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Not only is my husband an alcohlic but my best friend was as well. She was 36 and a very beautiful person inside and out. I mean stunning gorgeous. Not too many girls gave her the time of day because they were intimidated so I was her only girl friend. I was there in the beginning of her drinking and then we parted ways and I got married and had children and then ran into her again after my life was established. I tried to help her but she would not listen, she was stubborn.
I was just learning about alcoholism from marrying my husband. I had no clue about alcoholism. So I had her and him both. My life was chaotic.
Making it very short. She went to the hospital in Aug. She was school bus yellow and huge from bloating. It was a fluke I ran into her at the hospital (I was helping another friend with her baby) I heard her say my name and I could barely recognize her, but I knew her voice. No one told me she was going to die. I hugged her and told her I loved her heart and soul and kissed her cheek. Her mother told me she died Aug 22. Her mother said there was no funeral, no flowers, no cards, nothing. So I am left to grieve her loss alone.
Dh was sober during the time she died.........so now that I found out he's drinking again.......I KNOW his fate. It took her and it will take him. I don't know why God put these people into my life..........I just know it's really empty without my best friend.
We spent last New Years together. She was wasted and her brother in law had to come pick her up, literally. :( I had no idea it would be her last. I have no point to this post, just that I miss my best friend.
I totally understand how you feel. My sister died on November 15. We were told that she had been taken to the hospital because her lung collapsed and that they discovered that her she had kidney and liver problems. I was shocked when I saw her - the color of her skin and how huge she was with the ascites. I last saw here on August 20 and our nephew's 3rd birthday party. She looked gray and unwell and had told everyone that she had anemia. She usually went to our parents on Sunday but had been telling them from that day until the day that she was admitted that she was tired and not feeling well and couldn't see them. Her hands and arms were extremely thin and she was covered with bruises. The first few times that I saw her she seemed to be able to follow our conversations but wasn't all there....then she was alert and fine. Sally lingered in the hospital for 5 weeks and then we got the call that the doctors wanted to speak to the family. That never happened, she was transferred on Monday to an IC unit in another hospital and I went to see her - little did I know that would be the last time that I would see her, she was dead the next evening. I am troubled by the thought of if she knew how ill she was and if she knew that she was going to die. She was single and lived a life that none of her family was aware of.
We discovered that for the last 5 weeks before being hospitalized, she had been living in motels because she couldnt; walk up the flight of stairs to her apartment. When my parents collected her car from the parking lot of the last motel they found 18 1/2 gallon bottles of booze in the trunk of her car. Her friends at work, cleaned out her apartment of the bottles and trash that had accumulated. They have never devulged how many empty bottles were removed We think that she had not done cleaning for over a year. In her fridge we found orange juice containers that had been there for over a year. There were dirty clothes and the place was like a tenament. Give her credit though, you would never have known by the way that she dressed that she lived in such filith. My sister and I decided that our parents were not to go into her apartment, to seen in conditions of the place would have broken their hearts even more.
Sally had more friends that I ever imagined, over 125 people attended her memorial service, and no one there had any idea of how sick she was. Sally hid her disease well - She was 45 years old.
And I too, have a husband who has broken out for the 6th time this year..
I wondered too how scared my friend was and that there was nothing she could do but drink and that's the main thing killing her. They released my friend and they laid her down to sleep and a week later she had passed at home.
I am sorry for the loss of your sister. It's so hard thinking about what they were feeling. I think they both probably knew they were going to die. My friend used to keep telling me "I'm scared, I'm scared" and now I think that's what she meant. She was scared because she knew it was going to come.
Your husband has relapsed six times?? Mine is close to that. I guess I don't count a weekend sober being sober. How long have you been married?
Thank you to the other posters for your response. :)
She was in the hospital for the entire time and as my other sister says that she can't believe that we were there making small talk and she never said anything, never said that she was scared or anything. The last time that I saw her, I think that she might have had a bit of an anxiety attack, yet she brushed her teeth and told the nurse that she would like a yogurt! She was fine the following morning but then she coded - the nurses and doctors had not expected that. Later on that day my parents had to decide that take her off life support. I just can't imagine how hard that was... and here I am having to tell them today that I didn't think that they should come for dinner because he was drinking again, and as you know, the crap that comes out of their mouths is disgusting.. I just couldn't put my Mother especially through that. He was sober for 8 years and at the beginning of the year he broke out. Got out of detox two days before Sally died, went in again about Dec 15 and began drinking again on Tuesday. I am embarassed for him with my family. My son is 18 and has not had anything to due with his Dad since the spring time now my daughter who is 19 has had it..... he has said the most disgusting things about each of them to their faces and screaming at them these last few days. I don't know if they will every forgive him. I went to a meeting on Friday night and have been on this board. I keep on remembering that I didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it and hope that this is the last time and that he will be in detox again next week... I don't know how much more I can take.
That's one thing I was happy about, my ah was gone for Christmas so I was not anxious about him being around. I actually sat back and watched someone else in my family be the villiage drunk.
Your poor mom. I can't imagine. I would not want to bury my daughter. You are doing the right thing by protecting your mother.
I don't understand why the A's would want to go through the withdrawl over and over and over again. I have had some really shitty days but nothing can take them away especially alcohol. I ask my ah questions and there are no educated answers to why he does what he does.
I mostly get my ah out of the house because I can't shut my mouth. When he acts ignorant I let him know it. So by getting him out of the house my children do not hear anything. I am definitly a protector of my children (sorry I can't spell lol) My children will know what they need to know in time
I am so sorry Davidswife that you have to go through all that. Your children are too precious to have a father like that. I do hope they grow up to be smarter then their father by watching what he does. That's all you can hope for. :)
Sweetie I am going thru a lot of the missing and misery you feel for your loss. My best friend died Dec. 29 2005. It has been just a year and it was only a month or two ago I could put her picture out again in the living room. My A doesn't always understand. He has issues with those he has lost--another topic.
But, my friend had over 21 years sober in AA. Why did that whole time I never knew what I was dealing with. How come she never told me? She talked to him many times before she died. I have a lot of unanswered questions, but I do know one thing.= her spirit remains with me and those who she cared about so much. Her memorial service was just bitterly beautiful. Sweet and loving.
But Cancer took her away. Death is death and death is a part of life, I am learning. I am trying to learn not to be afraid of death.
Hang in there sweetie. I have learned that the holidays are a very bittersweet time for many many people in this world of ours.
Just wanted to give you some ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) for your loss.
How to survive the loss of a love is an excellent book full of poems and helpful tips to get you through this.
Keep coming and posting, Maria123
Thank you Maria. I am not to the point to read poems yet. It's still very hard to think about her knowing alcohol took her life. I will remember that book for when I am ready. I'm getting really good at "letting go" and if I think about her or my ah I find other things to occupy my time. It's not so hard on the heart. :) Thank you Maria.
