emotions..........mo...

maresie2 · maresie2

i was reading one of Melody Beatties books on the weekend which I can't find at the moment because my room is a wash with boxes and I can't find anything at all. I realised I needed a new rule Is it going to hurt me. Right now the A is playng victim and passive. He has no money and makes no effort to get any money....

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Post edited for content. Please contact originator by PM if you are interested in this particular site. -- Edited by canadianguy at 12:11, 2007-08-29

Kim65 · Kim65

Hope you don't mind, Lou, I need to borrow your title, it really fits my topic. I'm coming to see I've always had a problem with being a grown up myself. Seven years ago last spring I met my A in southern California. I had been in therapy for two years at that point. The previous summer, my best girlfriend...

hudsond · hudsond

I think this character defect of a's is one of the things I hate the most!! My a got is one year chip last Sat., and I am very thrilled for him, but man I just don't think that some of the character defects will ever go away!!! Last night was so frustrated with him! He has decided to start taking money out of...

Kim65 · Kim65

Maybe I'm making more out of this than there is. It's like since I wrote that post on Saturday about "Being a grown up" I've been flooded and thrown for a loop. I *knew* my A was a jerk and self centered and probably narcissistic whether he used or not. Though it only once came to him laying ha...

renah · renah

Dear all, For many months I had been obsessing about what I should do about avoiding an active A episode with my AH. I found myself thinking about it all the time rather than simply surrender. The solutions involved going to a hotel, locking the master bedroom, wearing earplugs in the bedroom, leav...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

When the urge struck me to annihilate the universities laptop that I was loaned in it's "loan a laptop" I thought "it might be good to check in with my MIP AFG. So, this weekend I was at a work shop . The theme was "the spiritual life is not a theory; we have to live it!." And it...

Jerry F · Jerry F

A Hui Ho Miracles in Progress!! (see you later on)... It's time to take a break from the site and concentrate on the Face to Face family and meetings in my area and district. Honestly it's about working this program by it's principles which recently I have had just a bit of difficulty doing here. ( I kn...

anjie · anjie

through those doors. I went to a meeting last week, actually 2 meetings. But if you want to get real technical, 3 meetings. I went on Wed, at 10am to the Beginner meeting & I stayed through the regular meeting which started at 11. I was so nervous, but I did it. And boy did I feel so much better....

frazzled · frazzled

i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i ha...

UU_Diana · UU_Diana

I must have an invisible tatoo on my forehead which says "tell me your problems" or "let me solve all of your problems" or "World problem solver extraordinaire." What the hell is wrong with me? I am the matriarch of family and other family members think I have the an...

Jen · Jen

I realize that I have always wanted to be the number one in my A's life. I now realize that that is completely unfair of me to expect that, but can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I am always going to take a back seat to his recovery program. I understand that this is necessary. So what is it about th...

frazzled · frazzled

i responded to my own topic so i wasnt sure if those of you who responded to my first post would get this. some one please let me know the proper way to respond to replies and i will do it the right way! thanks. anyway here is what i said{ well when i found all these responses today i have to tell you i just wante...

Diva · Diva

Don't you enjoy those days when everyone you come in contact with is friendly and helpful? When all works out to the good? Today has been one of those days. Started early this morning when I was doing some gardening in the front yard. Sister phoned. She has purchased the condo she wanted on South Pad...

jaja · jaja

But relief is what I've been feeling since yesterday afternoon when I discovered that the reason why my A never showed up or called Saturday afternoon was because he did start drinking again. And,in all honesty,I had at one time often felt that way when he's disappeared. Angry but relieved. I t...

serendipity · serendipity

I re-connected with an old friend last month a couple of weeks before the tradgedy. His brother is one of my best friends so I have kept up with him thru the grapevine. I have heard about his run in's with the law, his experimentations with drugs and his stint in rehab and on probation. He called me one day t...

maresie2 · maresie2

I'm still very much in the process of moving. I had to get a storage unit and will be moving stuff in there over the next few weeks. I feel incredibly lonely without the A;'s drama taking up center stage. I also feel very concerned for him and his legal issues. I feel a complete fool for putting up with him...

kismetstrand · kismetstrand

I am a fortunate woman. Once upon a time...a girl was born who was the apple of her daddy's eye. She laughed a lot, she played a lot, her imagination always soared...and she absolutely loved life. Anything was possible then.. Time passed, as time does, and with it the girl discovered that not everyone w...

