Dear Family,

Since this is the twelfth month of the year, a lot of face to face groups focus on the twelfth step and twelfth tradition. When I first came into the program I was always kind of insulted when people addressed the traditions as something the newcomer cannot possibly understand. I said to myself in moments like that… I do know how to read - lol

I wanted to share a little bit about my perspective on the twelfth tradition. I wish I would have gotten these concepts earlier because it would have helped me deal with the fighting going on within my family.

Tradition twelve says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our programs, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.” There are several nuggets of wisdom in this particular tradition, most of the time my focus is on “place principles above personalities.”  This works in my home now because even though I am the mom and I have the overriding authority over my children, how useful is that too me if we don’t hold common beliefs. I have two very strong personalities living in this house and when you add mine in there things could be quite hectic at times. Just because my opinion may be the “right” one, that doesn’t mean that is the one that should be shouted the loudest. It is the loving interchange between family members that builds trust and respect. When I find myself in a place where I have asserted my authority at the expense of my children then I am reminded... if being right makes me feel bad, then I really have it all wrong. I don’t really want to be “right” I just want my children to feel loved, that can be accomplished without my ego being in full force.

The principles that help run my family are shaped by us. Much like the principles in Alanon… they were put in place to help protect the alcoholic and to protect the families of alcoholics. They were established by the family members of alcoholics to create a safe environment free from interference of outside organizations and opinions. (There is a ton of history out there on how this tradition was included). We stand on these principles so that the newcomers and old-timers alike feel safe walking into any of our rooms. When I am faced with negativity in the rooms or on the board I have to remind myself first and foremost to “take what I like and leave the rest.” I want the freedom to experience my recovery and unfoldment in my way, therefore I must be willing to allow others that same freedom as well. This tradition may speak to me differently than it speaks to you… and that is not only ok… it is encouraged. Here I am free…. free to be me!

love to you all :0)

lovette