The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello This anger has been building for several days. My soon-to-be ex A/cocaine-addicted husband was fired from his job back in September, around the same time I filed for divorce. He's still not working. Apparently, he fought his former employer and was able to get unemployment benefits just recently.
It's now December... almost January. He's still not working and still not sending me the support money ordered by the court. I'm really struggling to pay the bills while he sits on his butt and does nothing. I work a full-time job right now but next week I need to go out and look for a second job so i can survive... while he gets to enjoy his unemployment with NO job.
I'm feeling like Lunamoth was when she wrote... "It's not fair." Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!
Thanks for letting me vent...
The very frustrated Artygirl.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I know it does you no good now but he will be responsable for any back child support. and if he isnt looking for work could be orderd by a judge to find and take any work. its a catch 22 situation but in the long run he still has to pay you. problem is it wont be in a lump sum. in my divorce there is a set amount i will have to pay along with my monthly payment in the event i was to become unemployed. then became employed again. and if my income was to be more or less the monthly child support would be adjusted accordingly.
Can you contact the court that ordered him to send support, and report him? There are often consequences for not paying. This is not being vengeful, it is taking care of your kids.
thank you all... It's not child support... no kids here. It's a weekly spousal support that he's supposed to be paying because I am paying of ALL the bills, including the mortgage. We struggled to make ends meet on both our salaries when we were together. Now I'm having to make it on just my little paycheck. Also, due to his drug habits, most of the debt is HIS!
He could get a job... somewhere... I think he's just choosing not to. He's having a little pity party for himself. He got fired... he's going to collect what he thinks he has coming to him. What he wont admit to himself is that he got fired because his boss found out he's an alcoholic and a drug addict. He was screwing up at work... possibly doing some questionable things.
I know that I can't control anything that he's doing... or not doing... it's just really frustrating. I really don't want to take a second job. I'm trying to look on the bright side. Not only will I be making more money to pay the bills, I'll also meet some new people. I just moved back to my hometown and don't know that many people.
Still frustrating.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
My house is for sale... that was court ordered as well, due to the extreme debt my husband incurred. I spent more than a month cleaning, repairing and getting the place ready to sell... without my AH's help. It's been on the market for a couple months. No real interest in it yet. The judge set the price and it's a bit too high for the neighborhood and the market right now. I will need to go back to the judge to have the price reduced. I'm kind of stuck until it sells. When the house does sell, there will not be any profit to divide and my AH will be responsible for paying any extra money to the mortgage company. That's the plan anyway.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Sorry you're feeling this way. Like our sweet Lunamoth, the anger you feel is justified. You've been through alot.
Try calling some of the places where you owe money. Tell them the truth and see if you can work out a payment plan. Most of these companies as long as you're honest with them will work with you. After all they want their money. I'll keep my fingers crossed that something will come along for you.
Forgive me if this sounds trite that's not my intention. But the one bright spot in this is: you've got him out of your life. Look how much more serene your house has become now that he's not there with you.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What I have done is look at all my options, did whatever footwork I could, and then let the outcome come from hp.
We have no control over that.
You said you have no equity in the house. Have you contacted the mortgage holder? I would them the situation and see if they have any options.
I was in your shoes, the company has helped me for a long time now.
I know you don't want to, but have you considered Bankruptsy? If there is anything in just his name, have you considered not paying that?
He can have his unemployment garnished. How come the judge had not made a garnishment order???
We never know what we do will cause consequences we never expected.
If we report them, will they be sent to jail? Can't get money in jail. I have a feeling he is done working. That is the sad part.
Arty this is why I always ask newly married or thinking of marrying an A, if they can take care of everything when he or she gets sick. I feel that may be important for anyone who marries, to have a plan in case one or the other gets sick or dies.
I wish someone would have said this to me. Ya think I would have learned when my first husband died.
I hope you find some serenity. Things will be ok no matter what.
If you have no equity, and cannot afford the mortgage, why don't you rent it out?
Could you rent it for more than the payment? It would then gain equity. You would not have the payment and be able to take care of you.
One of the things that occurs to me as I read this is the implied "...I'm doing this all by myself." Or, "...I'm doing this all without his help." Realizing part of our program is being humble enough to ask for help, and then being humble enough to accept it, why not take the leap?
We're not talking hiring another contractor--we're talking asking a program friend to help you mop, vacuum, paint, whatever. We're talking asking for you and your sponsor to take a day, do step work, and run errands associated with self care and house care. We're talking about easy does it, but do it.
ODAAT. You've become a master of that lately. Now, young grasshopper, to the mat! Practice your skill!