lil_pieces · lil_pieces

I haven't posted in a while but I have lurked. I must admit that I split my time between this site and another that deals with emotional manipulation/abuse. The good news is that for the most part, the rules are the same for both A and EA...Detach and Take care of yourself. I am trying to let go of resent...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family))))))), My program was put to the test yesterday when I came home. Without going into too much details, lets just say there was a hiccup in recovery. I thought something might be going on, but I wasn't sure. Well AH told me very calmy with tears in his eyes. He was so ashamed. The old m...

lmt123 · lmt123

Hi all, I am reeling again from the counseling session that my AsoberH and I had last week. He just sits there with this calm expression on his face, knowing he has been lying to me (and to the law, for that matter), saying to the therapist how he is just this adolescent alcoholic (AA speak) and that cause...

Jen · Jen

I have tried and tried to believe in my AH, but he just seems incapable of telling the truth. I am so tired at this point of dealing with him that last night I finally told him to just leave me alone. I don't want discuss anything right now except necessary business stuff. I am looking into finding some work...

Diva · Diva

My partner A is forever needing tools. Granted he is working hard on restoring our historic house, and is doing a fine job. I am talking about expensive tools, not hammers and screw drivers, but joiners, routers, table saws, reciprocating saws, some huge round thing that cuts angles...the list goes...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	new issue came up at the f2f meeting tonight (Preview) i am very interested in the new issue that came up tonight (for me anyway) ,,, i have heard or read somewhere recently about this but so mch going on so i tend to jump from thing to thing. lol alot of people in the group were talking about not wanting to get into relationships out of fear of finding the kinds o...	frazzled	3	538	Sep 2, 2007 by lin0606
	He brought hay! (Preview) I am trying today to be thankful for small accomplishments, from myself and my AH. I realize he is trying and that I am trying and expectaions from both of us really get in the way. So today I am making a list for myself of the things I would like to accomplish for today. I will be thankful for anything I can ge...	Jen	3	436	Sep 1, 2007 by nmike
	September 9th Business Meeting @ 9 PM EST (Preview) Due to the long weekend, we decided to postpone the business meeting to next week, Sunday, September 9th, 9:00 p.m. EST SEPTEMBER 9TH AGENDA I. OP SCHEDULE II. SECRETARY'S REPORT A. Minutes Review/Approval - August 5th III. TREASURER'S REPORT A. ...	Maria123	0	316	Sep 1, 2007 by Maria123
	Sept business mtg?? (Preview) Since it's Labor Day, I wonder if the business mtg will be held Sunday? Or when? Thanks, pw	wp	1	379	Sep 1, 2007 by wp
	online sponsoring (Preview) man i really need a sponsor. i was planning on asking this one older woman who i had spoken to twice before, but she wasnt around tonight and i wsnt fully on the fence about it either...... i am just really eager to get started with the steps. and when i dont get to a face 2 face meeting i lose my focus on the phi...	frazzled	1	392	Sep 1, 2007 by Jen
	Had another surgery (Preview) Hi Alanoners, I had shoulder surgery two weeks ago. Went in for my check-up and the screw had slipped and went in last week for another surgery. Pain again. Has set me back at work adn life itself. There but for the grace of god friends and family had stepped up to help me. My Ahsober finally showed up to hel...	nmike	5	424	Sep 1, 2007 by tea2
	my grandma died (Preview) I would like to tell everyone yesterday my grandma died. I am hanging in there I am doing ok.	nycbt	16	562	Sep 1, 2007 by tea2
	Just had enough (Preview) My husband is trying to get custody of his son from his ex-wife who is an alcoholic, and we think a druggie. She is a mess. They went to court on it in July and were ordered to do mediation, which she refused. So while she was refusing to do the mediation,. her parents went to the courthouse and got paperw...	Unsure	1	428	Sep 1, 2007 by Friendofyours
	impulse and loneliness (Preview) I have moved to a place that is not much better than the last place I lived in. The room itself is like an oven and I have had to work really overtime to get it to a place of habitabiity. I feel like I am running on the spot all the time. One of my neighbors who is a man about the same age as I am has been very very he...	maresie2	7	486	Sep 1, 2007 by leo
	Can I vent please?? (Preview) What the hell is wrong with him???? (the ah) I just found out he borrowed $400 from his father to get his truck fixed but............he used that excuse to only give me a portion of the paycheck. So he had a ton of money and left me and the kids with hardly nothing. I got him in a huge lie. He said "I didn'...	Friendofyours	2	429	Sep 1, 2007 by artygirl
