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Post Info TOPIC: A little vent


Senior Member

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Posts: 418
Date:
A little vent


We had a bad ice storm this past weekend and our power went out on Sunday evening.  There were only two hotel/motel rooms in the entire city left and they wanted $90 each for them.  Hubby and I decided to let them stay empty and called my sister to see if they had power and room.  Fortunately they did and we were able to stay there.


My vent?  My sis is addicted to prescription pain medications plus she is a diabetic.  It's as bad as looking at my addict when he is going down.  BIL baked six dozen oatmeal raisin cookies and on Monday evening sis ate at least 4 of the 6 dozen between 7 and 10 pm.  I could see the effects it was having on her, she started shaking, couldn't stay awake for a simple conversation and it just kept getting worse.  We all said something to her about it and the more that was said the madder she got and the more she ate.  She also got a prescription filled on Monday and between the sugar and her happy pills she was a mess.  WHY?  I just do not understand why they do this to themselves.  But a bigger why is why in the world does he put sugar in front of her knowing what will happen?  It's like sitting a case of JB down in front of an alcoholic and expecting him to leave it alone.


Tuesday wasn't much better for her.  I saw her try to put some butter on a cracker and I'll swear if it didn't take her 45 minutes to do it.  She kept falling asleep with the butter knife on the cracker.  It simply just made me sick to my stomach to watch what she was doing to herself. 


At one point she looked at me and yelled WHAT, you think I have overdosed again don't you?  I told her I didn't know what she had done to herself but I was concerned about her welfare.  I had pretty much decided that if I could find a motel room we were leaving, I just could not watch what she was doing to herself.  Instead I called one of our neighbors and our power had come back on and I'll swear it took me maybe 4 minutes to have our things packed up and out the door.


She is going to successfully kill herself one of these days and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop her.  She does nothing around her house, her hubby does everything when he is home (he spends a lot of time on the road)  I can't say I blame him, if I had to come home to that all of the time I think I would stay gone too.  Monday night she tells me that she needs to clean house on Tuesday and starts naming off a list of what needs to be done and that she needs to go get her nails done and almost has the money to do it.  NO WAY was I buying into that.  I can't see any reason for me to clean her house when she won't even pick up her dirty dishes from the table.  Now had she started cleaning I would have gladly helped her but my stubborn streak said sit down shut up and soon you can go home.  As for her nails!  Give me a break I'm not giving her money for that when she is so strung out on pills and sugar that she can't carry on a conversation.


I am still so angry with her but my HP and I have had a lot of long talks since I came home.  She is in his hands and ya know I kinda feel guilty handing that mess over to him.


Thanks for letting me get this out.



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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1702
Date:

 What has made a huge difference here for me, and it's not a new idea necessarily, but I didn't think it would work for me until I actually did it, was letters. The letters you don't send.


 I started each of my letters with "Dear ____, I am going to discuss with you the status of our relationship. I want you to read the letter in its entirety, beginning to end, completely and throughly. Afterword, please only respond to me in kind--with a written letter. No calls, no emails, do not involve anyone else. This is between you and I--two adults having an adult conversation."


 I wrote to the family disease. My father. My mother. A couple of ex boyfriends. My future husband.


 Man, I didn't realize how much hurt I had in me till I did it.


 Then I read them to my councelor, to my sponsor, to God.


 And it was out. I wasn't hostage to my insanity any more.


 I read them to pictures, where I was posed with my parents, or with my ex-boyf. And I cried afterword. I prayed to let go of the past. To let go and let god.


 Maybe it'll help you.



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Senior Member

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Posts: 472
Date:

I did the writing thing in early sobriety. I called it "inventory" but it was really just the first column LOL... resentment, resentments, resentments. It was really a venting but it was better to sit at my computer and type this venom, than to spew it at my loved ones.

I may have shared some of it with my sponsor at the time, but if I did, it was in a summarized form.

Whenever I want some gratitude as to how far I have come, all I need to do is go back and read those early rants. How full of anxiety and anger, over stuff I have long, long forgotten about! In my early AA program, I apparently had some social anxiety about a clique of folks I wanted to hang out with. That seemed to correspond with problems in my marriage as well - but some of the names I mention, people from that clique, I can barely even remember who they are today.

And my wife, who seemed to turn against me not because of my alcoholism but because of my sobriety, my program, my friends, my involvement... my changing!

What amazes me so much is how enmeshed I was with all these resentments... how my own happiness was so dependent on other people, many of whom didn't even know it was their job!

I am not embarrassed or ashamed of what I wrote or felt back then. It was all very, very real to me and obviously very important at the time. I think one of the isms for me is that however I feel right now, it's as if I always felt this way and will always feel this way. In my intellect, I know this too shall pass, but looking back at my old rantings, it's the proof that it DID pass.

I still have resentments, I still have my rants, but they just don't have the deep impact on my life that they used to have. They are about stuff like my cell phone bill, or a traffic jam - not about my own worth hanging on the actions of other people.

I can understand also the desire to write things down, then symbolically destroy them... burn the paper, delete the file, etc. I have done a small amount of that too. I avoided reading my old rants for some time just because I was afraid it would stir up old feelings and resentments - but for the most part, they seem pretty trivial. I can see now how the experience I was living through - being forced to grow up, from scratch, as an adult with adult responsibilities and a family - was HARD. These rants were part of my disease and the result of the disease, but putting them down was part of recovery for me. Today, they are like little stone tablets along the side of the road, that I can stop and read. Every one of them says "You were here".

Barisax


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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 678
Date:

Mobirdie--Glad your power came on and you could go home.  I'm also proud that you turned your sis over to HP--It may be a big mess, but he's a Big guy--He can handle it!!

Tiger--good idea.  I have written a few letters in my day, but never to the disease of A--maybe I ought to try that!

Barisax--thanks for sharing, that was a great story and insight!!!!

Have a great day everybody!

Dawn



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 225
Date:

I'm sorry you had that bad experience.   Yes, it hurts to see a family member destroy their own life.

Positive point is that at least you had electricity for less than $90 a night!

 Alcohol/drug addiction is truly a family disease.   

 

You handled the situation very nicely by getting out of there.    We never know when detachment (even sudden detachments) might make a dent in their foggy heads.

 

Many hugs to you.



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