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I don't know what point I am at, excpet that I am just plain tired. My A goes out when he gets paid, without fail, the only time he does not go out is when he is broke, so I have just come to expcet he will be going to the bar when he is paid, until he is broke, anyway, I used to get mad, get an attitude, and we would just end up getting into huge fights about 2-3 days later. Him saying I am trying to "control" him, and blah, blah. Well I am tired of fighting. I realized after the last fight, that this has been an ongoing thing for the last 4yrs, and it is NOT going to change, so I might as well just not give him attitude. I find I actually don't even really care if he goes anymore. I was upset tonight more b/c he left and didn't say goodnight to the kids. they were playing in their playroom, and he just left. he usually says good bye.the little one has a tendancy to flip out whenever he leaves, so maybe he was just trying to sneak out w/o leaving me w/ a screaming 18mos. old. anyway, my 4yr. old came upstairs, and said "where's daddy?" she sounded so sad! I just told her he went to the bar. she said "oh, the bar" and went on her way. that made me so sad! In any event, I feel I have no time to myself. I don't particularly want to go out to the bar w/ friends b/c I would have to get up w/ the kids in the morning(even if he doesn't go out and goes to bed)and deal w/ them feeling like crap, and that just doesn't appeal to me. I am so emotionally and physically drained! Sometimes, I think it'd be easier if he just didn't live here, but I am not strong enough to leave. anyway, thanks everyone for listening, I just needed to vent.
you are not strong enough to leave. okay. then i guess you are strong enough to keep putting up with your husband disappointing you and your children.
i know you are in pain, it really sucks. it feels like you are dangling by your hair over an abyss with no bottom. i hit rock bottom, and knew i had to pull myself up and out of my situation. it's hard work when you fell as big as a comma, in a sentence of life. i broke it down to a simple question, "do i accept this life as it is, or do i change?" i'm choosing change.
with much love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Looks like to me that you are at the point for another meeting or maybe a phone call to a member in your area. Go see if there is an Al-Anon hotline number in the white pages of your phone book. Or call AA and see if someone there can hook you up with an Al-Anon person.
If you got an AA hotline number in the phone book there has got to be an Al-Anon member nearby.
Give it a shot. Nothing more to lose it sounds like.
Take this ((((hug)))) with you and keep coming back.
