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here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I cannot really stand my A's family. They are the kind of people you get an immediate sense they are fake--at least to me, which is why "All Hell Broke Loose", and his sister tried to attack me. However anytime he is on the phone with them I just can't keep my big mouth shut. I run my mouth so much he can't even hear them. I amost want to blame me for his sister going off on me.
He said I f***ed up and now there is no reconcilliation. All while he was on the phone with his still wife who he has been separated from for 16 years.
He promised to help with the rest of the bills this month.
He also promised he would never leave me like this. Won't talk. Just said I f***ed up. I did once when I got mad because I kept insisting that he have his wife call here from NY. I just pulled the phone jack out of the wall. It felt good. Not a good thing, because even though I put it back in and they talked, I broke the straw and it is over.
This is hard for me, I am not the only one with a "problem", which he will not acknowledge.
Someone please help me. I think since I am bipolar, PTSD, and haven't seen a shrink for months (mine skipped off miles and miles away with no notifiation), maybe I need to go admit myself somewhere. I am scared. Bills, life,me all of it
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME SOON
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
Well you certainly are being heard here. I am someone with really pretty bad abandonment issues too. I think there is a woman on the internet AH Mahari who has written quite a bit about abandonment issues and how to deal with them.
If you are in crisis you can call prevention and keep calling different ones till you feel better. That doesn't mean you go be 51/50ed but have people to talk to to calm down.
I went to see another therapist for a while it helped. I post on the internet it helps. Post on this board and go to the chat room keep yourself safe. Start doing things for yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Whatever you have wrong with you is not a reason to abandon yourself too. Keep asking for help from others till you get it.
I know it is incredibly difficult to be around an A when you have abandonment issues but if you keep posting here and keep in the chat room you will meet people who have dealt with this and they will be able to share their experience strength and hope and you will begin to have some "hope".
I am sorry for what you are going through. Here is the thing. Yes, if you think you need to get yourself help...stop at nothing and do it. If it were me, in the mean time.....I would not pay a bit of attention to what is going on with him and his family. Only what concerns me. That would be for my peace of mind. I responsible for what I do only. I would leave the room or go take a walk if it bother me bad enough when he is talking to these people. I know when I returned I would feel a little more in control and less confrontational.
My A's whole family are a's and addicts so I can relate to feeling defensive and also feeling rage at times when he would speak with them on the phone. But I did just as ziggy has suggested, I would go do something in another room. Sometimes I waited till later, called my Mom and complained to her and sometimes I mumbled to myself about how stupid I thought he was for even talking with them and how I hated them for the things they had done to me, him and our children. I felt better but there was no confrontation between him and I over it since he didn't hear me and I was still able to get it out.
Please know that you are NOT alone, we all love you and care for you with all our hearts. It takes alot of courage to ask for help and I am proud of you for being here. Do what you feel you need to do for yourself. Keep yourself first and you can't go wrong.
What is really hard for me is when he is on the phone with his "family", I have no access to my puter--line tied up due to phone call. Tried Verizon DSL and I could never get it to work. Ihaave suggessted that he get prepaid callphone such as NET 10,or Trac Phone. Now that is up to him. He got this damn puter for x-mas 05. I start to get the feeling he don't care that that you all are so help-ful. Maybe he is jealous.
I get tired of it;give him fair warning, then sign online. He resets that terribly. I can tell. But I am doing for me what I need to.. Is it wrong to give fair warning and then get online. I have to.
I do not have many friends in this crappy state, and since this place is functioned by HUD, he has no defense, My daughter and I are tue ohoyhes oh the lease
ESH please
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
The A's mother has suddenly appeared this weekend. I used to rage on and on about her and her tion. I now just seek to avoid dealing with her. I know my abandonment issues led me to act out. I know also the A has a dysfunctional relationship with him. The issue for me is to stay out of it. At some point I may be at a place where I don't get overinvolved. I am not there yet. Avoidance can sometimes be a great tactic. When he is on the phone how about going someplace else so you don't hear him.
I have to set as many limits with myself as I set with others.