	feeling crazy! (Preview) i just need to share that im feeling crazy. i have anger and i need help. there are some old freinds staying with us and i feel i am losing my serenity. my hubby who is normally silent, broody and distant, is very animated in this womans company. he is a different person. it makes me feel wierd and disconne...	florrie	4	368	Sep 1, 2007 by florrie
	Thank you all for being here.... (Preview) (((((((((Everyone))))))))) I have often been moved to tears by the support you have offered me here. Life is just such a strange harbor to be sailing in some days... you all help me see the rocks... and the open water. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. A very very dear friend of mine lent me a cd from...	rtexas	6	658	Sep 1, 2007 by Loupiness
	Hi I'm new (Preview) Hi My name is Lynn. I have been married to an AH/DA for 14 years now. We have 3 children together. I have put up with alot, and Iam sure their are many who put up with more than I have. Over the years, I have dealth with the usual, dui's, no money, him not coming home. Getting mad, fighting, making up. In t...	lness8	7	525	Aug 31, 2007 by Peggy7
	I Am So Sick & Tired (Preview) I am so sick and tired of scrounging at the bottom just to get by. My ex A sent me an e-mail threatening to hire a private investigator to find me. He can afford a private investigator, but he couldn't pay child support for the last 7 years! Now I am working for a company that has an A for an owner. He lied to me a...	kissers	7	1324	Aug 31, 2007 by aunitedway
	Any suggestions??? (Preview) Hello everyone! It's been a couple of weeks i think since my last post. Right now things are well. I guess as good as they can be. I have a job now!! Part time til next week when the kids go back to school. Then I'll be a full timer! It's been 8 years since I've worked a full time job. So it's going to take a littl...	sgraingermk	7	598	Aug 31, 2007 by Jen
	I'M DONE!!!!!! (Preview) Well I was at the old house until 10 last night and got home covered in sweat and exhausted and suffering from bleach fume inhalation but I'M DONE!! It's clean and ready to move in when the carpets are cleaned. What a relief. I have spent every day since Sunday after work moving stuff and cleaning up fo...	carolinagirl	7	657	Aug 31, 2007 by evey
	You Won't Believe What I Did (warning....VERY long) (Preview) The last couple of weeks have been literal hell around here. AH and I have mostly not spoken..I am to the point of just being numb to his crazy ways. It is so bizzare. The anger he has, the insane things he says, the things he destroys....I have come to realize the man I love is never coming back.....unle...	Becky1	9	915	Aug 31, 2007 by Jen
	THE RELAXED APPROACH (Preview) THE RELAXED APPROACH Step One: RELAX I don't have to be in charge or in control anymore. It's going to be okay. Step Two: RELAX I can simply believe that someone stronger than I can restore me to health and wholeness. Step Three: RELAX I can easily tu...	NANUKE	3	6186	Aug 31, 2007 by kismetstrand
	ESH REQUESTED--need help (Preview) Hello everyone, I am "FREAKED OUT" today! My parakeet, who is very sick, is seeming to be doing better. She is eating and drinking and pooping on her own. For a few days, I had to give her water by hand, and she would eat her treats on my little table beside my computer. But she has this giant her...	hippietrippiechick	5	613	Aug 31, 2007 by maire rua
	the secrets.... (Preview) The other night at a f2f meeting, a woman shared how she had been forced to keep secrets since she was a child, and that she no longer would do so because it is so damaging. It made me really start thinking about all the secrets I am keeping and what my true motivation is. We are in a small town where we own a bu...	Loupiness	10	770	Aug 31, 2007 by thinkstoomuch
	Insanity: Doing the same thing again and again (Preview) Hi everyone. I'm Erin and it's been far too long since I've checked in on this board. I've tried out a handful of face to face meetings in the last couple of weeks but I haven't yet found one that's a good fit. As a "double winner" myself, I know I felt my best when I was working both programs c...	erin in ny	9	694	Aug 31, 2007 by mhgal
	Twelve Stepping- The RELAXED APPROACH (Preview) Hi Alanon Family, This is a keeper, I hope we all benefit from it!! Let's be gentle with ourselves and work our program focusing on us and let our Higher Power do the rest!! Isn't it grand we don't have to fix anyone, we can allow our Higher Power do what He does best-this way we can tend to us and cherish the...	NANUKE	1	615	Aug 31, 2007 by twinmom2
