The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My father (the original A) would not help with college after I graduated from high school many moons ago. He could claim me on his taxes though and brag about how much money he had! I remember as a kid I played on campus at a nearby Ivy League college and thought to myself, "One day I am going to attend school here". That was my inner voice, the voice of my HP telling me that. I went to work full-time. I longed to go back to school, but married and had 2 children. After divorce, I decided it was time to go back. So, I rented my father's basement, worked a couple jobs, and went to school full-time while taking care of my children. It was not easy, but I was loving life because I was doing something for me and it was a healthy choice. I guess my father didn't like the fact that I was not catering to his needs, so the isms started flying over the most ridiculous things. I went to the grocery store and since they were having a great sale I stocked up on frozen veges and other frozen items. I came home to put everything away and started making dinner. My father walked in and opened the freezer when one of the bags fell out. The next thing I knew, frozen bags were being thrown at me along with being called a f***ing b*tch. I was so scared I grabbed my kids and ran. I stayed with a friend until I could go back and get my things out. I could never understand why, but there's nothing understandable about living with an A. It forced me to quit school and go back to work full-time. My dream of getting my degree was over, or so I thought.
After another alcoholic relationship ended (the very last one!!! ever!!!), I decided that my children were old enough so I would go back part-time. I sent my application and essay over this past summer to that Ivy League college. I was accepted! There were some roadblocks along the way. I would get a call that they didn't receive the correct paperwork, so I would fill it out again and mail it. Then it was something else. I did everything by the book. I was starting to feel beat down.
I took my daughter to see the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness. That movie was like watching my life, struggling to reach my dream. I think this was HP's way of letting me know that I can't give up and all my hard work will pay off. The next day I stopped at the post office to pick up my mail and there was my financial aid award letter! Then today, my advisor called to see if I had registered for classes. I registered for my first 2 classes and I start the 2nd week of February! I know it will be hard work, but I want to show my children that no matter what happens, it is never too late! God knows what is best for me, so he swung the door open and showed me the way!
What an inspiration for all of us to hear that all the steps you have taken are finally paying off in your life! The road can be really tough and fustrating. I know that there are many days when I really just want to throw in the blanket and just bury my head in the sand. Then my program kicks in and I suck in a deep breath and dig my heels in again.
Thanks for sharing your dream with us! You are going to be one busy mom that's for sure!
I can definitely relate to the living with rages and having lots of relationships that are dysfunctional. Thank you for being the signpost that it is all about me taking care of me.