The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm new to the board, but not to ALANON face2face.
I'm tired of my AH making decisions with his family that affect me.
On New Year's eve or day, he has plans to deliver a package for his niece. It's not like we're invited to a party. This means a lot of driving that I don't really like to do on holidays and going to a church I don't especially care to go to. I would rather do what we normally do which is to go to a church in our local area or even stay home and watch the ball fall.
I feel selfish but his family always comes before me. We can agree on what to do if there's no interference. If there's interference by his family, then they come first.
I know I can't change an alcoholic and that I can make my own decisions, but I'm losing my one day at a time living and I'm wondering how important is it that he does this.
On the other hand, if I go along with it, he'll think I'll always go along with it.
I don't mind being alone on holidays because being with him is sometimes worse than being alone.
I think that you have a right to enjoy your holiday the way that YOU want - and you're not being selfish by doing so. If he can't understand that, then that's his problem. And if he continues to make plans without asking what you want then he should know that you may not be a willing participant any more. You don't have to make a big deal about telling him that you don't want to drive all that way. He wants to go - you don't, simple as that. He made the decision without you, he can go without you.
Welcome to mip I met you In the chatroom today. You have a "CHOICE" In this matter. If you can refuse to go, and still have a peaceful life, you go for It.
If you will receive more trouble for standing your ground. Well that choice Is yours. I only hope you can do the proper thing here for YOU.
You have a right to be who you are, and what you want to do. No-one can make decisions on your behalf, unless you allow them to.
Wishing you all the best. Let us know how you got on.
Welcome! Sounds like you already know what you want to do so I say, do it. I agree, you don't have to make this a big ordeal or a big argument. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your day!
Hi, I think it is wonderful you are aware that you have a choice, the possibility of having choices, regarding this situation. When my husband drank, he made all the decisions, like they were all ready pre-scheduled waaaayyyyyy ahead of time. I always wondered at what point I got out of the driver's seat and into the passenger seat (of my life!) and into HIS sidecar! He was always like a speeding train. (He has Add or Adhd, won't go for any help).
Now sober, he can still have plans set in gear one to two weeks ahead of time. With program, I have been able to remain calmer. I can then decide if I want to go along with the plan.....or NOT! If you're like me, I like to choose the path that will leave me well rested and NOT totally exhausted. Keep up with the careful thinking and planning for YOU!
Thanks, twinkie. I seemed to need "permission" on this one. One reason I don't want to go is because I don't enjoy the way he drives and yells at everyone who gets in his way.
Thanks for sharing, Wallsal. I can relate so much to that. My H doesn't seem to know that I am not he!!
It feels good to know that I'm not alone. I don't go to as many face2face meetings as I'd like to. When I lived in MD (Wash. Metro. area) there were meetings every day and night. Here in FL (in the "boondocks", I have to drive 30 or more miles to go to a really good meeting.
A is already acting as if he sat on a burr, so I might have to get out of here early to avoid his nasty behaviour. (I don't believe he really wants to pick up and deliver this baggage for his niece. He says "no" to me if he doesn't want to do something, but he can't say "no" to his family!).
Anyhow, I've got my elbows down now, and I'm going to spend the rest of the day doing what's good for me.
I met you In the chatroom today. You have a "CHOICE" In this matter. If you can refuse to go, and still have a peaceful life, you go for It.