	This too shall pass. Right?? (Preview) Ok. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post but it has become all consuming!!! My AH and I have been completely apart for right at 2 months. Meaning, no hugging, touching, kissing, anything. Now for 14 years I have had the attitude about sex that I could take it or leave it. It was always more of...	QOD	6	508	Aug 31, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Starting to see (long) (Preview) Got a text from the ex this morning. "Hi" I sent back "hey". I am feeling so low. Crying and just feeling sad. I even thought seriously about going out and getting ripped. I haven't had a drink in 13 years. But I stop and think it thru and I know it is not what I want, it wouldn't help an...	serendipity	3	524	Aug 30, 2007 by nmike
	What my next Step when I no longer have a Alcoholic in my life (Preview) Hi I am just feeling wierd at my ftf meetings. I have always felt a little different (being the only guy in most meetings) but lately my feelings are something else. I grew up in a alcoholic home. And truthfully I became one. I went to treatment almost 18 years ago. Been clean ever since. Faithfully went t...	Mindful	11	511	Aug 30, 2007 by Mindful
	Good news, and bad news.... (Preview) (((((((((Everyone))))))))) The summer is always such a worl'wind for me. Kids out of school and going back and forth from mom to me... at work, playing with friends... whew, I love having them around and playing, but what a break when they go back to school! I haven't posted much, cause things have be...	rtexas	11	846	Aug 30, 2007 by jaja
	sometimes you have to look for the good things even if they arent going your way at the moment (Preview) well i thought i was going to my alanon meeting tonight while he went to his..... our five year old had kindergarten orientation tonight at 6:45. the meetings started at 8:00. we got out of there at 8:09~ and that was fine with me i didnt even worry about the meeting till i got in the car and thought about th...	frazzled	4	664	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	What seems to be the magic in the # 7? (Preview) I have noticed while reading through posts that a lot of us have been in these relationships for 7 years before leaving. I thought that was odd because I have been in 2 relationships like this both for 7 years and always joked I can only tolerate 7 years of bs. Now that I see so many others with the same amt...	carolinagirl	8	395	Aug 29, 2007 by Friendofyours
	on empty, depleted (Preview) 4:30am here and I still can't get to sleep. Maybe thinking by writing will help me figgure out how to settle. I've been re-setting my kids and myself to go to bed earlier so we can wake early enough for school. I was doing great until tonight. I am so depleted from seven years of therapists for kids and...	ddub	6	2682	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	need a miracle guy, couple of them in fact (Preview) Dear all, its so great to have this message board, ex-a going to hospital next sunday, for quite a lot of test, not looking good, grant appeal for my PhD has got very messy through delays. Looks like I will be paying back money, have taken full responsibility for same. ex-a still managing to drink every n...	maire rua	3	437	Aug 29, 2007 by Friendofyours
	being in reality (Preview) When I met the A coming up to 7 years ago I had a decent job, was making good money, had choices, was dating, and felt desperate. I hid it very very well. I had no idea how to date and I was incredilby lonely. Along cam ethe A and he was willing and ready to go full throttle into relationship right away. I saw not...	maresie2	5	504	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	I am doing better. (Preview) I found out after I posted yesterdays topic that part of my trouble was that again he was lying and he was not sober. I suspected it, but had no proof. I really realize now that he is in really bad shape. He came over yesterday and before we even got to town he was shaking and going through some heavy withdra...	Jen	5	381	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	How to end a relationship... (Preview) I was researching, how to end a relationship. I think it was Dr. Phil who said to end a relationship you cut off all communication. Well, you'd think that would be easy living with an A, cause when do you communication with them? Especially if you work opposite shifts and hardly ever see one another a...	CJ098	6	605	Aug 29, 2007 by QOD
	Signing Divorce Papers on Friday! (Preview) We celebrating my daughter's 5th bday Sat at Chuck-E-Cheese. My AH and his mom & grandma went w/us. We had a good time there. And he was in an incredible mood. Smiling and laughing and of course getting too affectionate towards me AGAIN. Then I screwed up and asked him if he wanted to go w/me and t...	QOD	10	719	Aug 29, 2007 by Andrea12
	Remembering Katrina (Preview) (((((Family)))))), To those of you who were all affected by Hurricane Katrina, you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hard to believe it's 2 years later. I have seen many of you be so strong, and you have taught me many things including courage and strength. I remember all of you and your families and...	Karilynn	5	339	Aug 29, 2007 by Andrea12
	Where I'm at.. (Preview) For those of you who have been following along... I finally got the key to the new condo on Sunday morning and had about 3/4 of the stuff moved in Sunday night. Of course Monday was a nightmare with waking up late, getting the kids set at their first day of school, the kindergarten teacher forgot to put my...	carolinagirl	6	567	Aug 29, 2007 by QOD
	is this normal??????? (Preview) I am at my wits end right now. My AH has been attending sporadic AA meetings now for abour 4 months. (Precipitatated by my taking our son to my Moms for a couple of weeks, as I work nights, and found he was hiding and drinking while I was at work) This summer has been a rollercoaster of emotions..........mo...	skier	7	606	Aug 29, 2007 by aunitedway
	new rule is it going to hurt me? (Preview) i was reading one of Melody Beatties books on the weekend which I can't find at the moment because my room is a wash with boxes and I can't find anything at all. I realised I needed a new rule Is it going to hurt me. Right now the A is playng victim and passive. He has no money and makes no effort to get any money....	maresie2	6	472	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	I found this site on debt collection laws to be very helpful! (closed) (Preview) Post edited for content. Please contact originator by PM if you are interested in this particular site. -- Edited by canadianguy at 12:11, 2007-08-29	carolinagirl	0	360	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Being a grownup Part II (Preview) Hope you don't mind, Lou, I need to borrow your title, it really fits my topic. I'm coming to see I've always had a problem with being a grown up myself. Seven years ago last spring I met my A in southern California. I had been in therapy for two years at that point. The previous summer, my best girlfriend...	Kim65	12	4032	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	selfishness (Preview) I think this character defect of a's is one of the things I hate the most!! My a got is one year chip last Sat., and I am very thrilled for him, but man I just don't think that some of the character defects will ever go away!!! Last night was so frustrated with him! He has decided to start taking money out of...	hudsond	8	670	Aug 29, 2007 by hudsond
	Opened a big can of worms (Preview) Maybe I'm making more out of this than there is. It's like since I wrote that post on Saturday about "Being a grown up" I've been flooded and thrown for a loop. I knew my A was a jerk and self centered and probably narcissistic whether he used or not. Though it only once came to him laying ha...	Kim65	12	664	Aug 29, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Obsessing on Controlling AH (Preview) Dear all, For many months I had been obsessing about what I should do about avoiding an active A episode with my AH. I found myself thinking about it all the time rather than simply surrender. The solutions involved going to a hotel, locking the master bedroom, wearing earplugs in the bedroom, leav...	renah	7	660	Aug 29, 2007 by renah
	Just alot going on. And alot to talk to y'all about (Preview) When the urge struck me to annihilate the universities laptop that I was loaned in it's "loan a laptop" I thought "it might be good to check in with my MIP AFG. So, this weekend I was at a work shop . The theme was "the spiritual life is not a theory; we have to live it!." And it...	Tiger2006	3	323	Aug 29, 2007 by Jen
	Taking a break. (Preview) A Hui Ho Miracles in Progress!! (see you later on)... It's time to take a break from the site and concentrate on the Face to Face family and meetings in my area and district. Honestly it's about working this program by it's principles which recently I have had just a bit of difficulty doing here. ( I kn...	Jerry F	16	724	Aug 29, 2007 by Kim65
	I made that step..... (Preview) through those doors. I went to a meeting last week, actually 2 meetings. But if you want to get real technical, 3 meetings. I went on Wed, at 10am to the Beginner meeting & I stayed through the regular meeting which started at 11. I was so nervous, but I did it. And boy did I feel so much better....	anjie	2	417	Aug 28, 2007 by wp
	alanon is great (Preview) i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i ha...	frazzled	3	279	Aug 28, 2007 by frazzled
	Codependency Pressures Affects All Aspects of My Life! (Preview) I must have an invisible tatoo on my forehead which says "tell me your problems" or "let me solve all of your problems" or "World problem solver extraordinaire." What the hell is wrong with me? I am the matriarch of family and other family members think I have the an...	UU_Diana	7	660	Aug 28, 2007 by UU_Diana
	Just when I think I'm doing good. (Preview) I realize that I have always wanted to be the number one in my A's life. I now realize that that is completely unfair of me to expect that, but can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I am always going to take a back seat to his recovery program. I understand that this is necessary. So what is it about th...	Jen	3	502	Aug 28, 2007 by abbyal
	thanks for all the feedback (Preview) i responded to my own topic so i wasnt sure if those of you who responded to my first post would get this. some one please let me know the proper way to respond to replies and i will do it the right way! thanks. anyway here is what i said{ well when i found all these responses today i have to tell you i just wante...	frazzled	4	508	Aug 28, 2007 by frazzled
	Today has been a great day!! (Preview) Don't you enjoy those days when everyone you come in contact with is friendly and helpful? When all works out to the good? Today has been one of those days. Started early this morning when I was doing some gardening in the front yard. Sister phoned. She has purchased the condo she wanted on South Pad...	Diva	5	585	Aug 28, 2007 by bobump
	Relief that he's drunk? I must be crazy (Preview) But relief is what I've been feeling since yesterday afternoon when I discovered that the reason why my A never showed up or called Saturday afternoon was because he did start drinking again. And,in all honesty,I had at one time often felt that way when he's disappeared. Angry but relieved. I t...	jaja	5	633	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	The other part of the story (Preview) I re-connected with an old friend last month a couple of weeks before the tradgedy. His brother is one of my best friends so I have kept up with him thru the grapevine. I have heard about his run in's with the law, his experimentations with drugs and his stint in rehab and on probation. He called me one day t...	serendipity	4	557	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	plan a, b,c (Preview) I'm still very much in the process of moving. I had to get a storage unit and will be moving stuff in there over the next few weeks. I feel incredibly lonely without the A;'s drama taking up center stage. I also feel very concerned for him and his legal issues. I feel a complete fool for putting up with him...	maresie2	3	570	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Once upon a Time ... (Preview) I am a fortunate woman. Once upon a time...a girl was born who was the apple of her daddy's eye. She laughed a lot, she played a lot, her imagination always soared...and she absolutely loved life. Anything was possible then.. Time passed, as time does, and with it the girl discovered that not everyone w...	kismetstrand	11	674	Aug 28, 2007 by carolinagirl
	how do you forgive? (Preview) I haven't posted in a while but I have lurked. I must admit that I split my time between this site and another that deals with emotional manipulation/abuse. The good news is that for the most part, the rules are the same for both A and EA...Detach and Take care of yourself. I am trying to let go of resent...	lil_pieces	5	595	Aug 28, 2007 by renah
	I know this program works! (Preview) ((((((((Family))))))), My program was put to the test yesterday when I came home. Without going into too much details, lets just say there was a hiccup in recovery. I thought something might be going on, but I wasn't sure. Well AH told me very calmy with tears in his eyes. He was so ashamed. The old m...	Karilynn	6	584	Aug 27, 2007 by tea2
	consequences... (Preview) Hi all, I am reeling again from the counseling session that my AsoberH and I had last week. He just sits there with this calm expression on his face, knowing he has been lying to me (and to the law, for that matter), saying to the therapist how he is just this adolescent alcoholic (AA speak) and that cause...	lmt123	8	448	Aug 27, 2007 by lmt123
	lies, lies, lies (Preview) I have tried and tried to believe in my AH, but he just seems incapable of telling the truth. I am so tired at this point of dealing with him that last night I finally told him to just leave me alone. I don't want discuss anything right now except necessary business stuff. I am looking into finding some work...	Jen	6	583	Aug 27, 2007 by lmt123
	Where's the logic? (Preview) My partner A is forever needing tools. Granted he is working hard on restoring our historic house, and is doing a fine job. I am talking about expensive tools, not hammers and screw drivers, but joiners, routers, table saws, reciprocating saws, some huge round thing that cuts angles...the list goes...	Diva	14	727	Aug 27, 2007 by Diva
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.